TheUnthoughtKnown Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I was kind of seeing a girl. We weren't exclusive or anything and I never had really strong feelings for her or anything but we'd hang out, stay at each others apartment's an stuff an it was a good time. I'm not long out of a really bad break up which left me broken an depressed for months so I told this girl I wasn't about to commit an that I was having fun just doing what we were doing and she was cool with that. Anyways, she recently had a fling with a mutual friend of ours from our circle of friends. Obviously I can't get mad, we're not exclusive an she knew the guy before I did so I can't cry "betrayal!" So she asked me if we could continue as we were because we agreed once someone else came into the picture we'd stop. But I told her we had made an agreement and she knew that sleeping with this friend of ours would then void that agreement. She apologised several times and said she hoped there was no hard feelings and that we could remain friends. I agreed and we continued to text each other, though we haven't hung out since. So I texted her the other day an asked where what she was up to, she replied she was staying at this guy's house. Then I find out from another mutual friend of ours that she has been seeing this guy quite a lot an that she is pretty smitten with him and things are going well between them. She text today and I found myself being very blunt and rude with her. To the point she asked "Are you okay? You seem a little annoyed" I told her I wasn't and that everything's fine, then she replied "Look...I figured you deserved to know this, me and [enter name here] are going out now" I'm not sure why but I'm annoyed things are going well in this relationship of hers. I thought it was a one night thing between them and now they're together and she's utterly smitten and happy. To be honest, I'm really hurt. I just don't know why! This girl wanted to be in a relationship with me and I turned her down because I didn't feel strongly enough for her so why now am I so angry and hurt? This makes no sense...
DuskCrush Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 it's your ego --not your heart--that has been hurt. You like the fact that she liked you. It was a confidence booster. You were not in love but you were having a good time. She wanted more and the good time had to end. Just remember that you essentially rejected her and she moved on.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 it's your ego --not your heart--that has been hurt. You like the fact that she liked you. It was a confidence booster. You were not in love but you were having a good time. She wanted more and the good time had to end. Just remember that you essentially rejected her and she moved on. Yeah, I did take confidence from it. Weirdly enough I took quite a lot of confidence from it. Is that it? Am I grieving for something as selfish and self-centred as my ego? I mean maybe she'll be happy with him, she seems very happy. Who the hell am I to be annoyed over that just because my ego took a bit of a beating. I am not the kind of person who would hold someone back for something so shallow and egotistical as this. I have no right to be angry. I am annoyed with myself for this. How does someone sort that kind of problem, you know? What if you're one of those people who suffer from deep insecurity and need the validation that the compassion of someone else brings? I will never find the right woman for me with that attitude I have currently.
spiderowl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I think maybe you thought you had the situation under control before and you were the one deciding its status, i.e. casual but fun. When she found this guy and seems to be happy with him, it meant she wasn't following the unspoken rules you had in your head. Plus, you did find her fun and enjoyed time with her. You seem aware of the situation and that you can't expect her not to get involved with someone else when you were only offering her a casual relationship. I think it's the lack of control that's bothering you rather than a hit to your ego. If you ask yourself why you are feeling angry towards her, what comes straight to mind? There will be your answer.
sugarmomma Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 All ego. You didn't want her now you're hurt that someone does. I just don't get you guys. You had a good thing and now she's gone. Next time be honest with yourself about what you want. Maybe you told yourself you didn't want more but you really did.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 it's your ego --not your heart--that has been hurt. You like the fact that she liked you. It was a confidence booster. You were not in love but you were having a good time. She wanted more and the good time had to end. Just remember that you essentially rejected her and she moved on. This^ All things considered what would you expect to feel? You didn't care for her enough. Someone else apparently did. That's life in the big city. Your unease I think probably has everything to do with the fact that you know the guy. If you didn't it wouldn't be working on your mind because you'd have nothing to imagine. But you probably see this dude's mug in your head long-dicking your fu_k buddy. I think you'd be not human to not have some unease about all this. Pretend he's just somebody you never met. Yes?
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 All ego. You didn't want her now you're hurt that someone does. I just don't get you guys. You had a good thing and now she's gone. Next time be honest with yourself about what you want. Maybe you told yourself you didn't want more but you really did. Well no because I wasn't in love with her. I was upfront with her and told her how I felt. I was annoyed because she just jumped from me to this guy. I mean she barely had time to pick her stuff up that she'd left from my apartment before she's hopping into bed with another guy? I had a good thing, but it wouldn't have lasted. How I wanted it to end was mutually and because we both knew the fun had come to an end. Not like this. And I did not want more. I am aware of what I want, and aware of my feelings. If I'd felt strongly for her I would have made it concrete so that something like this wouldn't have happened.
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