SnowandStars Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Sorry for this being long, but I have had so much on my mind. I'm not sure if this belongs here because the guy I speak of is not married, he has a girlfriend of a few years. I also have not known him for very long, but I'm falling and I'm having a hard time understanding my feelings. Up until this point, if I found out a guy had a girl I would no longer be attracted to him because I assumed I had no chance. However, for some reason this time is different. I want this guy so badly it hurts. As much as I try to forget him, he stays on my mind. We met not too long ago whole doing a volunteer project together. He would always strike up a convo with me and I didn't even notice him at first but as time went on, I became attracted to him. Once the project ended, he suggested we exchange contact information and hang out sometime. We became friends on FB and that is how I found out he had a girlfriend. A little over a week ago he invited me to his place to drink and hangout with him and his friends. His girlfriend was not there. Everything started out innocently until everyone started talking about how they hated his girl and he admitted that they had problems. Once they left and we were alone, we crossed the line a bit. We kissed for a second, and he fondled me on top of my clothes. I wanted to do more but he said we couldn't get too physical. He suggested we cuddle and watch the sun rise together. We fell asleep together and he offered to take me to breakfast the next morning but I wanted to leave because I felt guilty. Later that day he admitted that he felt no guilt for what we did and that he wanted to hang out some more and continue being friends. He and his girl went out of town for the holidays so I haven't been in contact with him. I was hoping that this would be a great way for me to get over him but it hasn't helped. To make matters worse, all I can think about is getting physical with him, but I doubt he'll do that with me (and I feel like a bad person for wanting this). Seems like he just wants my company. I admitted to him that I was attracted to him and even then he stills wants to be friends. Can anyone give me insight into what is going on and how I should get over him?
Karma20 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Honestly if you get involved with someone who has a bf/gf and cross the line like you did, karma will come back at you for it. Secondly if he cheated on her he will cheat on you. I just got dumped and a friend recommended I put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time I think about and his new gf or analyze things. Honestly it works once I snap and feel the pain from it I stop thinking about what I was thinking about. Stay away from this guy don't be that girl. No friends no nothing.
Author SnowandStars Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Honestly if you get involved with someone who has a bf/gf and cross the line like you did, karma will come back at you for it. Secondly if he cheated on her he will cheat on you. I just got dumped and a friend recommended I put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time I think about and his new gf or analyze things. Honestly it works once I snap and feel the pain from it I stop thinking about what I was thinking about. Stay away from this guy don't be that girl. No friends no nothing. Thanks and this is so true. I think about it often. I don't want to be "that girl" and I already feel guilty as hell for what we did. I'm just so into him it hurts.
Karma20 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I know it hurts but time will help and so will not contacting him.
alexandria35 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 The guy doesn't sound too attractive to me! He lets his friends openly disrespect and badmouth his girlfriend, he doesn't defend her and all the while he is the one sitting there with his special new friend(you) for ego strokes. Then he goes away on holidays with the gf! Blech!! He's not married to her, he's not stuck with her so why the hell is he with her if she's so bad that he figures she deserves blatant disrespect from both him and his friends? Ya...he sounds like a real winner to me. Whatta catch.
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I find it odd that he never told you himself that he has a girlfriend, you found out only through facebook. He isn't stupid and knows you're into him, so him not telling you right from the start, "we can only be friends, I have a girlfriend." It makes me wonder what type of guy he truly is. If you don't want to be the OW, then don't be. It'll hurt to distance yourself from him but worth it now rather than later.. Imagine how much harder it'll be to walk away and be more attached than you are now. You haven't really invested alot of emotion and love into him, now it's just you really want him and are in the stages of falling for him..All the more reason to tell him goodbye and let him know IF he is single, you will date him but until then it's goodbye. The choice is yours. If you choose to stay, you are knowingly going after a man who has a girlfriend and is willing to cheat on her. He isn't an honest or loving person since he is capable of doing that to her..One day YOU could be his gf and he could easily cheat on you, lie and betray you. Keep that in mind.
Author SnowandStars Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 The guy doesn't sound too attractive to me! He lets his friends openly disrespect and badmouth his girlfriend, he doesn't defend her and all the while he is the one sitting there with his special new friend(you) for ego strokes. Then he goes away on holidays with the gf! Blech!! He's not married to her, he's not stuck with her so why the hell is he with her if she's so bad that he figures she deserves blatant disrespect from both him and his friends? Ya...he sounds like a real winner to me. Whatta catch. Yea, I figured that I was nothing more than an ego stroke. He seems like the type who just HAS to have a girlfriend, so even if things are not going well, he won't dare be single. Those are often the worst types. What I feel for him right now is purely lust. I have such a deep intellectual connection to him and I desire him physically. I realize that it is wrong to want someone else's man and I just hope time will allow me to get over him.
Author SnowandStars Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 I find it odd that he never told you himself that he has a girlfriend, you found out only through facebook. He isn't stupid and knows you're into him, so him not telling you right from the start, "we can only be friends, I have a girlfriend." It makes me wonder what type of guy he truly is. If you don't want to be the OW, then don't be. It'll hurt to distance yourself from him but worth it now rather than later.. Imagine how much harder it'll be to walk away and be more attached than you are now. You haven't really invested alot of emotion and love into him, now it's just you really want him and are in the stages of falling for him..All the more reason to tell him goodbye and let him know IF he is single, you will date him but until then it's goodbye. The choice is yours. If you choose to stay, you are knowingly going after a man who has a girlfriend and is willing to cheat on her. He isn't an honest or loving person since he is capable of doing that to her..One day YOU could be his gf and he could easily cheat on you, lie and betray you. Keep that in mind. Thanks! This is great info/advice! I think his gf kinda lives with him so he wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret for long since I came over. Strangely, part of me hopes that on holiday he and his girl will patch things up and he will no longer want to talk to me once he gets back. It is just so much easier to let go when the other person cuts off all contact. Maybe the guilt will set in during their vacation.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Can I ask you this. Do you think that this man and his GF have had a exclusive commitment talk? Just because people live together that does not imply that they aren't in a somewhat open relationship (up to and including an open marriage.) Second as someone pointed out, it's not as if they are married. So you really need not guilt trip yourself too hard. Breaking up their relationship would be a ugly and painful affair... however after a certain age... to find someone... there is a good chance that you are going to have to break up a relationship.
Author SnowandStars Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Can I ask you this. Do you think that this man and his GF have had a exclusive commitment talk? Just because people live together that does not imply that they aren't in a somewhat open relationship (up to and including an open marriage.) Second as someone pointed out, it's not as if they are married. So you really need not guilt trip yourself too hard. Breaking up their relationship would be a ugly and painful affair... however after a certain age... to find someone... there is a good chance that you are going to have to break up a relationship. They are definitely committed. As bad as it sounds, a huge part of why I wasn't so concerned with her at first is because she is significantly younger than the both of us and I figured that they wouldn't be together forever anyway. I remember making a comment about him loving her when the friends were bashing her and he said something along the lines of "wait a minute...I don't know about love..." It could possibly be that right now they are going through rocky times and he just wants a companion, and when they are back on track he'll kick me to the curb. I know they haven't had sex in a few months--I heard this from him and his brother. Of course what I did still was not justified by any of this.
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