Author ozziegal8 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 oh hell yes, lucked out. lol what does lucked out mean sorry im from aus different lingo
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Hey---No contact with this guy from now on...ok? Just completely remove yourself from his life. The way he broke up with you seems fitting to his previous behaviour. He was always insensitive and unreliable. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. Stop analyzing. I feel sorry to read this story. Love will come into your life (i don't consider what u had with that guy love). Take care of yourself. thanks for you kind message makes me realise there are decent ppl out there. dont worry that text i sent 10 days ago was the last message i will ever send.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 lol what does lucked out mean sorry im from aus different lingo no problem. "lucked out" is an American saying we use to reference a situation where somebody was extremely lucky.
Author ozziegal8 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 no problem. "lucked out" is an American saying we use to reference a situation where somebody was extremely lucky. yes i know that deep down. but it will take me a while to realise that think im just a bit lonely.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 For whatever reason your self-confidence is the pits. This leads you to believe: 1) "Everyone has flaws, and I have had a past too, so why don't we forget our pasts and move forward" a) Yes everyone has a past, but what kind of past? Have they dealt with the basics in their life yet? If not, they are not healthy enough to be in a long-term relationship. b) If you haven't dealt with your past and boosted your confidence etc. to a healthy level, do not enter into a relationship yourself. Give your self a break. Do some self-care and get yourself healthy and accomplishing things that bring you pride so that if you lose a relationship, it is not so hard on your pride and self-image (i.e. "What's wrong with me?") c) If the guy hasn't done anything to fix up his past issues, then he isn't ready to forget his past and move forward. He is still living with the behaviours that created the situation 2) There is a difference between giving benefit of the doubt and blantantly ignoring what is in front of you. Most healthy guys realize when something is wise to pursue and not pursue. If dude is so broke that you are going places and he is asking you to pay at the last minute, give your head a shake. A smart man would let you know that right now he can't afford it, but he is looking all the time for more work and then he can take you out to better places. You will also see evidence to back his words. 3) A lot of times women who have been through abusive situations think that these guys may just have been "given a run of bad luck." Not everyone gets a "run of bad luck," this is true. But if that run of bad luck keeps going and the guy is doing very little or has given up, he has created his situation. This guy is not your prince. It is his responsibility to walk away/overcome his circumstance over time. Easier said than done, but he does have a little kid and he is an adult now. Just part of the fun. Be glad he is gone.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 so i met a new guy through a friend on nye, he is lovely, he even suggests about 'catching up' again...what a nice change and i realise now i just didnt have a clue after being with someone for 3 years then 'dating' again how i had no idea!!!
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Good for you! Remember go slow, and check out who he is first.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Good for you! Remember go slow, and check out who he is first. he has known my best mate for 15 years so ive been given the thumbs up by him. he admitted he was a player years ago but he is older than me and over it hasnt been with anyone for a long time.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 he has known my best mate for 15 years so ive been given the thumbs up by him. he admitted he was a player years ago but he is older than me and over it hasnt been with anyone for a long time. Do a little more digging and listen to your gut. Sometimes your heart likes to override it a little.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Do a little more digging and listen to your gut. Sometimes your heart likes to override it a little. dont worry i have more of a sheild up this time. im was very raw after my last long term relationship it was 1 week before i met the dad. my best mate knows how much ive been stuffed about i dont think he would lie. i have also slept with this guy as i only really wanted a one night thing but he is very keen he wants to take me out tmw.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 SLOW does not mean ONS. Very hard to keep your head on straight now! Be careful!
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 One night stand ok but when i met him i had no intention of seeing him again i knew it was for one night but once i spent time with him i thought he was nice. we spent 2 days together. but im taking it slow if this one doesnt work out i wont be heartbroken. i actually think this one likes me.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Even if he didn't he can get laid. Obviously too late for this one to go slow with, but in the future maybe try not springboarding into ONS when you aren't quite over the last one.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Even if he didn't he can get laid. Obviously too late for this one to go slow with, but in the future maybe try not springboarding into ONS when you aren't quite over the last one. i know to be honest with you i didnt really like him and thats why i did the ONS but he seems to like me?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 i know to be honest with you i didnt really like him and thats why i did the ONS but he seems to like me? Print off your last post and find the brightest, reddest flag and stick it right through the part I bolded for you. Ozziegal, if you aren't into someone, don't sleep with them! And do not date them after sleeping with them! Detach, call it a one-time thing and find someone YOU like. you aren't thinking enough about what YOU like or feel. That only leads to disaster and misery and resent and bad feelings on both sides. Detach and try again, he isn't your prince if you aren't even really into him. It'll come but girl, take it from someone who has skinned their knees on this block so many times, take it slow, and find someone you like. Get a book on co-dependency. If you are willing to sleep with someone because they like you but you aren't that into them and willing to have a dumb relationship like the one you got out of, at least look up a book or two about relationship co-dependency. Don't spend 10 years screwing up relationships until you figure it out. I do think you are a really really nice girl and I don't want you to think I am trying to control you or push you around, but really having relationships start like this will not bring you long-term happiness. Read up on it before you start going out again. You are just asking for something similar to before to happen all over again. He may be a nice guy, but your reactions to him can actually alter the way he behaves towards you as well.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Print off your last post and find the brightest, reddest flag and stick it right through the part I bolded for you. Ozziegal, if you aren't into someone, don't sleep with them! And do not date them after sleeping with them! Detach, call it a one-time thing and find someone YOU like. you aren't thinking enough about what YOU like or feel. That only leads to disaster and misery and resent and bad feelings on both sides. Detach and try again, he isn't your prince if you aren't even really into him. It'll come but girl, take it from someone who has skinned their knees on this block so many times, take it slow, and find someone you like. Get a book on co-dependency. If you are willing to sleep with someone because they like you but you aren't that into them and willing to have a dumb relationship like the one you got out of, at least look up a book or two about relationship co-dependency. Don't spend 10 years screwing up relationships until you figure it out. I do think you are a really really nice girl and I don't want you to think I am trying to control you or push you around, but really having relationships start like this will not bring you long-term happiness. Read up on it before you start going out again. You are just asking for something similar to before to happen all over again. what do you mean? ( i know you arent trying to control me i appreciate your help x) He may be a nice guy, but your reactions to him can actually alter the way he behaves towards you as well. what do you mean? ( i know you arent trying to control me i appreciate your help x)
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 what do you mean? ( i know you arent trying to control me i appreciate your help x) OKay, just back off from this guy until you get your head a little more clear. 1) You don't sleep with someone you aren't really into. Not a good idea, it gives a temporary ego boost but it also messes with your brain. 2) Don't start a relationship (even a fledgling one) with someone you really aren't into just because they like you. You have to like them either first or shortly after. Don't just latch onto someone acceptable that likes you. Find someone you like. 3) It sometimes takes a little time to figure out if a guy is worth it or not, if you sleep with him quickly, he will come to see you as a "nice girl" but only in the sense that you will sleep with him because he likes you. Which is actually accurate. 4) don't be so bloody worried if they like you at first, figure out if they are even worth liking. Check what they have been like, how they live, and big red flags in their history. Slowly over time while dating. Then maybe try to see where things lead. Do not be so worried about their feelings. (I wouldn't suggest that for everyone but you strike me as the type to be waaaayyy to concerned about it.) Check up on the co-dependency books. Put your energy right back into yourself, not on impressing any of them for now.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 OKay, just back off from this guy until you get your head a little more clear. 1) You don't sleep with someone you aren't really into. Not a good idea, it gives a temporary ego boost but it also messes with your brain. 2) Don't start a relationship (even a fledgling one) with someone you really aren't into just because they like you. You have to like them either first or shortly after. Don't just latch onto someone acceptable that likes you. Find someone you like. 3) It sometimes takes a little time to figure out if a guy is worth it or not, if you sleep with him quickly, he will come to see you as a "nice girl" but only in the sense that you will sleep with him because he likes you. Which is actually accurate. 4) don't be so bloody worried if they like you at first, figure out if they are even worth liking. Check what they have been like, how they live, and big red flags in their history. Slowly over time while dating. Then maybe try to see where things lead. Do not be so worried about their feelings. (I wouldn't suggest that for everyone but you strike me as the type to be waaaayyy to concerned about it.) Check up on the co-dependency books. Put your energy right back into yourself, not on impressing any of them for now. yes we caught up again today it was so nice to have someone ask me out again on our previous date. i never expected this so soon. it was nye and out with my best male friend this guy has known my mate for 15 years. i have just come back from he told me how he feels so comfortable with me, we didnt do the deed as i didnt want that he also agreed as he wants to just hang out with me. he took me out for dinner and paid lol he is older. i cant believe how badly this other guy treated me.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 That is good. Maybe you will learn quite a bit more from this. Make sure you hang back a bit and see how he treats you.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 That is good. Maybe you will learn quite a bit more from this. Make sure you hang back a bit and see how he treats you. what do you mean by being worried about 'their' feelings?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 what do you mean by being worried about 'their' feelings? "i know to be honest with you i didnt really like him and thats why i did the ONS but he seems to like me? " I would say that you seem to be more focussed on whether or not the guy likes you then whether you like them or not. That would make you more concerned with their feelings then your own.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 "i know to be honest with you i didnt really like him and thats why i did the ONS but he seems to like me? " I would say that you seem to be more focussed on whether or not the guy likes you then whether you like them or not. That would make you more concerned with their feelings then your own. you may be right, im hanging back a bit, i will see how everything goes and keep you posted.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I do hope that everything goes well. Don't get me wrong. I just know that love can be kind of like a life lottery and you need to do everything to tip the odds in your favour. You will see that a lot of posters on here will wail about the unfairness of it all: "Men don't fall all over me because I am fat, wah" "Women only want to use a guy because she's a parasite, there aren't enough good girls, wah" When really by not buying tickets for the user, or superficial types AND by making yourself as physically and emotionally healthy as you can be, you vastly improve your odds. By trying to gauge someone else's interest and potentially throwing yourself under the bus over it, you would be decreasing your odds. Granted everything is case-by-case, but as you get older you see certain correlations. Just like games like blackjack and roulette all have different odds, so do different types of relationships and different types of people. I truly don't think that anyone under a certain level of relational health can maintain a long-term healthy relationship. (None of this I am saying to you specifically. They are generalities, the problem today is most people think that they are the exception to the rule, not one of the ones that the rule applies to.
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