My Boyfriend gave me flowers for Xmas!

[NoLongerSad]

I am sure that the OP would have preferred a handmade card to the bouquet that was the same as his mother's. Bouquets are nowhere NEAR cheap (unless of course FF's idea was true.. ).

 

Since the OP never said she just wanted a birthday card, there's nothing for you to be so sure about. The only POSSIBLE gift she could be thinking about is bling of some kind, and she doesn't want to be honest about that because it would make her sound greedy.

 

 

I hope someday you post about your woman getting you a tie that you see her brother wearing the very next day, so I can quote your post back to you.

Mature, stable adult men such as myself and my wife's brother don't think about gift-giving and receiving in remotely the same way as emotionally immature, selfish young women, so there'd be nothing for you to quote back to me.

[Els]

I'm sure buying your mother and gf the exact same gift is the perfect definition of maturity and stability, NLS. While you're at it, why not give the next door neighbour, granny, high school friend and ex the same gift too? Buy 3 get 2 free!

 

Since the OP did not say anything about bling, there's nothing for you to be so sure about either, eh? From her post, I get the vibe that she is just annoyed about how generic the gift was. For someone so concerned about people making mountains out of molehills, you sure are doing a lot of gross extrapolation yourself.

[NoLongerSad]

You are strange. I don't know a single person, male or female, who would be thrilled by receiving the exact same copy of a gift that their SO gave a family member. Most would probably just go "Huh?! Ah, well..." and get on with their R, but noone would be flattered.

 

So then tell us about what you got for Christmas. Are you saying your significant other hand-made the present(s) that he got for you? He made you furniture or something?

 

Most people buy their gifts at a store of some kind, which means almost every gift given and received is typically mass produced. You're demonstrating a very "strange" sort of compartmentalization by telling yourself that you got a "unique" gift just because the person who gave it to you didn't give the same gift to anyone else. You didn't get a "unique" gift--you got the exact same scarf from Macy's or book from Amazon or lingerie from VS that fifty thousand other women received.

 

Please tell us--since you accused someone else of being "strange"--what truly "unique" gifts did YOU received this past Christmas, and from who? If it was bought in a store or on line, I seriously doubt if there's anything unique about it, and if your SO is a typical male, I seriously doubt he put more than three minutes thought into it. The primary consideration would have been trying to figure out what wouldn't piss you off, since that's all every man is really concerned about when buying a gift for his SO. "What is she going to find to complain about this gift and what can I do to try to avoid it?"

 

Selfish, entitled, greedy, jealous. Ugh.

 

Then you wonder why so many men are so often cynical about the typical woman in our society. Get get get get. It's all about what you get.

 

Women are crazily obsessed with materialism (not just gift giving) during the holidays, much more so than men.

 

 

 

FWIW, I agree that it isn't a huge deal. But I don't see anything wrong with her voicing her disappointment here.

 

She can voice whatever she wants to, the point is, if she doesn't feel like she can complain to her bf, that means she knows darn well she is being unreasonable.

[Feelin Frisky]

He's a boob. Give it up. Most modest people say they don't "need" anything in such situations. This came up fresh in conversation I'm sure so the OP just fielded the question modestly and didn't ponder over it. I can't see people blaming her as if her words should be taken literally to the letter. The guy just "phoned in" a get-me-off-the-hook minimum effort one-size-fits-all "gift" which is even less effort than a Walmart $50 gift card which he'd have to go out an buy. And the dude greased his mother with the same clump of flora to shut her up too. He either fooled himself that this was a thoughtful gift or deluded himself that everyone was too stupid to put two and two together that he's a putz.

[NoLongerSad]

I'm sure buying your mother and gf the exact same gift is the perfect definition of maturity and stability, NLS.

 

What is that snotty remark supposed to signify? Suppose the OP's bf decided to buy both his mother and the OP an all expense vacation to Hawaii? Would you find reason to be critical because it was the same gift?

 

Look, if you measure your relationships through what gifts you get on holidays, then IMO that's a pretty shallow basis for a meaningful relationship. Hope you have a good relationship with your own mom, though. I do mine, and OP's bf with his.

 

 

While you're at it, why not give the next door neighbour, granny, high school friend and ex the same gift too? Buy 3 get 2 free!

 

What if the gift was five thousand dollars cash? Would that not be adequate? You're not unique honey. Answer my question: What did you get for the holidays and how much thought did your SO put into it?

 

If my wife ever gave me any crap over this kind of nonsense she would get nothing. I feel sorry for your man Elswyth, I really do.

 

 

Since the OP did not say anything about bling, there's nothing for you to be so sure about either, eh?

 

What did you get for Christmas from your SO? Assuming you have an SO that is. Did you complain about it?

 

From her post, I get the vibe that she is just annoyed about how generic the gift was. For someone so concerned about people making mountains out of molehills, you sure are doing a lot of gross extrapolation yourself.

 

What did you get?

[Els]

SO and I don't celebrate Christmas. End of story.

 

We do celebrate birthdays. Yes, all of the gifts he gave me for those were unique, as were those I gave him. None were the sort of gift you would give everyone else.

 

Wait, so you would be flattered if your SO gave you the exact same gift as she did your dad? Not just 'okay, cool', but flattered? Mmkay, whatever you say...

 

So someone posting a rant here instead of taking it out on their SO is necessarily doing so because he/she knows they're being unreasonable? Sensitivity, consideration for the other person's feelings, picking one's battles, has nothing to do with it, I suppose?

 

Let me clue you in on something, NLS: Mature, stable men do not make wild, extrapolated assumptions over one piece of information and pass judgement without even bothering to clarify with the other party. Nor do they feel the need to tout their own horns as 'mature and stable', but rather use rational, respectful speech to demonstrate what they are.

 

You, my dear, are about as 'mature and stable' as a person claiming to be 'the most modest person in the world'.

[Els]

Who again is asking the OP to measure the worth of her R through the gifts she gets, or saying that they do? Are you unfamiliar with the phrase 'not a big deal' that was used multiple times? Does it perhaps mean 'be critical, measure your relationship with it and go berserk on your bf because of it' to you?

[NoLongerSad]

He's a boob.

 

If he's a boob it's not because he gave the OP flowers, although that is a "nice guy" indicator, and as we all know, women don't respect "nice guys" for any number of reasons.

 

 

 

Give it up. Most modest people say they don't "need" anything in such situations.

 

Mature emotionally healthy people know how to communicate their needs when asked. If a person can't do something as simple as give reasonable hints about gift ideas, and then hold that failure against their partner, they have some serious issues which go far beyond not liking the gift.

 

It has nothing to do with "modesty." "Modest" would be doing what OP did in not giving a hint, and then being happy and satisfied with the flowers. Since she's resentful, not happy and satisfied, then she wasn't being "modest" at all. She was "playing games."

 

This came up fresh in conversation I'm sure so the OP just fielded the question modestly and didn't ponder over it. I can't see people blaming her as if her words should be taken literally to the letter.

 

She's the one who's blaming her bf for getting the wrong gift, but she doesn't even know what she wanted. That's not fair. So obviously the OP can be blamed for being unfair to her bf. It has nothing to do with taking her words literally. The bf did the best he could with the lack of information she provided to him. He got her something "safe."

 

 

The guy just "phoned in" a get-me-off-the-hook minimum effort one-size-fits-all "gift" which is even less effort than a Walmart $50 gift card which he'd have to go out an buy.

 

It's a gift. She's not entitled to a gift of any particular nature. If she doesn't appreciate his gift, she should find another boyfriend. This kind of complaining shows a total lack of class on her part.

 

Unless you hand crafted the gifts you bought on Xmas, then everything you bought was similarly off the shelf. By the way Walmart giftcards can be ordered on line too.

 

 

And the dude greased his mother with the same clump of flora to shut her up too. He either fooled himself that this was a thoughtful gift or deluded himself that everyone was too stupid to put two and two together that he's a putz.

 

What did you get your mother for xmas, Frisky?

[Els]

If she doesn't appreciate his gift, she should find another boyfriend. This kind of complaining shows a total lack of class on her part.

 

Oh hell yeah. Instead of just being a little disappointed secretly and venting on an anonymous forum, she should dump her bf because of it. So very classy. Talk about overreacting...

[NoLongerSad]

Who again is asking the OP to measure the worth of her R through the gifts she gets, or saying that they do?

 

Not me. You are, though. As is the OP herself, obviously--or else she wouldn't have posted in the first place.

 

You haven't answered my question Elswyth. What did your SO buy you, or make you, for Christmas? For that matter, what did you get for him? Speak before you continue to criticize the OP's bf any further for his gifting failures.

 

Are you unfamiliar with the phrase 'not a big deal' that was used multiple times? Does it perhaps mean 'be critical, measure your relationship with it and go berserk on your bf because of it' to you?

 

You are being critical of the OP's bf, you're denigrating the appropriateness and thoughtfulness of his gifting. Now that you've been called out on the ridiculousness of that, you're trying to back off, now claiming not to be supporting the OP.

 

Now tell me what you and your SO, if you have one, exchanged for Christmas. If you're unwilling to divulge, stop being critical of OP's bf.

[NoLongerSad]

Oh hell yeah. Instead of just being a little disappointed secretly and venting on an anonymous forum, she should dump her bf because of it. So very classy. Talk about overreacting...

 

 

LOL, your SO didn't get you anything for Christmas, did he?

[Els]

Sigh. Since you seem evidently incapable of reading, allow me to faciliate things for you.

 

SO and I don't celebrate Christmas. End of story.

 

We do celebrate birthdays. Yes, all of the gifts he gave me for those were unique, as were those I gave him. None were the sort of gift you would give everyone else.

 

FWIW, I agree that it isn't a huge deal. But I don't see anything wrong with her voicing her disappointment here.

 

Meh, not very nice of him but it isn't that big a deal IMO. Just accept it as a shortcoming on one account and enjoy the rest of the R, unless more occasions of thoughtlessness show themselves. People need to stop sweating the small stuff. You don't need to pretend to be all excited about a gift you don't like, but don't make him feel bad for it either.

[Els]

Actually, you know - I wonder why I'm wasting my time with you. I just realized that no matter what I say, you will seek a way to twist my opinion of 'It's okay to be disappointed over a gift that's not very nice, just don't make a big deal out of it' into the materialistic demands of a jealous, insecure, crazy, immature person who measures the worth of a relationship by the gifts given (too lazy to quote, you know they were written ).

 

So, you have fun. Sleep beckons.

[NoLongerSad]

SO and I don't celebrate Christmas. End of story.

 

So then you are hardly qualified to be criticizing anyone else's gifting choices on Christmas, are you?

 

For all you know, getting a four month gf flowers could be considered a perfectly appropriate Christmas gift.

 

 

 

We do celebrate birthdays. Yes, all of the gifts he gave me for those were unique, as were those I gave him. None were the sort of gift you would give everyone else.

 

Nice evasion. First, you didn't specify any of these unique gifts. Second, "unique" doesn't mean you don't give it to "everyone else." It means you don't give it to "ANYONE else." If it was bought in a store, or online, it's unlikely to have been truly "unique"/one of a kind.

 

 

Wait, so you would be flattered if your SO gave you the exact same gift as she did your dad? Not just 'okay, cool', but flattered? Mmkay, whatever you say...

 

No, not "flattered," because as I said, mature stable men don't give and receive gifts the same way that immature young women do, for the most part. Men look at gifts as to whether it is something functional and useful. If I needed a tie, I would be happy with it, and I wouldn't care if ten other people got the exact same tie. All I would care about is if I liked the one I got. That's also why women get bent out of shape if they wear the same dress to a social function yet men could not care less if they are all wearing the same blue, gray, or black suits, white shirts, and generic ties to the exact same function.

 

When have you EVER heard ANY man complain: "Hey that other guy is wearing the same style and color tuxedo I'm wearing? Hey that other guy is wearing the same black tassle loafers I'm wearing?"

 

On the other hand, if I didn't happen to need that color tie, I would probably try to exchange it for a different color. If I couldn't do that I would just hang it in the closet and forget about it. What I would (and most guys) would NEVER do is CARE that someone else in my family got the SAME tie, JUST BECAUSE IT WAS THE SAME TIE.

 

You obviously are clueless about men if you don't already understand this key difference between men and women.

 

 

 

So someone posting a rant here instead of taking it out on their SO is necessarily doing so because he/she knows they're being unreasonable? Sensitivity, consideration for the other person's feelings, picking one's battles, has nothing to do with it, I suppose?

 

Absolutely nothing to do with it. She's posting here for validation to continue harbor resentment towards her bf for this imaginary perceived slight. It's not simply "venting." The emotionally mature thing for her to do would be to talk with him about it. But she can't, because she knows she's wrong. Talking to him about it wouldn't be "taking out" anything on him, because there's nothing to take out on him. It would just be her complaining, and then the issue they would have to deal with is that she is a complainer, but at least that would be out in the open and they could try to address her expectations in some way.

 

The immature way of dealing with her concerns is to complain to everyone except her bf.

 

He's a nice guy, nice guys get their moms and gfs flowers, but because he's a nice guy, nothing he got her would have been good enough. If he was a bad boy, she wouldn't have expected anything, and would have perceived flowers as a meaningful sign of his love. Her posting would be the exact opposite, she wouldn't be complaining, she'd be falling all over herself complimenting the guy.

 

 

Let me clue you in on something, NLS: Mature, stable men do not make wild, extrapolated assumptions over one piece of information and pass judgement without even bothering to clarify with the other party.

 

I don't think you have a clue, so you're hardly the person to be cluing anyone in about anything, are you?

 

 

Nor do they feel the need to tout their own horns as 'mature and stable', but rather use rational, respectful speech to demonstrate what they are.

 

"Mature and stable" frightens you, doesn't it? Who tooted their own horn, by the way, other than yourself?

 

 

 

You, my dear, are about as 'mature and stable' as a person claiming to be 'the most modest person in the world'.

 

Enjoy your not-Christmas gifts.

[anne1707]

I have just mentioned this thread to my husband. As a mature, stable adult, his response was:

• at 4 months, you should not need a list of gift ideas from your girlfriend. At that early stage, buying for each other should be relatively easy (we've been together way longer than that so he does appreciate some guidance now )
  
• a bunch of flowers for your girlfriend is a cr%p Christmas present
  
• that the mother got the same gift, makes it much, much worse.
  
• It's a total cop out, showing lack of thought and effort (not just in choosing a gift for the girlfriend but also for his mother)
  

[Els]

Nice evasion. First, you didn't specify any of these unique gifts.

 

Among other things, he baked a cake with a recipe he invented himself, if it matters that much to you. I don't see why it should, considering the fact that EVEN if he had gotten me the gift that the OP's bf got her, I would have just said, as I advised the OP, quote myself, "Huh? Ah, well. No big deal."

 

No, not "flattered," because as I said, mature stable men don't give and receive gifts the same way that immature young women do, for the most part.

The person I quoted said 'flattered'. I said nobody else would be 'flattered'. Thank you for proving my point.

 

Absolutely nothing to do with it. She's posting here for validation to continue harbor resentment towards her bf for this imaginary perceived slight. It's not simply "venting."

I'm sure you're quite the mind reader. Mind telling me what Obama's planning to do right about now?

 

The emotionally mature thing for her to do would be to talk with him about it.

No, it would be to accept that we don't always get precisely what we want in life and that one's SO cannot be perfect, allow herself some disappointment, and move on.

 

I don't think you have a clue, so you're hardly the person to be cluing anyone in about anything, are you?

I don't think you have a clue about whether or not I have a clue.

 

"Mature and stable" frightens you, doesn't it? Who tooted their own horn, by the way, other than yourself?

The person who said 'mature, stable men such as myself and...', maybe? Edited December 29, 2010 by Elswyth

[that girl]

Her counterexample was the "pricey" birthday dinner she took him to. She said the flowers were "nice" so what is the problem

Two weeks ago for his birthday, she got him a "nice and thoughtful gift" in addition to taking him and his mother out for a "pricey" dinner. I'm sure it did cost more than the flowers, but it also required a lot more thought and planning than buying two matching bouquets.

 

She clearly stated the issue was that she didn't feel he put much thought into her gift- " my issue is that he did not bother thinking about anything for me. I am hurt that he would not bother."

 

The only thing I can think of is bling.

That is your assumption based on what you think women want, but she clearly said she wanted something thoughtful.

 

I see--now you not only expect the guy to read his gf's mind as to what gift she wants; you also claim to be able to read his mind, long distance, over the internet, as to how much thought he put into it.

When you buy more than one person the same gift, odds are you aren't putting much thought into it.

 

When a nice guy like that gets the same flowers for his gf as his mother, it means he wants to get extremely serious with the gf. He is equating the gf to his mother in terms of the emotional importance of the relationship.

I really doubt this. Normally people put gifts under the tree for Christmas. While a bouquet is a lovely hostess gift if you are invited to Christmas dinner, they are an odd choice for your mother or girlfriend on Christmas because of the under the tree factor. Flowers would be more typical for Mother's Day, Valentine's Day or birthdays.

 

The guy probably just isn't a good gift giver, I doubt after 4 months and a not well selected gift (if she didn't like it, it wasn't a good choice) he considers his girlfriend as important as his mother.

 

LOL you're all over the place, aren't you?

 

Why not simply ask OP what it is she wanted, and why didn't she tell her bf when he asked for suggestions?

I'm not all over the place. My last comment had two parts- first I explained to male posters what women mean by thoughtful gifts and then I suggested that the OP take some responsibility for not at least telling him she'd like something personal or thoughtful.

 

"Mature and stable" frightens you, doesn't it? Who tooted their own horn, by the way, other than yourself?

Jesus Christ No Longer Sad, stop being a belligerent jerk. Over the last page you have posted rude, condescending comments. You seem to think you know everything about men and women, but you come across as both clueless and rude. If you are a mature man, you should be able to disagree with people maturely.

 

Most people buy their gifts at a store of some kind, which means almost every gift given and received is typically mass produced. You're demonstrating a very "strange" sort of compartmentalization by telling yourself that you got a "unique" gift just because the person who gave it to you didn't give the same gift to anyone else. You didn't get a "unique" gift--you got the exact same scarf from Macy's or book from Amazon or lingerie from VS that fifty thousand other women received.

This is just a bizarre comment. If you buy your loved one a boxed set of their favorite band, it is irrelevant that it was massed produced because you selected it based on their interests, making it personalized.

 

And for the record, the gifts I gave this year included a personalized photo calendar and a framed vintage map. You don't have to whittle your own furniture to give something unique.

 

My favorite gift was a sweater, but the giver remembered my sensitivity to some forms of wool, favorite color, size, and the fact that I said I needed some sweaters. It was practical, but thoughtful.

[musemaj11]

You are strange. I don't know a single person, male or female, who would be thrilled by receiving the exact same copy of a gift that their SO gave a family member. Most would probably just go "Huh?! Ah, well..." and get on with their R, but noone would be flattered.

 

FWIW, I agree that it isn't a huge deal. But I don't see anything wrong with her voicing her disappointment here.

Its a Christmas gift, not Valentine or Birthday.

 

Christmas and Thanksgiving are family oriented events in the first place.

 

You women are just too obsessed with stupid symbolic fantasies.

[BobSacamento]

You are leading down a very dangerous road......

 

What did you get him?

[musemaj11]

You are leading down a very dangerous road......

 

What did you get him?

Probably a tie ...

 

Yes I dont disagree that flowers are thoughtless gifts, but considering dumping someone just because he is lacking in gift-giving? Wow, can you get any more vain and shallow than that?

 

I stand by my word that the guy should drop this princess. He is perfect in every way, but she considers kicking him to the curb for one little shortcoming. Pffft ,,,

Edited December 29, 2010 by musemaj11

[that girl]

I stand by my word that the guy should drop this princess. He is perfect in every way, but she considers kicking him to the curb for one little shortcoming. Pffft ,,,

 

You don't get it.

 

She feels undervalued. She thinks he didn't care enough to put effort into her gift, the way she put effort into his.

 

I do think she is overreacting, but I don't think she's said anything that shows she is spoiled or selfish. It isn't unreasonable to be disappointed and consider bringing it up with him (she never mentioned dumping him).

[BobSacamento]

You don't get it.

 

She feels undervalued. She thinks he didn't care enough to put effort into her gift, the way she put effort into his.

 

I do think she is overreacting, but I don't think she's said anything that shows she is spoiled or selfish. It isn't unreasonable to be disappointed and consider bringing it up with him (she never mentioned dumping him).

 

It doesn't really scream Christmas spirit? Christmas is about giving not receiving.

 

This might be an easier pill to swallow if she explained how much thought she put into her Christmas gift to him.

[that girl]

It doesn't really scream Christmas spirit? Christmas is about giving not receiving.

 

This might be an easier pill to swallow if she explained how much thought she put into her Christmas gift to him.

 

She already described putting a lot of effort into his birthday gift, which since it was two weeks ago should have given him an idea that making an effort back would be appreciated.

 

Honestly, I think a lot of you guys would tell a female poster she was wrong to be annoyed at her boyfriend about anything.

[BobSacamento]

She already described putting a lot of effort into his birthday gift, which since it was two weeks ago should have given him an idea that making an effort back would be appreciated.

 

Honestly, I think a lot of you guys would tell a female poster she was wrong to be annoyed at her boyfriend about anything.

 

Perhaps, but I'm getting a feeling she got him nothing...I'm just curious.

 

Also, in terms of importance, I always thought:

 

Birthday Gifts > Christmas Gifts

[LexiB]

Smh at where this thread has gone. Where's the OP anyway?