Shannyn8877 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Here is a brief summary (hopefully) of my LDR situation. My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. From the beginning we discussed how we were in the relationship for the long haul since we would be spending so much time/money investing in each other. We discussed marriage and the future constantly. A week before he was about to move out to where I live (mind you he left his job where he is, found a job in my state and was moving in with a mutual friend) we were having an arguement. Not something big or worth breaking up over. However my ex decides he needs to think and cuts off communication with me for a few days and when we finally talk again he breaks up with me because he does not "feel the passion or spark anymore" and we just "aren't on the same page with things". Prior to this (about 2 weeks before) I drove 8 hours to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family and everything was fine. He showed me the same love he always has and nothing seemed different. When I ask him about it he says the spark was still there. Is this cold feet? How can you change emotion that quick? Go from one week prior telling me "I love you so so much" to all of a sudden the spark is gone. He made contact first, asking me if I could talk. We talked for almost an hour.. conversation just like when we were dating minus the "I love yous" and "I miss yous". He talked with me like he did not just break my heart. He told me there were many times he wanted to make contact with me but didn't because he didn't know what I needed to "get over him". My feelings are he loves himself too much and ran from the serious commitment. At this point it seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Any input would help... I am so confused. I think as a woman I seek closure and he can not give it to me.. Even when we talked he still could only give me "I don't know".
creighton0123 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You have been seeing one another for three years and you were on the verge of making the long distance relationship just... the relationship. Given that he had to leave job and life and family to make the move, it is very likely that he experienced "cold feet" or hesitation enough to jump ship. You have two choices to make: 1. Realize that your desire for closure may be unnecessary and can most definitely be achieved on your own. 2. Reach out to him and explain to him that you're having trouble understanding and would like to see him once more in person to say goodbye. If the latter is "no strings attached" and literally just to say goodbye, that might be just what you need to experience closure. The second option outside of having cold feet is that he has not been happy in the relationship for quite some time, went through the motions, and ended the relationship at the last possible moment.
aerogurl87 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Honestly I think all you really need to get at this point is closure. Yes he may have had cold feet, but even if that's the case he took the cowardly way out in handling those emotions. If he was scared he should've told you about it, not run away and abandon you, then show up later like everything is fine. So if it were me I'd just get my last goodbyes out and move on for good. No more contact, just cut him out of your life period because you deserve better than to be dropped like that by the person you love.
Author Shannyn8877 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Thank you for your input. It always helps to hear other peoples takes on situations. Creighton- you said something about him leaving family for the move.. there is no family where he lives right now. He has been living there for 3 years, does not like the job he is working and his family live in a different state. I would understand this all better (I think) if he did have family there. He does have many good friends there though. I do think I need some sort of closure however I am not sure if I will get it from him. Right now he is handling it like life is perfect for him where he is and like he did nothing wrong. Like he didn't just break someones heart but "he does still want to be friends". Which I am sure is a line used always. I feel like he means it though. He wants me when he wants me with no commitment. Now the move doesn't have to happen and he doesn't have to spend any more money on flights out to my state. Not going to happen as much as I want it to.. can't have your cake and eat it too right? Thanks for the help!
aerogurl87 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Thank you for your input. It always helps to hear other peoples takes on situations. Creighton- you said something about him leaving family for the move.. there is no family where he lives right now. He has been living there for 3 years, does not like the job he is working and his family live in a different state. I would understand this all better (I think) if he did have family there. He does have many good friends there though. I do think I need some sort of closure however I am not sure if I will get it from him. Right now he is handling it like life is perfect for him where he is and like he did nothing wrong. Like he didn't just break someones heart but "he does still want to be friends". Which I am sure is a line used always. I feel like he means it though. He wants me when he wants me with no commitment. Now the move doesn't have to happen and he doesn't have to spend any more money on flights out to my state. Not going to happen as much as I want it to.. can't have your cake and eat it too right? Thanks for the help! I went through the bolded part with my ex. It took me 6 months, about 4 of which were NC, to get the answers that I needed to move on and a sincere apology finally. Before that he was pretending that everything was fine while I was heartbroken. You may never get the closure you want, or you may have to wait awhile to get it. But something you can get that he can't take from you forever is happiness. Yes he can steal it briefly, but you will find it one day again with someone much better.
Author Shannyn8877 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 You are right.. At this point I'm not even sure if it's worth it. If he apparently doesn't love me anymore why bother. I just need to work on me and getting myself right again. So crazy how emotions can change so quickly.. That's why I don't believe his story but given time I'm sure it will get better. Thank you so much for your help.. Did your ex claim he still wanted to be friends and try and get back with you or cut contact completely?
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