arielle Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship. I usually lie about this whenever I go on dates because I'm scared that the guy might get totally bugged out and think something is wrong with me. When I was 19 I was speaking to this guy and I told him that my last relationship was in High School. He laughed and said "Really? I hope you're not crazy or anything." Lol while I think this is funny looking back at it, I'm worried that I'll have to keep lying about having been in relationships in order to not scare any guys away. I want to be honest and stop giving a false impression of who I am but it's just so awkward. It's fair that a guy is inquisitive about your last relationship and why it ended and responding by saying that I've never been in a relationship I think would just scare any guy away. By the way I've spoken to guys in the past but for one reason or the other things didn't work out. My other fear is that they'll think I'm inexperienced. While it is partially true and I would say people my age have probably had a lot more experience than I've had, I have also had my small share. Now if I do mention this would I open myself up for to be viewed as having no morals for having slept with guys who weren't my bf? So, my questions are: 1)How would you react if your date who's 22 and older told you that they've never been in a relationship? 2)Is this something that I should continue lying about? 3)Regarding being with guys who were not my bf would I open myself to be viewed as having no morals? I decided to ask this question on LS because I do love how honest your responses are, so please don't hold back..let me have it lol
Surrealist Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Personally I wouldn't find it a red flag, provided you haven't slept with more than thirty-five thousand guys in your relatively short lifespan. What could be a red flag is a guy who would ditch you just for not having a relationship by the age of 22. You know why? Because if he is gonna dump you just for that, then there's no way he will be able to handle a long term relationship anyway.
denise_xo Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Personally I wouldn't find it a red flag, provided you haven't slept with more than thirty-five thousand guys in your relatively short lifespan. What could be a red flag is a guy who would ditch you just for not having a relationship by the age of 22. You know why? Because if he is gonna dump you just for that, then there's no way he will be able to handle a long term relationship anyway. This. I vote for honesty. As to the 'would I open myself up for to be viewed as having no morals for having slept with guys who weren't my bf' - yes, you would with some people, but do you really want to be with someone who judges you for that? It would generally be a deal breaker for me. I respect people who hold those opinions, but it's just not compatible with the kind of outlook I want in a partner.
Yer_Blues Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship. I usually lie about this whenever I go on dates because I'm scared that the guy might get totally bugged out and think something is wrong with me. When I was 19 I was speaking to this guy and I told him that my last relationship was in High School. He laughed and said "Really? I hope you're not crazy or anything." Lol while I think this is funny looking back at it, I'm worried that I'll have to keep lying about having been in relationships in order to not scare any guys away. I want to be honest and stop giving a false impression of who I am but it's just so awkward. It's fair that a guy is inquisitive about your last relationship and why it ended and responding by saying that I've never been in a relationship I think would just scare any guy away. By the way I've spoken to guys in the past but for one reason or the other things didn't work out. My other fear is that they'll think I'm inexperienced. While it is partially true and I would say people my age have probably had a lot more experience than I've had, I have also had my small share. Now if I do mention this would I open myself up for to be viewed as having no morals for having slept with guys who weren't my bf? So, my questions are: 1)How would you react if your date who's 22 and older told you that they've never been in a relationship? 2)Is this something that I should continue lying about? 3)Regarding being with guys who were not my bf would I open myself to be viewed as having no morals? I decided to ask this question on LS because I do love how honest your responses are, so please don't hold back..let me have it lol As a 19 year old who hasn't been in a relationship, but on the male side, I sympathize with your position. It's awkward/confusing to try to break into the game when everybody else has been playing and learning the rules for so long already. 1) I suppose I would feel like I hit the lottery if I found one of you, but this probably isn't the perspective you are looking for 2) No, don't lie about it. I don't see why you want to start off/found a potential relationship with lies. I don't see why you would want to date somebody who wouldn't date you just because of this fact. It's ludicrous... 3) If anybody takes this stance, not only are they probably not compatible with you, they are probably hypocrites. At our age in our culture, how many guys are honestly not THEMSELVES willing to have sex outside of a relationship. How many guys honestly expect a virgin when they date, regardless of her relationship history? Double standards and societal gender roles are for the mentally young.
Karma20 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Be honest, lying about it could catch up to you.
refurb Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 How could you ever have a decent relationship with someone if it started out with lies? RF
Enchanted Girl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I dated a guy who was 32 years old recently and had never had an actual girlfriend before. I could tell he had no experience with actual relationships without him actually telling me. We didn't wind up becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, but that wasn't because of the fact that he never had a girlfriend before. In fact, my response was to tell him that I'd help him using my experience in that area and I did to some degree. If you don't tell them, they'll know it anyway.
zengirl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 It's funny because I actually don't date men who haven't had a relationship (but I'm 26, and the guys I date are usually 25-30) because I just don't think I can deal with the learning pains and I'm also suspicious that he's commitment-phobic OR decided to have his fun first and then settle down (an attitude I loathe). But at 22? I honestly wouldn't worry about it. My own rule is relatively new, and if your time has been occupied with other things -- like college and figuring out who you are -- it's not a big deal. Lying is never the right answer.
love4me2c Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I did not have any boyfriends in high school and only traditionally dated 3 other men in my life. All 3 were long term relationships and/or marriage. So as far as relationship experience, I've only had a few. I really do not think there is anything wrong with little to no experience. In fact, you come with NO BAGGAGE! I would think that would be enticing to a man. The reasons why you did not date much could be numerous. But regardless it is what it is. I don't think you need to hide it at all. But I wouldn't necessarily offer up the information unless specifically asked. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it is a rather personal thing that I wouldn't shout to the world anyway. Good luck!
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