morock Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Hi Guys So here it is. I met a great girl back in October on a dating website. We went out twice back in October, and both dates were great! She is extremely career oriented, definitely has an active social life, and has a mother who has some health issues. At the beginning on November, a childhood friend of hers passed away. This affected her quite a bit. I did my best to be there for her, but she kind of disconnected from me, and told me that she was feeling emotionally unavailable at that point. Two weeks ago, she sends me a text message inviting me out with her and her friends, and she asked me whether or not she could sleep over. I naturally agreed, and we had a fantastic time and we made out and cuddled all night(no sex yet). Last week(with xmas and all), we barely spoke. A little via text message, but i was initiating most of the contact. I sent her a xmas card last week and today was her bday. She had a girls night last night and tonight. She mentioned that we would celebrate her birthday later on, but hasnt invited me out for new years eve with her friends(understandable after 3 dates, but worth mentioning). I have no problem spending time apart, but I dont know where I stand with her and its driving me crazy! I know that women want to feel a certain level of effort on the part of the man, but how much is too much this early on?? Birthday gift? flowers? just a card? HELP!!
ecm Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 yeah- one or all of the above if you SEE her. If she blows you off, sending a gift might creep her out. Perhaps a happy birthday text and an I'd like to see you to celebrate? If you get an ok, then get her something little but thoughtful.
refurb Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I wouldn't do a dam thing at this point. I think the card might have been a bit much this early on. A nice birthday text/email would have been more appropriate. At this point I would put ZERO effort into contacting her. You're obviously very far down on her list of important things in her life. You're an acquaintance that she can call up and serve her needs. If that's not good enough for you, move on. RF
USMCHokie Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Birthday gift? flowers? just a card? HELP!! None of those things. I noticed there is something you haven't done...and that is ask her out on an f'in date...at this stage, you don't need to shower a girl with trinkets and the such...holidays can be a tricky time for dating, especially when it's early stage dating, but from your first post, it seems like she's been the one asking you out...you should certainly take the initiative, but not with gifts and cards... And the date doesn't have to be any special occasion, you know...it can just be a plain ol' date...
Author morock Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 None of those things. I noticed there is something you haven't done...and that is ask her out on an f'in date...at this stage, you don't need to shower a girl with trinkets and the such...holidays can be a tricky time for dating, especially when it's early stage dating, but from your first post, it seems like she's been the one asking you out...you should certainly take the initiative, but not with gifts and cards... And the date doesn't have to be any special occasion, you know...it can just be a plain ol' date... I have asked her out, but she has explained that its the holidays and its a busy time of year for her and the family...blah...blah blah
USMCHokie Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I have asked her out, but she has explained that its the holidays and its a busy time of year for her and the family...blah...blah blah Then tell her to let you know when she's available after the holidays. Put the ball in her court and leave it as it is. The holidays are no different from her having to go out of town for work or any other pithy excuse she may come up with. And no gifts, flowers, or cards. [i've already been yelled at for that exact thing in my own personal life... :laugh:]
carhill Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Why are you waiting around for her to ask you out? You had two dates with her two months ago and one makeout session two weeks ago with no 'date' involved, at her behest. A 'date' is one on one time, not group activities. A post-group-activity makeout session is not a date. Who's in charge? That would be her. Ask someone else out for NYE and do not recognize this person's BD in any way. She's still emotionally unavailable to you and IMO the condition is likely permanent. I call such women situational ego feeders. The ease with which they turn the switch on and off is indicative. Up to you if you want to participate. I do so now more as a psychological experiment than anything else. Good learning experiences, for myself about compartmentalizing and detaching emotionally. Such women are great teachers of that. Happy to learn
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