ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 See my frusteration...? She always talks about us being in a "relationship" and doing things in the future like road trips, or going certain places or introducing me to her parents yet when I ask her if she'd like to exclusively date she goes quiet. I get the sinking feeling that I'm having my heart toyed with. you're getting played, stone. if this is your first encounter with a female player, remember it well. she's multidating, meaning enjoying all of the focused attention on her (from a bunch of guys that aren't multidating). she isn't stopping because she's enjoying herself. expect this to continue unless you two either hook it up exclusively, or you walk away. her actions say she prefers the status quo. you know this point well, which is why you won't confront her. you're the one over invested; she's got several other dudes on the side willing to take her out, buy her stuff and rip her clothes off (at her command). she's a PLAYER.
Jannah Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 See my frusteration...? She always talks about us being in a "relationship" and doing things in the future like road trips, or going certain places or introducing me to her parents yet when I ask her if she'd like to exclusively date she goes quiet. I get the sinking feeling that I'm having my heart toyed with. OP she flat out told you she does not want to date exclusively. The difference herein, is that you do. When someone tells you this, but suggests future plans like she has, what you have is what is commonly referred to as FWB. Is that what you want? Because it doesn't sound like you do. If your heart is not into that type of arrangement, it's time for you to bow out.
Author Stonewall Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 OP she flat out told you she does not want to date exclusively. The difference herein, is that you do. When someone tells you this, but suggests future plans like she has, what you have is what is commonly referred to as FWB. Is that what you want? Because it doesn't sound like you do. If your heart is not into that type of arrangement, it's time for you to bow out. A FWB? I'm bad with acronyms. Anyways like I said.. I'm going to give her a month, and then bring it up again this time with an ultimatum.
Jannah Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 A FWB? I'm bad with acronyms. Anyways like I said.. I'm going to give her a month, and then bring it up again this time with an ultimatum. You can google the definition for a better description. If that's what you want to do, then do it. But she has neither stated nor shown a desire to be in an exclusive relationship, her past history supports same.
Author Stonewall Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 You can google the definition for a better description. If that's what you want to do, then do it. But she has neither stated nor shown a desire to be in an exclusive relationship, her past history supports same. Friends with benefits? I don't think that is what she's after. For one we haven't had sex yet, although she did make a pass at me I was just to dense to see it. Secondly she's interested romantically, she said as much and I can tell from her actions and words. She is very affectionate towards me. She certainly isn't looking for me to buy anything for her or pay for anything... I got laid off so I have no money yet she still goes out with me. I think her problem is that she can't just settle on one guy. I think she wants that LTR canidate, but I think she also wants a guy she can have a lot of fun with, another guy who she can have great sex with, etc, etc. I'm tempted to call her a serial dater. She said she'd like to have a LTR but she also wants to have fun, and she always says she wishes for what her friends have that have been in a relationship for 7 years. I think she is confused about what she wants. I at least pushed her in the right direction to think about what it is she wants. Now let me ask you multi-daters out there a question... How hard is it usually to make a decision?
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You are trying to rationalize her behavior. Stop. We can all tell you like her. She may like you, but not enough to stop seeing these others guys. That means the feelings are lopsided and you will not get what you want. Call her, put it all on the line, and ask for exclusivity. If she waffles, leave. There will be others, I promise you. Just don't piss away your time on someone who obviously doesn't share the feelings for you that you share for her.
Author Stonewall Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 You are trying to rationalize her behavior. Stop. We can all tell you like her. She may like you, but not enough to stop seeing these others guys. That means the feelings are lopsided and you will not get what you want. Call her, put it all on the line, and ask for exclusivity. If she waffles, leave. There will be others, I promise you. Just don't piss away your time on someone who obviously doesn't share the feelings for you that you share for her. I already asked for exlusivity... I'm going to give her what she wants, time to think and process things. I'd also like to get a job again before I ask her. She said she wants to have the talk again so I will make it happen one way or the other. This is also something that needs to be done face to face. When that happens I'll ask her again, lay it all on the line. Tell her how I really feel and if she doesn't return my feelings... well I guess it's time to leave. If that happens I'll probably be devistated and not want anything to do with dating or woman for awhile.
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 I already asked for exlusivity... I'm going to give her what she wants, time to think and process things. You don't need to ask again because she already answered the question. If she wanted to be exclusive, the answer would have been a flat "yes." Instead you got a waffling response and is more than likely code for "no, but I don't want to drop you right now." Not saying ANY of this is your fault (because it isn't) but there's really no point in re-checking the pulse of a dead horse. Move on, man. I know it sucks now but you will do better.
Jannah Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Friends with benefits? I don't think that is what she's after. For one we haven't had sex yet, although she did make a pass at me I was just to dense to see it. Secondly she's interested romantically, she said as much and I can tell from her actions and words. She is very affectionate towards me. She certainly isn't looking for me to buy anything for her or pay for anything... I got laid off so I have no money yet she still goes out with me. I think her problem is that she can't just settle on one guy. I think she wants that LTR canidate, but I think she also wants a guy she can have a lot of fun with, another guy who she can have great sex with, etc, etc. I'm tempted to call her a serial dater. She said she'd like to have a LTR but she also wants to have fun, and she always says she wishes for what her friends have that have been in a relationship for 7 years. I think she is confused about what she wants. I at least pushed her in the right direction to think about what it is she wants. Now let me ask you multi-daters out there a question... How hard is it usually to make a decision? Your rationalization may very well paint things in a different light but it still does not change anything in terms of someone wanting to be in an exclusive relationship. And I would think if someone is multi-dating, they would stop seeing other people at some point and focus on one person. The issue herein is that your feelings seem to have progressed at a faster pace than hers. Be honest with yourself here. Are you are okay with that? Are you okay with her dating other men, being romantic with them and/or physically affectionate with them?
Author Stonewall Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 What she seemed most apprehensive about is my ex.
aerogurl87 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 What she seemed most apprehensive about is my ex. Now you're just making excuses for her. This girl doesn't want one guy, she wants attention. Exclusivity cuts off the multiple sources of attention and she doesn't want that to happen. So she'll string you along as long as possible with this "we're in a relationship but I'm dating others" crap until you either walk or she decides she wants to be with you only. But I'm going to be honest it looks like you leaving her is a more likely scenario than her to give up her other men.
Author Stonewall Posted December 29, 2010 Author Posted December 29, 2010 Now you're just making excuses for her. This girl doesn't want one guy, she wants attention. Exclusivity cuts off the multiple sources of attention and she doesn't want that to happen. So she'll string you along as long as possible with this "we're in a relationship but I'm dating others" crap until you either walk or she decides she wants to be with you only. But I'm going to be honest it looks like you leaving her is a more likely scenario than her to give up her other men. But that specifically is what she was asking for. We must've spent an hour talking about my ex. I told her I got out of a relationship two weeks before we started dating. I told her it was affecting my appetite, and sleeping habbits(this was our first date). Now I'm over my ex and I only have one woman on my mind, her. When I asked her that she was grilling me with questions about my ex. Then she became silent. Maybe I'm making excuses, I guess I'm just a lovesick fool. Maybe I'am dating a female player.
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