lanky00 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hi. Well I have tried for months to do my best in moving on from my ex but just can't seem to shake thoughts of her and her new man from my mind. So like so many I've decided to reach out for some advice and help. Like so many the relationship was great to start with it and as far as I was concerned good until the day she dumped me. Looking back there were red flags and I'm starting to eoner if she has traitas of being a narcissit as almost all of the relationship revolved around her and her decisions. The bit that gets me the most is the fact I was very trusting and none possesive so when she had regular weekly contact with a man in another city who decided to write her a personal (Triathlon) Training event for a big event she has coming up, I now feel maybe I should of been more diplomatic and put my foot down. The guy used to travel down to were we lived as he is a sports technician and she would meet up with him for coffee's and even meet him at the pool to train which again looking back is now a red flag. WE lived apart and would see each other 4 - 5 times a week but now I'm convinced he was staying over the nights I wasn't there. Anyhow to cut along story short I have only seen her once since our breakup and felt alright about things, until I came back to the U.K for christmas and have since found out they are together and it has knocked me for 6.. My body just went into shock mode, it wercked my christmas and although I'm getting better I can't sleep and constantly think about how happy they probably are together and I'm, on my arse.. Not sure if its just heart break or a combination of that and my pride being damaged from being cheated on. All irratinal thoughts take over like he's a better man than me, I'm not enough and just jump from hurt too anger. I really want to see her fail. I'm going a bit now but basically I would any advice you are able to give me as I'm getting a bit bored with it all now and just want to move on.
Adi Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hey, i am covinced you only ever really move on when someone better comes along, and if that dont happen, it gets easier but it is allways there.
Author lanky00 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Hey, i am covinced you only ever really move on when someone better comes along, and if that dont happen, it gets easier but it is allways there. Thanks. I know theres a lot of truth in that Adi. The time thing just frustrates me but from personal experience the next girl has always been better. Just the fact shes know living a perfect life with this fella when less than a month earlier she was saying how much she loved me cuts deep. Guess my prides taken a serious floor?
Adi Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Its hard, what i did was tell myself im its ok too feel angry and hurt, and not expect anything else for a month or two. But think about this, they prob aint all happy with the sun shining, she will still think of you, and he will think does she still have feeling for you etc, what i did in the end too get rid of my anger, you no the blood boiling, is this, i worked out the best way too ever get my own back is by me, being happy and not being asked about her. Six months later, i still aint replaced her, and i still love her but i am doing ok, i wake up with a smile. Where in the UK are you from?
BlindRage Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Hey buddy, Welcome to this forum and well sorry that you are even here. Let me give you my two cents on your situation, yes? Your ex was trash. Well let me make it clearer, what she was is C.T. (Cheating Trash). Oh and don't beat yourself over the fact you were so trusting of her. Even if you weren't trusting she would have started thrown those you are "possessive, needy, jealous etc" words around. Would this have changed anything? No it wouldn't. A cheater is a cheater no matter how many lies they spew at you. She would have cheated oh you whether you trusted her or not (obviously). You seem strong also so thats a plus, you say you are handling well but it just got the better on you on Christmas and I hope you find some closure in this but this Christmas MANY of singles found it just as hard as you. Take this time to appreciate what you do have. Don't try to make excuses for her in your mind either on how if you did something differently she would have still probably be with you. From what you've stated believe me this was bound to happen.
Author lanky00 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Its hard, what i did was tell myself im its ok too feel angry and hurt, and not expect anything else for a month or two. But think about this, they prob aint all happy with the sun shining, she will still think of you, and he will think does she still have feeling for you etc, what i did in the end too get rid of my anger, you no the blood boiling, is this, i worked out the best way too ever get my own back is by me, being happy and not being asked about her. Six months later, i still aint replaced her, and i still love her but i am doing ok, i wake up with a smile. Where in the UK are you from? Wise words Adi. Much appreciated, It's been wee while now and I'm good at No Contact so thats not a problem. I'm from Cheshire originally but now live in New Zealand. visiting family and friends and found out my ex is seeing this bloke only now so the timing is crap. But as long as she doesn't forget me totally and I have more good feedback and support I can live with that and move on even though you dobut yourself as a person at times.
Author lanky00 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Hey buddy, Welcome to this forum and well sorry that you are even here. Let me give you my two cents on your situation, yes? Your ex was trash. Well let me make it clearer, what she was is C.T. (Cheating Trash). Oh and don't beat yourself over the fact you were so trusting of her. Even if you weren't trusting she would have started thrown those you are "possessive, needy, jealous etc" words around. Would this have changed anything? No it wouldn't. A cheater is a cheater no matter how many lies they spew at you. She would have cheated oh you whether you trusted her or not (obviously). You seem strong also so thats a plus, you say you are handling well but it just got the better on you on Christmas and I hope you find some closure in this but this Christmas MANY of singles found it just as hard as you. Take this time to appreciate what you do have. Don't try to make excuses for her in your mind either on how if you did something differently she would have still probably be with you. From what you've stated believe me this was bound to happen. Blindrage. Thanks for your 2 cents worth (Around 1 penny where I'm from.) You make sense when you say this was bound to happen and in hindsight there were plenty of occasions that didn't stack up. I'm on board with the idea when I meet someone else that this will seem slightly insane. The long and short of it is I've been rocked to the core because someone did to me something I wouldn't concieve doing to someone else and this other man must have something that I don't. In the world of charles Darwin thats the survial of the fittest theory and my pride and integraty has taken a hit.. Once again I'm venting but thanks for your response means a lot. Cheers.
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