caru Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Where do I even begin? I've posted here before. I'll try and make my story short.. I'm utterly head over heels in love and obsessed with a narcissistic male friend who has treated me like s**t over the last 2 years. He has me wrapped around his little finger and he knows it. Despite all the things he's said and done i've always gone back. I guess i'm just addicted to him, not to mention he's the only one to show any interest in me ever... NC is near impossible as we share the same circle of friends and I could never just leave them. Not to mention he has information about me which he has blackmailed me with before and would tear my world apart if it ever came out. Through all these past 2 years of making me feel like he felt the same way, he's been seeing one of my friends secretly. I've normally block it out of my mind or pretend it isn't happening, but it is. I'm sure they must be close to entering a relationship now. Not only this but he never ever makes time for me. He makes excuses when I ask if he wants to do anything, and when he reluctantly agrees to spend time with me he more or less kicks me out before long. He knows how to turn on the charm when he wants something. He often uses me for help with work and with money. We used to be good friends and none of this ever happened, but its progressively got worse. He has said some unforgivable things to me. All the using he's done has built up much much resentment inside of me. I always snap at him and can't ever drink around him because I know i'll end up flying off the handle and starting an argument. But i'm still SO obsessed with him, more obsessed than i've been with anything else in my life. Over the last few months i've began oversleeping and overeating. I sleep all the time to escape... as he is always on my mind 24/7 and sleep is the only place where I can escape that. I've put on a lot of weight. I think I may even have atypical depression. I have no motivation to do anything and I don't enjoy anything anymore. I would love to tell him all this- tell him how obsessed with him I am, how badly he's treated me, how much of an idiot he is, how much of a narcissist he is... but he will turn into a monster and probably let out the things he knows about me- he always has to be in control after all so I wouldn't put that past him. So instead I have to carry on with being his 'friend', watching him sneak around with our mutual friend, constantly thinking about how used i've been and how worthless I feel. So many events coming up over this festive time where I have to see him in my group of friends... and the other girl. Together. I'm not sure what i'm asking of anyone who is maybe reading this but if anybody had ANY kind of suggestions or anything to say to me to put things into perspective than that would help my very much None of my friends know about any of this, and they can't. So any kind of input from anyone would be so amazing. Where do I go from here? Would counselling help me? Would a doctor take me seriously about depression? Is it even possible that this has all triggered depression? Argh!!
BlindRage Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) Obsessed? PPPFFFFF!! What your problem is you have an extremely low self-esteem. You mentioned that he is the only one who has ever shown any interest in you. You are scared that if you let him go no one else will ever love you. What you need is to find someone else on the side(if you guys are even together). If you say no one has ever shown interest in you then YOU start showing interest in people. This world is filled with people seeking relationships. No, sorry to inform you but he is not the only guy in the world that will ever like you. I know that must be a low blow to you but, yes, you'll find someone else once you start looking. If you begin to looking for other on the side you'll have that false "comfort/obsession" you get from knowing you still have that guy you mentioned(which in your case is just knowing someone wants you) and eventually you'll find someone that actually cares about you and then you'll realize - hey you know what? I'm not that bad at all and I can have someone great that doesn't treat me like dirt. He is not the only person in the world. - believe me if you do that sooner or later you are the one that won't want to hear anything from him ever again. I know right now you have your eyes closed and are making a false romance story for yourself on how you "love him" or have an "obsession" that you won't have for anyone else EVER!!!. Sorry to inform you but, NO! That is not the case at all. My advise will probably be discarded from you. You know something though? Some day you'll know I'm right(that is if you don't know it already deep down within you). Edited December 27, 2010 by BlindRage
Author caru Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Obsessed? PPPFFFFF!! What your problem is you have an extremely low self-esteem. You mentioned that he is the only one who has ever shown any interest in you. You are scared that if you let him go no one else will ever love you. What you need is to find someone else on the side(if you guys are even together). If you say no one has ever shown interest in you then YOU start showing interest in people. This world is filled with people seeking relationships. No, sorry to inform you but he is not the only guy in the world that will ever like you. I know that must be a low blow to you but, yes, you'll find someone else once you start looking. If you begin to looking for other on the side you'll have that false "comfort/obsession" you get from knowing you still have that guy you mentioned(which in your case is just knowing someone wants you) and eventually you'll find someone that actually cares about you and then you'll realize - hey you know what? I'm not that bad at all and I can have someone great that doesn't treat me like dirt. He is not the only person in the world. - believe me if you do that sooner or later you are the one that won't want to hear anything from him ever again. I know right now you have your eyes closed and are making a false romance story for yourself on how you "love him" or have an "obsession" that you won't have for anyone else EVER!!!. Sorry to inform you but, NO! That is not the case at all. My advise will probably be discarded from you. You know something though? Some day you'll know I'm right(that is if you don't know it already deep down within you). Hi BR.. I hear you. Really, I do. I try and tell myself that i'll find someone else and all that jazz. But truth is, i'm nearly done with college- spent years living with girls who have one by one entered amazing relationships and are so happy, and i'm left. We've never been officially together. I can tell you, at any point over these last 2 years had someone shown an attraction to me I would have loved it and forgotten all about this guy! But it's never ever happened. But surely I must be obsessed? He is on my thoughts from the moment I wake up from the moment I go to sleep. I want to cut him out of my life but I can't. The resentment for him inside me scares myself. This has been carrying on for so long now, it's crippling what are supposed to be the best days of my life- but I feel like i'm at rock bottom.
rebeccajones Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I do think you are the problem in all this. I feel a little better about myself when I hear your story. I think you need to drop the illusion and work on yourself no matter how painful it is to lose the fantasy. I am too somewhat obsessed with an ex, but I also know that I don't want to be with someone who treats me bad or uses me for sex, that gives someone a very empty existence. I have had a friend in a similar situation, there was not much I could do to help her, she kept seeing the guy. I hope that you can do something different.
BlindRage Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Hi BR.. I hear you. Really, I do. I try and tell myself that i'll find someone else and all that jazz. But truth is, i'm nearly done with college- spent years living with girls who have one by one entered amazing relationships and are so happy, and i'm left. We've never been officially together. I can tell you, at any point over these last 2 years had someone shown an attraction to me I would have loved it and forgotten all about this guy! But it's never ever happened. But surely I must be obsessed? He is on my thoughts from the moment I wake up from the moment I go to sleep. I want to cut him out of my life but I can't. The resentment for him inside me scares myself. This has been carrying on for so long now, it's crippling what are supposed to be the best days of my life- but I feel like i'm at rock bottom. Look Caru, you answered your own question. Here let me take delivery of pointing out the facts to you since it seems you did not read into it yourself. Firstly: "But surely I must be obsessed?" Let me make the answer clear to you. NO you are not obsessed, you are infatuated with his attention towards you, thats what you are. You want to know how I know this Caru? I know this because a person that is truely and utterly obsessed with someone would not EVER in a millions years say this "I can tell you, at any point over these last 2 years had someone shown an attraction to me I would have loved it and forgotten all about this guy!" So you answered your own question. You can't cut him out of your life? Yes you can! Believe me!!!! I know this for a fact. What your problem is as I have previously stated is you have a low self-esteem and you actually feed off the attention he gives you since you don't receive it else where. Also, you are being mentally and emotionally pressured to carry on a relationship because in your mind your friends are happy with someone else and so should you. This is actually a very common problem so don't beat yourself up for that. Like I said though, since people haven't shown interest in you then YOU start showing interest. Try a few website with local singles. I think that would be a good start for you. Oh also try to build up your confidence, one thing that is good is doing something(one thing only) you wouldn't do normally. Maybe try complimenting a stranger on how you like their wardrobe? Small steps end up being huge successes. You have to start from somewhere. This guy is nothing, you know it and I know it. You are hurting yourself making up excused on why you are still hanging around him.
make me feel better Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 i feel the same way. been depressed for four months. i have little motivation to do anything. all i want to do is sleep and dream about her. i think having friends around to talk to or someone else to love you and make u forget about the hurting would help.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 There is a serious problem here, sorry to say. You are using the words obsessed and depressed. In the kindest way, I think you should seek some help for this. You already mentioned counseling, and this might be a good idea. If you are having some current emotional imbalances, then frankly you are not in a position to be with anyone right now. Please look into it because I can see you are in too much pain.
Breakupguy12 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Caru, it appears as if you need to take care of yourself first. I sense some self confidence issues. Please don't mistake me for judging you, because I'm not. I believe that your lack of self confidence leaves you as an easy victim for someone like this guy. I think counseling would help you out tremendously. From the tone of your message, I think that you already know what you need to do. First step: seek counseling.
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