youngskywalker Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 What I do is this. The first few dates I simply want to talk and spend some time getting to know each other, you know, casual stuff such as... dinner, movies, drinks at a bar, museums ect ect. After say 3-4 dates when I know we like each other then try to keep it going with "more fun" stuff... concerts, day cruise on a boat, road trip to somewhere fun, maybe skydiving, scuba or snorkeling ect ect. Obviously these also cost more money too. But, I'm starting to wonder if after the first date if I think I like the girl I should go right for something that will really WOW her. You know? Keep the action going. I lean towards no because I don't want the girl to use me for expensive dates and then when she gets bored, I get dumped. I'd like to see if she is into ME. If I'm dating a girl who will only go out with me on a second or third date if it's something SHE likes and wants to do is it really even worth the effort? I thought it was all about getting to know a person. I say this because I dated a girl once that I really liked and never got a third date and I believe I could have kept it going if I offered to go somewhere that she COULDN'T RESIST. Say like front row seats at a concert or something. But is it worth it then?? Ladies and Gentlemen your thoughts please.
musemaj11 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Dont set yourself up to be used for free dates buddy. Have self-worth. Guys like you make me wanna cry. If you wanna rely on money to get a female affection, hiring an escort will be cheaper and you are also guaranteed to get more for your money. Edited December 29, 2010 by musemaj11
Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 What I do is this. The first few dates I simply want to talk and spend some time getting to know each other, you know, casual stuff such as... dinner, movies, drinks at a bar, museums ect ect. After say 3-4 dates when I know we like each other then try to keep it going with "more fun" stuff... concerts, day cruise on a boat, road trip to somewhere fun, maybe skydiving, scuba or snorkeling ect ect. Obviously these also cost more money too. But, I'm starting to wonder if after the first date if I think I like the girl I should go right for something that will really WOW her. You know? Keep the action going. I lean towards no because I don't want the girl to use me for expensive dates and then when she gets bored, I get dumped. I'd like to see if she is into ME. If I'm dating a girl who will only go out with me on a second or third date if it's something SHE likes and wants to do is it really even worth the effort? I thought it was all about getting to know a person. I say this because I dated a girl once that I really liked and never got a third date and I believe I could have kept it going if I offered to go somewhere that she COULDN'T RESIST. Say like front row seats at a concert or something. But is it worth it then?? NO. If the reason a woman is accepting your date invitation is because she's wowed by the activity, rather than YOU, she's not worth it.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I like to have dinner then go to a dance club. Assuming the dinner went good, it's a good time to let it all hang out. Dating should be a good time especially early on. Dinner provides enough time for pleasantries and chit chat. Shaking a tail feather afterward afterward can make it memorable in the positive regard. I'm assuming of course that I already have some interaction with her and that we both want to be in each other's company. I haven't on-line dated or posted in a personals so I'm not thinking what to do and not do with a total stranger. Dancing believe it or not might be more comfortable than seeing a movie--you're out there in public where it's safe and not sitting in a seat wondering what she wants or thinks or what not.
USCGAviator Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I usually plan the dinner then we play with the idea of what to do after dinner.
OceanGirl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 NO. Speaking for myself, if I am lonely enough and some guy I am meh about suggested a fun activity date I would probably go
Author youngskywalker Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 NO. Speaking for myself, if I am lonely enough and some guy I am meh about suggested a fun activity date I would probably go Aa Ha! Therein lies the problem. What if you really like a girl and you feel she's not that into you? You're ready to ask for a third date (you want just one more shot to see if she warms up to you). In this case, I think it's important to pick something she likes that she won't turn down. I guess it depends how much interest you have in the girl and if you're willing to work at showing how great of a guy you are. But as we all know, if she doesn't like you a great date isn't going to change that but sometimes it's nice to have more than two dates before you're nicely walked to the door. When I'm into a girl I don't care what the date is. I'd be happy with meeting up at the park bench at 7:00p.m. and talking. I'm just not so sure girls are the same.
runner Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 When I'm into a girl I don't care what the date is. I'd be happy with meeting up at the park bench at 7:00p.m. and talking. I'm just not so sure girls are the same. only if said girl was really into you to begin with. i've known a few girls in the past where if i said, "hey wanna meet at the recycling centre and sort through garbage ??" they probably would've perked up straight away and said YES without really thinking about it. other girls would be like, "um...," and then walk away.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I usually do first dates in an area where several types of places are present -- and most of all in places I know well. it's the spontaneity play. this works well in a downtown environment. we'll do dinner, and I'll guide conversation (i.e. ask questions) relating to her general likes. tapping into that info, dictates the next venue. it works great.
zengirl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Why would you want a girl to go out with you just for the activity? I guess if you think you'll have a real shot in the future and you want to spend the money . . . well, it's your money. If that's what you want (her to go, even if she's not into you), go for the WOW, but if not, don't. Personally, I don't get it. But there's also no activity I couldn't "turn down." I go out with the guy, not the activity. But there are many, many girls who aren't like me.
musemaj11 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Aa Ha! Therein lies the problem. What if you really like a girl and you feel she's not that into you? You're ready to ask for a third date (you want just one more shot to see if she warms up to you). In this case, I think it's important to pick something she likes that she won't turn down. I guess it depends how much interest you have in the girl and if you're willing to work at showing how great of a guy you are. But as we all know, if she doesn't like you a great date isn't going to change that but sometimes it's nice to have more than two dates before you're nicely walked to the door. When I'm into a girl I don't care what the date is. I'd be happy with meeting up at the park bench at 7:00p.m. and talking. I'm just not so sure girls are the same. Are you like really desperate dude? Listen man, woman needs you to wine and dine her only if she is not that into you the way you are. She wants you to make up for your shortcomings in her eyes in order to get up to her level. Just like if you are into a girl you wouldnt mind walking at the park, if a girl is into you she wouldnt mind just walking at the park either. Please Im begging you listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IfpdYngG4Y
Author youngskywalker Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Personally, I don't get it. But there's also no activity I couldn't "turn down." I go out with the guy, not the activity. But there are many, many girls who aren't like me. I wish there were many MORE girls like you. Who aren't into the pomp and superficial. Unfortunately, many girls are into the "in" crowd and expect to be WOWed. I guess the answer is to stay away from the queenies. Like runner said, if a girl likes you she'll say yes to sorting through garbage at the recycling center (so to speak). If I liked a girl I'd say yes to that too.
zengirl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 I wish there were many MORE girls like you. Who aren't into the pomp and superficial. Unfortunately, many girls are into the "in" crowd and expect to be WOWed. I guess the answer is to stay away from the queenies. Like runner said, if a girl likes you she'll say yes to sorting through garbage at the recycling center (so to speak). If I liked a girl I'd say yes to that too. Well, I wouldn't go that far. If someone asked me to sort garbage on a first date -- or even if my BF asked me to go do that now -- I'd probably say no. (I do volunteer, and I don't think volunteerism is a bad date idea, though a little bit later --- after date 3 or so, maybe --- generally.) So let's not get crazy here, but something generally accepted -- like a walk, a cup of coffee or dinner is all it takes.
Author youngskywalker Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Ummm yeah, I was exaggerating... But i think people missed the point of my post. I wasn't talking about dates one and two. I'm taking about dates three and four. Coffee, dinner, walks and movies are great for dates one and two. But then what?
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Aa Ha! Therein lies the problem. What if you really like a girl and you feel she's not that into you? You're ready to ask for a third date (you want just one more shot to see if she warms up to you). In this case, I think it's important to pick something she likes that she won't turn down. I guess it depends how much interest you have in the girl and if you're willing to work at showing how great of a guy you are. Why would you want the date activity to control whether she's into you? If she's into you, she's into you, regardless if you WOW her with some fabulous third date. If she's meh about you, she'll go on the date, but what then? Her meh isn't going to change to wow just because you picked a cool date idea...
OceanGirl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Why would you want the date activity to control whether she's into you? If she's into you, she's into you, regardless if you WOW her with some fabulous third date. If she's meh about you, she'll go on the date, but what then? Her meh isn't going to change to wow just because you picked a cool date idea... Exactly! She will have fun doing the activity and you are irrelevant. It should be the other way around. And yeah, if I was really into a guy and he suggested meeting at a park bench and talking - I would be all for it.
zengirl Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Ummm yeah, I was exaggerating... But i think people missed the point of my post. I wasn't talking about dates one and two. I'm taking about dates three and four. Coffee, dinner, walks and movies are great for dates one and two. But then what? Okay, let me think . . . My BF and I went to dinner for our 1st date and got coffee after. We went to brunch and for a walk on our second date. We went to a trivia night with some of his friends for our third date (I had mentioned I liked trivia, but I'd just moved here and hadn't found one, so he got it together for me---very sweet). We cooked dinner together for our fourth date. We went to see a play and have dinner for our fifth date. We had dinner on our sixth date, I believe it was the one night we could do something, because we were both busy for awhile, but wanted to catch up. We cooked again on our seventh date. We went to a winery for a tour and had brunch nearby for our eighth date. Lunch and a movie for the ninth date. A bike ride after. We went to a local music festival on our tenth date. None of these were terribly expensive, actually. The play mentioned was a local nonprofit community group, the festival was something I had free tickets to, etc. We still basically do the same things -- go to dinner, go to movies, go for bike rides, cook dinner together, see plays, go to local events, etc. Sometimes we go to museums or volunteer together. Just do something YOU like to do, make sure it's not actually something people actively avoid ("Hey, want to help me with my yard work?"), and have fun. Worrying about the WOW factor . . . I just don't get it.
runner Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 None of these were terribly expensive, actually. The play mentioned was a local nonprofit community group, the festival was something I had free tickets to, etc. We still basically do the same things -- go to dinner, go to movies, go for bike rides, cook dinner together, see plays, go to local events, etc. Sometimes we go to museums or volunteer together. Just do something YOU like to do, make sure it's not actually something people actively avoid ("Hey, want to help me with my yard work?"), and have fun. Worrying about the WOW factor . . . I just don't get it. yea i don't think most dates should cost any more than one would normally spend just being out, or going out with friends. making too much of it and spending too much is probably one reason why so many guys end up jaded and burnt out from dating. gotta keep it fun.
Recommended Posts