guitar23 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Greetings LS. First of all, thanks to all of you have read and responded to my posts, even though I post seldom and over time. I've always posted when I was feeling down or unsure and needing "advice" but this time I thought I might share a bit of a revelation that might help someone in a similar boat. For years my problem has always been confidence and fear of rejection (they go hand in hand). I've tried everything, including some ridiculous "pick-up artist" schemes that worked for conversation but always made me feel like a sleaze. Recently I began talking with a really good girl who had (still sort of has) me completely twisted and confused. We seemed to click well on the phone and had a great first date, then she started acting a bit shady. Last night I couldn't sleep and was ready to write her off like I have done so many times before. For some reason I decided to treat myself to some "reverse" research and read a few articles for WOMEN to "get the man you want" and realized that if she was reading all of that crap, then that would explain her behavior to an extent. Finally I came across one of the best articles ever, that I wish I saved, but the line that stuck in my head was "When in doubt, chase her." So I did just that. I finally decided. "Screw it" She is worth chasing anyway, if I'm gonna go down, might as well go down swinging. Just got back from an amazing second date, and we found ourselves making plans for the coming weeks. I'm sure I'm not out of the dark yet, and will be confused and frustrated at times, but this is the most positive feeling I have had in a while. While I always appreciate advice, I finally decided to do this my way and take it slow and steady. So to all you fellow shy guys out there. When in doubt, chase her. Don't be a stalker or a weirdo about it though. If you text her Monday, and she doesn't respond. Text her Wednesday. Obviously after a week or so of no responses, leave her alone. If she flat out says "I'm not interested" leave her alone. But don't give up so easily just because she doesn't seem as excited as you are. She could be bluffing. If she's responsive, but not "overly excited" maybe she is waiting on you to ask her out. Chase her. You might just find that she is waiting on you to catch her.
shayan Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 many girls (especially the confident ones) will give off a vibe of resitance to see if you will still try, they want to screen out scared guys. They try to see how hard you will work. So yes follow what seems right to you persistance pays off. but my advice to you don't try too hard, be confident and allow her to come to you as well.
Author guitar23 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Thanks for the words of wisdom Shayan! There definitely is a fine line between actively pursuing and aggressive. Gonna try to walk that line the best I can, but not to the point where I'm doing all the work. At the moment, this one seems to be a keeper. I just can't let her know that for sure yet, right?
Stonewall Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I hate all of these dating games people play, it makes me go insane.
Surrealist Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 This is quite an interesting thread from the common types where the advice is often don't chase. Interesting so much in that it has worked for you to get two dates that you otherwise would not of ever got. Marriages have been known to come out of courting like this.
OceanGirl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I definitely think that pursuing is the right thing to do for a guy. Girls love being pursued as long as you don't overdo it. Personally, if I am on the fence about a guy, confident, aggressive approach is what can get me over the fence.
Author guitar23 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Stonewall. I agree completely, The games suck, but I finally realized if I don't play I'm just gonna sit by myself on the bench more than likely. Ironically I am reminded of my basketball coach once telling me "Every shot you don't take is a shot that has a zero percent chance of going in." Surrealist, that is exactly what led me to post. Seems like the majority of advice out there tells us not to pursue and to "play it cool" etc. Isn't funny how it works the other way as well? OceanGirl, thanks for the insight. I think after tonight she will do a little less hard to get playing, but if she does I will turn it up a notch.
joeLove Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Agree with you guitar23. However, remember that your attitude, the way you carry yourself is just as key during this "chase" phase. What I mean by that is, you can be thinking positively, but ultimately it is the actions and how you perform those actions that really makes a difference. Remember this quote from John Maxwell: "Adversity is prosperity to those who possess a great attitude"
Author guitar23 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Thanks for the insight JoeLove, very good advice. Also goes hand in hand with the notion of "show, don't tell." For example, it is a turn off if a guy sits around and talks about what a nice person he is and how he likes helping people. However, if the woman SEES him helping people, and he treats her with dignity and respect then it comes across a lot more in the guy's favor. She will pick up that he is a good person, and he never had to say anything.
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