usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Have written a couple of posts about my ex. Most recent was that she had contacted my best friends girlfriend. I thought she was fishing a little to try and find out what I was up to and the response I got from LSers seemed to agree. So now...she has started jogging past my house! I live in London, there are a thousand routes she could take, it's not like I'm in a small village. What is she thinking? Am I going insane??? Please any ideas?
LifeIsGreat Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'm not familiar with the details of your breakup. However, if you guys are already done I have a suggestion for you. Don't even try to analyze what is going on in her life or mind. I see posts all the time where people are asking questions about the actions of their ex's (sometimes even months after a breakup). The fact is- it just doesn't matter anymore. Frankly, I get pissed off when an ex of mine does something to try to keep my guessing. My thinking is 'you should have tried reaching out to me, or made your intentions clear while we were together. Now that we're a part, please leave me the f*** alone!'.
PowerOfOne Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Haha. There is no reason in the world she'd need to jog past your house! I don't know your story but it sounds like she hasn't moved on... She obviously wants some sort of contact. Why? - I'd only be speculating. Surely if she really wanted contact she could pick up the phone and dial.
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Yeah we are already done. She ditched me in Feb after getting back from a month in LA. Then it was mixed signals for a while until I finally had enough and told her to F**k off and not contact me again (beginning of May). About 2/3 months later I get a couple of texts saying she wanted to explain things. I deleted them immediately as they seemed like 'don't hate me, it's not my fault' texts. Also I didn't think texts were the way to try and discuss a relationship; we're both in our mid thirties for f**ks sake! Then I get a message from her brother saying set is upset I won't talk to her (not my problem I know). Fortunately I am moving flats in the next few days and she doesn't know this. This girl really got under my skin. She was definitely suffering depression and or commitment phobia and so I feel truly guilty about my resolve to shover her away but I had tried and tried to be there for her and she was giving no thought to her actions and how they would effect me. After we broke up she lost some of her good friends and she seemed to push everyone away. I would love for her to have worked on herself as I_made_a_mess seems to be doing; and actually contacting me with a phone call or letter would probably lead to the lines of communication being opened up but this 'sniffing' around is driving me nuts and not allowing me to recover.
PowerOfOne Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I'm glad to hear you're over her. If an ex was pulling this rubbish on someone who wasn't over it then it'd be a hell off a mess. Sometimes you have to be the instrument that teaches someone a life lesson. Try and ignore it until you've moved out. Then (with any luck) that'll be the end of the jog-bys. Something tells me that won't be the end of it though... I dunno your relationship with her brother, might be worth letting him know that she ended it, you're moving on and have to get her out of your life to get your head straight.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You see, she sends you txts NOT taking responsibilty for her share of the problems in your relatiosnhip. Screw that!! My ex never took responsibility for anything, and never once apologized- even when we were together. Her lame attempt to reach out to me after a few months of NC was an email telling me she missed me, but it also had a copy/paste of an email we shared just before breaking up. The details aren't important, but is was basically 'this is all your fault'. Well dang, you should have said something about that email (communication) instead of just breaking up over it!! Right? Listen, if even now she won't take responsibility then you are better off without her.
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 I'm glad to hear you're over her. If an ex was pulling this rubbish on someone who wasn't over it then it'd be a hell off a mess. Sometimes you have to be the instrument that teaches someone a life lesson. Try and ignore it until you've moved out. Then (with any luck) that'll be the end of the jog-bys. Something tells me that won't be the end of it though... I dunno your relationship with her brother, might be worth letting him know that she ended it, you're moving on and have to get her out of your life to get your head straight. Oh that I was over it. I'm maintaining NC and can logically see that I am better off without her but I've not managed to clear my emotional palate of her and so there is still a sour taste of regret. My relationship with her brother was polite but little more; he is mentally ill and in all honesty it was a massive surprise to have contact from him and even more of a surprise that he noticed her unhappiness in the first place. The thing that bugs me is that this is the 2nd big break up I've been through and this was a short 1yr relationship. The last one was 7yrs together, engaged, owned a house together etc... When we broke up I maintained NC until I was over her (4yrs) and we only reconnected because we both ended up on a job together. We're now good friends again but she mentioned one drunken night that she thought about me almost daily for those 4yrs even though she is still with the guy she left me for. Recently while discussing my 'jogging' ex with her she has been hinting that she also broke up with me against her will and regrets doing so.... Life's complicated, people make it more so, but if this 'jogging' ex of mine is trying to make amends she is only doing the opposite by not being honest, open and direct with me.
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Its so funny, the day people get dumped and for a while after they all hope and wish for the day their exes return (myself included) and then when they start to they are over it. Honestly if she hasn't jogged by your house before or in a long time then it's quite obvious what she's doing. You're ignoring her texts and she's getting desperate to get your attention.
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Its so funny, the day people get dumped and for a while after they all hope and wish for the day their exes return (myself included) and then when they start to they are over it. Honestly if she hasn't jogged by your house before or in a long time then it's quite obvious what she's doing. You're ignoring her texts and she's getting desperate to get your attention. Never used to jog, let alone past my house. Those texts were way back in July. Honestly, why doesn't she write a letter, send an email, leave a voice message or ring the bell? Bloody game playing!
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Sometimes people are too afraid to admit they made a mistake or afraid of rejection. She's hoping you'll see her and contact her. I agree with you she shouldn't be playing games and just be honest with what she wants. Until then, let her play game by herself and see if she wins.
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 I guess on a positive note I'm happy to know that I made a good enough impression for her to still have me on her mind after all this time Lucky me
HopeisallIhave Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Yikes! lolol Youre post made me bust up laughing..."Oh come on!" By no means laughing at you, just the situation. How interesting humans can be when driven by emotion. I have an idea, start jogging yourself or with a new girl and casually bump into her an yell "good mornin'!" Or where the funniest most nerdy jogging outfit you can find with short boker shorts and pull up your socks with big sunglasses and a headband or something...catch her jogging around the corner and suprise her...she'll ask "Hey what have you been up to?!" you;ll start stretching and say.."Oh you know, just living the fast life!!" heheheh
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Yikes! lolol Youre post made me bust up laughing..."Oh come on!" By no means laughing at you, just the situation. How interesting humans can be when driven by emotion. I have an idea, start jogging yourself or with a new girl and casually bump into her an yell "good mornin'!" Or where the funniest most nerdy jogging outfit you can find with short boker shorts and pull up your socks with big sunglasses and a headband or something...catch her jogging around the corner and suprise her...she'll ask "Hey what have you been up to?!" you;ll start stretching and say.."Oh you know, just living the fast life!!" heheheh Unfortunately in this part of London that outfit might not be seen as ironic.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This actually sounds pretty complicated. I know part of you still cares about her wellbeing and would like to maybe help her get better? Nonetheless, I don't think you can do much about her jogging past your home. She may be trying to annoy you and bait you into contacting her by any means necessary. If that's what she's doing, I must say that's a creative tactic.
Author usagi Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 This actually sounds pretty complicated. I know part of you still cares about her wellbeing and would like to maybe help her get better? Nonetheless, I don't think you can do much about her jogging past your home. She may be trying to annoy you and bait you into contacting her by any means necessary. If that's what she's doing, I must say that's a creative tactic. Thanks Breakupguy12, I get the impression that you read a little of my back story. Yeah I do still care, but I'm also smart enough to know that I have zero ability to help her get better. That is all hers to do. I hadn't considered that she could be doing this to annoy me and hoping that would get me to respond to her. I keep wondering if I'm being over sensitive to these things or if there really does seem to be some behaviour from her causing my doubts. It's comforting to know that others think her behaviour is odd too.
Author usagi Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 (edited) Actually I just remembered that we used to laugh about a one night stand that my flatmate had with a girl who then started running outside our flat too. It's amazing that she has either forgotten this or can't see the similarities in her own actions. Anyway I actually got in touch with her sister to ask what the heck my ex thought she was playing at...not expecting a response but I hope that her sister will have a word with her. This is what I wrote: Hi ****, Happy Xmas and new year. I hope that this year has treated you well and that you made it back to your family with all of the airport closures! Sorry to get in touch out of the blue and after so long but your sister is doing my head in! She's been texting my friends to catch up and say 'hi' and now she has started jogging past my house, right past it as oppossed to the other side of the park. Can I please ask what the hell she is up to? You probably have no idea and sorry to put this on you but seriously!! Edited December 29, 2010 by usagi
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