Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I was shopping at a high end dept store yesterday and met a guy. He seemed very mild-mannered and kind and I spoke a little bit to him. I was a bit nicer as it turns out he just moved recently from where I was born (which is outside the country). I gave him my card bc he seemed to me like a young, decent kid. It turns out he is 25. It turns out he called me last night. I did get an email this morning he sent last night too. He mentioned that he would stop by the address on my card (my office) but I didn't take that seriously as we have had a blizzard here and snowed in here! Then he also left a msg at 830am today! Well he actually stopped by my office today and the receptionist called me. I realized who it was and so told her to make up something which she did. She later came to tell me he was very persistent. He also called me soon after and I began to realize since she mentioned it. I received 3 total calls after his visit today and one vm saying he has been trying to call me - did not pick up. It is all too wierd! Showing up on a snow day is the part that is really scary/odd. You agree I shouldn't call to explain any of this to him? Anyway - there goes my view that this was a mild-mannered, nice kid who might need help after moving!
Eddie Edirol Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Well since he turned you off, theres no harm in calling him up and explaining to him how his persistence ruined it for him, especially on a snow day. Do him a favor so he can learn.
alexlakeman Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Psycho potential. He is just learning and still has to fall a few times lol. And no don't call him! He will reailize something sooner or later or hopefully his friends will let him know.lol
carhill Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Moral of the story is don't hand out business cards to 'kids' for whom one has no real interest in. Perhaps if he had the persistence *and* charm of a Marcello Mastroianni, your response would have been quite different. As is customary, a man's attention is 'creepy' if unwelcome by the lady. His learning experience will be to be more selective in whom to give that attention to, meaning to more clearly deduce mutual interest before showing such attention. Failure is a great teacher. Hope his attention wasn't too annoying.
sigurpol Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Hahaha, I'm sorry.. but I love reading things like this. So persistent!
aerogurl87 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Well I think you should at least have the decency to email him back explaining that you're not interested in him and why.
northern_sky Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Um, why did you give him your card if you weren't interested in him? I think you kind of invited this on yourself...
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) This is not common behavior for me. Honestly, since he is from the same country (but only recently moved a few months ago) - that was why I had the affinity for him but really in a helpful/kid sister way. I made a mistake. Still this is nowhere near normal behavior. Btw - he just tried calling again. Thankfully he only has my office info. I did think about calling to explain but I think the male opinions above are a better path. His behavior right now is far from normal - and so that is not good. Edited December 28, 2010 by Girlygirl1977
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You referred to him as a "kid" twice. I agree with Carhill. Have to wonder why this thread is in the Dating forum when you, "had the affinity for him but really in a helpful/kid sister way."
Mrlonelyone Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I agree he was way over eager but please examine how this was party your fault. "Kid sister"? A 25 year old man is not going to look at a attractive woman and think kid sister. If that woman gives her a business card that to him will look like a big green light that say's "act now or perhaps loose out". When I was that age I might have waited a day or two then called you. I cannot say that I would not have considered it a indication of some level of interest. I was a salesman, over the phone, and door to door at that time in my life. As I recall there were certain physical cues that could indicate interest in someone who's mouth was saying "not interested". To make a sale one often has to read such cues to divine a persons true level of interest. Salesmen have a maxim "10 no's will get a yes."
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) You referred to him as a "kid" twice. I agree with Carhill. Have to wonder why this thread is in the Dating forum when you, "had the affinity for him but really in a helpful/kid sister way." Yes that's how I viewed him - I guess he didn't view it that way which is why I posted it here. I did make a mistake - I can see that now. Also, I meant kid/sister type relation - meaning he is kid brother. Again - def I goofed and can see how he viewed it differently. Still I haven't seen someone act like this and show up at my work. Edited December 28, 2010 by Girlygirl1977
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I just hope that he gets the message that you're not interested in him romantically. Even on a friendship-only basis, I think that his behaviour crossed the line. Since you are both from the same country, it can't be blamed on a cultural misunderstanding.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 He has called today and now just sent a fax! He is trying every method. This is very strange. My mom said to ignore him.
Imajerk17 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Write him back telling him to please stop contacting you. Explain to him that all of his attention so soon is freaking you out. You'll get him to stop contacting you, and if he does not, this is a record that you told him his attention is unwelcome. You'll also "educate" him. Hopefully he will show your email to someone who has a clue, who will bitch-slap him (lovingly) that he is creeping women out. You might even save his next "victim" from this sort of thing. Edited December 28, 2010 by Imajerk17
Feelin Frisky Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Well I think you should at least have the decency to email him back explaining that you're not interested in him and why. You're a keeper. You have a heart and I like your posts. OP, it was pretty inconsiderate to assume that when he said he would stop by your office he wouldn't come. Many guys will do their absolute best to be true to their word. He apparently braved a blizzard to meet you. And you didn't have the decency to even greet him. He may have come on too strong but he's better off finding out what you're made of and moving on.
hydorclops Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Is it possible that as a new immigrant that he is trying to find some connection with anyone from home? Could you help him connect with others? Maybe a place you don't go, but where he could meet people from home. Say a particular neighborhood, or coffee shop or something. You could send him a firm goodbye while offering a little help in the big city. Just a thought
tinktronik Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This young man has overstepped social boundaries. However, he did indicate to you his intent to come by your work and instead of telling him at that point that you did not want him to you assumed he would not do what he told you he was going to do. Then you are shocked that he did so (perhaps putting himself out in doing so) with the understanding that you gave him your info to follow up with you. At this point I would let this young man know that you have no interest in him and that his level of interest has been a turn off. But in the future when you give a man your contact info, tell him to contact you, and he does so in a manner you are not comfortable with that you put your big girl panties on and behave like a grown up and tell him you have no interest.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Feeling Frisky - I wanted to clarify two things. I have two email addresses - personal and work. He has only my work info. I didn't check my work email until yesterday morning where he mentioned he would be stopping by my address listed on the card. So I looked at this maybe around 830am yesterday. I have 10 people in my group and due to the snow, only 2 people (including me showed). My floor has 100 people and likely only a handful of people were there yesterday. It was not "normal" to be at work yesterday. There were emails between my group head and everyone else - and people were stuck. For these reasons and bc I saw the msg at 830am, I do not think it is strange that I didn't expect him to show (he sent the msg the prior evening apparently). I got to work late myself bc of transportation delays and was there around 10am. The receptionist called me around 11 that he was there. My instincts got the better of me and told me this was very strange and I didn't want to encourage him and so I told her to say I wasn't available. Considering most ppl aren't even working - again I don't think this was strange on my part. It is not normal to invite yourself somewhere and not wait for a response before you choose to appear. So I am not a mean person - but my instincts kept me from seeing him when he came to my office. With the comments here, I think I am very likely to send him a msg and explain he overstepped with his communication etc. and also give him a email for a group of expats here which may be helpful. I did have good intentions towards him but nothing more than friendship. Clearly it doesn't make sense to continue that way either. He has pushed boundaries.
lso802 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Sometimes you just can't tell if someone is harmless by the way they look. No business cards next time.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Sometimes you just can't tell if someone is harmless by the way they look. No business cards next time. Er LOL - yeah I definitely learned that lesson! I am sending that email (i had a dr appt and some work to catch up on but I will do that today). He has called 3x today too btw.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) Feeling Frisky - I wanted to clarify two things. I have two email addresses - personal and work. He has only my work info. I didn't check my work email until yesterday morning where he mentioned he would be stopping by my address listed on the card. So I looked at this maybe around 830am yesterday. I have 10 people in my group and due to the snow, only 2 people (including me showed). My floor has 100 people and likely only a handful of people were there yesterday. It was not "normal" to be at work yesterday. There were emails between my group head and everyone else - and people were stuck. For these reasons and bc I saw the msg at 830am, I do not think it is strange that I didn't expect him to show (he sent the msg the prior evening apparently). I got to work late myself bc of transportation delays and was there around 10am. The receptionist called me around 11 that he was there. My instincts got the better of me and told me this was very strange and I didn't want to encourage him and so I told her to say I wasn't available. Considering most ppl aren't even working - again I don't think this was strange on my part. It is not normal to invite yourself somewhere and not wait for a response before you choose to appear. So I am not a mean person - but my instincts kept me from seeing him when he came to my office. With the comments here, I think I am very likely to send him a msg and explain he overstepped with his communication etc. and also give him a email for a group of expats here which may be helpful. I did have good intentions towards him but nothing more than friendship. Clearly it doesn't make sense to continue that way either. He has pushed boundaries. See the poster above your post to me. And then go to your room, Girly. No desert for you tonight. :laugh: Edited December 28, 2010 by Feelin Frisky
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 See the poster above your post to me. And then go to your room, Girly. No desert for you tonight. :laugh: Haha - ok. Well my post was in response to both of you to be fair. Comeon - i saw his msg at 830am - got to work at 10am and he shows at 11am without me following up about it?!! Do you invite yourself to places without knowing the person is expecting you there? This idea was never introduced when I met him. Anyway - I hear you guys. I will follow-up. I also just think you might see that this guy is pushing many limits of "normal" behavior.
tinktronik Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Haha - ok. Well my post was in response to both of you to be fair. Comeon - i saw his msg at 830am - got to work at 10am and he shows at 11am without me following up about it?!! Do you invite yourself to places without knowing the person is expecting you there? This idea was never introduced when I met him. Anyway - I hear you guys. I will follow-up. I also just think you might see that this guy is pushing many limits of "normal" behavior. I'm not saying his actions are normal. But it is your job as a grown up female to set boundaries and open your mouth if you are made uncomfortable not just give off radio silence without saying anything.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Haha - ok. Well my post was in response to both of you to be fair. Comeon - i saw his msg at 830am - got to work at 10am and he shows at 11am without me following up about it?!! Do you invite yourself to places without knowing the person is expecting you there? This idea was never introduced when I met him. Anyway - I hear you guys. I will follow-up. I also just think you might see that this guy is pushing many limits of "normal" behavior. Of course he's pushing the limits. But you learned most of that after the fact. Just take it that some men will got to almost any legths to be true to their word when they tell a woman they are going to be somewhere for them, so there's no good sense in assuming they won't. And, there's something really questionable about blowing them off and getting people to lie for you that you're not there after he trudged through a freakin' blizzard. Whatever else this guy did to make himself a potential @ss-hat is another issue--it doesn't negate what you said and did to contribute to this. Surely if he went through a blizzard he is going to build up some angst for what he invested in the trip. This may explain some of his persistence. Now, take your lumps and don't make me have to give my monitor the strap.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Haha ok. I'm preparing the email right now! I also keep my word;)
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