Men Don't Need Women Friends, True or False?

[112233]

See, the underlying problem with women who THINK like this, is that they view certain men as friends, when in reality - they are not.

 

If a guy is romantically interested in you, but because you aren't, or aren't available, that doesn't make him any more of a friend than you thought he was. It makes him some guy that's happy with waiting around until the chance to bed you presents itself (sometimes never does).

 

"But he never made a move"

 

But he wishes he had, or could, or that it would just happen. A man who has female friends he wouldn't sex up if the chance presented is either gay or vanishingly rare.

[Els]

I honestly think the 'men don't need women friends' spiel is mostly propagated by men who, in actual fact, struggle with forming any sort of connection with a woman other than sexual. Most emotionally healthy men I see with adequate social skills have both male and female friends. If the statements above had been true, physically unattractive women would not have any male friends. But they do.

 

Oh, wait, those men probably don't consider unattractive women as women at all, I suppose, so that point is moot.

Edited December 29, 2010 by Elswyth

[112233]

..., those men probably don't consider unattractive women as women at all, I suppose, so that point is moot.

 

I was married a long time, and during that time *we* had couples as friends and those women I consider my friends, but that's a different dynamic. Single guys and gals are not normally just friends, in my experience. In fact, single people in general are not just friends with people of the opposite sex much, there is almost always something else as an undercurrent.

[zengirl]

My boyfriend and I both have male and female acquaintences and close friends we met separately. I'm 26, and he's 30. He has a close female friend he's known for 2-3 years (so after he was 25!). . . he knows her from work and she used to date a close male friend of his. He has a couple other close female friends through her. He has a few close female friends from high school, some single, some married. I know he's not attracted to these gals. He's also casually friends with some exes or girls he dated that it didn't work out. I know he was or is attracted to them, but that he's no interest in sleeping with them (with or without me in the picture; he only has sex in LTRs at this stage).

 

The thing about my boyfriend, and most of the guys I've dated, is they don't have all these "Women hold the power with sex" things, and they can get laid or get into a LTR fairly easily. My boyfriend has had break-ups and disappointments, of course, but I doubt he's ever---or at least recently (he was a nerd in HS who played a lot of D&D back then, so it's possible he emerged later as a sexy, confident man)---had a long dry spell or the feeling that he can't have the relationship/sex that he needs. He's also good at relationships, and that includes friendships with women and other men. Some people are good at nurturing relationships and friendships, and some people aren't---the better you are at it, the less "alike" you need your friends and lovers to be, you become better at seeing other points of view, and such.

 

So, I think a lot of it has to do with temperment, maturity, and also desirability. A desirable -- and I mean all around, not just good-looking -- man is more likely to understand that women can be good friends and not just sexual commodities, and as he is more open to this, he will meet more people who help him develop his interpersonal and relationship skills, and become even more desirable.

 

See, the underlying problem with women who THINK like this, is that they view certain men as friends, when in reality - they are not.

 

If a guy is romantically interested in you, but because you aren't, or aren't available, that doesn't make him any more of a friend than you thought he was. It makes him some guy that's happy with waiting around until the chance to bed you presents itself (sometimes never does).

 

I'd never recommend a man or woman (women do this too!) become an orbitor or hang around someone they really want to date, but are pretending to be friends with. The idea that this is ALL male/female friendships is absurd. The idea that women should be responsible for when a man chooses to do this AND especially when he HIDES it and chooses to do so is even more absurd (or a man, if a woman chooses to do so and hides it, etc).

 

ALSO -- this whole "But it's the way men think!" thing is silly. For instance, my boyfriend has gay male friends, and I have female lesbian friends. . . it's not like sexuality cannot factor into same-gender friendships too. One of my boyfriend's best friends is a gay man. Does that mean he's only trying to sleep with my boyfriend and doesn't really value him as a person? I highly doubt it.

 

I won't address the rest of your totally immature post.

[Els]

That may well be the case. But undercurrent or no, those people are claiming that there is no USE in having female friends whom you don't get to sleep with. That is what I consider as emotionally immature.

[zengirl]

I was married a long time, and during that time *we* had couples as friends and those women I consider my friends, but that's a different dynamic. Single guys and gals are not normally just friends, in my experience. In fact, single people in general are not just friends with people of the opposite sex much, there is almost always something else as an undercurrent.

 

I will say that I think actively seeking new friends of the opposite sex (like "I need more male friends!") when you're in a committed relationship is weird, if you're doing it outside the relationship. If you happen into them accidentally, that's different. But, generally, I don't go out looking for new men to connect with while in a relationship.

[112233]

I will say that I think actively seeking new friends of the opposite sex (like "I need more male friends!") when you're in a committed relationship is weird, if you're doing it outside the relationship. If you happen into them accidentally, that's different. But, generally, I don't go out looking for new men to connect with while in a relationship.

 

OK, fair. I have friends who are ex's too, but that's a different dynamic sometimes. Not sure where that falls for me.

[Mad Max]

I don't need female friends, I just choose to have them. But, I will only be friends with females I'm not attracted to. I'm not going to be friends with a woman I'm romantically interested in.

[northern_sky]

I used to think it was possible, but lately I'm starting to wonder. With one exception, male friendships have never last for me long term.

 

The only guy I've managed to have a real lasting friendship with is my first boyfriend. As it stands, he is attracted in me (and has been for years), while I don't feel the same way. We've been best friends for 8+ years now.

But it's not one of these things where he's continually trying to seduce me or always frustrated. He seems to have accepted long ago that I'm not interested, so we have a very stable relationship, whether we are single or involved with other people.

 

With other exes, we would stay friends for awhile, but then it would always fizzle out. I'm not sure why. I guess in some cases we realized we didn't have much in common when you took away the romantic aspect.

 

In the cases where an ex ultimately dumped me, and it wasn't a case of me pushing them away until they hit eject, it has NEVER worked, even short term. I found hanging out with them bizarre and frustrating.

 

With the guy I dated this fall, after we ended things, I was hoping we could stay friends. I thought with him there was more potential for a friendship than almost anybody, because of all we have in common. But we tried hanging out once as friends, and it was just supremely awkward. I guess I sensed his discomfort and I started to feel the same.

 

I mean it's just weird for a man and woman to be hanging out one on one at each other's places at night with no romantic subtext unless they have years of familiarity. The whole time I felt like there was this sexual tension, and then things got really weird when I blurted out something that offended him and he asked me to leave. Now he seems to have zero interest in keeping me as a friend. Yet earlier in the fall when I told him I didn't want a FWB he asked me if we could still hang out on occasion as "friends." What a load of crap.

 

Ultimately I feel like if there is any sort of two way physical attraction between people of the opposite sex, and both are single, a friendship will fail.

[carhill]

Men Don't Need Women Friends, True or False?

 

IMO, true, specifically wrt *need*.

 

That said, I just went to lunch with my best friend's wife and his sister, both of whom are good friends.

 

However, I acknowledge that, with most women, having been married, any sort of intimacy and/or 'connection' breeds attraction in myself, so maintaining a platonic distance is something I think has run its course in my life, having had more platonic female friends than most men would consider healthy. At this time of my life I choose passion over platonic. It's a choice. Good luck

[zengirl]

I used to think it was possible, but lately I'm starting to wonder. With one exception, male friendships have never last for me long term.

 

The only guy I've managed to have a real lasting friendship with is my first boyfriend. As it stands, he is attracted in me (and has been for years), while I don't feel the same way. We've been best friends for 8+ years now.

But it's not one of these things where he's continually trying to seduce me or always frustrated. He seems to have accepted long ago that I'm not interested, so we have a very stable relationship, whether we are single or involved with other people.

 

With other exes, we would stay friends for awhile, but then it would always fizzle out. I'm not sure why. I guess in some cases we realized we didn't have much in common when you took away the romantic aspect.

 

In the cases where an ex ultimately dumped me, and it wasn't a case of me pushing them away until they hit eject, it has NEVER worked, even short term. I found hanging out with them bizarre and frustrating.

 

With the guy I dated this fall, after we ended things, I was hoping we could stay friends. I thought with him there was more potential for a friendship than almost anybody, because of all we have in common. But we tried hanging out once as friends, and it was just supremely awkward. I guess I sensed his discomfort and I started to feel the same.

 

I mean it's just weird for a man and woman to be hanging out one on one at each other's places at night with no romantic subtext unless they have years of familiarity. The whole time I felt like there was this sexual tension, and then things got really weird when I blurted out something that offended him and he asked me to leave. Now he seems to have zero interest in keeping me as a friend. Yet earlier in the fall when I told him I didn't want a FWB he asked me if we could still hang out on occasion as "friends." What a load of crap.

 

Ultimately I feel like if there is any sort of two way physical attraction between people of the opposite sex, and both are single, a friendship will fail.

 

I agree that being friends with an ex, or anyone you've been romantic with, is strange. I'm "friends" with some exes, but it more means, "Hey, I care what happens to you, and we have friends in common, so let's chat if we see each other or mind each other's FB feeds for big life events and such." I think that's fine and healthy, especially with someone who I was in an LTR with and who was basically me best friend for a long time. . . but we could never "just hang out" all the time or anything. You can't un-write the relationship.

[Stockalone]

Men Don't Need Women Friends, True or False?

 

True.

 

 

Men didn't need women as friends; they had their male friends whom they understood better and were less trouble.

 

I don't think that female friends are trouble. That said, I have to say that having only male friends is a lot easier/simpler for me. Being friends with a woman is different, and it requires a lot more effort.

 

Nonetheless, it's certainly possible for a man to be friends with a woman, and I also believe such a friendship can be beneficial to both.

 

But depending on the man (how he is wired, etc.), it might not always be a good idea to have female friends.

[AD1980]

IMO, true, specifically wrt *need*.

 

That said, I just went to lunch with my best friend's wife and his sister, both of whom are good friends.

 

However, I acknowledge that, with most women, having been married, any sort of intimacy and/or 'connection' breeds attraction in myself, so maintaining a platonic distance is something I think has run its course in my life, having had more platonic female friends than most men would consider healthy. At this time of my life I choose passion over platonic. It's a choice. Good luck

 

 

Really? Im pretty close with my two best friends wives kinsa like sisters but id feel funny hanging out with them without my friends..

[ConflictedGuy27]

the genuine female friends I have are such because they have a TON of hot girl friends. call it utilitarian, call me selfish, but hot damn... my female friends parade a steady stream of chicks in my direction and I like that.

 

not to mention female advice is effing INVALUABLE. I can't emphasize that point enough. no man knows a woman like a woman does.

 

that said... I never mess with this brand of platonic female friend. it ain't worth disrupting the almighty flow of potential romantic interludes.

 

the others, however (the ones with out mass girlfriends); they're still my friends, yes, but I'd take them to the bedroom in a New York minute {I believe they know that, too}.

Edited December 29, 2010 by ConflictedGuy27

[mr.dream merchant]

It's pretty comical, to say the least, when people assume that a male who hardly believes in truely platonic relationships between two attractive people of the opposite sex...is some how starved of human interaction and some ass. Tell me where that link is made.

 

Some guys can't keep female friends, like myself, because those said female friends always want something more. What does that tell you about the guy?

 

Some guys can't keep female friends for other reasons. What does that tell you about the guy?

 

So no, it's not immature, and it doesn't scream sexually starved and lacking any kind of human interaction, when a male poster replies that he doesn't really see the need for a female friend. And no, it doesn't mean that he views women as a commodity.

 

LS is chock full of ridiculously angry women who will twist what you typed, and turn it into what you didn't say.

 

I shouldn't have to imply or acknowledge that women are equal being in my eyes as far as rights, treatment, and etc go....when I say that I can't really keep female friends. I shouldn't have to tell you that I get ass when I feel like it...when I say that I think female friends are cool because they help out with questions you have about women. Shouldn't have to tell you that women are not a commodity....when I say something about women friends, and how I don't *need* them but find them pretty cool.

 

 

Jesus Christ, box all that feminist hostility up, put it in a rocket, tie yourself to mentioned rocket, and fly into the side of a cliff.

Edited December 30, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[East7]

I have always had plenty of female friends to the point that some people around me found that wierd, but I just like female companionship and their way of thinking. Women are very deep and smart compared to most of my buddies.

 

On the other side, I have also had sexual attraction to some of them but I think it is a question of keeping the boundaries. The risk with giving I-want-sex signals is to appear needy and desperate which instinctively pushes them away. A woman who is romantically interested always manifest her desire in a way or another.

 

Opposite-sex friendship also depends whether both are single or one of them is committed. IMO it is more easy when both are single. As soon as one of friends is committed the dynamics of friendship change because that one will spend more time with the SO and put some distance with the single friend.

 

One of the biggest benefits to hang with women in my experience is that it makes you attractive to other women - That creates mystery and attraction "what this guy has so special that all the girls want to be around him? " - it has really helped me a lot to get others women attention (who I was interested to)

[musemaj11]

I dont NEED female friends. I dont mind having them, but I dont need to have them. There is next to nothing benefit that I get from female friends that I cant get from male friends.

[AverageJoe]

If the woman is a good bit on the attractive side? Pffft. No disrespect to my queens out there but, fagheddaboutit. Most men will approach her out of sexual interest, see what she's about, and if she isn't giving them the time of day, they'll play the friend card if they want to save face. Then the waiting game starts.

 

Yep, I have seen this countless times.

 

Lets also think in terms of a need vs a want.

 

Do I need female friends? Nope.

Do I have them? Yep.

Do I find any of them attractive? Nope.

If I did would they still be my friend? Highly doubtful.

 

Then there is the want. The only reason I would want, is the same reason someone else pointed out. The pool of her friends could be rewarding.

 

Keep in mind I am speaking in terms of each party being unmarried or having no family ties of some sort.

 

I will have to disagree with Mr. Merchant, however. I would never take dating advice from a female.

[mr.dream merchant]

Yep, I have seen this countless times.

 

Lets also think in terms of a need vs a want.

 

Do I need female friends? Nope.

Do I have them? Yep.

Do I find any of them attractive? Nope.

If I did would they still be my friend? Highly doubtful.

 

Then there is the want. The only reason I would want, is the same reason someone else pointed out. The pool of her friends could be rewarding.

 

Keep in mind I am speaking in terms of each party being unmarried or having no family ties of some sort.

 

I will have to disagree with Mr. Merchant, however. I would never take dating advice from a female.

 

Couple of things I disagree with here (females friends only good for capitalizing on their hots female friends, and the dating advice bit from other women)...but for the most part, that's exactly how it is for me.

 

Funny you mentioned the not taking advice from a female, you ever notice that most of the time, not even women know what women want? How sick is that?

[AverageJoe]

 

Funny you mentioned the not taking advice from a female, you ever notice that most of the time, not even women know what women want? How sick is that?

 

Chalk that up to one of the reasons I wont ask females for dating advice.

 

The subject in regards to this is fascinating to me, actually. Dont misunderstand me, I have taken advice from women in the past. What I found was how remarkably wrong they were when put into practice. Sure, it sounds good on the surface but completely misguided.

[northern_sky]

I agree that being friends with an ex, or anyone you've been romantic with, is strange. I'm "friends" with some exes, but it more means, "Hey, I care what happens to you, and we have friends in common, so let's chat if we see each other or mind each other's FB feeds for big life events and such." I think that's fine and healthy, especially with someone who I was in an LTR with and who was basically me best friend for a long time. . . but we could never "just hang out" all the time or anything. You can't un-write the relationship.

 

Same. That's basically how I interact with all of my exes, save one (the last boyfriend and I are no longer on speaking terms). But I guess I consider these more acquaintances than friends.

[Minnie09]

Some men DO need woman friends, because they have no man friends. Sounds weird, but this is how it was explained to me by a (male) friend's friend the other day. He says he has no male friends, because he doesn't "get along" with guys. Mind you, that guy is in his early 40s and divorced (maybe even twice, not sure right now). And he has NOT ONE male FRIEND? All his friends are chicks, and he talks to them about girl stuff. He says he likes it. He doesn't like hanging out with guys. And no, the girl stuff does not bore him to death. Is it just me, or is that guy weird? He carries himself really well, but it might be insecurity in disguise (my explanation for no male friends = fear of competition).

Anyways: To answer the question. Some do need lady friends, because - oddly enough - they don't get along with their own species. Or so they say.

[AverageJoe]

Mind you, that guy is in his early 40s and divorced (maybe even twice, not sure right now). And he has NOT ONE male FRIEND?

 

Its a very strong possibility during his tenure of marriage(s), he cut off all of his friends because of a nagging wife or was completely pussy whipped.

 

I have known these guys. You ask them to come hang out and they subtly hang their heads and say, no I cant (insert excuse). Ultimately friendships wither over that kind of thing.

Then after a few years have gone by, and divorce, they give the excuse they dont get along with other men. When in fact they have none really left.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Chalk that up to one of the reasons I wont ask females for dating advice.

 

The subject in regards to this is fascinating to me, actually. Dont misunderstand me, I have taken advice from women in the past. What I found was how remarkably wrong they were when put into practice. Sure, it sounds good on the surface but completely misguided.

 

you're over generalizing, Sport.

 

because one male gives terrible dating advice does not mean that most, or even some, fall into that same category.

 

the same is true with women.

make no mistake, I'm not arguing that the advice from men and women is equal - because it isn't (hence it's value) - but to write off the female perspective because you assume it's misguided is just stupid.

[AverageJoe]

you're over generalizing, Sport.

 

because one male gives terrible dating advice does not mean that most, or even some, fall into that same category.

 

Understood, Tiger. I never even eluded to anything I just quoted from you in regards to males.

 

 

but to write off the female perspective because you assume it's misguided is just stupid.

 

I havent assumed anything, unless you skimmed over my post I mentioned I have put it into practice before.