boyfriend of 5 months who is/was my best friend

[applestar]

soo i have a best friend who is now my ex boyfriend.. and he dumped me dec 22 through AIM, and only talked to me on the phone after i kept saying how i wanted to do this at least thru the phone and i called him. hes been my best friend for 3-4 years and we've been through thick and thin together. we have a special friendship and it took on a romantic twist last year around november when his ex broke up with him. we've definitely had our history once all of that happened where he began to like me and started to develop feelings for me and i started to as well, and then we kind of had an on and off thing.. he got back with his ex at the time for 2 months then they officially ended in end of feb-beginning march of this year. then me and him officially dated in july (but its felt like we've been together for at least a year if not a little over a year because of the series of events that have happened)

 

anyways, we were really great together and yeah we had a lot of ups and downs and we argued a lot and looked like a 'married couple' according to our mutual friends. but he treated me well throughout it all. the only thing was that i was always insecure about his ex, the one that he got back together with while me and him began to have soemthing, and we've cleared up the ordeal but its been tough on me to handle and let go, even though she has a bf now and is very happy with him and my ex and her don't speak bc she acted like a real b*tch to him once she got her new bf. its just been those things and i would get upset and sometimes take it out on him while he wouldnt do anything because i got upset that he didn't treat me with the love and absolute adoration and care he did for all of his other exes. but i always tried to push it away no matter how upset i got at him and took it out on him for. hes been really patient with me for dealing with it, and he and i have talked about it. anyways, i sent him a message saying on dec 16 that he really means a lot to me and that i am finally letting go of just everything and going to put all my focus on being the best for him, and i even gave him the option of leaving me.. if it meant making him happier. he responded saying that he would never opt out until he tried his very best and would never opt out that easily and that he really does like me as much as i think he didn't. he said even if it didnt show, he really did like me a lot. so using that msg as my guidance of hope, i began to let go of a lot of things that bothered me. during this time, we havent seen each other for a week bc he started working 5 days a week 12 hrs a day.

 

anyways, id been a little cold to him, not rude or anything but just not as talkative bc i was still dealing with how to let go of the bad and bring in the new and start the change, and we had very eh conversations. they werent very engaging and jst more of a 'how was your day' type.

 

then he said he thought it best to 'let me go' on the 22nd bc he knew that all those times i said he never treated me the same as his exes was right and that he felt his feelings for me fading. basically, the conversation concluded with this: we draw a new clean slate, go back to being just the great friends we were, and that he needs to figure out his crossroads of whether or not he liked me in the beginning bc we were such great friends and spent a TON of time together and i mean a ton.. we saw each other almost everyday this year.. or if he liked me bc he really did like me.. and that if he figures out that he liked me for liking me then we can get back together.. he said he didn't have that 'instinct' that oh i'm the one that he did with all his exes and i pointed out that him and his exes haven't worked out either but he emphasized subtley how hes been more experienced.. -__- and i believe that it takes time in a relationship to feel these things.. and we've only been together for 5 months..

 

so yeah.. we didnt talk again after that until christmas morning when he texted me to say merry christmas and acted friendly and casual to me. hes a very sweet guy and a hopeless romantic, but i also see that as a big flaw in him too bc he gets wrapped up in his emotional self sometiems (not in a girly way..) then we kind of had a casual little bit of contact through texts the next 2 days until last night when i blew up after i saw he changed his facebook status to single.. and it really just felt like he was cutting the line completely.. i told him in a msg my honest feelings about how i thought he could try to show he cared (he said he cared an awful lot about me and still liked me) by at least trying to initiate meeting me face to face.. we havent seen each other for 2 weeks and this is the longest we've gone this year without seeing each other for so long!

he hasn't responded back but whatever. i cried myself to smithereens the 2 days right after we broke up and i lost weight and cant find myself to eat anything.. but ive been improving since last night and today..

he said he still wants to see me and still wants to be able to talk to me normally and see me normally and just revert everything to how it was until he can figure out everything..

 

i want him back so much bc all i can remember is the good memories and feelings and the anger at him for leading me on to think he wouldnt give up this easily and quickly.. what should i do?? :/ i am also afraid of him meeting someone new duriing this time it takes him to realize and prioritize his feelings.. bc he is a big flirt and always has been not that he would ever cheat, but if we're not together this wouldn't constitute as cheating.. would it? hes good looking too and knows how to crank up the charm when he wants to if he wanted any girl.. i think this is my absolute biggest biggest fear.. ughh

Edited December 28, 2010 by applestar

[hART]

I was with my ex for 10 years and we are still friends. After he moved out, we slowly moved apart. I don't ever call him, unless it is important. Give him some time to breathe (ie NC). If you aren't together, it isn't thought of as cheating. Spend some time on hobbies and friends. If you two were meant for each other, he'll come back.