soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I just received a text message about 30 minutes ago from my Ex which read: "Just thinking about u, call me when you get time." Well, the ball is back in my court. My NC opportunity is back. Him sending me a text at 12:34 AM...as he's heading home from work.
2sunny Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I just received a text message about 30 minutes ago from my Ex which read: "Just thinking about u, call me when you get time." Well, the ball is back in my court. My NC opportunity is back. Him sending me a text at 12:34 AM...as he's heading home from work. i wouldn't call. IF he had something you REALLY needed to understand - he would say so... no need to make an effort for him when he hasn't made much effort for you.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Thanks for responding, Sunny. The text message is true to his style: vague. Why would I call him at 12:34 AM? He knows I'm usually up at this hour, but no one just up & shoots a text to their EX this early in the morning. I have to be really careful, now. Going back to read NC posts & warnings for positive reinforcements right now. i wouldn't call. IF he had something you REALLY needed to understand - he would say so... no need to make an effort for him when he hasn't made much effort for you. Edited December 29, 2010 by soleharmony1123
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 I meant to type "more crumbs from the Ex!!!" as the title of this thread. It's not a question about what's going on. Just the need for me to continue to see these vague texts and VMs for what they really are - attention-seeking methods & a way to inflate his dumper ego.
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Sole, This is a one sided relationship at the moment... It's all about him, his time, his needs, his way, etc. You are an option... and not a priority! The two of you are not on the same page and are both wanting different things from each other. Either you need to change or he does (which is not likely anytime soon), so I suggest you go no contact (if you tell him why, that is cool). Until he comes screaming back telling you he wants all or nothing.... or you get over it and see him only as a friend and nothing more. Otherwise... The only person that is going to get hurt here.... is you!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Homebrew, I agree he's a self-centered, egotistical b****rd unworthy of anymore of my time, concern or attention! Sole, This is a one sided relationship at the moment... It's all about him, his time, his needs, his way, etc. You are an option... and not a priority! The two of you are not on the same page and are both wanting different things from each other. Either you need to change or he does (which is not likely anytime soon), so I suggest you go no contact (if you tell him why, that is cool). Until he comes screaming back telling you he wants all or nothing.... or you get over it and see him only as a friend and nothing more. Otherwise... The only person that is going to get hurt here.... is you!
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Anger isn't always a bad thing... In your situation with what you shared I believe he is going through G.I.G.S. (Even though he is older) Take care of you and move on!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Ooops You picked up on that, huh? Texting me at 12:30AM for an ego stroke?! You're right - in this situation it could take several years for him to get past the syndrome (G.I.G.S.). Anger isn't always a bad thing... In your situation with what you shared I believe he is going through G.I.G.S. (Even though he is older) Take care of you and move on!
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Now you know what you must do! Go read this post: Inspiration for helping you get "YOU" back!
Breakupguy12 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Once again, Homebrew is spot on. Nice. I think all of this would be easier if it was somehow possible for people to take off the Love Glasses and see things a bit more clearly. Love makes even smart people make questionable choices, it's almost like being drunk. No offense towards you, Soleharmony, I've been there myself.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 I just have to express this thought and then I believe I will have worked through the major "barrier" to healing completely. It's the history & the attachment to my Ex that makes me feel stuck. We've done everything together except play in the same play yard & sleep in the same crib. Can any one relate to that? I'm not really sure. Before our very close friendship grew into a 3-year relationship, my Ex was like my "little brother" (I'm the oldest by 2 years). I was his first babysitter despite our closeness in age. His parents felt that "he listened to (me) more than any one else - I was able to "reach him." I would've guarded his life and I know he would've done the same for me. It was a pure, platonic friendship that we shared for well over a decade (try 2). Even to this day, I'd still trust his opinion on matters concerning my sons rather than their own father - even when I was married to him, he realized it was a bond there he dared not tamper with. My Ex-H knew my Ex and I were not blood-related, but we may as well have been. That's what I'm struggling with. In losing my Ex, I have lost my only best friend. There is no female best friend to turn to now -they're all married and we keep in touch once or twice a year via 3-hour phone chat. I don't have anyone I can really talk to. Sure, I have friends, and I have you all here on LS, but not any other person I could open up to & just reveal the true me. So, it's not the same. WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS MY THERAPIST! Thanks for listening...sorry it was long & drawn out. Now you know what you must do! Go read this post: Inspiration for helping you get "YOU" back!
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Sounds like one of your New Years Resolutions should be to expand your circle of friends! Go take a cooking class, Take a Baking Class, Take a Yoga Class, Join your local church (they have tons of things to offer), Do Charity Work, etc. Life Balance is VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOUR OWN SANITY! 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Work 4. Hobbies 5. Relationship / Marriage 6. Health (eating, working out, etc.) That way if one or more of those goes into the crapper... You are not all ALONE and your entire world will not feel like it is all coming down at once. (You have the other things / areas to help keep you propped up!)
LifeIsGreat Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hey HomeBrew... Telling a woman to take a cooking or baking class.... Now THAT'S money!!!! :) Just kidding.
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Sole and I go way back... So I can tell her that! We are so good... that I bought her a vacuum cleaner and some cookware for Christmas! Women, Get over here, Bake me a Cake and Vacuum my house! (Soleharmony would NEVER go for that... trust me!) My dad always told me that women just LOVE presents that have to be plugged in! (Bread Makers, Washing Machines, Food Mixers, Shop Vacs, Car Battery Chargers, Irons, Power Tools, etc.) Was his advice not Money?!?!?!?! Edited December 29, 2010 by homebrew
LifeIsGreat Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hey, I bought my ex a gift that required batteries. Is that the same
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Well... I am sure after the two of you broke up... It got plenty of use! Knowing that... It was very thoughtful and considerate gift!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 That's right, Homebrew has earned those rights. And thanks for makingme laugh, Homebrew, I needed that. And that darn vacuum cleaner broke already, so you're going to have to do better than a Kenmore doggone it!!! (lol!) Sole and I go way back... So I can tell her that! We are so good... that I bought her a vacuum cleaner and some cookware for Christmas! Women, Get over here, Bake me a Cake and Vacuum my house! (Soleharmony would NEVER go for that... trust me!) My dad always told me that women just LOVE presents that have to be plugged in! (Bread Makers, Washing Machines, Food Mixers, Shop Vacs, Car Battery Chargers, Irons, Power Tools, etc.) Was his advice not Money?!?!?!?!
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Ex called this morning just to talk to me. Asked me to call him back. I didn't. I think I need to send a second no contact letter (email). I mailed a simple short & to-the-point letter back in February after he said he needed space. I wrote that I understood his position and agreed that we both needed space and I wished him well. He never stopped calling.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) Breakupguy, I believe my rose-colored glasses were cemented on. It took some serious chiseling to get them off. I was reading some of my earlier posts on LS when I first registered with this site. SO Embarassing. I couldn't even read some of them - it was awful. I was a d**n fool!!!! and I'm woman enough to admit it. Thanks for letting me off the hook a bit by saying "Love makes even smart people make questionable choices, it's almost like being drunk." I was just plain stupid then. But the haze is clearing now. Thanks, Homebrew, Breakupguy & those who tried to reason with me earlier. Once again, Homebrew is spot on. Nice. I think all of this would be easier if it was somehow possible for people to take off the Love Glasses and see things a bit more clearly. Love makes even smart people make questionable choices, it's almost like being drunk. No offense towards you, Soleharmony, I've been there myself. Edited December 31, 2010 by soleharmony1123
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