NeNinja Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I've been lurking tonight, posting garbage posts, and replying to almost every topic. I'm really just delaying the inevitable. Tonight I am going on my first 'date' since the break up (2 weeks, 10 days NC). She is a sorority sister of my brother's girlfriend who I met briefly at a basketball game. The pressure trickled down and I agreed to a drink during the football game tonight. I'm nervous and it's not first date nervous. I still have unresolved issues with myself (I want to fix the issues that torpedoed the last relationship before I get into another one) and with my ex gf (the whole breakup has been so drama free, she might be the one, all the what ifs). If it goes well but not too well, no problems. Unless my ex gf finds out. I know it shouldn't matter but I know her. It will. If we hit it off and I jump into a relationship I'm going to hurt her. If I ditch her or cancel tonight my brother is in trouble with his girlfriend. And any other number of things...I just don't see it ending well. Can anyone think of anything positive that could come from this? Any advice? Help!
GreenPolicy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Just go and have a good time. Look at it as practice to get your "game" back.
spiderowl Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You don't know how this date will turn out and she might even turn out to be the one, but if you really think you are just going through the motions and are too absorbed in feelings associated with your ex-girlfriend, then I think it would be kinder to pull out of the date. I think an explanation is in order though. You could let her know that it is nothing to do with her, that you have unresolved feelings after a break up and that you feel you would risk messing her about. I'm sure she'd appreciate your honesty. Alternatively, you could let her know all that and ask if she'd like to meet just to get to know each other and perhaps become friends. You never know where a new friendship might lead in the long run. Whatever, if you start with an honest foundation, then everyone knows where they stand.
Fern Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Just be honest with her. Tell her it's a 'just friends' thing. And have some fun.
Author NeNinja Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 I'm home...and I'm glad I went. She is a first year medical student, a year older than my ex gf. She's not an unattractive girl and she had obviously taken advantage of my brothers wide base of me related knowledge. I got to the bar about five minutes early and grabbed a little table where I could see the game and the door at the same time. She came in exactly when she said she would saw me, waved, and headed straight to the bar to get the first round of drinks before she even sat down. "I didn't know what you drink so I got you a vodka tonic." Which is exactly what I drink. "You didn't know what I drink so you asked my brother." She was busted but it was a great way to break the ice. She was also fully aware of the break up situation (thanks again little brother) and I was honest. I told her I was staying busy, making some changes, taking another trip next week, etc and that was that. It was nice to get out. I didn't feel the kind of 'This can't be a first date.' connection I did with my ex gf but the conversation was flirty and fun. I feel like I sharpened some of the conversational and social tools I haven't used in a while. I don't know if I'll call her but if she calls I'll answer. It made me want to meet my ex gf for a drink and treat it like a first date. No drama, no begging no pleading, no relationship talk, just fun and flirting... But I'm not going to jump into a new relationship right now...or an old one.
Recommended Posts