daphne Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I'm burned out on dating. I'm burned out on guys who want to become lifetime members of online dating sites. Guys who want instant relationships, or can't be bothered to plan a nice date. Guys who are codependent, needy and selfish. Guys who are inconsistent and have unhealthy relationship styles. So this guy isn't online 3-4 hours a day, he actually puts thought and effort into our date but I'm becoming so jaded I don't know if it's the right time to try to start something. I'm not excited anymore. He's a cutie and super sweet so it's not him. It's just me. I think I'm running out of emotional capital through this online thing. The disappointment is wearing me down, even though I have learned to not get ahead of myself. sigh.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I think I'm running out of emotional capital through this online thing. The disappointment is wearing me down, even though I have learned to not get ahead of myself. I'm right there with you, and not just from online dating. It seems to be getting more difficult to get excited.
GooseChaser Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 You guys can always take breaks from dating when you need to. It's important to do that and recharge, especially considering how tiring the process can get. Daphne, do you think you can work through the burn-out while still dating the new guy? Do you feel that you have the ability right now to give all of your attention to him when you see him? One thing's for sure; you can definitely get through this.
youngskywalker Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) Daphne- I'm experiencing the same thing right now meaning I'm jaded from the last girl. I've met some new ones but it's like my heart isn't into it because I'm not 100% over the last one. What I'm going to do is just keep moving forward. My opinion is this, if you think because of what you're going through at this time that it will sabotage a relationship with this new guy then just be honest with him and tell him your not ready for a new relationship. Make sure he understands that you are interested and would like to try in the near future. Tell him you just need a month or two. Then, when you're ready give him a call. You and I both know that when you're heart isn't into it the other person isn't going to see the 'best' side of you so better not to let them see you at all. If a girl told me that I would take it as she's blowing me off nicely but I would still respect it and if she came around again I would give it a shot. But, then again I'm one of the hopefuls. Edited December 27, 2010 by youngskywalker
Author daphne Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 I'm right there with you, and not just from online dating. It seems to be getting more difficult to get excited. It's probably because we're wondering the age old question "So what's going to be wrong with this one?" That is the anti excitement question.
Author daphne Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 You guys can always take breaks from dating when you need to. It's important to do that and recharge, especially considering how tiring the process can get. Daphne, do you think you can work through the burn-out while still dating the new guy? Do you feel that you have the ability right now to give all of your attention to him when you see him? One thing's for sure; you can definitely get through this. I guess I'll find out tonight if I can work through it. He's been too proactive and sweet to blow him off. I may seriously consider the break thing though if I'm still feeling meh about it. Dating's supposed to be fun and so far, I'm having less fun and more drama than I counted on.
Author daphne Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Daphne- I'm experiencing the same thing right now meaning I'm jaded from the last girl. I've met some new ones but it's like my heart isn't into it because I'm not 100% over the last one. What I'm going to do is just keep moving forward. My opinion is this, if you think because of what you're going through at this time that it will sabotage a relationship with this new guy then just be honest with him and tell him your not ready for a new relationship. Make sure he understands that you are interested and would like to try in the near future. Tell him you just need a month or two. Then, when you're ready give him a call. You and I both know that when you're heart isn't into it the other person isn't going to see the 'best' side of you so better not to let them see you at all. If a girl told me that I would take it as she's blowing me off nicely but I would still respect it and if she came around again I would give it a shot. But, then again I'm one of the hopefuls. Somehow I doubt everyone else is as generous of spirit. It would be hard for anyone not to take it personally. I'm going to keep the plans tonight and see how I feel. It may be that there's no chemistry anyway, in which case I may want to just hide my profile for a while and regenerate my sense of enthusiasm for the opposite sex. I don't think it's that I'm hung up on the last guy I dated. He was a pain and a selfish brat. It's more that I am skittish about what brand of crazy I'll be walking into the next time. Not good thoughts to carry with you on a date. I remember a few months ago when I had a lot of fun and this isn't fun right now.
youngskywalker Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I may want to just hide my profile for a while and regenerate my sense of enthusiasm for the opposite sex......not good thoughts to carry with you on a date. I remember a few months ago when I had a lot of fun and this isn't fun right now. Sounds like you just need a hiatus from dating for awhile. Not a big deal as most people do need it... it recharges the batteries. I hate it when I go out on a date and the whole time I'm thinking about my ex I feel like it's so unfair to the other person. But, and this is the big BUT, I've found if you stick with it for a few dates (if you have some interest) suddenly you'll start to get into it and have some fun. So give this guy a few dates and see what happens. Or you can wait until after your hiatus and give him a call... but we know what's likely to happen with that.
creighton0123 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 I guess I'll find out tonight if I can work through it. He's been too proactive and sweet to blow him off. I may seriously consider the break thing though if I'm still feeling meh about it. Dating's supposed to be fun and so far, I'm having less fun and more drama than I counted on. Seriously. If this guy doesn't work out on the first date, don't force it. Take a break. Date yourself for a while. Take yourself out to nice dinners. Have some of the best sex of your life with yourself. Fall asleep at night cuddling you in your arms. Take yourself dancing and to the movies. You'll find that dating, especially serial dating and not finding the right person, takes quite a bit out on you emotionally. Loving yourself for a little while can be the best thing when you need to recharge yourself emotionally.
Author daphne Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Have some of the best sex of your life with yourself. Can anyone really have the best sex of their lives by themselves? Yes, serial dating does take a lot out of you. Even if you go in with iron clad armour.
Author daphne Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 So the guy looked like his photo. Granted his photo was smoking hot and he was a little less smoking but still a cutie. He took me to a nice French restaurant. The conversation flowed and was easy. He was very much a gentleman with the exception of one thing. He cusses like a sailor which was kind of a turn off for a first date. He started watching himself somewhere on the date though so at least he's self aware. Not that I don't cuss like a sailor but I generally save that for the poker table. We have a number of things in common, as well as values. He's cute, smart and funny. He made a joke that if we get married he's not getting divorced so I need to know up front. He asked for a second date before the first one ended. He was sweet, super attentive and kept my interest. I am definitely looking forward to seeing him again but still can't help but think about the age difference. He's 7 years younger. Definitely a huge difference from a guy who can't buy me a cup of coffee and show up on time (even if he does call me everyday) to a guy who spares no expense to make me happy and takes his time to get to know me. I still feel bad about the other guy and wish things had been different but you can't reward people for treating you less than stellar. I'm starting to get a little excited about the new guy so I gotta see this one through.
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