MZ.klark Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 alright!!! i have a boyfriend who is wonderful i love him and he loves me, we live next door to each other. he's 21 and im 19. everything is just peachy EXCEPT for his phsyco jealousy thing. he is VEEEEEEERRRRRYYYY jealous. hes been ****d over by his exe's so i guess that explains it but still i have never done anything to make him think otherwise. but, at this point after always asking me where im going who im with and somtimes insinuating that i went to see another dude i think i may want to. no actually i know that i want too. see he was my first and now combined with this new expirience that i had and with all his **** that he gives me i want to be with other guys. does this mean i dont love him? and if yes then how come when i told him we needed a break i was the one who ran back to him only a few hours later, it hurt me so bad to know that he wasnt there to hold anymore, but then if i felt like that then why do i want to be with and expirience other guys? AHHHHH!! im so freakin confused! i see myself marrying this guy (not any time soon though ) and he said that he wants that too but i dont want to be with one man for the rest of my life, yet im only 19 and i think i should expirience life before i commit myself to one person. so i see myself marrying this man when im like 23 24 and thats if we stay together that long and if we do i will have to be faithfull to this man and then i wont have lived and the next i know i will be married forever, feeling stuck. i dont want that i dont want to feel like i havent lived. is my thinking wrong? does this mean i dont love him? why am i feeling like this? please people let me know what you think. help me out.
jmargel Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 Oh dear god.. Someone else take this one. I got a headache just reading it. I'm heading off for a tynelol.
spencer Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 its wonderful that you are in love with this man right now. its also very mature of you to realize that you have so much more to experience in life that this relationship wont be your last. i advise to not worry about having a future/marriage with this guy, just enjoy the time you are having with him right now and let the relationship run its natural course. enjoy right now. he needs reassurance that you wont cheat on him, give him that, and tell him that you won't disrepect him by cheating, and you promise to let him know if things aren't working for you anymore.
bi78urn Posted March 17, 2004 Posted March 17, 2004 A few things.... 1. You are feeling like you want to cheat because he has labeled you as guilty before you've done anything...your thoughts are probably, "well he thinks I'm going to cheat anyway...already been condemned...why not?"....am I right? His past experiences have destroyed his self esteem. You obviously care very much for this person, however, he doesn't seem to care much for himself. His self worth is heavily reliant on who he's seeing...you in this case, and if YOU cheat (which he's obviously convinced you will), then where does that leave him? These are usually subconcious thoughts people have who have been through traumatic relationships. Here's the thing...YOU CAN'T and DON'T HAVE TO FIX THAT...only he can fix that part of himself. If he were confident and trusting, you wouldn't want to cheat at all, because there are other things about him that you obviously like (maybe love) very much. It's like if you tell someone over and over..."i know you'll do this....", they'll do it. Here's the kicker....THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT...it explains WHY...but why isn't always an excuse to act. So with that in mind, what should YOU do? TALK TALK TALK TALK....be very very open, kind, soft, and honest with him about this. First, reiterate your feelings for him....make sure he KNOWS how you feel. Be direct in your words...not accusatory or anything like that. Second, explain this to him...let him know that when he constantly questions you and second guesses your actions, it makes you feel like he's already sentenced you...phrases like "it doesn't make me feel secure in our relationship when you question me...I care about you and would never hurt you. I know you've been hurt before, but Im not here to hurt you...." Treat him as you would want to be treated in the same situation. If you feel this relationship is going nowhere and you feel you have made a mistake by being so serious at an early age...then maybe breaking up IS the right thing. BUT DO THAT BEFORE YOU SLEEP WITH, KISS, whatever, someone else. It's respectful to him, and as a friend, you won't further his low self esteem. Bottom line...it sounds like he may need to NOT have a girlfriend for awhile to gather himself. He's obviously very insecure in love and matters of the heart...again, you can't fix that - no one can, but him. Life is full of risks...love is one of the biggies...you might get hurt...the key is to be prepared with a strong sense of self and confidence. It doesn't seem like he is or has had the chance to get that prepared for pain...but you also shouldn't be another cheating girl to him...you DO have control over that.
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