StrangeCanine Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Before I begin I must state, be as blunt and as vicious as you want to be with your answers. Now let me begin. I am male 23yo Chubby and humorous. Tri-sexual Well here is my problem, I got married a few days back to a wonderful woman who was my best friend. I will explain the was in a min, we knew each other for years, I help her outta a bad spot in her life which resulted in her divorcing her previous husband. Now we stayed friend for a while and things were good she told me she liked me and I liked her. I let her in on my most personal secrets. She knew I was somewhat of a weirdo and sexually free, we ended up getting together and things got bad and quickly. The secret I told her was something that she claimed to respect and honor between us as friend. I once wrote a poem about it in my idle time and she went crazy over it, It was like I had slept with another woman or something. My poem was about a dog, nothing erotic about it but because she knew my secret she assumed something more than what it was. After that she wasn't my friend anymore, she became more of a standard woman to me. (I don't usually go after women in the romantic sense.) My trust and affection for her plummeted but I believe in loyalty over everything so I am keeping myself in this relationship but my negative feelings toward her and my situation are poison the relationship. I am all the things that don't work in a stable relationship, I am pansexual, I think marriage is a old and outdated structure, I have trust issues and I am prone to suffer a long time before I do anything about. I might be the bad guy here so here is what I am asking. What do I do to fix this to were both of us are happy? Even if I gotta fake it on my end I would do whatever it takes to make it work. I am considering therapy to have them convince me that being a zoo and gay are bad things. TL;DR 1. I am quickly forming a bitterness with my wife because I am unhappy and feel no trust or connection in the relationship that we had as friends. 2. Everything about me is against marriage but I did it anyway and I want to make it work. 3. I need the suppress the attraction and love I have for things outside my marriage. (I don't act on it but it does make me sad when I see something I missed out on.) Advice?
TigerCub Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I'm not sure I completely understand - but if your big secret is "dog lovin') - I would sure hope that if you ever act on it, its only 1 way - and not the raping of an animal. (because there are no words to how cruel that is). As for your problems with the M - why do you even want to stay married? You don't consider her a friend anymore You don't believe in marriage So at 23 why do you want to commit to a lifetime of forcing yourself to be in a situation that makes you unhappy? None of that makes sense to me. Life is too short - if you don't even have a connection with this woman, and you don't even view her as a friend that you can trust - and you obviously find yourself attracted to other things - why even make such long strides to live a lie?
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I don't understand your situation at all. If you got together, and "things got bad, and quickly," why on Earth did you marry her "a few days ago"? Why did you get married anyway, when you don't believe in marriage, don't have romantic feelings towards women in general and your wife in particular? Are you married to this woman because she knows your "secret" and you're afraid she'll spread it around if you reject her? Is there some kind of emotional blackmail about this? All I can say is, why don't you get out of this now before any more pain and damage come out of it? It sounds like your bond with your new wife is pretty minimal, so better now than later.
Stung Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 So, to be clear: you are a zoophile and into animals, you wrote a poem about an animal, and your human wife read it, assumed it was a love poem and felt hurt, as though you were cheating on her. You have now realized that she doesn't want you to be sexually/romantically free with animals within the confines of your marriage, and you are upset because you assumed that bestiality didn't count as cheating and you feel like she's hemming you in or trying to change you, so you're punishing her by withdrawing your affection. Is this about right? Leaving aside what I personally think about zoophilia for the moment, I really think this is the kind of thing you should have hammered out the details of before committing to marriage. Although most relationships probably don't have to worry about bestiality clauses, many, even most people have some degree of disconnect as to what they regard as infidelity and need to communicate and compromise in their relationships so everyone is on the same page. Just for your future reference. Now, since you two didn't bother to clarify these details, I do think you're in the wrong. You willingly married, and now just days later you're bent out of joint because of the commonly-held structures of marriage, although you never bothered to communicate to your wife that they were unacceptable to you beforehand. Unfair. Sounds to me like she assumed that your choosing to marry her meant that you were leaving your other proclivities behind in order to focus on her, while you still consider yourself primarily sexually- and romantically-oriented AWAY from her. Unfair. Honestly, I don't see how this is possibly going to end in anything like a stable monogamous marriage with two happy partners, which is presumably what your wife was hoping for. However, you might be able to make things work out as an open marriage or a marriage of convenience, if that's something you're both willing to try, and to that end I'd advise you to work on your trust and communication issues with each other in marriage counseling. You should also work on your tendency to bottle things up inside until you reach a snapping point and wall yourself off emotionally, because that is very unhealthy and will never lend itself to healthy relationships. One final comment, I don't see anything wrong with being bisexual or gay, but yeah, I do get judgy about the zoophilia. Like another poster above me, I'd like to ask you to please, please not force yourself on animals, who do not have the ability to consent. The zoophilia is also worth discussing with a therapist, it's possible it's rooted in an inability to connect meaningfully with humans.
Distant78 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 This is why affair relationships/marriages don't last. Because it's based off deception.
Author StrangeCanine Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Ok let me clear things up a bit. I am not some kinda person that is going to go around forcing myself on animals but that is another discussion for another topic. My main issue with this is that she was ok with all this before hand. I don't mind if she wanted me to change as progressing into the relationship when we first got together we had threesome and did things that where both her fantasy's and mine. The dating phase was great and once it started to get to the marriage phase thing went south. I thought this had a good chance of working since we were such good friends. Our communication and closeness has plummeted. I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I am at fault but what do I do.
Seamless74 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Did the threesome involve a dog??? thats ****ed up bro..
Nlelith Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Oh, Lawdy, Lawdy, first the "I got my sister pregnant" thread and now this. If you think marriage is old and outdated then why did you decide to get married? Have you considered talking to your wife about how you are feeling? And why do you insist on staying married since you are so against it?
Author StrangeCanine Posted December 31, 2010 Author Posted December 31, 2010 Oh, Lawdy, Lawdy, first the "I got my sister pregnant" thread and now this. If you think marriage is old and outdated then why did you decide to get married? Have you considered talking to your wife about how you are feeling? And why do you insist on staying married since you are so against it? There are benefits to me getting married with the job I have, I thought we could make it work. I have spoken to her about how I feel and how things changed but unlike the communication we have had its like talking to a wall. I insist on staying married because I don't want to divorce the person that was my bestfriend at one time, I am hoping I could get that connection back. I have never been so close to some in my life as her and to have it fall to this point does make me sad.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 There are benefits to me getting married with the job I have, I thought we could make it work. I have spoken to her about how I feel and how things changed but unlike the communication we have had its like talking to a wall. I insist on staying married because I don't want to divorce the person that was my bestfriend at one time, I am hoping I could get that connection back. I have never been so close to some in my life as her and to have it fall to this point does make me sad. Yeah, but you said that marriage goes against everything you believe in. So how can you ever be TRUELY happy if those are your feelings??? You definately should seek therapy for your issues.
PuppyLoveIsOverNow Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Bow WOW, seriously? Is there any other way to have sex with an animal? I don't see the dogs giving permission as none of them have learned how to speak human(or not that I have heard of anyways). I've loved many dogs in my life, but not like that dude. You should seriously give that up, even though you will never reproduce that way, or catch any VD. Perhaps may be you should get some VD and help eliminate canine overpopulation. I hear they have problems with that in East St. Louis and in Detroit. I was put off by the talk about men, however, animals is going a little too far. ITS NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU OR THE ANIMALS. I don't care how RUFF you like it. But may be I'm the one who is wrong, and we are meant to have sex with dogs so that we are systematically bred out of existence and the world can go on without our troubles. Really? Come on man(eww, sick reference btw), get real. If you love your dog that much get him a real bone, not a flesh bone. Oh, gay is just wrong to me, sorry, and your girlfriend trouble is prolly cause she hates doggy style cause it reminds her of your puppy love. If you don't like each other move on and get over it cause sometimes you can't fix what is broken no matter how hard you try. Life is too short and there are more dogs in the pound! Woof!
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