Hopeful30 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) His ex was very, very insecure and very, VERY jealous. She would give him grief for simply being friendly and saying hi to a girl neighbour. That being said, he would always hide his phone from her. He has friends that are girls, and I have met all of them. But he is so into the habit of hiding everything to avoid conflict, that it's beginning to make me feel insecure. If a man always hides his phone, it's natural to think something is wrong. I'm not asking to see his conversations, but when he gets a text message, he doesn't have to look at his phone quickly and then stash it away in his pocket if it's from someone who doesn't have a penis. Am I wrong to feel insecure? And what should I do about it? It's been about two months, and he told me how he appreciates that I respect his privacy and that no one has ever treated him the way I do. All his friends love me, and even when its boys night out, he begs the guys to let me come. So I know he isn't hiding anything, but I still can't help but feel insecure sometimes. I have seen a few times he got messages from his ex, who has been harassing him since she found out we began dating. I asked him about it, and he was honest and told me what was going on. But I hate that I have to ask every single time. So if I don't ask what's going on in his life, then I will never know? I feel like he should share these things, or is that asking too much? Thoughts? Edited December 27, 2010 by Hopeful30
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 are you wrong to feel cold? how about hungry? get my drift...? no one can say, with certainty, that your guy's up to no good; but it fits the profile... c'mon. even if it doesn't, you're getting feedback that suggests an issue and it's not being resolved between the two of you. look at it this way. (i) this shouldn't be an issue unless you're exclusive; & (ii) if you are exclusive, dude should satisfy your rational curiosity.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 If you cant trust that he isnt planning on cheating on you, if you feel youre not enough for him, then you either have to step up your game, or break it off. If you keep asking him to tell you things that he doesnt want to share, you will just become annoying, and insecurity is a destructive force in a relationship. He likes attention, deal with it. Its his way, and he probably wont change that. Youre two months in, you dont have exclusive rights yet. Not only that, but if his ex was very very jealous, he might have given her a reason to be jealous. He's a popular guy, thats what you wanted, thats what you got. You can let him feel that kind of sting and start getting texts from guys in front of him.
Kowaco Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I can tell you from experience that any time I guarded my phone was because I had texts, voicemails calls that I didn't want someone to see. I understand that some habits are difficult to break but hiding the phone is probably not one of them. I told my girlfriend I didn't want her looking through my stuff just on principle, however when I knew we were serious and she was who I wanted to be with I took any voice mail, text etc. off the phone (not that there was really anything sinister on there) and was never worried about handing her my phone if she wanted to look. Same with emails etc. I simply told her that I didn't have anything to hide and if she had to check up on me then we needed to talk about that, but I think the fact we could pick up each other’s phone made us both feel better. I really don’t remember us ever checking each other’s phones.
BobSacamento Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 They way I see it is that you don't think he's up to no good but the thing that is bothering you is the fact he doesn't trust you. So really it is his insecurity that is sort of rubbing off on you. But I can understand where this guy is coming from. Do you ever hang out with his friends? I feel like maybe if you were more familiar with the people he was texting perhaps he would be more open.
dispatch3d Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Its not overly polite to talk about x girlfriends with current girlfriends. I would simply repeat the other part verbatim to him... "You don't have to hide every text from someone without a penis from me." I also have a question for him. If a girl calls him but gets a parrot to talk for her is that call a hider or a show-er?
dispatch3d Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 ps. I would also call out any hider texts in a joking manner when he receives them. Oooooo its a hider! I am going to send you one of those later.
Author Hopeful30 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 They way I see it is that you don't think he's up to no good but the thing that is bothering you is the fact he doesn't trust you. So really it is his insecurity that is sort of rubbing off on you. But I can understand where this guy is coming from. Do you ever hang out with his friends? I feel like maybe if you were more familiar with the people he was texting perhaps he would be more open. I never looked at it that way. You are SO right, HE is insecure. Thank you for that eye opener. I know all his friends. We are all very close we've known each other for years, I talk to them all the time. It's the girl stuff he hides however. He once got a call from a girl (who I am friends with as well, we get along great) but he didn't answer the phone. She later texted him telling him to come out to his great party, which we both ended up going to, he didn't want to go without me. So he isn't hiding anything, he is just insecure. You are SO right. THANK YOU for that. Big eye opener.
zengirl Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 His ex was very, very insecure and very, VERY jealous. She would give him grief for simply being friendly and saying hi to a girl neighbour. That being said, he would always hide his phone from her. He has friends that are girls, and I have met all of them. But he is so into the habit of hiding everything to avoid conflict, that it's beginning to make me feel insecure. If a man always hides his phone, it's natural to think something is wrong. I'm not asking to see his conversations, but when he gets a text message, he doesn't have to look at his phone quickly and then stash it away in his pocket if it's from someone who doesn't have a penis. Am I wrong to feel insecure? And what should I do about it? It's been about two months, and he told me how he appreciates that I respect his privacy and that no one has ever treated him the way I do. All his friends love me, and even when its boys night out, he begs the guys to let me come. So I know he isn't hiding anything, but I still can't help but feel insecure sometimes. I have seen a few times he got messages from his ex, who has been harassing him since she found out we began dating. I asked him about it, and he was honest and told me what was going on. But I hate that I have to ask every single time. So if I don't ask what's going on in his life, then I will never know? I feel like he should share these things, or is that asking too much? Thoughts? Such behavior is not normal. Being in a relationship with someone who is so jealous they 'prompt' such behavior is not normal (meaning his relationship with his ex and what he says about it would be a red flag to me too).
BobSacamento Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I never looked at it that way. You are SO right, HE is insecure. Thank you for that eye opener. I know all his friends. We are all very close we've known each other for years, I talk to them all the time. It's the girl stuff he hides however. He once got a call from a girl (who I am friends with as well, we get along great) but he didn't answer the phone. She later texted him telling him to come out to his great party, which we both ended up going to, he didn't want to go without me. So he isn't hiding anything, he is just insecure. You are SO right. THANK YOU for that. Big eye opener. I suspect after his last relationship that was full of jealousy he fears bringing up anything that might lead down that road. However, as we see here, those actions have repercussions on how you feel. He might have some abandonment issues as well but I really don't know, just a guess.
Enchanted Girl Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Just look at his other actions and go by that. If everything else points to him being faithful, then he's probably just not wanting to cause an argument and his ex made him paranoid. If there are other clues that he's cheating, then you have reason to be suspicious. If someone is doing something underhanded like that you usually have more than just one clue as to what is happening. And the fact that he was okay with telling all his female friends about you and introducing you to all of them makes it very unlikely that he's doing anything bad. Anyone would avoid introducing the person they are dating to the person they are cheating on them with to avoid a confrontation, so don't worry about it. Just start laughing about it and teasing him about it, so that he relaxes. Like giggle when you know he got a phone call from a girl and wink at him and tell him that he sure is popular. It just makes you seem more confident and shows you are not the jealous type and will help him relax in this area more.
HeartOnSleeve Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 His ex was very, very insecure and very, VERY jealous. She would give him grief for simply being friendly and saying hi to a girl neighbour. That being said, he would always hide his phone from her. He has friends that are girls, and I have met all of them. But he is so into the habit of hiding everything to avoid conflict, that it's beginning to make me feel insecure. If a man always hides his phone, it's natural to think something is wrong. I'm not asking to see his conversations, but when he gets a text message, he doesn't have to look at his phone quickly and then stash it away in his pocket if it's from someone who doesn't have a penis. Am I wrong to feel insecure? And what should I do about it? It's been about two months, and he told me how he appreciates that I respect his privacy and that no one has ever treated him the way I do. All his friends love me, and even when its boys night out, he begs the guys to let me come. So I know he isn't hiding anything, but I still can't help but feel insecure sometimes. I have seen a few times he got messages from his ex, who has been harassing him since she found out we began dating. I asked him about it, and he was honest and told me what was going on. But I hate that I have to ask every single time. So if I don't ask what's going on in his life, then I will never know? I feel like he should share these things, or is that asking too much? Thoughts? Yikes....if it were me I would remind him that you aren't his ex and that you hope your relationship is different and that he would be confindent and secure knowing you weren't going to jump down his throat for conversering and knowing those of the opposite sex. I know his behavior would make me feel insecure. I am a huge advocate of trying not to bring the past into my future. Good luck!
Author Hopeful30 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 I suspect after his last relationship that was full of jealousy he fears bringing up anything that might lead down that road. However, as we see here, those actions have repercussions on how you feel. He might have some abandonment issues as well but I really don't know, just a guess. As a kid, I found out, he was always attached to his mom. Big mamas boy. Always followed him mom everywhere and did what she said. I find he is like that too, always asks my opinion and wants to hear my suggestions on things. I don't know if that really plays into anything. I did what you said with the whole "joking around" thing, and said something sarcastic and funny. It worked! He was laughing and joking with me, I found that eased the tension a bit. So thank you for that
Enema Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 You learn a lot about how to behave in relationships from your ex's. You're just going to have to give him time and let him realize that hiding his phone isn't necessary. Think of ways you can make him see that you don't care if he has female friends and txts them.
Recommended Posts