mikeey Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Was 7 days NC.....prior to going NC, called my ex (who is currently involved with someone else in a LD situation) and was mean albeit truthful....calling her a liar...calling her current BF a looser...telling her that their relationship isn't going anywhere....and then on Christmas morning at 2am, there it is..."Merry Christmas Mike....Hope you're doing well. X". I waited for 14 hours to reply...For some reason, I figured that I would look weak for me not to respond (seemed like the right thing to do at the time) so I just responded with "Merry Christmas". Seconds later she responds with "How was your Christmas?" Upon seeing that she wanted to now get into a conversation, I didn't respond any further. Oh well....I hope the damage done wasn't too bad. Back to NC! Now, can anyone shed light as to WHY...this person....after being belittled by me just a week prior.....considering that she is involved in a relationship which according to her is "Great, and she sees a bright future over there".....and following a week of NC..feels the need to send me this nonsense? Thanks.
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Tugging the leash to see if the doggy is still attached.
Author mikeey Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Tugging the leash to see if the doggy is still attached. Ok...I think we're getting somewhere. I admit to being doggy....and I fell for the tug.... BUT what is the point of having doggy around when you're (according to her) VERY happy and sees a bright future with this LD guy? I even think she's visiting him in Chicago as I write this. I'm sorry, I just don't seem to see the logic.
january2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Her current favourite is sitting in her handbag, nice and warm, but if he doesn't behave then he might find himself out in the cold and you're back in the handbag. That is, if you haven't bitten through the leash and run off.
Author mikeey Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Right...and that is what she was doing for the longest time (4 months in fact). But once I finally clued in, I took the "having cake and eating it too" option away...and I told her that we could not be friends anymore. Mmmmm...perhaps she is not listening to my instructions very well. I dunno....If I was truly happy with someone else...I wouldn't be tempted to maintain contact of any sorts with anyone else...let alone an ex (and she kept that from her ex from day 1). And then there's the nasty nature of our last conversation....If i was on the receiving end of that (which she was) I would tell the person to go and f*** himself and to never even think of me again. I guess I'm just not in tune with the modern person....nor with modern psychology for that matter.
delajoonal Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I suggest full NC (delete and block). yes, i agree with january.. mikeey...as a woman, and a woman that just broke it off with my bf... i think i am the ONE doing what january said...the whole leash tugging thing... i do not want to talk to him, but he has emailed and vmails, daily, u know a few days back i caved and responded to one of the emails...i also did it again last night... so now, i am playing a game...with my xbf..i think??????? i do not want to speak to him, hearing his voice, i will be done in for sure.. but he contacts me in some way, everyday..and today, i was freaking out cause there was NO email and no vmail... i finally sat down, playing a sad song..per as usual.. and the phone just rang...it was him...but he did not leave a message this time...and i did not answer it... ok, so...how sh*tty am i??? what do i do??? i can't go back to what was happening... no violence no infidelity...just some 'issues'...but big enough to break up with him... i am just rambling...i am trying to make a point about mikeey and i can't seem to get IT out right..LOL...sorry..:~( i think what i am trying to say is, yes, she, your xgf is playing games..she is trying to make sure u r still there for her...or she is at least still in your heart.....get it? i don't know if she still loves u or not...but maybe she does and she is testing the waters after finding out that the 'grass is NOT greener'...u know? in my case, i am just trying to make sure my xbf does NOT go too far from home...as he is NOT seeing anyone else...yet...omg! i can't handle that thought...
Movingthrough Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I know what you mean man and i have had the same question. Why when a girl is moved on and so "happy" will she continue to contact you and say things like she misses you, thinks about you etc. Personally i think its because there is always feelings still there, but you broke up for a reason and that is still there too. I dont really get it to be honest, but that has been my million dollar question too, i try to figure things out and look to studies like pysch. etc. In my situation my ex moved on real quick after me and is already planning a future with the guy, but i keep getting this gut feeling that i will hear from her again, when her new fling doesnt go as planned. Its hard man and i wish i knew but sometimes i think its a lot easier then we make it out to be. I heard someone say once that girls have a lot harder time letting the love go even if they do move on. So i think thats why they go back and forth. I can honestly say im at the point now where if i woke up and forgot about her for good i would be ok with that. It starts to be a waste of time... Oh yeah as far as how you handled it, you actually did great. You were mature and said it back but didnt take the bait. You are in control now and i bet you will hear from her again. You did good on that.
poorguy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I agree with the leash theory here. My ex Gf was doing the exact same thing that everyone elses seems to like to do. Saying she misses me, misses having sex with me, misses being in my arms, blah blah, all the while having her new man with her. I thought my god why would she be doing that? Does she still want me? Answer to all of this is NO she doesn't. It's a F_!!!ed game they love to play just to see what they can get you to say to make themselves feel great. Now as to why that would make someone feel great is beyond me, I would never bother. Take notice as to when these types of communications occur too. I found they would only happen when there was no way her new guy was around-That's how I caught on to her bullsh_t. It was between 7am (texting) then 9am (switching to email while at work until about 5pm when she left work). Then she vanished into the night (meaning home with her man together). Go NC-that's what I did because after some time you will see how much of a immature brat they are for doing that..........Tell you what though I saved all of those sexual emails and how much she says she misses me and all that-just in case she really wants to play a game-They can be forwarded anywhere they need to be-and for that I thank her
radiodarcy Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I agree with Movingthrough - - I think you handled it fine. I was under the impression that in the event that your ex contacts you first - -you haven't broken NC by responding so long as you don't volunteer any information about yourself or ask them for information (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/) My ex contacted me the day after X-mas - - saying he hoped mine was good. i thanked him - - said it was good and hoped his was the same. but when he responded back saying "glad to hear it" i sensed a fishing expedition was about to commence if i said anymore, so i didn't respond and left it at that. better be paranoid than sorry
Author mikeey Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 yes, i agree with january.. mikeey...as a woman, and a woman that just broke it off with my bf... i think i am the ONE doing what january said...the whole leash tugging thing... i do not want to talk to him, but he has emailed and vmails, daily, u know a few days back i caved and responded to one of the emails...i also did it again last night... so now, i am playing a game...with my xbf..i think??????? i do not want to speak to him, hearing his voice, i will be done in for sure.. but he contacts me in some way, everyday..and today, i was freaking out cause there was NO email and no vmail... i finally sat down, playing a sad song..per as usual.. and the phone just rang...it was him...but he did not leave a message this time...and i did not answer it... ok, so...how sh*tty am i??? what do i do??? i can't go back to what was happening... no violence no infidelity...just some 'issues'...but big enough to break up with him... i am just rambling...i am trying to make a point about mikeey and i can't seem to get IT out right..LOL...sorry..:~( i think what i am trying to say is, yes, she, your xgf is playing games..she is trying to make sure u r still there for her...or she is at least still in your heart.....get it? i don't know if she still loves u or not...but maybe she does and she is testing the waters after finding out that the 'grass is NOT greener'...u know? in my case, i am just trying to make sure my xbf does NOT go too far from home...as he is NOT seeing anyone else...yet...omg! i can't handle that thought... Well, I'm not passing judgement re: whatever it is that you're doing with your ex..AND I really respect and cherish your opinions and outlooks on all things to do with relationships..But I must say that I find these type of "games" to be a tad silly hon. If someone doesn't want another to stray too far from them....why leave them in the first place? And if you've left, I feel that logic suggests that you've found either a better place or "someone better"....at which point you should not really be concerned with what you've left behind. I dunno.... this is where relationships really get confusing for me....the issues of power/attention seeking.....at that point I zone out because I simply cannot grasp this sort of thing and digest it enough to make sense of it...I guess I'm just a little too old school in my thought patterns to make sense of modern life in many ways.....relationships just being one of those components.
delajoonal Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Well, I'm not passing judgement re: whatever it is that you're doing with your ex..AND I really respect and cherish your opinions and outlooks on all things to do with relationships..But I must say that I find these type of "games" to be a tad silly hon. If someone doesn't want another to stray too far from them....why leave them in the first place? And if you've left, I feel that logic suggests that you've found either a better place or "someone better"....at which point you should not really be concerned with what you've left behind. I dunno.... this is where relationships really get confusing for me....the issues of power/attention seeking.....at that point I zone out because I simply cannot grasp this sort of thing and digest it enough to make sense of it...I guess I'm just a little too old school in my thought patterns to make sense of modern life in many ways.....relationships just being one of those components. mikeey.. oh yes, i fully admitted, or questioned myself..am i playing a game..? but in reality, NO, i do still love this man with all my heart, and NO i do not want another man nor am i looking for one, or am i with another man at this point. u r right on something else too.. break ups r very intricate and difficult to explain, especially on these forums.. i broke up with my xbf because of some issues HE knows he needs to take care of...none of which have to do with other woman, infidetly etc... so, while he is suppose to be in search of fixing 'these issues' i am just hoping he does not forget the love we share(d)... and he knows i am waiting and also here for him... so maybe my story is a bit dif then the others, as i did not cheat, nor did my xbf,...we simply need to work out some issues before moving the next level, which to him is moving in together..and i am not ready for that...not until he fixes some things... i hope this helps, mikeey, put my story more into prospective... sometimes i find myself in such a tizzie i post things that just dont' come out right...i.e, playing games...etc.. i just want my xbf to get IT together, so we, he and i, can move forward... the thing is, he may nEVER fix the issues...and that is why i am sitting in waiting and not answering the phone, i do not want to get all caught up with him again, and have everythign be the same...it just hurts too much you know.. gosh, i hope i made sense... anyway, like i said, maybe my store is a bit dif, because no infidently was involved and there r no other M or W in our lives...just issues that need addressing.... but still hurts to be away and broken up...and my heart is hurting too.. so i need LS just as much as u and the next person on here:o we r all hurting for one reason or another.
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