ByMyselfForNow Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 So, after she broke up with me for another man, whom I suspect he was her backup plan for sometime, I came to my parents house/town to spend the Holly-days. I've deleted her from ym, facebook etc even though I already know her schedule for the following 2 months.. but at least I'm not torturing myself by thinking why is she idle, is she with him, are they having fun, is he better than me, is she still thinking about me (you know.. the usual). I maintained NC till now but I hoped she would at least send me a message for Christmas. That didn't happen and I have to admit that doesn't make me feel better even if it should be a sign for me to move on already... Anyways, some mutual friends (that are also co-workers) came into town and we went out. Of course they "had" to tell me about her. It seems that she spent the holly-days with the new guy at her parents house and they are still there. This is happening after 3 weeks since our breakup. After a year of relationship she didn't even insisted in me meeting her parents even though she has met mine several times. I guess she sees in him everything I couldn't give her or I couldn't be . I heard that this guy is also a player.. I just had to vent cause I hate this feeling of guilt and right now I feel like I don't have the energy to better myself....
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I know it's hard but try to focus on the moment. Don't look in the past, don't look to future. I put a rubber band on my wrist and every time I think about my ex or analyze things I snap the the band. It helps me stop thinking about it. Don't listen to anything people have to say about her, walk away if they start talking about her. Don't hope or expect anything from her because chances are you'll only be let down when it doesn't happen. Just keep moving forward and focus on yourself.
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Yes I am aware of all that, but it's really hard to let go of hope, even though at the moment everything tells me she's totally moved on and sadly.. I have not. I have to admit that it's hard to start fresh, I'm in my late 20s and I've changed alot.
blover Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 When i joined this site, i thought i would find a lot of teenagers. What i realize though is there are a lot of people my age (I am 30). And a lot of them are guys and are very much heartbroken. What i suddenly realized now is that for people in my age group (and i am in no way belittling other age groups in any way, so please dont take offense) its more than just heartbreak. Its the crushing of dreams of a life together, of having a family with the person. just a random thought
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'm going through a recent heartbreak and believe I know it's hard to not have hope but to be honest would you really be able to trust her again? I know it's hard to start fresh but it can always be exciting depending how you look at it.
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 In my current state of mind I KNOW i wouldn't trust her again. But in the future, if she would come to me and I would feel she is a different person willing to show me that she cares for me I would probably give it another chance. But, then again, these are just my hopes, and usually when someone choses another person it means they don't want to invest in the relationship anymore, they are fed up with it, they want a new life and are unwilling to change for the other person. She even suggested that she's at that age when she wants a family, and I could read between the lines that she doesn't see me in her future. What worries me the most is that on January we'll meet again (since we work together) and I don't know if I'll have the strength to look indifferent and not give her the satisfaction that she won. I know she blames me for the failed relationship, at least she told our friends that she had enough. That really hurt me cause I felt she wasn't even trying to fix the issues we had. Maybe that''s just mean or selfish on my behalf. Is there anyone else on LS still working with their ex? How are u guys coping with it? I like where I work so quiting my job is not an option.
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 To be honest I have seen many people who leave for another person come back to the ex once that relationship fails. If it was the first real break up. Usually when that happens the ex no longer wants them. She may think the grass is greener on the other side right now but usually most people find out it isn't. You have to be careful if she does come back, if she leaves the other guy for you then you know she's sincere. If he leaves her and comes back she might just be coming back for security and will leave once she finds someone else. You never know how you will feel when you see her, you might actually have some anger in you at that point. I wish you the best of luck.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 So, after she broke up with me for another man, whom I suspect he was her backup plan for sometime, I came to my parents house/town to spend the Holly-days. I've deleted her from ym, facebook etc even though I already know her schedule for the following 2 months.. but at least I'm not torturing myself by thinking why is she idle, is she with him, are they having fun, is he better than me, is she still thinking about me (you know.. the usual). I maintained NC till now but I hoped she would at least send me a message for Christmas. That didn't happen and I have to admit that doesn't make me feel better even if it should be a sign for me to move on already... Anyways, some mutual friends (that are also co-workers) came into town and we went out. Of course they "had" to tell me about her. It seems that she spent the holly-days with the new guy at her parents house and they are still there. This is happening after 3 weeks since our breakup. After a year of relationship she didn't even insisted in me meeting her parents even though she has met mine several times. I guess she sees in him everything I couldn't give her or I couldn't be . I heard that this guy is also a player.. I just had to vent cause I hate this feeling of guilt and right now I feel like I don't have the energy to better myself.... If he's a rebound guy, don't worry, it probably won't last long. Trust me, I've been the rebound guy before. You get used up until they get over their ex, and you're often thrown out with the trash in due time. You're doing fairly well for it to have ended only 3 weeks ago. I commend you. Just know that each time you contact her, you are reopening the scab that had begun to heal, and that you're prolonging the time it will take for you to emotionally heal and get over her.
ohno89 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'm sorry for what you're going through - I've been through something very similar over the last several months or so and it wasn't easy...in fact, it hurt like a bitch. But i promise you it'll get better. My story in short: my ex cheated / rebounded with a girl who could offer him free drugs. She was able to offer him a place to stay over the summer when his life kinda started to spiral a little out of control but he was trying to better himself. I thought it was all for her sake, because she was worth changing for and from pictures, they looked perfectly happy. 6 months on, he'd sorted himself out a bit, he got his own place, was earning his own money, and was going back to University. Then when I least expected it, he told me he'd broken things off with her. He didn't see a future but was with her because he "needed someone there" and has tried to make amends with me since but i'm not really interested, even as a friend. I feel nothing for him, not even hate. I don't have any respect for people like that, even if I did once care for him deeply and no matter what life complexes he claimed to be going through. I don't want to give you any false hope in promising that the exact thing will happen to you and tbh, it still doesn't make all the hurt worth going through to hear him say that, you still wish it never worked out that way but, maybe you can find some comfort knowing there are many people that come back and realise their mistakes, there are many people who don't come back but still realise their mistakes, you'll just never hear them admit it. And remember, just because you or I wouldn't dream of doing the same to someone else, doesn't mean others wouldn't; people are in relationships for the wrong reasons all the time and rebounds are very common. It's also common for people to fast-forward that relationship almost as if to catch up where yours left off; introducing them to their family, going away together etc....to me, it's all just a way of them constantly trying to prove they've done the right thing and that they're happy, not only to convince other people but to try and convince themselves. It'll all catch up to her.... For the most part, I was very proud of myself for how I handled the situation; I left him to it. No contact, no abuse, no revenge, nothing. Just let it all out; cry, scream, buy a punching bag, whatever. The best thing you can do right now is NOT focus on her or their relationship in any way, which means no FB, nothing. The less you know about their relationship, the better. This was a mistake I made and deeply regret; I knew far too much of their life than I needed to, pictures of their summer etc. It was beyoond torture. Please don't do it to yourself. And I know you say you don't have energy to better yourself right now and that's fine - completely understandable. Give yourself time to grieve, be angry and whatever and when you're ready, DO start to try and better yourself. Do things you've always wanted to do, spend time with people you love and may have neglected a little while being in a relationship and learn to be comfortable and happy on your own again. You're free to be the person you've always wanted to be; let her look back on what an amazing person she gave up. Take care.
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Thank you guys for all the kind words. Reading the stories on the LS community really helped me alot in the past weeks, and I feel like I can relate to so many of you. I'm only worried that my healing and the progress I've made so far will be diminished when I'll go back to work and I will have to face her again. But I hope that with time I'll start becoming more indifferent to her influence over me and go on with my life.
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