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The Facebook behavior of a committed person and their level of interest.

Mrlonelyone

By Mrlonelyone
in The Other Man / Woman

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

Just a quick question for the room. If one is trying to get close to a person who is married or just somewhat committed to a relationship; could they expect a Facebook friend request to be accepted.

 

Bear in mind there is no way to keep FB friending secret.

 

In my specific case the situation I am in the woman is "in a relationship" for a couple months now. Judging by her front pages activity she as not accepted a friend request from any male since she came to be "in a relationship".

 

Can I therefore conclude that her not accepting my request, but also not denying it, is not an indication of a lack of interest....

 

We communicate via private messages and she has shown interest there.

 

I have been told here that if a woman does not instantly drop a BF in my favor because of a couple of emails then they are not interested at all.

 

I think that like the MM and MW many of you deal with she just does not really know what she wants.... or feels a bit of pressure to stay in the just recently established relationship.

KarmasTestDummy Established Member

KarmasTestDummy

Posted
Posted
Just a quick question for the room. If one is trying to get close to a person who is married or just somewhat committed to a relationship; could they expect a Facebook friend request to be accepted.

 

Bear in mind there is no way to keep FB friending secret.

 

In my specific case the situation I am in the woman is "in a relationship" for a couple months now. Judging by her front pages activity she as not accepted a friend request from any male since she came to be "in a relationship".

 

Can I therefore conclude that her not accepting my request, but also not denying it, is not an indication of a lack of interest....

 

We communicate via private messages and she has shown interest there.

 

I have been told here that if a woman does not instantly drop a BF in my favor because of a couple of emails then they are not interested at all.

 

I think that like the MM and MW many of you deal with she just does not really know what she wants.... or feels a bit of pressure to stay in the just recently established relationship.

 

FaceBook protocol is not black and white. All depends on how private it is or if her boyfriend is on there seeing everything. She's not going to accept u if she has to be worried you'll say something that is suspicious. My mm does not have me on his but his w cyberstalks it and accuses him of sleeping with every woman he does have on there. Every message he sends or receives is criticized. She just doesn't realize she's barking up the wrong tree.

carrie999 Established Member

carrie999

Posted
Posted
Just a quick question for the room. If one is trying to get close to a person who is married or just somewhat committed to a relationship; could they expect a Facebook friend request to be accepted.

 

Bear in mind there is no way to keep FB friending secret.

 

In my specific case the situation I am in the woman is "in a relationship" for a couple months now. Judging by her front pages activity she as not accepted a friend request from any male since she came to be "in a relationship".

 

Can I therefore conclude that her not accepting my request, but also not denying it, is not an indication of a lack of interest....

 

We communicate via private messages and she has shown interest there.

 

I have been told here that if a woman does not instantly drop a BF in my favor because of a couple of emails then they are not interested at all.

 

I think that like the MM and MW many of you deal with she just does not really know what she wants.... or feels a bit of pressure to stay in the just recently established relationship.

 

If you communicate via private messages, why not ask her? And if she's in a new relationship, why pursue her?

Heather1 Established Member

Heather1

Posted
Posted

Ask her. The only people I decline are people I don't know or have never had a convo with.

 

The LAST thing I'd do is friend my MM, how friggin obvious.

 

I hope you're her friend in real life!

SnowandStars Established Member

SnowandStars

Posted
Posted

Seems like we are in somewhat similar situations. I wouldn't read too much into the FB thing. She may be trying to cut down on suspicions.

 

Also, I wouldn't expect for her to quickly drop her guy even if she is interested in you. She is most likely trying to see where her current relationship will go. I'd like to hear more of your story but too bad my PMs are not enabled yet!

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
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Posted

@KarmasTestDummy

 

Her BF is on FB in some form or fashion all the freaking time. He would notice. He even has to comment in a somewhat intimidating, or trying to be intimidating, way on any man's wall posting that she does. Just saying hi to the guy.

 

Without going into all the gory details... me and her have a history together. In short we met in college and were off and on BF and GF. At one point she was arranged to marry and I was an OM. She had a child who is supposed to be of the man she was arranged to...but who looks like me. :-/ (I have checked I have no legal options.) We tried to make a relationship work... family pressure broke that up. We then had a LDR which we ended amicably a few years ago.

 

The upshot is... the look of my face would be enough to arouse suspicion in the man she's with now.

 

@Carrie999

 

I did send a friend request which she did not decline but did not accept. It says "friend request pending".

 

@Heather

 

Yes it would be freaking obvious. It's just like Karmastestdummy said FB protocol is not really black and white.

 

Given the history I disclosed above I would hope she could at least consider me a friend in real life.

 

Thankyou all very much. I needed to hear that it was not insane to think a person "in a relationship" may be more careful about who they friend on FB.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

@SnowandStars

 

I have written up my story on the second chance board at first. Here. However the real meat of it is in this posting.

 

Your probably right about her wanting to keep things discrete until she knows what this relationship she's in is really about. Due to our history she knows what I am really all about, and that she likes it (as she has came back to me before)...

 

I don't expect her to drop a guy due to a few messages an a email where I express just how serious and interested I am.

 

I would not be surprised if we did at least give it another go sometime soon. Maybe not next month, but the month after that.

 

Thankyou for affirming what I thought... that a lack of a accepted FB friend request in this situation is not an indicator of no interest...just of being discrete.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
linking to another thread.
bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
@SnowandStars

 

I have written up my story on the second chance board at first. Here. However the real meat of it is in this posting.

 

Your probably right about her wanting to keep things discrete until she knows what this relationship she's in is really about. Due to our history she knows what I am really all about, and that she likes it (as she has came back to me before)...

 

I don't expect her to drop a guy due to a few messages an a email where I express just how serious and interested I am.

 

I would not be surprised if we did at least give it another go sometime soon. Maybe not next month, but the month after that.

 

Thankyou for affirming what I thought... that a lack of a accepted FB friend request in this situation is not an indicator of no interest...just of being discrete.

 

 

And for a lot of us it is an indicator of no interest. Not even interested enough to deny.

Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

Posted
Posted
Judging by her front pages activity she as not accepted a friend request from any male since she came to be "in a relationship".

I accept friend requests from anyone (male or female) as long as I know them personally - however I wouldn't accept a friend request from someone I was interested in, as I wouldn't want to risk them posting something incriminating.

 

Can I therefore conclude that her not accepting my request, but also not denying it, is not an indication of a lack of interest....

I never deny friend requests, I just leave them hanging in order to prevent the person from requesting me again.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I accept friend requests from anyone (male or female) as long as I know them personally - however I wouldn't accept a friend request from someone I was interested in, as I wouldn't want to risk them posting something incriminating.

 

 

I never deny friend requests, I just leave them hanging in order to prevent the person from requesting me again.

 

 

Taken together your two points are that it is either an indicator of no interest, or of some interest but wanting to be discrete with a lean towards discretion.

 

@bent

That does not make any sense? I have had people I am not interested in dealing with come at me on facebook. I simply block them. That is a clear and unambiguous indicator of a lack of interest and not wanting to deal with them.

 

To do anything else is to invite further contact.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
Taken together your two points are that it is either an indicator of no interest, or of some interest but wanting to be discrete with a lean towards discretion.

 

@bent

That does not make any sense? I have had people I am not interested in dealing with come at me on facebook. I simply block them. That is a clear and unambiguous indicator of a lack of interest and not wanting to deal with them.

 

To do anything else is to invite further contact.

 

 

 

I repeat...you(general you) don't warrant enough interest to even waste time blocking. Just a nothing. Of course it doesn't make sense to you. It isn't what you want to hear. :laugh: She isn't responding to you...nothing ambiguous about that.

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry, but from all indications in your posts, including your other thread, this woman is not at all interested in you romantically.

 

And if she is, she has a messed up way of showing it.

 

If someone I was interested in tried to friend me on FB and I couldn't because I was hiding something (which, whatever), I wouldn't ignore altogether. I would have sent you a note by now saying hey, got the request but because of a, b & c we can't be FB friends.

 

Re the email from the b/f: two months in...she SHOWED him that email, he DID respond on her behalf.

 

It would be nicer if she were more direct about it, but there you go.

 

This is all about the drama on everyone's behalf. You two are the rutting bucks and she's the suffering damsel.

 

I'd be willing to bet the bf's email to you led to some hot times in the sack.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I'm sorry, but from all indications in your posts, including your other thread, this woman is not at all interested in you romantically.

 

And if she is, she has a messed up way of showing it.

 

If someone I was interested in tried to friend me on FB and I couldn't because I was hiding something (which, whatever), I wouldn't ignore altogether. I would have sent you a note by now saying hey, got the request but because of a, b & c we can't be FB friends.

 

Re the email from the b/f: two months in...she SHOWED him that email, he DID respond on her behalf.

 

It would be nicer if she were more direct about it, but there you go.

 

This is all about the drama on everyone's behalf. You two are the rutting bucks and she's the suffering damsel.

 

I'd be willing to bet the bf's email to you led to some hot times in the sack.

 

((((((((((BTDT))))))))), so good to see you:D

 

OP....this might be my way of thinking, and maybe I am not understanding OP..., although if this is just a bf and they are not married, why hide anything. I can understand it if one is married (kind of, I did what I wanted married or not and didn't hide anything....I'm a very onery person:D).

 

Many times before, I have said to a bf...*holding up ring finger*, do you see a ring on my finger????? It's like put up or shut up...sooooo...

 

I just don't see a need to hide, although that is just one person's opinion:)

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