bad dreams

[ginastar]

i cant stop having bad dreams about how my ex fcked me over. anyone else experience this?

[Lorelei69]

Well, there is very little detail here. Like....how long ago did this happen? If it was recent (in the past month or two) then I'd say it is very normal and will fade in time. If it has been longer - like 6+ months - and you're still having this level of stress over it.....I'd suggest getting some counseling to help you through this tough time. I've been there and counseling can work if you are open to it. The only other advice I could give is to put your energy into other interests. So when you go to bed you have something positive to think about instead of dwelling on this. If you are doing nothing but staying home and dwelling on it....it's no wonder you're having such dreams! Get back out there and don't let him be in the driver's seat of your happiness. He doesn't deserve that level of control over you. Good luck!

[ginastar]

its been like a good 4 and half months of NC and since i known of him and his new girl. I cant get counseling because I have no health insurance

I try not to think about it and then it sneaks up in my dreams

[share&care]

Sorry to hear that ginastar.

 

I had a dream last night that my ex's ex was giving him a ** in the backseat of a limo. They were all smiles and giggles and it drove me crazy. I haven't been on LS in a long time but this dream brought me back.

 

How are you dealing with it?

[Lorelei69]

Well, how are you occupying your free time? Are you keeping busy? Out meeting new people? Enjoying hobbies and interests you have? Spending time with friends and family? If not - I advise this as your first dose of medicine!!

[ginastar]

hello, yes ive been doing the normal things to get over it, but it doesnt help when u come home alone, i still have moments when i start to get upset but try to block it out. the dreams are nothing sexual though. just some are him trying to talk to me, like i get a text from him in a dream. and last night like i had a dream i was at his house hanging out with him and he like choose hanging out with his guy friend over me (symbolism over the girl i guess). but its weird i dont wanna think about him so why is he in my dreams

[Lorelei69]

There is no magic answer, but I believe you have more control over this than you seem to want to acknowledge. When thoughts of him come into your head, conscientiously replace them with positive thoughts of someone or something else which brings you joy. You actually can control it to a large extent. And if you do it enough, you will train your brain to not think about him anymore. That's why if you have other things that excite you going on in your life.....like a new project you are working on, a new friend you are spending time with or a new skill you are learning....it's easier. Because you can use those new things that are exciting to you as the replacers. If you can't afford therapy....you have to sort of provide therapy for yourself. It might be hard to do but....nobody said it would be easy. Even if you had an expensive therapist....you'd ultimately have to do the work. I know you can do it. It's not as hard as it seems right now. Keep trying!

[I have no title]

I broke up with my ex like a month ago, and we are in NC from 2 weeks..He left me for another girl and Im still having nightmares where I see them fcking in front of me and so on....Im sick of them, cause I always wake up in tears and sweat, but hopefully it will soon go away..

[january2010]

Not bad dreams but difficulty sleeping sometimes.

 

It sounds like your ex is still part of your emotional centre. Have you tried putting your thoughts in writing to get them out of your head?

 

You could also try setting up a nice bedtime routine to relax, e.g., nice meal, candles, warm bath, etc.

 

I also agree that filling your life with other things will help to make sure that you push your ex out of valuable real estate in your mind and heart.

[I have no title]

Unfortunately, he truly is a part of my emotional centre, but I can as well feel that he is slowly moving out of my system...time is healing me..

 

I think an advice for everyone would be: when your bf or gf dumped you for whatever reason, don't try to think of good times you had together with him/her - cause that would be like throwing one more pinch of salt on your wound.

Instead try thinking of those BAD character features he/she had and what did he/she do WRONG. Especially when you have just been dumped.

In my case it helps me a lot (maybe I have a special case),but my bf humiliated me and stepped on me so many times, or simply didn't keep his promises and threw so many words in vain (besides the fact of cheating on me), that I just feel like he doesnt deserve me AT ALL, and that he is not even worth thinking of!

Of course it takes much longer to calm down and stop thinking about him, but just everyone who had been dumped, think about the bad sides of your exs and maybe that would help calming down and actually starting to thank the destiny that it didnt allow you to suffer and be treated like schit for longer!

 

I sometimes even think, that life gives us difficulties and hurdles just to make us wiser, stronger, and be able to distinguish between a nice person and not a nice one, when we will be about to decide with whom we are going to spend our entire life! You cant have that experience from books or from advices, you need to gain this painful break up experience yourself, on your own - go through it and take conclusions, become a better person....(I have also learned from my mistakes I did with my ex)..

I am Russian, and we have a very good saying "everything that had happened, had happened for the better"..

 

january2010, I tried reading books, tried writing everything down....it helps, this is the only thing that helped me from calling and texting him, and actually feeling better right now.

[january2010]

For me, writing things down helped to 'empty the water from the overflowing bucket' so to speak.

 

But there comes a day when there's only so much more reading and writing you can do before you just have to get up and turn off the 'tap' yourself.

 

For me accepting that there were also good times helped me to recognise

that it wasn't all a waste of time. I think that this is an important stage in the healing process, especially after the break up of a long-term relationship.

 

But this is probably a later stage in healing because for those still feeling raw, thinking about the good times can lead to feelings of regret and loss. For those in the later stages, it's more of a bittersweet moment where you smile, shrug and then the memories leave you. There's no trace of anger or bitterness or deep sadness.

Edited December 28, 2010 by january2010

[ginastar]

all this advice really helps, as i think my ex is the center of my emotional realm also. and i need to hear the same advice over and over again to remind myself to push him out of the brain...hopefully its normal to take awhile to do this.