sbradford2 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hello everyone. I had not heard anything from my kids father since he left 5 months ago. Finally I recieved a letter the other day from him saying that he has been in jail and that he will be getting out soon. I have been thinking alot about him. But mostly about the things that I was so unhappy with when we were together. I have no trust whatsoever in him but I know that he is great with his kids. In the letter he stated that we have alot of talking to do and I feel that maybe because he feels that he has nothing he maybe trying to come back to live with me. And I don't want that. Every now and then I do think about that fact that it would have been nice if we could have made it work and be able to raise our children together. But its so hard for me to trust him. I must admit that he is very sneaky and I am constantly wondering what it is that he is hiding from me and lying to me about. Is it possible for someone like this to even change. How would I know if he has changed his ways. I don't want to make it easy for him to come back. Because everytime we break up he stays away for a few months and then will all of a sudden come around and say that he wants to see his kids. And we end up back together. Even though I am lonely, I don't want him to think that I am desperate and that I will jump at the chance of being with him again. So how can I make him prove himself to me? I know that I cannot make him do anything but how can I at least show him that I am not desperate and that he has to do alot of work to be with me again.
NeNinja Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Jail? For what? I know you think it is good for a kid to spend quality time with their father but its worse for them to have him there and then have him gone. It's like a mini-break up for them everytime. I wouldn't let him anywhere near those kids without a court order.
hART Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Have you told him what he has to work on? Would he be willing to do counseling? Has he proven to you he is dishonest or a cheat? because that is what it sounds like. Is he good to you or is he overall not a good person (ie has he EVER hit you or been abusive)? From what you say he sounds like bad news, but good people are sometimes misjudged. Think about how long it has taken for you to change a bad habit, when you had to do it for you, that is about how long it will take him to change, after he gets motivation to. Like my anger issues stemmed from some deep psychological issues and I'm still working on it after almost three years apart from my ex. I may be in a similar situation, where my ex is uncertain about his living situation. There are always kind hearted people who will help someone out, so that person doesn't have to be you. I don't know how he would prove he has changed, but there has to be a way.
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 sbradford, Your kids are the most important thing... they are above your needs, wishes and desires. Since you do not sound like you are "healthy" at the moment in regards to your EX... I encourage you to involve your family and friends in your life and in your decisions concerning your EX. You are on Step 57 and need to be worried about Step 1... Which is what is best for your kids!
Author sbradford2 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) Thanks you guys. You are right. The main thing that I need to be concerned about right now is my children. But I just kept feeling like it would make them happy for him to be around. Your advice really helps alot! It makes sense to go through the court if he wants to have visitation. Thanks alot. Edited December 30, 2010 by sbradford2
Recommended Posts