NoLongerSad Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ha Ha!! Hence her dumping me Over the years I have tried to learn something from everything. I have to say I was 'all I could be' in this last one. Personally, I think my 'good enough' was excellent. Frankly (not tooting my horn) I don't think she had been with someone like me before. Financially secure (semi-retired at 45), charming, witty, smart, fun, interesting, blah blah blah. Since I'm not typically her type of guy (when it comes to looks), I think she may even have suprised that she fell for me. Also, it is VERY difficult for her to fall in love. I passed all her 'tests' (and excersised much patience with her), and she fell in love. One of her 'issues' was feeling like she would always be dumped (based on past experience). I really appreciate all the input from the ladies. Thanks! There ya go. That's why she dumped you. A lack of physical attraction. You're kind of vague on your appearance, but if you meant to say you're very handsome, then it wouldn't be surprising if she fell for you. You're implying that you've got a lot going for you EXCEPT maybe not such a super hot looking guy. Feeling like you needed to "pass her tests" also implies that at least on the "looks" level she may have been slumming with you a bit. If you were super attractive you wouldn't have been worried about passing her tests. Obviously you've got some money since you're semi-retired and other attractive aspects which is why she stuck with you for a while. But she just couldn't get over the lack of physical attraction, and most likely, dumped you when she found what she considered a more suitable alternative. The "you make me feel so insecure" is just complete b.s. on her part. But it's easier to give that as a reason then to tell you "I was never very attracted to you physically, and now I've met someone much more attractive who I want to be with."
NoLongerSad Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Wow crazy. The reason I have been asking those questions is because I have been in similar situations before, and I really could not understand that the girls I was dating really felt like they were undeserving, even though I liked them a lot. It's really weird for me to think that way, but it helps put things in perspective. Most likely those girls who told you that, did not actually feel "undeserving." On the contrary, most women these days seem to feel over deserving, not undeserving, of whatever benefits they can get out of a relationship, with anyone they happen to be involved with. It's just a vague excuse for not wanting to be with you, because they don't want to hurt your feelings with the real reason. In almost all cases that involves a lack of physical attraction and/or meeting someone else that they are more attracted to you. C'mon get serious. Most girls are not going to tell you they want to break up with you because you're not good looking enough or sexy enough.
Lemontang Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Without flipping the coin too much I had one ex who would often tell me she was insecure and to some degree aptly so as her previous boyfriend (and father to her child) was an alcoholic & gambling addict. I was the complete polar opposite and if anything she should have felt secure. But she still felt the need to go through my phone and emails and pull me up on people she didn't know in them to the extent she'd even delete some. I had nothing to hide as I truly did care for her. Needless to say if anyone should have felt insecure it should have been me. As all the things she'd go on about that made her insecure she'd actually play out on them herself becoming an alcoholic who slept around with randoms behind my back whilst trying to pull me up on things that didn't exist. At the end of the day though you can't fix another persons insecurities if they are already carrying them prior to a relationship, only they can fix it themselves.
denise_xo Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 My GF (now ex, insecurity being one of the reasons) told me she had never been insecure with any other men--- just me. BTW- we weren't young, around 45. Both been married before and LTR's before. I don't truly believe I gave her reason to be. I treated her well, didn't look at other women, had no interest in other women, and told her I loved her all the time. IMHO, you are either insecure or not. Am I wrong about this? Is it true that maybe she was only insecure with me, even though she could never vocalize a reason? I would really like to know for next time. I agree that insecurity is basically residing within oneself, but some people can bring it out more strongly than others. That doesn't make it that person's responsibility, it's just down to the complex interrelationships of two people's personal dynamics. So I'd view it more as an incompatibility issue.
jcrdnf Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 the more I like someone/love someone, the more insecure I get. Put them up on a pedestal and worry that I'm not good enough for them. Perhaps this is the case? And not anything you have done or said? I agree with this statement, The closer I get to someone, the more insecure I get. Like u said, I doubt myself in all kinda ways. I dont think it has anything to do with the other person, it is based on how u feel on the inside as far as trust and self worth.
mo mo Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Most likely those girls who told you that, did not actually feel "undeserving." On the contrary, most women these days seem to feel over deserving, not undeserving, of whatever benefits they can get out of a relationship, with anyone they happen to be involved with. It's just a vague excuse for not wanting to be with you, because they don't want to hurt your feelings with the real reason. In almost all cases that involves a lack of physical attraction and/or meeting someone else that they are more attracted to you. C'mon get serious. Most girls are not going to tell you they want to break up with you because you're not good looking enough or sexy enough. Actually in those cases, no one ever told me they were undeserving.. in fact, I never got real explanations from anyone. I talked to some other females about it and they explained to me that they were probably putting me on a pedestal, because of who I am and the way I carry myself and they really did not feel like they could relate to me because of that.
mr.dream merchant Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 A couple women I was involved with told me that something about me makes them insecure. Not sure what, I'm always honest and upfront about things.
NeoGen85 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I was thinking the same thing about my ex-girlfriend. I would hate be naive because two weeks after she broke up with me, the girl was in relationship with another man. This is after she told me that she didn't know the reason why we broke up in the first place. It still gets me thinking. She has her insecurities which extend back to her childhood and they affect her today. She has book smarts but no real common sense(not to mention she loves living in the moment). I was getting into a position in my life where everything started to roll(education, a job I enjoyed that paid well, a loving family, living on my own, etc). I was all about her, and never looked at another woman. When I first met her she appeared to be someone with direction. I wanted that too(at the time I had none when we met). But by the time we broke up I had discovered a lot of demons she had from her past. Even though she always kept a smile, I could tell her real feeling were hidden away. She often used her past as an excuse for not being able to succeed in the present. I was feeling pretty good about myself especially because I thought I had a wonderful girlfriend and things were going great in my life! Then one day she breaks up with me. Two weeks later she ruins a friendship to date a best friend's boyfriend who is still married to a woman in another state(undergoing a separation) and has a child. He's one of her bosses at the retail store she works at. She now lives with him and with 4 other dysfunctional people(they all work together) in a trailer living from paycheck to paycheck. The woman that influenced me to do so well, isn't doing it for herself. When I first started dating her she was all about her dreams and aspirations. But the more our relationship matured I knew something wasn't all there with her. Immediately after we broke up she did a total 180; and I didn't really see the same person I was in love with before. Even her own friends, which some were acquaintances, were asking me what happened. I couldn't tell them. I know there were a lot of things I had that she didn't. But even so, I want to share that with her. But like I said in the beginning, I don't want to be naive and have insecurity to be the root of all this. The truth disguised in all your alibis. Note: I love Circa Survive. =D Send "Imaginary Enemy" Ringtone to your Cell
mo mo Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I was thinking the same thing about my ex-girlfriend. I would hate be naive because two weeks after she broke up with me, the girl was in relationship with another man. This is after she told me that she didn't know the reason why we broke up in the first place. It still gets me thinking. She has her insecurities which extend back to her childhood and they affect her today. She has book smarts but no real common sense(not to mention she loves living in the moment). I was getting into a position in my life where everything started to roll(education, a job I enjoyed that paid well, a loving family, living on my own, etc). I was all about her, and never looked at another woman. When I first met her she appeared to be someone with direction. I wanted that too(at the time I had none when we met). But by the time we broke up I had discovered a lot of demons she had from her past. Even though she always kept a smile, I could tell her real feeling were hidden away. She often used her past as an excuse for not being able to succeed in the present. I was feeling pretty good about myself especially because I thought I had a wonderful girlfriend and things were going great in my life! Then one day she breaks up with me. Two weeks later she ruins a friendship to date a best friend's boyfriend who is still married to a woman in another state(undergoing a separation) and has a child. He's one of her bosses at the retail store she works at. She now lives with him and with 4 other dysfunctional people(they all work together) in a trailer living from paycheck to paycheck. The woman that influenced me to do so well, isn't doing it for herself. When I first started dating her she was all about her dreams and aspirations. But the more our relationship matured I knew something wasn't all there with her. Immediately after we broke up she did a total 180; and I didn't really see the same person I was in love with before. Even her own friends, which some were acquaintances, were asking me what happened. I couldn't tell them. I know there were a lot of things I had that she didn't. But even so, I want to share that with her. But like I said in the beginning, I don't want to be naive and have insecurity to be the root of all this. The truth disguised in all your alibis. Note: I love Circa Survive. =D Send "Imaginary Enemy" Ringtone to your Cell Wow, touching story. You are not alone, don't worry.
ecm Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 It's interesting to read people's responses. Some people sound like they legitimately want to help the OP, and some sound like they go around saying things just to make the OP feel like crap. Life Is Great- you said she's your ex bc of her insecurity. When I read that, it sounded to me like YOU broke up with her bc she was insecure. After reading some responses, I'm curious...did she break up with you? Also, I'm wondering what kinds of things she did to reveal her insecurity? I definitely think there are different situations and/or people that could make even the most "secure" person feel insecure.
Author LifeIsGreat Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 ecm... She broke up with me. I would get accused of 'running around on her'. She would get very upset if she called and I wasn't home/didn't answer. But she would NEVER leave a voice mail so I could call back!! She knows I don't have caller I.D. on my home phone. If she couldn't get a hold of me, she would go off by sending me nasty emails accusing me of being with another woman. I know she was insecure because she told me in her own words. When I asked her what I was doing/saying to make her feel that way she never could actually tell me. Weird, huh?
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 OK, with more info, she just sounds a little crazy. Probably best she's gone.
Author LifeIsGreat Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 I agree that it's best we are done. I know for a fact I can do better and have lots to offer someone else. I never felt my kindess was reciprocated. I was almost always the giver and her the taker. Not cool. But with all that said, there is still the grieving process that goes with breaking up. Things are getting better, but it still sucks. I think I would be more along if it wasn't the anniversary of my Mom dying
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Sorry to hear that. *hug* I hope 2011 is much better to you!
sugarmomma Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Reminds me of the quote "when someone tells you who they are, believe them." so sorry.
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