Fate....

[hopeless4u]

Just maybe Fate is on my side.....I wrote a very long post about how I was feeling about my family, my life and people taking their own life to manipulatate other people for their own gain.

 

My feelings haven't changed but my laptop keeps stopping me!!

[BB07]

Just maybe Fate is on my side.....I wrote a very long post about how I was feeling about my family, my life and people taking their own life to manipulatate other people for their own gain.

 

My feelings haven't changed but my laptop keeps stopping me!!

 

Maybe it is a good thing.

 

G/f..........you are breaking my heart here. Now for the 2X4's. You've got to stop this thinking.......because you are stuck on thinking that if only she wasn't such a manipulative _____ that he would be with you. It may be true and it may not, but irregardless you have got to move past it and LET GO. Until you can let go of the hope and the "only if" thinking you are going to stay stuck. How long are you going to let life and possibly another love pass you by? How long are you going to pine for a man you can't have? You have got to let him go, let go of the hope, and let go of the "only if". It's not reality. Please do this for your family and yourself............please.

[TaraMaiden]

I do that sometimes. And I think to myself -

 

"Indulging in verbal diarrhoea simply isn't your strong point, is it TM? Let it go, it obviously wasn't worth it, and no way can you recreate such a fine, pithy, witty, wise and extremely readable stroke of genius ...."

 

:laugh:

 

Other times I deliberately hit delete because I can't be asked.....

[hopeless4u]

Maybe it is a good thing.

 

G/f..........you are breaking my heart here. Now for the 2X4's. You've got to stop this thinking.......because you are stuck on thinking that if only she wasn't such a manipulative _____ that he would be with you. It may be true and it may not, but irregardless you have got to move past it and LET GO. Until you can let go of the hope and the "only if" thinking you are going to stay stuck. How long are you going to let life and possibly another love pass you by? How long are you going to pine for a man you can't have? You have got to let him go, let go of the hope, and let go of the "only if". It's not reality. Please do this for your family and yourself............please.

 

I know BB, and thank you, I just have bad days and things that happen in my life just seem to kick him back into my mind....

 

I was doing just fine but then things happened with my family and I just needed him so badly, he was my rock for so long....

 

Very sad I know.....

[desertIslandCactus]

Many problems are created because we emotionally rely too heavily on others - and their lives .. Thus counselors, etc etc ..

[hopeless4u]

I do that sometimes. And I think to myself -

 

"Indulging in verbal diarrhoea simply isn't your strong point, is it TM? Let it go, it obviously wasn't worth it, and no way can you recreate such a fine, pithy, witty, wise and extremely readable stroke of genius ...."

 

:laugh:

 

Other times I deliberately hit delete because I can't be asked.....

 

Before I actually put a post up TM I do try to tell myself I have to back it up.....Most times I can't but hey....isn't that what LS is all about....??

 

I just need to vent and talk to people who will either kick my ass or 'have been there', either way its better than picking up the phone, right??

[TaraMaiden]

I personally have to distinguish between what is truly a contribution, and what is simple attention-seeking.

 

I try to evaluate the benefit of what I might contribute, because they do say the pen is mightier than the sword; that is, you can have a profound effect on a person by simply using a specific phrase or comment.

 

I have been told this.

And I'm not brushing my ego when I say that.

Rather, being reminded that what I communicate has had a profound effect, makes me more attentive and careful about what I decide to contribute.

I get it wrong, at times.

But I'd like to think that's getting rarer.

I do sometimes kick ass.

And even if I'm letting them have it, and 'ripping them a new @$$hole' - I still try to do it mindfully....

[awkward]

 

My feelings haven't changed but my laptop keeps stopping me!!

 

Hopefully soon those feelings will have changed. Hopefully soon you will let this go and allow yourself to move on. I responded to your other thread about MM's post on this site and kind of touched on this issue.

 

I don't see how believing this is making your life any easier. It's like you are stuck in a holding pattern. Perhaps you should contact him. It will be painful for you but maybe you need a wakeup call so you don't waste another year of your life on this fantasy.

 

And next will follow many, many posters screaming NO don't contact him. All of them with sound advice, I myself would probably give you. But this is your life. I have a feeling that you aren't going to believe it until you see it. Maybe now is a good time to find out if what you've been hanging onto all this time is true or not. I mean until you actually believe it isn't true you're not going to move on right?

 

I get that you know he isn't leaving his marriage. You've known that all along. But that fact alone doesn't appear to be enough for you to allow yourself to heal and move on. You have to figure out what it's going to take. I know all about hope. Just don't let your hope destroy you.

 

Sorry if this advice sounds harsh. My intention is not to hurt you. Which is why I'm now retracting my advice to contact him. Because if you do, your hope will be destroyed. You'll realize that his wife isn't manipulating him to stay married to her with threats of ending her life. He isn't leaving because he never was going to.

[silverplanets]

Just maybe Fate is on my side.....I wrote a very long post about how I was feeling about my family, my life and people taking their own life to manipulatate other people for their own gain.

 

My feelings haven't changed but my laptop keeps stopping me!!

 

Fate may be causing your laptop not to work .. but it's YOUR inner outlook that allows you to see it as a positive thing ... and that's not fate, that's your INNER CONVICTION that you are strong and worth it which has been developing with each and every action (small or large) that YOU have done to keep going through these diffficult times ...

 

[Fieldsofgold]

I personally have to distinguish between what is truly a contribution, and what is simple attention-seeking.

 

I try to evaluate the benefit of what I might contribute, because they do say the pen is mightier than the sword; that is, you can have a profound effect on a person by simply using a specific phrase or comment.

 

I have been told this.

And I'm not brushing my ego when I say that.

Rather, being reminded that what I communicate has had a profound effect, makes me more attentive and careful about what I decide to contribute.

I get it wrong, at times.

But I'd like to think that's getting rarer.

I do sometimes kick ass.

And even if I'm letting them have it, and 'ripping them a new @$$hole' - I still try to do it mindfully....

 

I love this post M. TM - especially the last line!

[White Flower]

Many problems are created because we emotionally rely too heavily on others - and their lives .. Thus counselors, etc etc ..

So so true.

 

MM (or should I call him exMM?) recently shared with me that his W asked him what she is supposed to do if he leaves her. He gasped and said how the heck should I know?

 

Funny how co-dependent we can be, or choose to be, when faced with a possible divorce.

[White Flower]

I personally have to distinguish between what is truly a contribution, and what is simple attention-seeking.

 

I try to evaluate the benefit of what I might contribute, because they do say the pen is mightier than the sword; that is, you can have a profound effect on a person by simply using a specific phrase or comment.

 

I have been told this.

And I'm not brushing my ego when I say that.

Rather, being reminded that what I communicate has had a profound effect, makes me more attentive and careful about what I decide to contribute.

I get it wrong, at times.

But I'd like to think that's getting rarer.

I do sometimes kick ass.

And even if I'm letting them have it, and 'ripping them a new @$$hole' - I still try to do it mindfully....

TM, you have kicked my arse in the past (even when I thought you had it worng) but I will say I have grown to admire your more thoughtful posts recently. I've been gone a while and am glad to know you are still here.

Fate may be causing your laptop not to work .. but it's YOUR inner outlook that allows you to see it as a positive thing ... and that's not fate, that's your INNER CONVICTION that you are strong and worth it which has been developing with each and every action (small or large) that YOU have done to keep going through these diffficult times ...

 

Silverplanets, glad you are still around as well. FoG, I miss you too!

 

h4U, you have the best of the best here supporting you. I hope they've lifted your spirits and gotten you through.

 

xxoo

[Fieldsofgold]

TM, you have kicked my arse in the past (even when I thought you had it worng) but I will say I have grown to admire your more thoughtful posts recently. I've been gone a while and am glad to know you are still here.

 

Silverplanets, glad you are still around as well. FoG, I miss you too!

 

h4U, you have the best of the best here supporting you. I hope they've lifted your spirits and gotten you through.

 

xxoo

 

Aww, shucks, thanks Whitie!

[Fieldsofgold]

H4U, I don't really know you, we don't have any history, but I have read some of your recent threads, and I want to share what comes to mind every time I do. I hope you find something helpful in it.

 

Some years back, after a history of abuse, a bad marriage and more abuse, I was going through a rough time. I was depressed, discouraged, deeply hurt by what the people I loved had done to me. This went on for quite a while. I went to counselors, read self-help books, volunteered for charities, prayed, you name it, but I just had this pervasive heaviness, sadness, loss that I just couldn't seem to ever get over. It felt like it would never end.

 

One day, I saw this picture in my mind (and I wish I was an artist, because I'd paint it). In the picture, I was walking down the front steps of my house, and I was carrying a concrete ball about the size of a bowling ball. This ball was similar in design to a child's toy - perhaps you've seen one. The ball is hollow and has shapes cut in the outside. Triangles, squares, stars, etc. The child stuffs a correspondingly shaped piece through the hole in the ball. I don't know what they call it, maybe a shape-sorting ball.

 

The ball I carried was similar to that. Hollow inside, and openings on the outside. There were many pieces that had been placed through the slots into the ball. Apparently, every time someone hurt me, I wrote the hurt, along with their name, and placed it inside the ball. As I said, the ball was made of concrete, as were the pieces placed inside. It was quite heavy, rough and unpleasant to the touch. Every time another piece was placed into the ball, it got heavier.

 

So I'm walking down my front steps on my way to work, and I've got my satchel in one hand, and I'm carrying this rough, heavy ball full of hurts in the other hand. And the whole time I'm walking down the steps, I'm looking at the ball, and the pieces inside it. And I turn the ball over, and shift it around so I can see the various pieces in it. I look up and glance around only occasionally; the rest of the time I'm focused on the ball and its contents.

 

As I'm walking down the steps, I glance to my right, and there is a beautiful park, and it is full of people enjoying a day at the park. Couples lounging on the grass, children running and playing by a stream, families enjoying a picnic in the shade of a beautiful old tree. Just a beautiful scene; it looks like a painting.

 

Then I take a closer look, and oh my gosh! The people enjoying the park are people who have hurt me! Their names are on the pieces inside my ball!

 

I drive to work, and the ball is balanced in my lap. All the while I'm at work, I'm holding the ball in one hand, and working with the other. After work, I'm out with friends, still holding that ball with one hand. I'm never fully focused on what I'm doing, because I never completely take my focus off the ball, or set it down. And so it goes all day.

 

The next day, same thing. I'm leaving the house, ball in hand, and the people who hurt me are enjoying themselves in the park.

 

I realized several things from that "mental video."

 

1.) The only one being hurt by carrying around that ball full of hurt all day long, was me. Everyone else, including the ones who hurt me, were living their lives in the sunshine, happy and free.

 

2.) I realized that because I held the ball of hurt with me all the time, I was never able to do anything, fully or freely, or as well as I could. Everything I did was hindered hampered, impaired, or limited in some way by holding onto, and focusing on, that heavy ball of hurts.

 

3.) I realized the ball wasn't attached to me in any way. There was no chain or cord. If I wanted to get rid of it, all I had to do was just set it down, let it go, and walk away. Nothing and nobody made me keep it; just me. It was my choice. I realized that no one can make you "take" hurt, or "take"' offense. People can do things that are hurtful or unkind or disappointing, and of course we feel the sting of it for a while. But it is our choice to take the hurt and hold onto it and let it hinder everything we do. We can choose to forgive, let go, and walk on, free.

 

I hope this made some semblance of sense to you, and I hope it helped you in some way. Maybe I needed to remind myself, as well.

Edited December 29, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[WhereToGoFromHere]

H4U, I don't really know you, we don't have any history, but I have read some of your recent threads, and I want to share what comes to mind every time I do. I hope you find something helpful in it.

 

Some years back, after a history of abuse, a bad marriage and more abuse, I was going through a rough time. I was depressed, discouraged, deeply hurt by what the people I loved had done to me. This went on for quite a while. I went to counselors, read self-help books, volunteered for charities, prayed, you name it, but I just had this pervasive heaviness, sadness, loss that I just couldn't seem to ever get over. It felt like it would never end.

 

One day, I saw this picture in my mind (and I wish I was an artist, because I'd paint it). In the picture, I was walking down the front steps of my house, and I was carrying a concrete ball about the size of a bowling ball. This ball was similar in design to a child's toy - perhaps you've seen one. The ball is hollow and has shapes cut in the outside. Triangles, squares, stars, etc. The child stuffs a correspondingly shaped piece through the hole in the ball. I don't know what they call it, maybe a shape-sorting ball.

 

The ball I carried was similar to that. Hollow inside, and openings on the outside. There were many pieces that had been placed through the slots into the ball. Apparently, every time someone hurt me, I wrote the hurt, along with their name, and placed it inside the ball. As I said, the ball was made of concrete, as were the pieces placed inside. It was quite heavy, rough and unpleasant to the touch. Every time another piece was placed into the ball, it got heavier.

 

So I'm walking down my front steps on my way to work, and I've got my satchel in one hand, and I'm carrying this rough, heavy ball full of hurts in the other hand. And the whole time I'm walking down the steps, I'm looking at the ball, and the pieces inside it. And I turn the ball over, and shift it around so I can see the various pieces in it. I look up and glance around only occasionally; the rest of the time I'm focused on the ball and its contents.

 

As I'm walking down the steps, I glance to my right, and there is a beautiful park, and it is full of people enjoying a day at the park. Couples lounging on the grass, children running and playing by a stream, families enjoying a picnic in the shade of a beautiful old tree. Just a beautiful scene; it looks like a painting.

 

Then I take a closer look, and oh my gosh! The people enjoying the park are people who have hurt me! Their names are on the pieces inside my ball!

 

I drive to work, and the ball is balanced in my lap. All the while I'm at work, I'm holding the ball in one hand, and working with the other. After work, I'm out with friends, still holding that ball with one hand. I'm never fully focused on what I'm doing, because I never completely take my focus off the ball, or set it down. And so it goes all day.

 

The next day, same thing. I'm leaving the house, ball in hand, and the people who hurt me are enjoying themselves in the park.

 

I realized several things from that "mental video."

 

1.) The only one being hurt by carrying around that ball full of hurt all day long, was me. Everyone else, including the ones who hurt me, were living their lives in the sunshine, happy and free.

 

2.) I realized that because I held the ball of hurt with me all the time, I was never able to do anything, fully or freely, or as well as I could. Everything I did was hindered hampered, impaired, or limited in some way by holding onto, and focusing on, that heavy ball of hurts.

 

3.) I realized the ball wasn't attached to me in any way. There was no chain or cord. If I wanted to get rid of it, all I had to do was just set it down, let it go, and walk away. Nothing and nobody made me keep it; just me. It was my choice. I realized that no one can make you "take" hurt, or "take"' offense. People can do things that are hurtful or unkind or disappointing, and of course we feel the sting of it for a while. But it is our choice to take the hurt and hold onto it and let it hinder everything we do. We can choose to forgive, let go, and walk on, free.

 

I hope this made some semblance of sense to you, and I hope it helped you in some way. Maybe I needed to remind myself, as well.

 

Wow... I like this. I too carry this ball still after over a year on LS... Good thought. Thank you....