Deleted and blocked on Facebook

[Truly Lost]

he told me this on our first date and then 2nd date just after he asked me to date him... so no wasn't trying to get rid of me then.

 

He is probably trying to string you along then....guys don't say something like that to a woman they really like. Either he is really insecure and terrible at conveying his feelings or he is just trying to warn you that things might not get to serious...either way...it's a terrible sign. If you have any chance with this guy...let him go now...be stand-offish. Let him chase you. Protect yourself and your feelings. Guys are attracted to confident women who know what they want. If he thinks he ruined a good thing, then he will come chasing.

[ozziegal8]

He is probably trying to string you along then....guys don't say something like that to a woman they really like. Either he is really insecure and terrible at conveying his feelings or he is just trying to warn you that things might not get to serious...either way...it's a terrible sign. If you have any chance with this guy...let him go now...be stand-offish. Let him chase you. Protect yourself and your feelings. Guys are attracted to confident women who know what they want. If he thinks he ruined a good thing, then he will come chasing.

 

its over did you read the rest of my posts?

he didnt reply when i asked if everything was ok with 'us' after he cancelled then 2 days later i rang from work and he hung the phone up before i even said hello he didnt know the number but still and 10 mins later he deleted me from facebook.

[Truly Lost]

Then I guess it wasn't meant to be....he has something else going on and doesn't want you in the picture. Sorry...I know that hurts. Don't keep contacting him...it just makes you look annoying and does nothing for your self-esteem. His avoiding you is a message and a mighty cruel one at that. Move on...and again...I'm sorry.

[ozziegal8]

Then I guess it wasn't meant to be....he has something else going on and doesn't want you in the picture. Sorry...I know that hurts. Don't keep contacting him...it just makes you look annoying and does nothing for your self-esteem. His avoiding you is a message and a mighty cruel one at that. Move on...and again...I'm sorry.

 

its ok i havent wrecked my dignity i text him last tuesday after i was deleted that was the last time i contacted him and believe me it wasnt nice what i wrote.

something else going on like another chick?

[Truly Lost]

Another woman...could be.....we really don't know. What we do know is he isn't interested anymore for any number of reasons. Perhaps he had other more pressing issues worth addressing than pursuing you. Just let it go for now. That is all you can do. Try meeting other people to get your mind off him. Do what you need to do to get over this guy, but don't initiate any more contact...he deleted you...that is a for sure sign that he doesn't wish to have contact with you anymore. If he regrets it later...well then...I hope you will have moved on by then...and maybe he will have his time feeling regretful about that. Best of luck.

[ozziegal8]

Another woman...could be.....we really don't know. What we do know is he isn't interested anymore for any number of reasons. Perhaps he had other more pressing issues worth addressing than pursuing you. Just let it go for now. That is all you can do. Try meeting other people to get your mind off him. Do what you need to do to get over this guy, but don't initiate any more contact...he deleted you...that is a for sure sign that he doesn't wish to have contact with you anymore. If he regrets it later...well then...I hope you will have moved on by then...and maybe he will have his time feeling regretful about that. Best of luck.

i was out last night so i dont have any probs meeting guys..

[Mme. Chaucer]

I know this hurt you, but it's time to move on. Don't indulge yourself in trying to analyze it any further, or in talking about it with friends, or posting about it. Let it be in the past.

 

Honestly, he does not sound like any kind of a prize, and I hope you will have learned something from your experience and not have to go through it again with another similar loser.

 

Take care of yourself, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, and you can have that.

[ConflictedGuy27]

hey, there's nothing wrong about crying over spilled milk; certainly when there's more than a few drops of the stuff in the glass.

 

seems to me you're upset over a blatant loser (i.e. a "spilled" glass with damn near zero milk in it).

no matter how you slice it, this dude was a loser and you pursued hardcore. what's up with that?

 

bought him & yourself dinner on YOUR bday?

paying for dates to the point where it's way less than a 50/50 split...

no money? no career?

not making reasonable efforts to show respect by returning your communications...

 

your report card tells me you need improvement when it comes to selecting men. if this isn't the first time you've slobberred all over a loser than you certainly need to reassess your approach/standards.

Edited December 28, 2010 by ConflictedGuy27

[ozziegal8]

i feel so used and gullible.

he must of been laughing at me at how silly i was.

maybe he did have another woman although the boy didnt mention other woman and he said he had only introduced 3 in his life time.

im on my own these holidays and feel so depressed.

[Truly Lost]

Aww...I know just how you feel. You put time, money, effort, and hope into this loser and you also looked past all the undesirable baggage he carries with him. Honestly, he should be so lucky to have a woman like you who wants to be with the likes of him. But for what ever reason he didn't share the same level of interest. He needs a loser girl so he can have someone to relate to. You know misery loves company.

 

You need a man that can put a smile on your face and make you feel like the luckiest woman alive. You can't honestly tell me he was doing that for you.....can you?

 

Are you really truly into this guy or was it more of the potential of having a relationship? Most everyone has a fear of being alone. You seem like you like to be needed because it fills a void in your life. Now that you are back to being single and available again it's got you scared because it can be a very lonely place to be. I know because I'm right there with you.

 

I know this guy probably had a character about him that lit you up that you grew very fond of, but for now just focus on all the things that makes this guy not good for you. Geez...he definately wasn't. Just think of all the great things that he would have denied you because of the baggage he drags around with him. You would have grown to resent him. Trust me...I was with a guy very similar to yours for a year and a half. I'm so angry that I let it drag out for that long. I'm so glad he is out of my life now.

 

I don't have to deal with his being broke, child support, bad credit, not being able to afford to live with me, a crappy car, and borrowing money from me. Also, missing out on traveling or even going out to dinner because he never had any money....ugh!!....that was awful and it's over now....Thank God!!! I'd rather be alone then to have to go through that again.

 

You will get through this, I think you know that, you just need encouragement. I know it's hard now, but try to focus your attention on meeting someone new. Eventually you will and you will be happier for it. Don't dwell on this guy for too long. He isn't worth the time you are wasting.

[ozziegal8]

Aww...I know just how you feel. You put time, money, effort, and hope into this loser and you also looked past all the undesirable baggage he carries with him. Honestly, he should be so lucky to have a woman like you who wants to be with the likes of him. But for what ever reason he didn't share the same level of interest. He needs a loser girl so he can have someone to relate to. You know misery loves company.

 

You need a man that can put a smile on your face and make you feel like the luckiest woman alive. You can't honestly tell me he was doing that for you.....can you?

 

Are you really truly into this guy or was it more of the potential of having a relationship? Most everyone has a fear of being alone. You seem like you like to be needed because it fills a void in your life. Now that you are back to being single and available again it's got you scared because it can be a very lonely place to be. I know because I'm right there with you.

 

I know this guy probably had a character about him that lit you up that you grew very fond of, but for now just focus on all the things that makes this guy not good for you. Geez...he definately wasn't. Just think of all the great things that he would have denied you because of the baggage he drags around with him. You would have grown to resent him. Trust me...I was with a guy very similar to yours for a year and a half. I'm so angry that I let it drag out for that long. I'm so glad he is out of my life now.

 

I don't have to deal with his being broke, child support, bad credit, not being able to afford to live with me, a crappy car, and borrowing money from me. Also, missing out on traveling or even going out to dinner because he never had any money....ugh!!....that was awful and it's over now....Thank God!!! I'd rather be alone then to have to go through that again.

 

You will get through this, I think you know that, you just need encouragement. I know it's hard now, but try to focus your attention on meeting someone new. Eventually you will and you will be happier for it. Don't dwell on this guy for too long. He isn't worth the time you are wasting.

 

thanks i went out today with my friends and feel loads better as ive just been moping in the house. went to gym etc.

i went to my friends for dinner her boyfriend saw the mother of this child for a while and told me some interesting stories about 'this guy' he hit her and had part time job when she met him. he told me he takes no maintenance from her when she has to pay him and his foxtel bill. the mother had been harrassing my friends boyfriend for weeks about me (they didnt tell me) he has now told her its over and she was right he was a loser, im not sure why she wasn't happy about me seeing him im guessing she knew he would bag her to me and it would get back to my friends boyfriend. apparently he meets lots of woman on the net.hmmm.

[ozziegal8]

so the mother of the child whom also know's my friends boyfriend had found out about me a month ago (he had been telling the kid 'lisa knows mummies friend angelo) so of course the child repeats it. the mum then gets her friend to ring angelo and ask if he knows me apparently she had been hassling him about me and is very protective of her son. my friends boyfriend let her know i had dumped him and that she was right he is awful and apparently she text back saying thanks for letting me know.

do you think this is the reason why he 'disappeared'? and deleted me from fb? maybe so she couldnt find me?

[dreamingoftigers]

hmmm there were red flags, he told early on he has attachment issue's and gets sick of woman easily.

 

There's your answer right there as to why he acted that way.

 

Set the bar higher and try again.

 

Everyone hits a temporary slump every now and again, but if a guy's whole life and surroundings are a slump that's a red flag.

[ozziegal8]

There's your answer right there as to why he acted that way.

 

Set the bar higher and try again.

 

Everyone hits a temporary slump every now and again, but if a guy's whole life and surroundings are a slump that's a red flag.

 

a slump? what do you mean?

[dreamingoftigers]

a slump? what do you mean?

 

You know, they lose a job or a place. The recession hit lots of people hard.

 

Or they are depressed over a major breakup or an illness.

 

But if someone is permanently in a "slump" or they just have not ever gotten it together AND they aren't improving or dedicated to improving their circumstance. I mean more doing something about it instead of just talking. That means that they are not healthy and probably not able to handle the challenges that come with a relationship.

 

If someones long-term relationship record states something like: 20 affairs in 20 years and 3 divorces, unless that person has done things to change whatever it is eating them up inside, they are very very likely not going to be a healthy partner.

 

In a couple, I think it is best to try to match your baggage. If you are entering a first relationship, I wouldn't recommend someone who is divorced with two kids, that's too much baggage for someone who has never had a relationship before.

 

At this point if my marriage failed, I would not get involved with someone who had extremely little experience dating or in relationships because our baggage didn't match. I also wouldn't get involved with a 65 year old widower who had adult children older then myself. Too much baggage that I can't relate to. Plus he would potentially be a stepfather to my 18 month old daughter which may alienate his existing family, putting an extra strain on an already weird relationship. Get it?

[ozziegal8]

You know, they lose a job or a place. The recession hit lots of people hard.

 

Or they are depressed over a major breakup or an illness.

 

But if someone is permanently in a "slump" or they just have not ever gotten it together AND they aren't improving or dedicated to improving their circumstance. I mean more doing something about it instead of just talking. That means that they are not healthy and probably not able to handle the challenges that come with a relationship.

 

If someones long-term relationship record states something like: 20 affairs in 20 years and 3 divorces, unless that person has done things to change whatever it is eating them up inside, they are very very likely not going to be a healthy partner.

 

 

so you are saying he has never had a proper relationship before by the sounds of it?

 

In a couple, I think it is best to try to match your baggage. If you are entering a first relationship, I wouldn't recommend someone who is divorced with two kids, that's too much baggage for someone who has never had a relationship before.

 

At this point if my marriage failed, I would not get involved with someone who had extremely little experience dating or in relationships because our baggage didn't match. I also wouldn't get involved with a 65 year old widower who had adult children older then myself. Too much baggage that I can't relate to. Plus he would potentially be a stepfather to my 18 month old daughter which may alienate his existing family, putting an extra strain on an already weird relationship. Get it?

 

so you are saying he has never had a proper relationship before by the sounds of it?

[BobSacamento]

Yeah I have been Facebook dropped. I've always seen that as a passive aggressive behavior. It is better I believe to take the high road though. I don't send creepy messages back telling them how they are deadbeats or anything...

 

I almost see it as a badge of honor for some reason. I know they are only doing it to stick it to me.

[dreamingoftigers]

so you are saying he has never had a proper relationship before by the sounds of it?

 

No, this isn't about him. I am saying that for the future if a guy has some overarching problems to back off.

 

If he cannot consistently hold down a full-time job.

 

If he has weird attitudes about people "always taking advantage of him" OR he thinks that he "better get his piece of the pie first so no one can get one over on him."

 

If he thinks women "are only interested in his money, car, home etc." If he has weird attitudes about women that don't sit right with you, especially if he seems to attract a certain "type" of woman that he has been disappointed by. (I.e. "Most girls only want to see what they can get out of me.") Trust me, he will be saying that you are the next one that made a victim out of him

 

If he drinks too much on a first time out.

 

Constantly broke and unable to make ends meet (may be recession-related ask him stuff about his history and get a gut feeling about it). If you are paying for dates and hav not agreed to go dutch beforehand, you have a problem, these are the basics.

 

If he is aggressive with you. If he blames you for being in a particular mood.

 

If he has never had a consistent relationship and his is getting to his late 20s. If his sexual history is frequent and random. Having a child by a FWB would be a red flag to me.

 

Anything that suggests he has instability, mental health issue or addiction that he is not dealing with.

 

It is the responsibility of the guy to act decently and treat you and other women with respect. It is your responsibility to find the guy that does.

 

I say that it is good to match your baggage. What I mean is try to find someone with similar relationship standing as yourself. Each relationship stage comes with huge emotional attachment and commitments. If you don't have a child, I, personally would not recommend getting together with someone that does.

 

Having a child is a HUGE event in someone's life and you would need to be someone that understands this from a personal perspective if you were to have a potential hand in raising that child for instance.

 

I would not get together with a childless man if my marriage fails. I need to know that on the first basic level, the guy gets how important my child is to me, while we could be companions etc. Maybe even get married, my little girl would always always always come first.

 

One of my close friends just moved in with this total idiot. She has always wanted a family and he has two children from a previous relationship. My friend has had a couple of relationships, but overall her sex and love life is pretty unstable. Her ex had his **** together, but she dumped him anyways.

 

The total idiot takes complete advantage of her. He introduced her to his kids at Day One and they started doing sleepovers at this point. The little girl asked her Dad things like "does this mean I come last now?" Single dads who respect how their kids feel do not just throw a woman in the bed on Day One and see how things turn out. They date and wait and see what the person is like.

 

My friend (I have not seen this side of her, I do not go out with her) gets drunk and blows fits at people. The guy doesn't like this to the point where he thinks he may split off with her because of it. At this point her and the kids have been bonding since mid-Oct (she has been practically living there, doing morning routine, babysitting and living as a family). She also controls the **** out of the kids. So after the kids get used to having her around since Day One and the little girl starts to look at her like a Mom (even asking if she can call her Mom). The dude might want to split off from her? Very nice.

 

As for his end of the equation he is a cokehead who is constantly broke and a real jackass to the kids (I've seen the way he screams at his son publicly, ugh). He stole pumpkins from Superstore in front of his children on Halloween. He asked me and my husband to sell him our prescription medicine the second time we saw him. At the time we were employing his girlfriend. Can you imagine going up to your boyfriend's boss and asking if he would sell you some of his prescription drugs?

 

He is constantly "not getting paid" from work and my friend is buying the kid's food all of the time. He has her drive the kids to daycare in his truck and she doesn't have a license. If she gets pulled over you can bet he will a) lose his truck b) if she gets in a crash the insurance is void and c) Child Welfare could get involved and d) she will lose her Learner's License for 5 years.

 

All of the huge red flags could have been avoided on Day One if she would not have overlooked his history which he shared with us at the table of being broke, unstable and saddled with these two kids after the mother whom he was "just ****ing" when he got her pregnant with the girl walked out on them all. He got her pregnant with the boy after she left.

 

My husband is another case in point. He had not beaten his addictive issues, he quit drinking the week he met me, but I should have held back before getting involved with him to see what other parts of his character (like his bad temper and sexual addiction) were lurking.

 

As well he has a 14 year old son he has never met. Where there is smoke, there is fire.

 

In your case, your guy there was getting you involved with his kid when he clearly wasn't having any intention towards you. Kids are too important to treat that way. I would not treat that cute little one in my avatar that way.

[ozziegal8]

Yeah I have been Facebook dropped. I've always seen that as a passive aggressive behavior. It is better I believe to take the high road though. I don't send creepy messages back telling them how they are deadbeats or anything...

 

I almost see it as a badge of honor for some reason. I know they are only doing it to stick it to me.

 

i showed my friend who know's the mother of what i wrote he said good on you he has heard sooo many bad stories about this guy my counsellor also said it was good to write that back.

[dreamingoftigers]

By telling him there is that 5% chance that he will realize he is screwed up and work on it. You never know.

[ozziegal8]

By telling him there is that 5% chance that he will realize he is screwed up and work on it. You never know.

 

well maybe i dont know if it will do any good but he made me feel like a fool i had bad vibes the whole time but i didnt listen to my gut.

i bought him and the child gifts and it makes me sad that there are ppl out there that take advantage of us nice ppl.

ive been very very depressed ever since this happened as i had not long come out of a 3 year abusive relationship. im not even doing much for nye as i my confidence had gone to zilch and keep wondering what i did wrong and analyzing.

[ConflictedGuy27]

hey, Ozziegal.

 

in my opinion you've got a large, overarching issue within you that you should consider exploring/understanding deeper:

 

you pursued a loser and if he didn't dump you; you'd still be grinning ear-to-ear wasting your time.

 

why you did that is key. you should understand that dynamic before you repeat it again. make no mistake, you lucked out - he dumped you.

 

God only knows how much time you saved and pain you were spared by the turn of these particular events.

 

you can spend your energy trying to speculate why the facebook activities happened as they did, or you can take that same energy and at least focus on something that is not speculation and will very likely yield you more healthy and fruitful relationships in the future.

 

good luck.

[ozziegal8]

hey, Ozziegal.

 

in my opinion you've got a large, overarching issue within you that you should consider exploring/understanding deeper:

 

you pursued a loser and if he didn't dump you; you'd still be grinning ear-to-ear wasting your time.

 

why you did that is key. you should understand that dynamic before you repeat it again. make no mistake, you lucked out - he dumped you.

 

God only knows how much time you saved and pain you were spared by the turn of these particular events.

 

you can spend your energy trying to speculate why the facebook activities happened as they did, or you can take that same energy and at least focus on something that is not speculation and will very likely yield you more healthy and fruitful relationships in the future.

 

good luck.

lucked out?

[ConflictedGuy27]

lucked out?

 

oh hell yes, lucked out.

[DuskCrush]

Hey---No contact with this guy from now on...ok?

Just completely remove yourself from his life.

The way he broke up with you seems fitting to his previous behaviour. He was always insensitive and unreliable.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong.

 

 

Stop analyzing. I feel sorry to read this story. Love will come into your life (i don't consider what u had with that guy love). Take care of yourself.