Recovering from an insecure relationship

[Cityboy1000]

I try to keep my story short - not easy. I'm guy on my mid 30s - she is lady on her late 20s. We’re both good looking.

 

During my work trip I met a nice girl and we started to go out together - we had pretty intensive relationship. She was directly off from relationship of 4 years. Best times of the relationship I really appreciated it. I havent been in long relationship for something like 6 years - commitment problem. After about three months together - relationship got emotional rollercoaster. Due to my insecurities I started to push her away and tried to breakup the relationship.

 

Partly I didnt feel to deserve the love she gave me - partly she was trying to make me jealous by doing things like talking about some guys who call her constantly or even telling me that she knows how big/small they r. Though I still trust/know we did not cheat on each others at the time. Also she was needy indeed.

 

We knew that I had aroundtheworld trip coming up for me alone, which was booked before our time. Due to trip we knew that we are not going to see each others for 5 months. My work was stressful, and I did not have super active life in the city we lived - it did not make me content to stay there other than the lady. Before my trip we’d be together for around 7 months. In last couple of months I brokeup twice but we got back together with always better start than before.

 

After I left it took us about 2 weeks to breakup – she got hysterical because I was not in contact with her enough so I brokeup in a way where i really hurt her - said things just push her away. I only realize this after time to take reflection. After I took some time away I realized my insecurity and jealousy issues. I was devastated after we brokeup and felt pretty bad about myself due to these things and things said.

 

During my trip I didn’t feel like having sex with anybody although I had few occasions. After I broke up with her and hurt her, she went and had sex with some dudes which I don’t really like at all, and she knew this. She has told me this on our first discussions after she wanted to get back on me – it really hurted me.

 

Also during my travel I worked on my insecurities and have got better about it. We have re-established our communication and I have apologies and amended our relationship. She says that the other guys were not the same physically or mentally and she would like to get back and misses me. During our time off I have realized I love her a lot and miss her too.

 

I’m now in a position where I have decided that we could give it another try after I get back to her city in few weeks. Situation about my jealousy and insecurity is not completely healed, and it does not help to think that she had sex with guys who I think are the sleaziest in the planet. Partly this is of course caused by my mind, guys are guys and I cannot blame her of any of this since we were not together. She had sex before our time, I need to treat this in a same way.

 

She has said that she will give me time to work on my insecurity issues – and also is ready to give me my space if needed. I have decided that if the relationship lifts its head again – I need to set some ground rules and my personal comfort borders – as an example, in my world, she should not know other guys sizes or flirt with them full speed all the time (although she is in sales). I will not let them ran over me and take my girl and my balls away – I cannot see this being anything else than normal self-respect from my side.

 

I kind of like the saying of my father – “it does not get better by changing” – you have to work with what you got. Nowadays people are looking for easy exits too soon.

 

I’d love to have your opinion about my story.

Edited December 28, 2010 by Cityboy1000

[Cityboy1000]

I guess nobody want to touch my story even with a long stick?

[road]

You had girl

 

You dumped girl

 

Then GF got banged by OM

 

You don't like that GF got banged by OM

 

What did you expect GF to do after you dumped her?

 

Go live in a convent?

 

Play with matches sometimes you get away with it and sometimes you burn down your house.

 

You want GF then go back

 

GF banging bothers you now, will still bother you years from now. So which will hurt more not have her or mind movies with her and OM. Things can be glued back but will never be the same.

[Cityboy1000]

Good - one comment is appreciated. More the merrier - anybody else?

[Chi townD]

Dude, this is a VERY TOXIC relationship. I would continue not to see her. You stated you have deep seeded insecurities; however, she does as well. I would suggest that you both part ways. You stay in NC and work on the problems within yourself that you've aready identified.

 

Her telling you of guys "sizes" is wrong. (and just how DOES she know this?), her sleeping with dudes that she knows you don't like just to "spite" you.....you don't need all of that... move on...