rebeccajones Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Today I'm thinking that I should think how great of a person I am. Build myself up instead of building him up. Easier said than done maybe. I just wish I could share those moments again that we had. But if I can believe how great I am I know I will have those happy moments again with someone else.
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You can relive them. But smile, then put them away and move on.
Author rebeccajones Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Thanks . I feel so desperate at the same time. Feelings come in waves I guess. I look forward to the future at times, then I so desperately want him back, want "us". I want no one else. I'm lonely, desperate. I just have to move forward without him as he is doing. At this moment I want him back, the love back. Although I've seen his ugly side and it is ugly, negative, uncaring, self-destructive almost evil. That's not what I want so. I want who he was. I am doing my best to move on. Meeting men, sometimes getting interested. But when I'm alone I think of him mostly and I feel the emptiness, but I keep busy and I'm ok. Somehow his feelings are completely gone. I assume he will meet another, but I don't know how he can. I can too, but it will take time. I know what I feel is not really different from how others feel. Maybe it will help to write it down. I have no one to talk to, I mean I don't have him to talk to anymore. No more emails, no more love, no more dinner, no more no more. No more. I've been through this I know, I have before. I didn't want to have to deal with another breakup, but it's happened again. This time I have to be available emotionally open. I have to do things different. Edited December 28, 2010 by rebeccajones
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Sounds like you're not ready to date. I found that my feelings for my exes were more about who they used to be or the potential that I saw in them rather than who they'd become or who they really are. Accepting that your ex is not the man you want is an important step in your healing. He may never again be the man you want. Accepting that is an important part of detaching.
Author rebeccajones Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Yes I agree. It's just getting to that point, the realization. I am so holding on to what he was or who I want him to be. He really is a jerk and is selfish or he really can't love me the way I want, he can't provide, he can't commit, he is immature at the moment. He may change later but now he is immature and lost. Thanks for bringing that up. I know I just need a little time! I'm really am just making friends, I don't think I'm ready, but my family thinks I am. It's the worst feeling, being pressured to give someone else a chance when your heart is still broken. Edited December 28, 2010 by rebeccajones
blover Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 OH I know that family pressure. Sometimes family (especially parents) kind of rush thier kids to settle down. What they dont understand is the only person who can understand when you have fully recovered and is ready is you. My advice - take your time. I told myself one thing after the break up (actually wrote a long long note - a rambling note of everything i thought..i still add to it), i dont owe anyone anything. I will do everything for myself. not that i am selfish but this time is for me. I gave my all to my ex to make her happy..now its my turn to make myself happy.
Author rebeccajones Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) I like that blover. I understand. Feeling so lonely. There are people around me, but he is not with me anymore. I will not see the world with him or spend time with him anymore. I want to. What can I do to forget? go to another place, another country somewhere far away? I think I'd like to start a new life somewhere else. Meet someone else who can help me to forget. Something, I need something to make me forget. Maybe start an art project, get it out on paper. Maybe that will help. Bastard! Why do I even want someone who does not want me or see my value. Why? Because I don't see my value. But I am great, fun, happy, kind, loving, adventurous. Edited December 28, 2010 by rebeccajones
Breakupguy12 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Rebecca, how long has it been since you've parted ways? For people emotionally hurt from a breakup, I'm a firm believer in a period of time where you treat yourself. Take yourself out to eat, to the movies, even travel. This will help you get to know yourself once again. When you're in a relationship (especially a bad one) it's normal for you to give up parts of who you really are for the sake of compromise. If you spend some time getting to know yourself again in completion, the happiness will come. Better yet, you will develop some standards for what you will and won't allow in your next relationship, as you will treat yourself so well, that you will detect with ease when a future partner is missing the mark on how well you deserve to be treated.
Author rebeccajones Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 I had replied earlier but lost it somehow. I like this quote, "...as you will treat yourself so well, that you will detect with ease when a future partner is missing the mark on how well you deserve to be treated." I hope to get to that point. I hope to get to know and accept and love myself. Thanks for the words.
Author rebeccajones Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Feeling discouraged, depressed. How much work do I need to do? Feeling self doubt, self-hate too. I want to deal with me, self reflect. Be alone. Forget dating or looking for something on the outside to fulfill me. Maybe it's natural to, but maybe I need to reflect alone and fall in love with me. I need the outside world to go away for a while. I also later realized I would not be happy with him if I was with him today, because I would not feel secure in our relationship. He would not be ready to make a commitment with me, have a family. He would be dreaming of traveling the world or living on an island and I would be wondering where I fit in in all of it. I would also be dreaming of having a baby with him. He would be dreaming of living in a fantasy world of no responsibilities. Edited December 29, 2010 by rebeccajones
Author rebeccajones Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) My mother told me today I'm stuck on someone who isn't that great. How do I know that he isn't? At this point my thoughts change from positive to negative about him and about myself from feeling good to feeling bad. Will I get over this? What if I don't, that is scary. I always have gotten through in the past, but I've always feared I wont get through, but I do. Today I want him with me, yesterday I did too, maybe tomorrow I'll feel the same. But I am doing ok, sometimes I'm happy. I'm even going to a few free counseling sessions through work to get help through this. Is it ok to be sad? To cry? Especially when people are saying you should be this and that. You should be thankful for what you have and positive about what you have going for you. I see glimmers of positivity and feel it, and I am thankful for many things. I am also feeling sad and lonely, lost, afraid desperate. Can't wait to get better. Adding another thought from my phone. It's like the joy is gone. If I think of traveling, who will it be with? It's an empty feeling, so empty, no joy. I know it will come but I hope soon. It's raining and gloomy. I wanted to call him while driving home to see if he wanted to grab a bite. We could get together but he would probably be cold unfeeling towards me while I'd want tenderness and affection. I wonder do I sound pathetic? Hmm. Writing it helps. Edited December 29, 2010 by rebeccajones
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