martin2069 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 March this yr is when my ex broke up with me. Now the following is going to make me sound like a soft idiot, but I think i just need to be told by someone else just to confirm it! Right, the first few weeks i went through the usual texting and ringing asking for another chance etc. Then all of a sudden i eased up doing all that and things went quiet from both parties. May time we began just general texting and i invited her round to my house, the obvious happened and part of me was hoping this may lead to us getting back together. During June to the present day we have been on many shopping days out and shes been to mine a fair few times aswell. BUT to this minute she says she wont get back with me, Im starting to feel a **** to be honest now. She chooses when she replies to me and hardly ever picks up the phone when i ring to see how she is later stating ' Im not your girlfriend, so i dont need to make any effort' At this moment I feel she just only wants to get incontact with me when she wants something from me! Im a half decent looking lad with a good job and my own place, ive turned down offers from other girls in the hope my ex turns round and says she wants to give it another go. Im in my mid 20's and she is 6 years my junior. Im being totally ruled by her, I know this. I have turned round and said to her to give abit back to me aswell as take from me but all I get back is 'im not your girlfriend'. She sends out mixed messages all the time, i.e kissing, holding hands etc. Do i just walk away now and have some self respect or do i carry on like this? Do I break contact for abit and see if she puts the effort in? Its getting me down now all the stress coming with the situation. Thankyou in advance of any replies.
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Do you want me to draw you a picture, or will a 'Janet and John' approach work just as well? You go No Contact, (Complete, total, utter, right across the board) you point-blank refuse to be her doormat a second longer, and you go date other girls, and give them the benefit of your attention (which by the sound of things they will appreciate far more fully, and will reciprocate....!) Read the Caliguy link in my signature, do as it says, and remain resolved and hardened to anything she might throw at you. Or do you still need a picture? I'll let you colour it in......
poorguy Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Yeah dude your being a total bitch here by doing this. How does it make you feel? Makes you feel like sh_t doesn't it? She has zero respect for you and you have zero for yourself (which is worse). Not to say you did anything wrong because I understand what you may have been thinking which was, if I stay close she'll rememeber me and want to be with me. It doesn't work that way......Dude go away...vanish
NeNinja Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 If you don't see her, talk to her, etc. then she can't treat you anyway at all.
Author martin2069 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Thanks for the comments, Its hitting home just what a mug I have been. Im loving someone who clearly does not give a toss about me! I have been struggling to sleep recently and wakng up in a panic. Just hoping I can stay positive.
Seamless74 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 dude breakups are a "PROCESS" with ebb and flow and **** its kind of like weaning yourself off a drug, and you need to seriously wean yourself off being a wanker.. And look bro you go for a "DISCOUNT" yeah its a psychological term for absolutely no attention i mean you dont respond, you dont reach out, she id dead to you, nothing the abscense of all contact.. But heres the kicker you dont win if she calls you or contacts you or even tells you how life is meaningless without you thats just part of the process and is expected with the discount maneuver its the pyschological H-BOMB.. you only win when you move on with your life and spend time with someone else.. heres to your new future Cheers!!
Author martin2069 Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Appreciate that advice really do. To be honest I was in two minds whether or not to post on here, but Im glad I did, getting other peoples opinions is a good thing and make you think long and hard about how your being from another persos view. I know in time I wil look back at this, but I just pray that da isnt too far away!
Don_da_Ho Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Well Bro, YOU put her in the drivers seat, and you did that by being desperate to have her back. So now she knows she can treat you like a doormat and you will put up with it. First: start dating all those women you mention. You've turned them down? WTF are you thinking? There's the problem. You're acting like a pussy by waiting for your Ex and by doing so you make yourself even LESS attractive to your Ex. 2nd: stop initiating contact! You can respond, but what you want at all times is the woman pursuing you (contrary to popular opinion). If she doesn't initiate or contact you, then leave her alone. If she still doesn't, then forget about her. Remember: if she's not chasing YOU, there's not a damn thing chasing her will do for you. In that case, cut your loses and move on to one that will chase you. 3rd: stop asking for her to respond or "give a little bit". It's like you're a dog, begging. A valuable MAN never says such things. Why? Because HE knows his value. If not to her, then for sure to other women and knows he's a wanted commodity. 4th: when she says "I'm not your GF", turn it around on her. Say "of course you're not my GF, you wouldn't even make it through my probation period". 5th: don't be so available. Don't respond right away. Only respond sometimes. Let her wonder and ask YOU why you're not responding (again, part of her chasing you, not you chasing her). Finally: if she won't respond to these tactics or doesn't chase you, then save your dignity and MOVE ON without telling her you're doing so.
homebrew Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Martin.... We have all been there and made the same mistakes after a break up... We are on the other side now and would like to share what we learned from our experiences (both good and bad). My advice... Stop being a CHUMP! Listen to what all the others said above! BTW - Your EX doesn't want you to be a chump either... you are doing that all by your own free will.
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