klb Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Hi, im a 22 year old woman. August 2009 i got with my ex boyfriend. I knew at the time he was going to be travelling to Oz in the Nov of 2009 for 6 months. This upset me but i would never of wanted to stop him with this once in a lifetime oppourtunity. Things were great i knew i loved him so much and i could see myself being with this guy for the rest of my life. So november comes and he is having a 'leaving night out' which he told me i was not invited to. He went out with his friends, i tried contacting him early hours of the morning to make sure he was having a good night and was safe etc .... i got no reply at all. I knew something was wrong, his night out was a saturday and he was due to fly to oz on the sunday. 10am on the sunday morning i heard from him he told me he had been really drunk and thats why he didnt answer, i had no reason not to believe him. He asked if he could see me one last time before he went away, i drove around and spent around and hour with him. He flew to Oz later on. Monday morning i woke up with a message on my facebook account from a person with no profile picture. She gave an in depth description of how my boyfriend had cheated on me on his 'leaving night out' with his ex girlfriend, she went into great detail on how when i was texting/ringing him he was too busy having sex. Im presuming it was his ex girlfriend messaging me. I tried getting in touch with him for 2 days, but because of flights/time difference this was hard. My heart was breaking and the one person i wanted to speak to i couldnt get a hold of. When he did get in touch he admitted everything, told me it was a drunken mistake and how much he regretted it. Stupidly i decided to work at things, so while he was in Oz having the time of his life i was stuck in my hometown absolutely distraught. We eventually broke up whilst he was away and i stopped contacting him. May 2010 he came home and got in touch with me, i agreed to meet him. We had such a wonderful time and i thought we could be together again ... except he didnt want this. For the past 4 months he has been using me, some weeks he wants me, others he cannot stand me and never wants to see me again. He has told me that he loves me on occassions, then he says he doesnt know why he said it because he doesnt mean it. Were now in September and he has said that he definately never wants to see me again. I have never hurt this guy, never humiliated him or used him. All of those things he has done to me and i cant seem to get over him, why?? I want to get over him and move on, im angry at myself for allowing him to use me for sex whenever he has wanted in the past. All i seem to do is cry and to be perfectly honest im making myself ill. Please can someone help me .... I posted the above earlier this year, since then i never contacted him. Surprise surprise he got back in touch with me. I fell for him each time he has gotten back in touch with me and slept with him, i know i am being used but it hurts too much to let go. I have found out that he has been sleeping with someone else and its really cut me up. I know he had previously cheated on me but it has hit me really hard this time. Now because of all of this i am thinking things i never dreamt i would of thought, i have thought of taking my own life just to stop the pain i am feeling each time he does this to me. The thing stopping me is my family. I cant tell anyone how i am feeling due to the sheer embarrassment i feel. I am ashamed of myself and feel like i just want it all to end.
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Don't be embarrassed more people than you think have been in your situation. When you love someone you don't think rational and do thinks just to please them thinking they will love you. Cut all contact with him, I promise in time it will help you feel better.
Author klb Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 I know i shouldnt be but i am, this has been going on for too long. I do try and cut all contact with him but he always gets back in touch and i fall for it everytime. He got back in touch with me again xmas eve (this year) i slept with him 26th dec and by the 27th he didnt want to know me and never wants to see me again. I just dont know what else to do now.
Fern Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I know i shouldnt be but i am, this has been going on for too long. I do try and cut all contact with him but he always gets back in touch and i fall for it everytime. He got back in touch with me again xmas eve (this year) i slept with him 26th dec and by the 27th he didnt want to know me and never wants to see me again. I just dont know what else to do now. Snap the F**k out of it! What are you doing? Get angry! You know exactly what else to do - stop acting like a whiny little moron and start standing up for yourself! You're better than this!
Nightsky Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 It works for him. He’s not a good person and obviously lacks some basic manners. The respect you lack allows him into your life. Lots of women find them selves in similar situations. You need to be the one to stop this because he never will, and neither will the next guy. Respect yourself and cut contact with people like this. If you’re honest and respectful with people in life you deserve the same. A happy girlfriend makes a happy boyfriend. Sex with some one you care about is hot. Just the idea of using some one for sex is repulsive. Your writing reveals heart and that is attractive. Closing your heart to people like him only opens it for the good things. You’re going to be fine and get through this. Already you see things for what they are, now follow through and let time heal.
Author klb Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Snap the F**k out of it! What are you doing? Get angry! You know exactly what else to do - stop acting like a whiny little moron and start standing up for yourself! You're better than this! If i could just snap out of it then i would, this isnt a case of falling out with a friend over a disagreement its a case of falling out of love with someone. People like you are exactly the reason why i am ashamed and embarassed to say how i feel. Thank You.
fltc Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 If i could just snap out of it then i would, this isnt a case of falling out with a friend over a disagreement its a case of falling out of love with someone. People like you are exactly the reason why i am ashamed and embarassed to say how i feel. Thank You. I know you can't snap out of it but Fern offered some good advice, GET ANGRY! You've been mistreated, cheated on and disrespected by a jerk who isn't good enough for you, you have reason to get angry and, believe it or not, it'll help you to move on and move on is exactly what you need to do. Getting angry will help you realize this guy isn't worthy of you!
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Klb, Thank you for sharing your story! We are all here to help! My advice... I would go and seek professional help... With their help, you will acquire the tools necessary to have the strength, courage and the ability to be able to protect yourself from this ever happening again! With some professional help and a little work on your part... You can overcome this issue! I believe in you! Why? Because many of us at your age, had the EXACT same problem as you do!
Graceful Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I posted the above earlier this year, since then i never contacted him. Surprise surprise he got back in touch with me. I fell for him each time he has gotten back in touch with me and slept with him, i know i am being used but it hurts too much to let go. I have found out that he has been sleeping with someone else and its really cut me up. I know he had previously cheated on me but it has hit me really hard this time. Now because of all of this i am thinking things i never dreamt i would of thought, i have thought of taking my own life just to stop the pain i am feeling each time he does this to me. The thing stopping me is my family. I cant tell anyone how i am feeling due to the sheer embarrassment i feel. I am ashamed of myself and feel like i just want it all to end.The main thing I see is that you really do want to change and conquer your addiction to this guy. Yes, that's right, I am calling it an "addiction" because that's what it is, and that may even be what it feels like to you, which is why you cannot give him up and cave in when he contacts you. Like all addictions, you need to understand what it is that makes him (like a drug) so enticing to you, and what it is about YOU that makes you feel like you need him (like a drug) to feel better --- because it is only for an instant, and after the drug wears off, you feel horrible, and hungover, and wished you had never taken that drug. You know you need to quit, but you don't know how. So I agree, please seek some professional help. This will help you get to the root of what is causing your self-esteem to be so low that you let this man manipulate you and bring you down to a level that you hate and that makes you feel shame. Hon, you have nothing to be ashamed of, because I can see that you are really trying to stop this behavior, but it is bigger than you are, and like HB has said, you need some tools to help you. You need support in your life to help you with this, while this board is great, it is not the same as having a friend to turn to, or a therapist. The more you are able to talk about it, the more the shame will leave you. You are in a lot of pain, but you are going to be ok. Do you know how I know that? Because I can see there is a fighter in there ... I mean it. I can see you really want to understand what you are doing so you can stop. So don't give up on yourself. This guy is TOXIC. Ok, that's right. He's poison for you. And you know you need to stay away from him. With some help, and some strength, you will be able to do that. Don't feel you can take this on yourself, there is no shame in asking for help. Take care of yourself. Love, Grace (ps I know Fern was trying to help you. Maybe her style was a little too strong for you, but she was trying to help)
Breakupguy12 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 There's no reason to be ashamed. If you allow your self to live and to cut off contact with this guy, in due time you'll see that you learned alot from this situation that you can employ in your next relationship. But the more you keep letting this guy in your life, the more confused and distorted your outlook will become. I don't know if you're spiritual, but if you are or aren't find some source to grab onto for faith that it will get better. I've had suicidal thoughts before, however I'm glad that I didn't do it because in hindsight, not only were the issues minute, but after I healed, I can look back and honestly say I learned a whole helluva lot that has made me a better person and husband to my wife.
Author klb Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 I know Fern was trying to help i see that i really do. Just im used to being called useless and an idiot enough from my ex, guess i just didnt expect it. I dont know how or where to get help from, i know i need help. Im just sick and tired of pretending to be happy. Thats something i want to feel for real. I am very grateful for all of your advice, i want to be over him as soon as possible. It hurts me to think i would even have thoughts of taking my own life, but he has made me feel so worthless and low i felt things would never get better. My family really dont like him (which i totally get) but they scream at me tell me im stupid etc and i just feel no good for anyone not just him. I know i sound like a 'whiny little moron' i dont mean to, im just trying to say how i feel.
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I know Fern was trying to help i see that i really do. Just im used to being called useless and an idiot enough from my ex, guess i just didnt expect it. I dont know how or where to get help from, i know i need help. Im just sick and tired of pretending to be happy. Thats something i want to feel for real. I am very grateful for all of your advice, i want to be over him as soon as possible. It hurts me to think i would even have thoughts of taking my own life, but he has made me feel so worthless and low i felt things would never get better. My family really dont like him (which i totally get) but they scream at me tell me im stupid etc and i just feel no good for anyone not just him. I know i sound like a 'whiny little moron' i dont mean to, im just trying to say how i feel. Tell your family that you want to go see someone and make sure they know you are being VERY SERIOUS! They will take it from there and help set everything up for you. The sooner you start that process... The sooner you are going to start to feel A LOT better!
Nightsky Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You don’t sound like a whiney moron. You sound like some one who has had enough of a bad thing. Let the pain heal over time by forgetting and keeping this guy out of your life. Just focus on living each day as it comes and avoid the trap of letting thoughts wonder. Good luck, you can do this.
Fern Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 If i could just snap out of it then i would, this isnt a case of falling out with a friend over a disagreement its a case of falling out of love with someone. People like you are exactly the reason why i am ashamed and embarassed to say how i feel. Thank You. It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad - I'm sorry if I did. I just wanted you to acknowledge that saying 'I can't stop myself' - is a cop out. ONLY you can stop yourself. People here can only help you if you're willing to do some hard work and help yourself. You can love someone and still refuse to let them make an idiot out of you. Love may be blind but it doesn't have to be deaf dumb and stupid too. Who does this guy think he is, treating you this way? I'm angry FOR you! Stand up for yourself FFS!
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Would you like me to go beat him up for you? I would love too! I have some built up anger and aggression... plus, a JERK like that deserves it! After I am done with him, then I will take you out and show you what a REAL MAN is like!
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