Follies from the past

[Jannah]

Me personally, I find women who sleep/slept with a lot of men, to be of a certain way..they're like a wild horse in a meadow, very free spirited. A person like this, male or female, is quite the risk if you intend to get your emotions involved. So when it comes to promiscuous women, I really do try to go the other way. Due to the free spirit, and then a couple of other factors like hygiene, and health hazards.......and the fact that she's had many men inside of her orifices? ****'s kind of gross to me. When I was a year or so younger, NSA sex with them was pretty cool...but now I don't even want to touch them lol.

 

True. And, the same can be said about men who are free spirits.

 

What about whether or not a person you are dating, cheated in the past with a previous partner?

[mr.dream merchant]

True. And, the same can be said about men who are free spirits.

 

What about whether or not a person you are dating, cheated in the past with a previous partner?

 

If they've cheated on a previous partner, I won't write them off. But that red flag will be duely noted. From then on out, I'll know to kind of keep an eye out for any kind of shady/cheater behavior. Won't be actively looking for it, but if they were to do some shady ****, it would definitely catch my attention.

[Jannah]

If they've cheated on a previous partner, I won't write them off. But that red flag will be duely noted. From then on out, I'll know to kind of keep an eye out for any kind of shady/cheater behavior. Won't be actively looking for it, but if they were to do some shady ****, it would definitely catch my attention.

 

So would you be less inclined to date a woman who was in your view, promiscuous, over a woman who had a history of cheating?

[mr.dream merchant]

Given the history of cheating is not in the recent past, I'd go with her over the promiscuous woman.

[Jannah]

Given the history of cheating is not in the recent past, I'd go with her over the promiscuous woman.

 

Interesting perspective...

 

[dispatch3d]

Can't speak for everyone, but the majority of my learning in life has been through making mistakes. I would definitely say I've learned the most from my biggest mistakes, and would completely avoid those mistakes now. So if someone mentions something negative that happened in there past, its quite likely they learned a lesson from it and will never do it again. I'd be more concerned about those who haven't made any mistakes related to a certain issue to be completely honest.

 

Not saying this directly relates to cheating though.

[hydorclops]

Zengirl wrote:

 

This is not true. Pretty much every culture endoctrined in one of the major religions, particularly Western monotheistic religions (Islam is a Western religion, or is in many comparative religious classes), treats female promiscuity as a taboo. And these cultures are precisely where it came from. (Many Asian countries do too, but a lot of that is also Western influence, and imperialism, though from thousands of years ago.) A lot of this had to do with the wives of men and children being 'property.'

 

If you go back to times when our biology actually mattered. . . when it actually was about the evolution of the species. . . we were nomadic, and the women had sexual relations with many men in the tribe, and nobody really cared whose baby it was. Why? Property wasn't as big a deal.

 

The issues you speak of have nothing to do with evolutionary biology and everything to do with the concept of property, a social construct.

 

Maybe this is why I find this "defense" of male jealousy (over the past) so lame: It's sex turned into property, materialism in love, and if there's anything that's unromantic, I think it's materialism.

I think this is an interesting thing to debate. I'd assert that sexual jealousy is innate, and that it's not a social construct. There are lots and lots of theories about how we evolved and what aspects of our nature were selected for, and which aspects maybe got carried along for a ride and so forth. I think many of our traits came about before we were human, before we were nomadic hunter gatherers. It's complicated and interesting.

 

Not to correct word usage, but to make a distinction, there is a difference between jealousy, sexual jealousy, and envy. Some men envy some privileges that women have, but that's not related to sexual jealousy. Women can envy each others possessions or entitlements, but also be jealous of their relationships, sexual or other.

 

I think sexual jealousy is part of the male and female brain, that it is natural. But that is not to say that it is good.

 

If the goal is to resist it's harmful aspects, we'll do a better job if we know whether or not it's natural or constructed.

[zengirl]

Can't speak for everyone, but the majority of my learning in life has been through making mistakes. I would definitely say I've learned the most from my biggest mistakes, and would completely avoid those mistakes now. So if someone mentions something negative that happened in there past, its quite likely they learned a lesson from it and will never do it again. I'd be more concerned about those who haven't made any mistakes related to a certain issue to be completely honest.

 

Not saying this directly relates to cheating though.

 

I think people can also learn from the mistakes of others. I don't know that we have to make every mistake to learn from it. But I agree that if someone is reflective about a mistake, there's a good chance they can learn from it.

 

I think this is an interesting thing to debate. I'd assert that sexual jealousy is innate, and that it's not a social construct. There are lots and lots of theories about how we evolved and what aspects of our nature were selected for, and which aspects maybe got carried along for a ride and so forth. I think many of our traits came about before we were human, before we were nomadic hunter gatherers. It's complicated and interesting.

 

Not to correct word usage, but to make a distinction, there is a difference between jealousy, sexual jealousy, and envy. Some men envy some privileges that women have, but that's not related to sexual jealousy. Women can envy each others possessions or entitlements, but also be jealous of their relationships, sexual or other.

 

I think sexual jealousy is part of the male and female brain, that it is natural. But that is not to say that it is good.

 

If the goal is to resist it's harmful aspects, we'll do a better job if we know whether or not it's natural or constructed.

 

There is no anthropological or biological data to suggest sexual jealousy is innate. In fact, there is anthropological data to suggest it isn't. Monogamy was not found anywhere in the framework (for women either!) of most early human history and there is some evidence that such groups were NOT monogamists and that the women were promiscuous. Even before we were human, there is nothing to suggest this hypothesis. It is commonly spouted but rarely supported. From what I can tell, men simply feel things and just assume their feelings are "innate" to the species. I don't get that. You've still not asserted any REASON why you think it's innate.

 

These taboos seem to date back to the times when property laws were enacted and wives + children were property, that's why I related it to property. I'm not sure what all your word distinctions do. Envy and jealousy are synonyms. Sure, there is some distinction between the two, for style and connotation, but it doesn't really relate to whether or not this is innate.

[hydorclops]

There is no anthropological or biological data to suggest sexual jealousy is innate. In fact, there is anthropological data to suggest it isn't. Monogamy was not found anywhere in the framework (for women either!) of most early human history and there is some evidence that such groups were NOT monogamists and that the women were promiscuous. Even before we were human, there is nothing to suggest this hypothesis. It is commonly spouted but rarely supported. From what I can tell, men simply feel things and just assume their feelings are "innate" to the species. I don't get that. You've still not asserted any REASON why you think it's innate.

 

These taboos seem to date back to the times when property laws were enacted and wives + children were property, that's why I related it to property. I'm not sure what all your word distinctions do. Envy and jealousy are synonyms. Sure, there is some distinction between the two, for style and connotation, but it doesn't really relate to whether or not this is innate.

My reason for refining the difference between envy and jealousy is valid. Envy is coveting something and resenting another for possessing it. Sexual jealousy is very specific to sexual relationships where one person is fearful of losing their lover to a rival. Women feel sexual jealousy as much as men do. Women think of their husbands and lovers as theirs, as possessions.

 

Preschool children feel and display sexual jealousy when they see their same sex parent as a rival. People hate Freud, but he was right about some things.

 

primates and non-primates display sexual jealousy.

 

As far as anthropology goes, the taboos and laws could be seen as a codification of innate feelings. Just because the patriarchy codified something does not mean it invented it out of nothing.