Content Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 While we were out the other day my friends wife mentioned to me her friend is single and shes feeling down and that no men hit on her and shes really sad about it she introduced me to her and shes a very nice girl we got along well and she told my friend she thinks im cute and would like to hang out sometime. But i just wasnt attracted to her physically at all,im not saying i need somebody whos a 10 but i have to be attracted on a physical level somewhat. I just felt bad because shes a real nice cool girl whos down in the dumps that Men dont approach her and she thinks she hit it off with soemobdy finally and im gonna another guy who isnt attracted to her which will dig her deeper in a hole maybe and it breaks my heart. I know we say looks arent everythign you shouldnt validate yourself by how other people look at you blah blah blah but i really feel bad for members of each gender who have really hard times attracting people of the opposite sex. I know they say theres someone for everyone but who knows,evne if theyre is once in awhile its nice to get external validation form people and Men or Women who cant do that i can imagine go through allot of pain and hurt
Feelin Frisky Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Sure. I've been the object of affection to quite a few girls/women who I just didn't fancy all that much. I only slightly gave one some wrong impression but closed her out immediately afterward. I was 16 when it happened. This family moved on to my block in NYC and had teenage girls who had friends. I dug most of them. But, the one that established that she wanted me was the cousin who was menza menza. I sorta gave her the impression that I was good with her but when we first got close she did things that were drippy. This told me not to encourage her. The screwed up thing was that we were cruising around in my older friend's car and she told him to stop and asked me to go into this apartment house with her. Sure enough she introduces me to her parents, uncles, siblings, you name it. That chick's mind was running overboard. Boy was she bummed when I made myself scarce. She no longer wore hot pants and a halter and instead wore plain jane clothes, hair style and thick glasses. I never gave anyone who I wasn't attracted to the wrong message again. Never.
LondonS Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Happens very often, I think I am good at showing no interest to whom I have no attraction whatsoever. I really can not deal with breaking someone's heart and respect their feelings towards me but I have learnt to be more diplomatic about it.
HeartOnSleeve Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Eh...don't feel bad at all. You can't help who you are or are not attracted too. I deal with this all the time and it's frustrating becuase my friends keep telling me to settle and lower my standards and I just can't do that. Again I don't need 10's but I need someone that I am attracted too. I also, don't want someone to "grow" on me...hahaha. You don't owe anyone anything even if the poor girl is down on herself. What she really needs is a good dose of confidence.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I just felt bad because shes a real nice cool girl whos down in the dumps that Men dont approach her and she thinks she hit it off with soemobdy finally and im gonna another guy who isnt attracted to her which will dig her deeper in a hole maybe and it breaks my heart. I agree with you . . . but if there is one thing in your life that you need to be selfish about, it's this. Even though it feels bad, it's a good thing that you didn't go along with her and start a relationship. My single life consisted of crashing-and-burning in "nice guy" fashion -- or being the dumpee on the few occasions that I actually made it past the initial attraction phase -- but I ultimately failed because I didn't have the heart to be the dumper when I needed to be.
musemaj11 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I like it when women show interest in me. But everytime I had to reject someone, I felt like I lost a part of my soul. I feel more pain rejecting than getting rejected. So its a big dilemma ,,,
Sanman Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 A few years back, when I was younger and less experienced, I briefly dated a woman for about 1.5 months where this was an issue. She was a great girl and a lot of fun to be around. I met her at a time when one of my close friends had began a relationship with a 'larger' woman and had nothing but good things to say about it. This particular girl was not bad looking, but was just on cusp of attractiveness for someone I would date. I was a bit on the superficial side an trying to be a less superficial person. While the dating was fine, I found myself lagging on the physical side of things. It eventually became an issue and was the reason we stopped seeing each other. What I learned from that is while I do have to check my standards an superficiality, a certain level of attractiveness is important to me. Since then, I have been able to better navigate what level of attractiveness can work me in a relationship and what cannot. It was unfortunate that it took me hurting another person to learn the lesson, but that is what happens sometimes. My guess is that even though you feel bad, you are doing the right thing. Testing the waters only to break it off later due to lack of attraction is rougher than never getting started.
angielove Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I don't feel bad but I do feel annoyed. Usually the person I'm not sexually attracted to is very kind/fun/smart/funny so I REALLLLLLLY want to be attracted to them... but I'm just not And thus I get annoyed with myself - they are so sweet to me and they clearly like me, why can't I like them back?!?! I believe sexual attraction is very important in a relationship, and so I wouldn't persue anything unless I felt it.
Titania22 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I have felt bad, about not being attracted to people. The most was with my guy friend a few years back. We were best friends, saw each other every week. Understood each other, had beliefs in allignment to each other and I know that he really loved me. But I just couldn't be physically attracted to him. And then he had a heart attack and died.
musemaj11 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I have felt bad, about not being attracted to people. The most was with my guy friend a few years back. We were best friends, saw each other every week. Understood each other, had beliefs in allignment to each other and I know that he really loved me. But I just couldn't be physically attracted to him. And then he had a heart attack and died. You killed him. You are really bad.
Stonewall Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 My ex girlfriend that I dated for 3 years... I wasn't very attracted to her physically but she was the most interesting and unique person that I've ever met.
denise_xo Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 While we were out the other day my friends wife mentioned to me her friend is single and shes feeling down and that no men hit on her and shes really sad about it she introduced me to her and shes a very nice girl we got along well and she told my friend she thinks im cute and would like to hang out sometime. But i just wasnt attracted to her physically at all,im not saying i need somebody whos a 10 but i have to be attracted on a physical level somewhat. I just felt bad because shes a real nice cool girl whos down in the dumps that Men dont approach her and she thinks she hit it off with soemobdy finally and im gonna another guy who isnt attracted to her which will dig her deeper in a hole maybe and it breaks my heart. I know we say looks arent everythign you shouldnt validate yourself by how other people look at you blah blah blah but i really feel bad for members of each gender who have really hard times attracting people of the opposite sex. I know they say theres someone for everyone but who knows,evne if theyre is once in awhile its nice to get external validation form people and Men or Women who cant do that i can imagine go through allot of pain and hurt I've never received that much attention from men so it hasn't happened to me very often, but there was one guy who had been part of a common social circle for a long time who declared his love in a very emotional and fairly public manner and I had to gently turn him down and it was a bit difficult. He's one of these people who has hardly ever had a gf (he's 40 or so now) and he keeps blaming it on his weight and won't listen to all his friends telling him that what he really needs to do is to brush up his social skills (he can be quite offensive and irritating to people, those of us who are his friends usually just overlook it but it's quickly a turn off if you're trying to chat someone up). On the bright side, I have a female friend who has spent hours crying on my shoulder as she thought she would never be in a relationship (she's nearly 40 and had never had a bf until recently) - but she's now engaged
OceanGirl Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 Yeah, I feel really bad. Especially if a guy is kind and nice...the thought of me hurting him like that is hard. I usually try to soften the blow by staying friends or offer long explanations if they keep contacting me. Sometimes it only makes things worse though Especially when they keep saying "but we get along so well.."
Mrlonelyone Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I have rejected women who came on to me before. It felt terrible to have to tell them that. I hated the feeling. I have also been rejected and knew how it felt... compared to say being strung along for some time or used in some way. It just feels so bad overall to not make a love connection. Especially if I was in a lonely place in life... it could have been so easy to say yes just to have a warm body to hold.
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