cj2 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 So nearly two months after my breakup and whilst I am starting to feel like I am getting my act together, I still find the whole thing constantly on my mind and still have many unanswered questions. I've been contemplating counselling the past few days and was just wondering if anybody else has tried it and could share their experiences? Did it help?
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Counselling won't answer your questions. Counselling enables you to come to terms with events, appreciate your role in said events, and decide what actions to take henceforth to change aspects of yourself you personally feel need changing, and that you want to change, and to help you move forward and learn from the experience. If your motives in having counselling, are to have questions answered, chances are you won't attain your objective.
Fern Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I'm nearly 5 months out of my relationship and I still think about it far too much for my own comfort. I'm not sure anything can fix that but time. As long as you're starting to feel OK again (which I am, despite the odd setback) I don't think counselling is totally necessary. It can't hurt though.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Feeling guilty or wrong about still having a break up or ex on your mind just makes it worse, and will prolong the healing. There is no right answer on how long this will take- everyone is different. I suggest that you allow whatever feelings you are having to wash over you, and feel them fully- knowing that in time you WILL be better. After analyzing my break up, I decided I was going to come up with one good reason we weren't together so I wouldn't always be analyzing. I decided- "we simply weren't compatible, and there is someone out there who is better for me, and more willing to put effort into our relationship- and I will be happier with that person". Just keep saying that to yourself, and time will do the rest.
2010_Sorry Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 You will not have questions answered as to why your ex made the decisions he/she made... but counseling will certainly help you to analyze yourself and your role in the relationship. It may open the door for you to see his/her perspective.... In my case, it REALLY opened my eyes... in just two sessions.
BlindRage Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 From my experience counseling does not work one bit. You actually end up wanting to scream at the counselor and you regret the money you wasted. Also you end up feeling like you were talking to yourself. They don't answer your questions, all they do is... "how does that make you feel?" "how do you feel about that?" etc. It seems their education taught them nothing more than answering peoples pleas with questions but no answers.
stopthemadness Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 So nearly two months after my breakup and whilst I am starting to feel like I am getting my act together, I still find the whole thing constantly on my mind and still have many unanswered questions. I've been contemplating counselling the past few days and was just wondering if anybody else has tried it and could share their experiences? Did it help? Hi, Well Ive been going to counseling for about 2 months now and its helped me alot! I was back and forth, off and on with this man for 8 1/2 years. This last time we broke up(in late Oct) I said " I just cant keep donig this!!" Soo I started seeing a therapist. I feel like she gets it. She gets how much I loved this man and how hard it is for me to move on with out him. You see, after Sooo many years of this crap my family and friends are so tired of hearing it. Cause it really is the same stuff only a different year ya know? I felt it neccssary to keep my sanity. I keep a journal now and am feeling so much better then I did in the beginning. Am sleeping in my room again and not on the couch in the living room. I can now listen to music again, which is cool. Am not gona lie and say I have N/C cause we do email eachother sometimes. But I can say that I do refrain from contact and am not stalking anyone!!(smile) So I say go!! See a therapist, its really NOT a bad idea.. Good luck
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 From my experience counseling does not work one bit. You actually end up wanting to scream at the counselor and you regret the money you wasted. Also you end up feeling like you were talking to yourself. They don't answer your questions, all they do is... "how does that make you feel?" "how do you feel about that?" etc. It seems their education taught them nothing more than answering peoples pleas with questions but no answers. Well you went for the wrong reasons then. The counsellors weren't at fault at all. Counsellors are trained to never give you feedback. They're trained to coach and tease the answers out of you. You do the work. They just give you the map. They don't fix you, you do. They just provide the tools, but if you can't see that, or didn't appreciate that at the time, then no wonder it all went legs-up.
1/2moon Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Well you went for the wrong reasons then. The counsellors weren't at fault at all. Counsellors are trained to never give you feedback. They're trained to coach and tease the answers out of you. You do the work. They just give you the map. They don't fix you, you do. They just provide the tools, but if you can't see that, or didn't appreciate that at the time, then no wonder it all went legs-up. AMEN!!!!! Counselling is very beneficial if you are truly ready to get "real with yourself". Its takes alot of courage and hard work to look deep within and see yourself truly for who you - strengths and flaws. Its hard work and far from a picnic. Life will always happenn - good and bad stuff and what matters is how you react and cope.
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