Vickstar Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Ive already posted this thread before but no one was answering so i really appreciate some advice cos i dont know much about relationships. Im 23 and my ex bf is 28, we were together for 9 months and i thought i had found the one! Im a late bloomer as he was my first bf, my first everything and was so happy to be with him, to finally have someone to love and have him love me back, we have so much in common and we laughed all the time. After a while things went a bit downhill, i had some problems with the bank and we couldnt go out as much as we used to and he got bored of staying in watching movies so he dumped me 3 months ago, i also think there were other reasons why he dumped me which he didnt mention but i feel that he didnt find me physically attractive anymore cos he lost interest in sex towards the end. I admit my faults and the money problem is all sorted now, but just cant believe after all ive done for him he dumps me, surely if someone loved you they would stick by you during the tough times, i always stuck by him when he was down. I treated him extremely well and i would say im different to alot of girls, im not clingy, i was never jealous of him talking to girls, i get on really well with his friends, i loved and cared for him, cooked for him, played ps3 with him, didnt mind watching his action films, never shouted at him when we had arguements (which was rarely) and i was very laid back. Im not saying i was the best girlfriend ever but i just dont get how someone stops loving you when you've been so good to them. I accept that hes gone and hes moved on, but do you think one day he will regret his descision? especially when i treated him so well He has spoken to me twice a week after the break asking how ive been and ive not begged him once to come back, then a few weeks ago he removed me as a friend on facebook and i havent done a single thing wrong. I thought he'd be my friend cos i was really nice to him and havent annoyed or spoken to him since the break. So any success stories of dumpers coming back when you thought you'd never hear from them again?
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 My ex blocked me on facebook as well, to be honest it's a blessing in disguise. The faster you disappear from his radar and the less you know about what he is doing the better. Don't worry about whether he's coming because no one can answer that only time will tell. Stop hoping for it, stop wishing for it just let him go for now. To be honest, I've had all my exes who dumped come back at least once and so have my friends, I stopped hoping for my most recent ex to come back because I have to move on like he did.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Often times they do come back and it doesn't matter who dumped who. Sometimes people have to dump someone not becaus they want to but because they have to. The one who screwed up is ALWAYS the one who wants to come back. So depending on who that was will more than likely determine who's going to make a move to do whatever. So like someone else said only time will tell, but idssapearing off the radar is the key to everything. Sometimes because of that they come back they begin to remeber all of the good things instead of the bad, but nonetheless in the meantime you will begin to stop wondering so much because you'll feel better by not talking to him
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Time range of 2 weeks to a year between mine and my friends. Mine always called when I least expected it. I hate telling people that they usually come back because sometimes they might not and I don't want to give people hope but usually if it's the first big break up the dumper has always come back.
ginastar Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 its ok, no false hope or anything, i wouldnt take him back, just want him to want to . anyway, i still feel like he will come back, cause yes this is the longest weve been apart since 8 years ago. and its been 4 months. maybe its me but can one really forget 8 years of memories. also, i just think the new girl is a downgrade. and he has done some weird things since being with her that I dont think he is head over heels for her. I wonder when he'll be back.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 A lot of times the dumpee comes back too depending on who screwed up, assuming it was them. It's happened to me twice and I've been in 3 LTRS. I'm sure the last will come back around. The time frame was a year to a year and a half. I will say though when they come back around they pretty much make it crystal clear as to what they want. It's not the mixed signals kind of thing you get months or weeks after the breakup either (where all of the games are played)
Author Vickstar Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Thinking about it now, i dont think he'll ever come back, i think he has too much pride, quite stubborn and wouldnt want to look weak in front of his friends but he's a big softy on the inside, also i think hes learnt how to walk away from relationships and move on. Im not 100% sure if i would take him back or not IF he did come back, but knowing that he regretted his descision would make me feel a bit happier cos this break up has made me feel more nagative about myself, making me think maybe i was the bad person, made me more negative about my appearance. But just knowing that he made a mistake would help me move on and be more confident in myself.
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Poorguy, you are right sometimes the dumpee does come back. I'm just assuming that the dumper left because they didn't want to deal with fighting or just feel the problems are too big to fix or claim to have fallen out of love with you.
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Vickstar, if he really wanted you back he would find a way to come back trust me. In time you won't care whether he regrets it or not. If it's true love then you can't walk away that easy regardless of his actions in the past, if he comes back just know that he can easily walk out again. Don't let him bring you down, I know it's hard but just remember someone will come along who won't ever make you feel that way about yourself.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 That's what has happened every time with me. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything like that though. For whatever reason I only seem to attract or be attracted to, or simply just end up in LTRS with girls almost ten years younger than me. So as it goes they at times I suppose haven't gotten out there like I did ten years ago to experience all the partying and what not (everyone has to do it). It just begins to create problems that I don't really want to deal with but after they figure out that that lifestyle doesn't realy go anywhere valueable-back to me they've come. I will say that in all 3 circumstances they all jumped head first into a new relationship right after the breakup (whenther they knew them beforehand or not-don't know)...Anyways when the new exciting cool douche wore off all of the sudden poorguy started to look really good. The key is I broke contact and got on with my life in the meantime (doesn't mean I didn't still love themn though) Just to clarify because I may have sounded like it-I'm not a boring sit around the house all day sort of guy (well some days yes lol)
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Lol, two of my exes jumped right into relationships too. Once they realized the grass isn't greener one of them came back, the jury is still out on the most recent one. It's been a month and half so who knows. Time is the only who knows all the answers to whether an ex will come back or not.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I love when I hear about someones ex jumping right into a whirlwind romance...LOVE IT!!..That is a 100% fail rate once the honeymoon part is over. I know they linger on together for a while after that but they die or far worse death than a LTR that fell apart..That's why they always come back around becaus ethey jump into a new amazing relationnship with a new amazing person, all their friend are soo excited for them, Facebook pics go up of their new found gift from god, then eventually Mother F-cking realty sets in after a good while and (this is the part I love) "Oh my what have I done? Can I come home now? lol
bl22 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I love when I hear about someones ex jumping right into a whirlwind romance...LOVE IT!!..That is a 100% fail rate once the honeymoon part is over. I know they linger on together for a while after that but they die or far worse death than a LTR that fell apart..That's why they always come back around becaus ethey jump into a new amazing relationnship with a new amazing person, all their friend are soo excited for them, Facebook pics go up of their new found gift from god, then eventually Mother F-cking realty sets in after a good while and (this is the part I love) "Oh my what have I done? Can I come home now? lol This has gotta be my fave post for a while. Hopefully that's how it will turn out with my ex!
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Hahahahaha yes my ex unblocked me and he knows that on my lunch break I check fb and right before I went to lunch I looked at his profile pic and it was his old and then about ten minutes later when I was on lunch it was pic of him and his new gf. They were spotted together two weeks after we broke up, we were together for a year and a half.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I just want to state I'm not one of those "get your ex back adviser guys". I'm just not. I broke up with my last GF in June and yes she got a new guy right away, yes I still miss her, yes I went NC, yes she got back in touch with me maybe Octoberish, yes it was only for attention, yes I responded, yes I shouldn't have, but it just didn't sting as bad at that point..I did catch on quickly that it was for attention so I have again gone NC and boy do I feel better then I did when I began talking to her again. So with that I shouldn't have catered to her but whatever I did for maybe a month...There is though without a doubt in my head that she will be back but make it very clear as to what she wants- whether at that point I do too who knows only time will tell Point is everyone gets so upset (me too) that they've moved on and FB their new life but that is all B_LLSH_T. It's so fake. I work with a guy that broke up with his girlfriend I think in April and this dumbass got engaged over Christmas to his new girl of 7 months. I know ...I can tell you from the outside looking in his ex is sooo much better than her. So of course he's FB'd everything about all the blah, blah and you know why? Because he isn't in love with her he's in love with his ex and he knows it hurts her. He likes the power..That's twisted but it's true and it's going to fall apart
Author Vickstar Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Another thing thats getting to me is the fact that he seems to be having so much fun with his mates at the moment, im still friends with his friends on facebook and we get on great, but everytime i see their status's saying they had such a laugh last night, blah blah blah! it just makes me feel like ****! im trying to get on with my life, going out with friends etc etc and it does help alot but at the back of my mind i still feel down about the whole break up and he seems to be getting on with his life, having a great time. I know its silly and i shouldnt let it get to me.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Just a suggestion for you-Get off facebook for a while. It's a terrible thing that brings out things in people who only have other motives in mind when putting their crap on there. I'm curious about everyone with a facebook? If you go out with friends and burn the town down and have an amazing night why do you have to put it online for other people you barley know to see?? Is it to look cool and be popular?? I just think it's so stupid
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Yes Poorguy is right I deleted my page for a few weeks and let me tell you it helped a lot. Also remember looks can be deceiving. You would never know I'm heartbroken if you looked at me but insides tell a different story. Honestly, Poorguy I never put my personal info on fb, I have however seen people do it to make a guy/girl jealous.
homebrew Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) I can understand why a chick would be into Facebook... but.... REAL MEN DO NOT FACEBOOK! Think about it... Facebook is like a VW Bug... It's a girls car. Guys don't drive them and if they do... You wouldn't want to be caught. John Wayne is a Man's Man... You think he would have a Facebook? Heck NO! I have NEVER met or heard of a women that was upset / unhappy that their BF / Husband didn't have a Facebook... In fact, they were all thrilled about it! Why? Because they and EVERYONE else knows the potential problems that can and most often do... arise from it. Facebook = Unnecessary drama / strain on your relationship... If it[isn't now... It is only a matter of time! NOTE: For all you Dumpees out there... You want your EX to miss you... Wonder what you are up too... You want to become a GHOST... If you have Facebook... That is impossible... There is no mystery as to what you are up too... Facebook is not good for you or your EX if you want them back... Think about it... Your EX finds themselves single in a year or so... Thinks about you... Goes on your Facebook and sees whatever it is they see... They come to their on conclusions based on what your Facebook says instead of you yourself telling them. Maybe they do not call because they think you are happy without them, maybe they do not call because they think you are enjoying the single life, maybe they do not call because they think you are seeing someone, etc. No chance for mystery, no chance for anticipation of seeing who and what you have become, no chance for the getting to know someone for the first time (all over again), no chance to get that "thrill" again, your Facebook will tell them all your cool stories and your adventures instead of you, etc. Edited December 28, 2010 by homebrew
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 True that!!!! F facebook. Let their stupid little world crumble on Facebook-not yours (and it will just give it some sweet time)...All that look at me everyone, look at me BS will end
bl22 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I can understand why a chick would be into Facebook... but.... REAL MEN DO NOT FACEBOOK! Think about it... Facebook is like a VW Bug... It's a girls car. Guys don't drive them and if they do... You wouldn't want to be caught. John Wayne is a Man's Man... You think he would have a Facebook? Heck NO! I have NEVER met or heard of a women that was upset / unhappy that their BF / Husband didn't have a Facebook... In fact, they were all thrilled about it! Why? Because they and EVERYONE else knows the potential problems that can and most often do... arise from it. Facebook = Unnecessary drama / strain on your relationship... If it[isn't now... It is only a matter of time! For all you Dumpees out there... You want your EX to miss you... Wonder what you are up too... You want to become a GHOST... If you have Facebook... That is impossible... There is no mystery as to what you are up too... Facebook is not good for you or your EX if you want them back... Think about it... Your EX finds themselves single in a year or so... Thinks about you... Goes on your Facebook and sees whatever it is they see... They come to their on conclusions based on what your Facebook says instead of you yourself telling them. No chance for mystery, no chance for anticipation of seeing who and what you have become, no chance for the getting to know someone for the first time (all over again), etc. Hey Homebrew Your advice on my thread where i stupidly checked her fb and became heartbroken has led me to delete fb completely. The first few days I had withdrawel symptoms here and there but I'm so glad its gone now. You say for them to miss us we have to become a ghost, which isnt possible if you are stil on facebook. Im not doubting what you say is true just wondering what are the pros of becoming a ghost in terms of the ex's eyes? Is it, they may miss us and they cant just get a 'fix' of us by spying on our facebook? They will go search for us, and we will be nowhere to be seen. Thats a good thing? Because they will then wonder?
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I do agree about fb being a way to find things out. Honestly, though I don't put any pictures or no one writes on my wall or I don't have any statuses right now because I'm trying to fall off his radar. Yes it causes a lot of drama and people use it as means to hurt their exes at times but I know just by looking at my page no one will have any idea what I'm doing. He's not my friend on fb nor can see my page.
homebrew Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Hey Homebrew Your advice on my thread where i stupidly checked her fb and became heartbroken has led me to delete fb completely. The first few days I had withdrawel symptoms here and there but I'm so glad its gone now. You say for them to miss us we have to become a ghost, which isnt possible if you are stil on facebook. Im not doubting what you say is true just wondering what are the pros of becoming a ghost in terms of the ex's eyes? Is it, they may miss us and they cant just get a 'fix' of us by spying on our facebook? They will go search for us, and we will be nowhere to be seen. Thats a good thing? Because they will then wonder? You are 100% correct! What do all of your friends, family and girlfriends do... STALK people on Facebook! Most if not all of them do not talk or speak with the people they stalk because they find out everything they want to know. No reason to talk... Me and all of MANfriends (remember Men do not Facebook) have been contacted by all of our Long Term EXes that we have dated over the last 20 years or so... (Even the ones that got Married!) Why? Because we do not have Facebook... and they wanted to see how we were doing, what became of us and catch up (possible date us again). Exes have contacted us via email, called us but most contacted our parents or family members (by phone or through Facebook) to get our contact information. It seems like once a month... me and my MANfriends are having this conversation... "You will never believe who I heard from the other day..." DON'T LET FACEBOOK TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU!
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