My Boyfriend gave me flowers for Xmas!

[Art_Critic]

Where's the OP anyway?

 

I was wondering the same thing ....

[BobSacamento]

Oh brother...2 posts to her name...

[alexlakeman]

So you are a spoiled brat and expected more. Ok

[NoLongerSad]

I have just mentioned this thread to my husband. As a mature, stable adult, his response was:

• at 4 months, you should not need a list of gift ideas from your girlfriend. At that early stage, buying for each other should be relatively easy (we've been together way longer than that so he does appreciate some guidance now )
  
• a bunch of flowers for your girlfriend is a cr%p Christmas present
  
• that the mother got the same gift, makes it much, much worse.
  
• It's a total cop out, showing lack of thought and effort (not just in choosing a gift for the girlfriend but also for his mother)
  

 

 

All you've proven by your comments is that your husband is smart enough to know when to not disagree with your opinion, when the outcome of the debate makes absolutely no difference to him.

 

If I talked to your husband, privately, I'd probably get a completely different point of view.

[NoLongerSad]

Among other things, he baked a cake with a recipe he invented himself, if it matters that much to you. I don't see why it should, considering the fact that EVEN if he had gotten me the gift that the OP's bf got her, I would have just said, as I advised the OP, quote myself, "Huh? Ah, well. No big deal."

 

Well then I guess OP's bf should have had the sense enough to get her the traditional Christmas cake, i.e., a fruitcake, although it is fruitcake (not flowers) which is the notorious perennial Christmas gift which no one except a very few seem to want.

 

Fruitcake is the "joke" Christmas gift. Had OP's bf given her a fruitcake, and his mom the exact same fruitcake, then I can understand the point.

 

By the way, since it was your birthday, baking you a birthday cake is nice, but it is nothing particularly special or out of the ordinary. Did he actually purchase you a gift (which is what I thought we were discussing), or he just made you a birthday cake?

 

It really doesn't matter since I did not get the impression that OP was looking for her bf to have made her a home baked cake for Christmas. Somehow I don't think that would have settled the issue.

 

The person I quoted said 'flattered'. I said nobody else would be 'flattered'. Thank you for proving my point.

 

If I did it was entirely accidental since I'm not sure what your point is.

 

 

 

me what Obama's planning to do right about now?

I'm sure you're quite the mind reader. Mind telling

 

I'm not sure what Obama is doing right now. Maybe baking a cake for Michelle?

 

 

No, it would be to accept that we don't always get precisely what we want in life and that one's SO cannot be perfect, allow herself some disappointment, and move on.

 

Well I see what the problem here is. You're missing the fundamental point which is there is absolutely nothing for OP to be disappointed about in the first place. At least not because her bf gave her flowers for Christmas, a perfectly fine gift.

 

 

 

I don't think you have a clue about whether or not I have a clue.

 

Evidently your SO didn't actually get you a birthday present. He baked you a cake. That's fine, but why would you criticize OP's bf for getting her flowers on Christmas, a holiday you don't even celebrate?

 

The person who said 'mature, stable men such as myself and...', maybe?

 

Have another slice of cake.

[Feelin Frisky]

I have just mentioned this thread to my husband. As a mature, stable adult, his response was:

• at 4 months, you should not need a list of gift ideas from your girlfriend. At that early stage, buying for each other should be relatively easy (we've been together way longer than that so he does appreciate some guidance now )
  
• a bunch of flowers for your girlfriend is a cr%p Christmas present
  
• that the mother got the same gift, makes it much, much worse.
  
• It's a total cop out, showing lack of thought and effort (not just in choosing a gift for the girlfriend but also for his mother)
  

 

 

This. ^

 

Exactly and to the letter.

[Seamless74]

Agreed ^^ 4 months plenty of time, and its never even crossed my mind to buy flowers for someone for christmas I didnt even know people did that...

[wuggle]

All you've proven by your comments is that your husband is smart enough to know when to not disagree with your opinion

 

That is crass and rubbish. As her husband I can state quite honestly and openly that I disagree with her a lot of the time.

 

...when the outcome of the debate makes absolutely no difference to him.

 

As an internet forum I think this is nonsense as well, the outcome of many of these threads makes little difference to most posters, occasionaly, though they do, that's why many of us love the place.

 

If I talked to your husband, privately, I'd probably get a completely different point of view.

 

No, I stand by those posted comments entirely, but feel free to PM me if you wish...

[zengirl]

Tell him how you really feel ("you didn't spend enough money on my gift") so he can get rid of you quickly rather than waste any more time in a relationship with you. You sound like the type of woman who is prone to carry imaginary resentments like this into a developing relationship so you never have to commit, and can use them as an excuse for bad behavior down the road when you feel you have found a better option and need a face-saving exit strategy.

 

What does money have to do with it? Take the gift of flowers, for example, there are thoughtful and less thoughtful versions.

 

Thoughtful: The BF gets her favorite flowers (even if they're $5 from the side of the road!) and makes her a card to go with them. Cost? Maybe $10.

 

Not Thoughtful: The BF figures he must get something, so he buys the most-purchased bouquet at 1800Flowers.com and while he's there, he can't buy gifts for his mom either, so he grabs one for her.

 

In my family we do write Christmas lists, so I can see why he'd ask her what she wanted. And I did give my boyfriend some hints. Though if I'd known exactly what he was getting me, I'd be bummed. My boyfriend happened to spend some money (not crazy, but about $100 likely) on the Christmas gift, but he's bought me gifts for other occasions that were less than $5 and very thoughtful because they reflected something about me.

 

I'm guessing that the OP doesn't care about money so much as she wants to feel listened to, known, and considered. Money is perhaps the biggest "cop out" way to do that---and a lot of girls will give you a pass if you spend a lot of money (I don't, but I get the logic, "Well, at least he sacrificed the money if he couldn't be bothered to sacrifice the thought"), true----but that doesn't seem to play in that much here.

 

I am known for giving excellent Christmas gifts----helped the BF out this year----and I don't tend to break the bank.

 

What a princess.

 

Yea of course Christmas is equal to a BIRTHDAY!

 

I usually spend more---and more thought/time too---on an SO's Christmas gift than for birthdays, but maybe that's just been my tradition. For birthdays, I tend to make a cake and get a small gift, and I don't expect big gifts myself. So, it really depends on the people, what they do up more---some people do more for anniversaries, some for birthdays, some for holidays.

 

He's a boob. Give it up. Most modest people say they don't "need" anything in such situations. This came up fresh in conversation I'm sure so the OP just fielded the question modestly and didn't ponder over it. I can't see people blaming her as if her words should be taken literally to the letter. The guy just "phoned in" a get-me-off-the-hook minimum effort one-size-fits-all "gift" which is even less effort than a Walmart $50 gift card which he'd have to go out an buy. And the dude greased his mother with the same clump of flora to shut her up too. He either fooled himself that this was a thoughtful gift or deluded himself that everyone was too stupid to put two and two together that he's a putz.

 

This is really the issue.

 

No, not "flattered," because as I said, mature stable men don't give and receive gifts the same way that immature young women do, for the most part. Men look at gifts as to whether it is something functional and useful. If I needed a tie, I would be happy with it, and I wouldn't care if ten other people got the exact same tie. All I would care about is if I liked the one I got.

 

This is not really true. Men might not be as inclined to read into a bad/thoughtless gift, but they certainly do appreciate truly thoughtful gifts more. At least plenty of the men I know!

[Els]

Well then I guess OP's bf should have had the sense enough to get her the traditional Christmas cake, i.e., a fruitcake, although it is fruitcake (not flowers) which is the notorious perennial Christmas gift which no one except a very few seem to want.

 

Fruitcake is the "joke" Christmas gift. Had OP's bf given her a fruitcake, and his mom the exact same fruitcake, then I can understand the point.

 

By the way, since it was your birthday, baking you a birthday cake is nice, but it is nothing particularly special or out of the ordinary. Did he actually purchase you a gift (which is what I thought we were discussing), or he just made you a birthday cake?

 

It really doesn't matter since I did not get the impression that OP was looking for her bf to have made her a home baked cake for Christmas. Somehow I don't think that would have settled the issue.

 

Indeed it really doesn't matter. But you asked like 5 times, so I took pity on you and answered. Yes, there were other things purchased. But to you, anything 'purchased' is not 'unique' because it's store manufactured, so why should I bother mentioning it? Even if I'd said 'He bought me a collectors Beatles set with the exact poster I wanted' or something, your reply would probably be 'Ha! I found out that there was this other identical set on sale on eBay the other day! See, it wasn't unique!'. Any answer would have been wrong to you in your relentless quest to prove to everyone that no gift is technically 'unique', except maybe presenting to her the original Mona Lisa.

 

Well, guess what? Most of us who mention 'unique' here, simply mean 'Just not the same gift you get your mom for the same damn occasion'. I'm pretty sure NO woman here particularly wants their bf to buy them something that noone else in the world has. Again, you're just exaggerating in your attempt to demonize the answers here.

 

You sure claim to know exactly what the OP wants, eh?

 

If I did it was entirely accidental since I'm not sure what your point is.

 

My post was that noone else would be 'flattered' by it. You replied with the fact that I was wrong for thinking it was strange. You then later agreed that you yourself wouldn't be 'flattered'. C'mon now, is reading really THAT hard?

 

Well I see what the problem here is. You're missing the fundamental point which is there is absolutely nothing for OP to be disappointed about in the first place. At least not because her bf gave her flowers for Christmas, a perfectly fine gift.

 

I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry at your absolute inability to perceive ANYONE's opinion as yours other than valid. The OP does not consider receiving the same bouquet as her bf's mom a nice Xmas gift. Evidently, many posters here, both male and female, think the same. You do not. Individual variation. You consider part of my birthday gift to be blase. I consider it a wonderful effort that was tweaked exactly to my taste. Should I accuse you of being emotionally immature, unappreciative, and insecure for not seeing the same worth in my gift as I did?

[Els]

He is perfect in every way, but she considers kicking him to the curb for one little shortcoming. Pffft ,,,

 

You ASSumers need to start quoting stuff. Go on. Where did she or anyone say that?

 

If she had, I would have agreed with you.

[Mad Max]

All I'm going to say is if you were my girlfriend, you'd be dumped on the spot. He must feel like sh*t.

[Els]

I am still wondering how you guys interpreted the OP's 'I don't like my gift, I think it didn't show effort' as 'I threw a huge fuss about it to my bf and made him feel like crap, I am considering dumping him, and what I really wanted was expensive jewellery.' Seriously. I don't claim to know the OP and those accusations may possibly be true.. but what even made you think of them?! Is there some invisible print on the opening post that's only visible to a select few people or am I really getting blind that fast?

[Art_Critic]

All I'm going to say is if you were my girlfriend, you'd be dumped on the spot. He must feel like sh*t.

He feels fine.. she never said anything negative to him as far as she posted..

 

By the way...

To quote yourself from your own signature line...

 

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior

 

That is what this whole thread is about.. his past behavior is the best predictor of his future behavior..

[beachgirll2011]

I would be just as upset. If a guy has to ask what you want instead of surprising you it shows he is just lazy and not good enough for you. No girl is going to tell a guy what to get her...that is tactless and you did the right thing. For him to even put you in that position of asking what you wanted sux. And then to just get you flowers???? I would be pissed and seriousely would move on. Even if he didn't know what to get you anyone could have done better than a $20 bunch of flowers. Move on.

[NoLongerSad]

That is crass and rubbish. As her husband I can state quite honestly and openly that I disagree with her a lot of the time.

 

What is your basis for judging what is and is not an appropriate gift in someone else's relationship? Other than to agree with your wife? Further, why is it that you believe someone who has only known a woman for four months should be able to guess correctly what she wants for a gift, yet, as your wife has stated, you need her to tell you what to buy her, even though you have a much more established relationship?

 

That's so completely illogical that it doesn't make any sense.

 

Why does your wife need to tell you what to buy for her for her gifts, and why would you claim that you think someone who has only known a woman for four months would know better than you apparently don't?

 

 

As an internet forum I think this is nonsense as well, the outcome of many of these threads makes little difference to most posters, occasionaly, though they do, that's why many of us love the place.

 

 

You're entitled to your opinions, but as noted, unless you are willing to explain your reasoning for thinking that OP's bf should have a higher level of understanding of what to get her for a gift than you do your own wife, your opinions really aren't meaningful ones.

 

 

No, I stand by those posted comments entirely, but feel free to PM me if you wish...

 

But they weren't your comments, they were your wife's, who presumed to speak for you.

 

But now I am asking you, not in a PM, which is pointless, to explain why it is that your wife feels the need to "direct" or "instruct" you as to what gifts you need to be getting her; yet you seem to believe the OP's bf is not entitled to a similar amount of "direction."

 

Right now I am trying to get you to put your "man pants" back on, not just say anything you think you need to, to keep peace with the wife.

 

Explain your reasoning, if you can.

[Art_Critic]

I wonder why the OP hasn't been back yet.. hummmmmm

[NoLongerSad]

I would be just as upset. If a guy has to ask what you want instead of surprising you it shows he is just lazy and not good enough for you. No girl is going to tell a guy what to get her...that is tactless and you did the right thing. For him to even put you in that position of asking what you wanted sux. And then to just get you flowers???? I would be pissed and seriousely would move on. Even if he didn't know what to get you anyone could have done better than a $20 bunch of flowers. Move on.

 

 

Thank you beachgirl, your post is perfectly timed.

 

Wuggle, please explain to beachgirl and the rest of us why it is that your wife shouldn't "move on" because you need to get her advice as to what gifts you should buy her.

 

You don't need to PM me either, please explain it to the general public. Thanks.

[Mad Max]

I would be just as upset. If a guy has to ask what you want instead of surprising you it shows he is just lazy and not good enough for you. No girl is going to tell a guy what to get her...that is tactless and you did the right thing. For him to even put you in that position of asking what you wanted sux. And then to just get you flowers???? I would be pissed and seriousely would move on. Even if he didn't know what to get you anyone could have done better than a $20 bunch of flowers. Move on.

 

 

The only tactless part was the princessy behavior of the OP's girlfriend. Men are not mind readers.

[january2010]

I wonder why the OP hasn't been back yet.. hummmmmm

 

Perhaps she got scared and ran away because she hadn't anticipated that one little vent about her boyfriend's faux pas would turn into such a monstrosity of a thread?

[NoLongerSad]

I wonder why the OP hasn't been back yet.. hummmmmm

 

 

Most likely she is reading the thread/lurking and doesn't want to admit she was expecting to get a nice piece of jewelry, or something of similar magnitude, because she doesn't want to be perceived as greedy.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting jewelry, I think it's a perfectly fine gift, but it's unfair of her to blame her bf for not saying it when he asked.

 

People want to have it both ways a lot of the time. They want to get "stuff" yet they don't want to be perceived as wanting the "stuff." There's nothing wrong with wanting "stuff."

 

I don't believe she wanted a home made cake; I don't believe she wanted a vintage map; I don't believe she wanted an album set of her favorite band; I don't believe she wanted a non-allergenic sweater. All of these sorts of very "personal" items, if she wanted them, would have been mentioned in her OP.

 

I seriously do not understand why people think flowers are an inappropriate Christmas gift. To me, giving flowers to a woman is the same as telling her that you love her. I'm not really sure what more is required?

[wuggle]

What is your basis for judging what is and is not an appropriate gift in someone else's relationship?

 

My basis, is the same as for most sensible people replying to this thread, my experience.

 

Other than to agree with your wife?

 

I have already stated that this often does not happen, so your embarressed attempt to try to imply that I have to agree with my wife just makes you look silly. Please keep in adult.

 

 

Further, why is it that you believe someone who has only known a woman for four months should be able to guess correctly what she wants for a gift,

 

I never stated that, neither did my wife, either from her own thoughts or repeating those comments I had made to her. I do however believe that most adults would be able to buy a present for their girlfriend, spouse etc etc much more appropriate than that which he did. I am confident that I could go out now and buy 5 - 10 unique presents much nicer than a bunch of flowers for a girl I didn't even know, let alone someone I have known for 4 months.

 

yet, as your wife has stated, you need her to tell you what to buy her, even though you have a much more established relationship?

 

I don't NEED my wife to tell me anything (again, I realise you are embarrased but please keep it adult and non-confrontational). After 15 years of marriage it does get harder to decide what to buy your spouse, not because you do not know what she likes but mostly because you have already bought her almost all the unique gifts she would have liked over the previous 15 years, If you add up all the presents I have bought her over that period, that is a lot of fine, well received gifts. This is NOT the case with the OP.

 

You're entitled to your opinions

 

Thanks, very gracious of you

 

 

but as noted, unless you are willing to explain your reasoning for thinking that OP's bf should have a higher level of understanding of what to get her for a gift than you do your own wife,

 

Please see above for my explanation, but to summarise for those who might need it , I don't think I know better than the OPs bf, my contention is that it is quite easy to buy good unique gifts earlier on in a relationship than many years into one.

 

your opinions really aren't meaningful ones.

 

And they are less meaningful than yours because ??

 

But they weren't your comments, they were your wife's, who presumed to speak for you.

 

I have no problems with my wife repateing my comments or occasionally speaking for me, that seems healthy to me.

 

But now I am asking you, not in a PM, which is pointless, to explain why it is that your wife feels the need to "direct" or "instruct" you as to what gifts you need to be getting her; yet you seem to believe the OP's bf is not entitled to a similar amount of "direction."

 

I invited the PM route as I had a feeling (based on the fact that you tore into another poster who disagreed with you) that you would be quite agressive in your response and did not believe this to be helpful to the thread or OP.

 

Right now I am trying to get you to put your "man pants" back on, not just say anything you think you need to, to keep peace with the wife.

 

Again, I realise you look stupid, but please try to keep this adult. I feel no need to justify my masculinity to you, that is not helpful. Please keep it civil.

[anne1707]

Thank you beachgirl, your post is perfectly timed.

 

Wuggle, please explain to beachgirl and the rest of us why it is that your wife shouldn't "move on" because you need to get her advice as to what gifts you should buy her.

 

You don't need to PM me either, please explain it to the general public. Thanks.

 

As Mrs Wuggle then....

 

After over 15 years together, there is an element of struggling at times for what to buy each other. After all, we are in a position to go out and buy what we want when we want. In addition because of the time together, we have done all the more "standard" gift ideas such as watches, etc

 

In the first few years, my husband, i.e. Wuggle, had plenty of ideas of his own of what to give me and he certainly had no problem at all when we had only been together for one month when it was my birthday, let alone 4 months.

 

As it is, this Christmas, I did give my husband a few ideas (as requested by him) because he wanted so much to get me something I would love. But out of all the presents he got me, only one was as suggested by me. Everything else was of his own choice and all very much loved and appreciated. At the end of the day, he wanted to make an effort and surprise me because he cares about us.

 

Did I mind giving him some ideas? Not at all.

 

Did I mind that he did not get me everything I suggested? Not at all.

 

Should I "move on"? I have nothing to "move on" from. I am perfectly happy where I am thank you.

[NoLongerSad]

What does money have to do with it?

 

Read the OP. The Op clearly made a comparison between her bf's gift of flowers, to the pricey birthday dinner and gift she'd bought for her bf. If money has nothing to do with it, then why didn't she say what extremely inexpensive sort of gift she would have found to be satisfactory?

 

 

 

Take the gift of flowers, for example, there are thoughtful and less thoughtful versions.

 

Thoughtful: The BF gets her favorite flowers (even if they're $5 from the side of the road!) and makes her a card to go with them. Cost? Maybe $10.

 

The OP didn't say she would have been satisfied with an inexpensive gift, flowers or anything else. Where are you drawing that inference from? If she hadn't wanted him to spend too much on her, she would have told him that when he asked her what sort of gift to buy her: "Oh buy me anything but don't spend a lot of money!" Evidently she didn't tell him not to spend a lot of money. On the contrary she spent a lot of money on him and his mom for his birthday and was obviously expectant of some reasonable level of reciprocation, but the problem is she didn't tell him that.

 

 

Not Thoughtful: The BF figures he must get something, so he buys the most-purchased bouquet at 1800Flowers.com and while he's there, he can't buy gifts for his mom either, so he grabs one for her.

 

Again you are making the arbitrary assumption that flowers are somehow not a legitimate Christmas gift for a woman, or two women. Or that buying the same flowers for one's gf and one's mother is some sort of horrible breach of etiquette.

 

Since there is no legitimate basis for either assumption, what we are really talking about is that many women, when in a relationship with a "nice guy," believe that nothing he does is good enough, and have an overwhelming sense of entitlement.

 

Why are flowers not an acceptable gift? You just said even a five or ten dollar bouquet is fine. Why is giving the same gift to a gf and one's mom unacceptable? If my wife gave me the same socket wrench set that she gave to her father for Christmas, why would I be offended by that? All she would be saying is that she holds us in equal esteem, she is not playing favorites, she is not holding her father above her husband, or vice versa (not that it's really an issue, we all get along fine).

 

I understand that many women at least on this thread seem to have these feelings but no one has explained where they are coming from other than a sense of entitlement.

 

Of course I am assuming we are all adults, not children. As an adult, I can basically already buy any material object or gift that anyone would get me as a gift. I don't need gifts. I can buy whatever I need, certainly on the level of these kinds of trinkets that we are talking about. If someone wants to get me something, great. I try to appreciate it. If it's something I didn't really want I don't go around feeling cheated. That's because I'm an adult, not a small child who believes in Santa Claus.

 

 

In my family we do write Christmas lists, so I can see why he'd ask her what she wanted.

 

...and this should be the end of the discussion. But of course it's not--you have to stick up for the OP because she's a woman with whom you identify. Even though the way you actually behave with respect to gift giving is rational, and is unlike the way OP behaved in this case.

 

 

 

And I did give my boyfriend some hints.

 

Of course. That's the whole point. Without giving him hints, you would have no reasonable expectation that he would be able to read your mind. You could hope, but you couldn't count on it. Yet not only the OP, but a number of men and women are arguing to the contrary.

 

 

Though if I'd known exactly what he was getting me, I'd be bummed. My boyfriend happened to spend some money (not crazy, but about $100 likely) on the Christmas gift, but he's bought me gifts for other occasions that were less than $5 and very thoughtful because they reflected something about me.

 

It doesn't really matter what he bought you since you're satisfied with it. Which is as it should be.

 

 

I'm guessing that the OP doesn't care about money so much as she wants to feel listened to, known, and considered. Money is perhaps the biggest "cop out" way to do that---and a lot of girls will give you a pass if you spend a lot of money (I don't, but I get the logic, "Well, at least he sacrificed the money if he couldn't be bothered to sacrifice the thought"), true----but that doesn't seem to play in that much here.

 

If she doesn't care about money then she would have said that. Also she would have told her bf not to spend a lot of money on her, but she didn't do that either.

 

Remember she had stated her bf is perfect in every way except he got her flowers for Christmas. If this is the worst thing she has to complain about she has no complaints at all.

 

I mean the irony of the thread title is amazing. "MY Bf GOT ME FLOWERS FOR CHRISTMAS." OMG. Not: "My bf cheated on me on Christmas" or my "bf beat me up on Christmas". Nope, her horrible bf got her flowers. What a terrible terrible man he must be.

 

I am known for giving excellent Christmas gifts----helped the BF out this year----and I don't tend to break the bank.

 

I am sure you give what you can.

 

 

I usually spend more---and more thought/time too---on an SO's Christmas gift than for birthdays, but maybe that's just been my tradition. For birthdays, I tend to make a cake and get a small gift, and I don't expect big gifts myself. So, it really depends on the people, what they do up more---some people do more for anniversaries, some for birthdays, some for holidays.

 

No one questioned your gift-giving, don't be so defensive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is not really true. Men might not be as inclined to read into a bad/thoughtless gift, but they certainly do appreciate truly thoughtful gifts more. At least plenty of the men I know!

 

 

Flowers = thoughtless. LOL.

[Art_Critic]

I seriously do not understand why people think flowers are an inappropriate Christmas gift. To me, giving flowers to a woman is the same as telling her that you love her. I'm not really sure what more is required?

 

Then why won't a simple "I Love You" work for all Christmas gifts everywhere

I'd be upset if all my wife did Christmas morning was give me a kiss and say "Merry X-mas"..

I want socks dammit and some new shoes and a few new tools..

 

Have you given a woman flowers for Christmas Too Sad ?