soleharmony1123 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 3.5 months down the drain!! My EX called Wednesday. I’ve posted about his continued contact ever since the breakup and his recent text messages and VMs telling me he misses me, he wanted to know if we could bury the hatchet (we did) and wanted to hear my voice. Well, I wanted to believe for a moment that my situation was “unique.” I reasoned that I could answer this one call, if his conversation matched his messages, then perhaps I could implement LC for awhile and see where it goes. Boyyyyy was I suckered again!! It seems that once he realized he got me to answer the phone FINALLY!, his mission was accomplished. I have not heard from him again since he called Wednesday. His normal reaction when I weakened and broke NC before was that he began calling every day (again). I was doing so well. I don’t know why I answered his call. I had already accepted his apology via text. That should have been enough for him unless he was "testing" the waters to see if he could come back. At least that was my faulty reasoning at the time. All this after feeling rather confident that I didn't want him back anyway. That's what I said just last week somewhere on LS. Anyhoo, he threw a few things out there that seemed positive. After exchanging pleasantries, he wanted to know what I've been up to. Said he was relieved I answered the phone because he was afraid he was going to have to hold another conversation with my VM. He told me that he has made some bad decisions lately...then his voice just sorta trailed off. I kept silent…unfortunately he didn’t elaborate. I didn’t probe any further. In case he was fishing, I wasn’t taking the bait. He’s concerned about his daughter who’s 18. He’s worried because she wants to get married. He said he’s thinking about seeing a counselor because he realizes he has some serious issues that need to be worked out/sorted out (I’ve been suggesting that for years). He feels his daughter is acting out because - in his words - "she wants someone who’s going to be there for her, someone she can really count on. Now, I understand what she's feeling." I was a bit shocked to hear him say that. He’s always discussed any issues concerning his daughter and/or his son with me and I’ve always discussed my kids’ concerns with him. He would have talked on the phone for awhile, but I discreetly ended the call. Before hanging up I noticed he was lingering on the phone. He asked if he could call me later that evening. I said okay. Unlike his usual reaction to me confirming he could call me later, he did not. I’m okay with it all, except I feel I may have set myself back a few steps. I say that because I’ve been curious as to why he hasn’t called back – it’s not his usual pattern. Other than that I’m still healing, but taking my EX’s call hasn’t helped. So, this is for any LS newbies who may read this: WARNING: never break NC once you’ve started it! You’ll just get your head & heart all twisted more than likely.
LifeIsGreat Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I would be interested in knowing the details of your break up. Did you or he do it? Can you put a link here to your story if you have it posted elsewhere.
delajoonal Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 So, this is for any LS newbies who may read this: WARNING: never break NC once you’ve started it! You’ll just get your head & heart all twisted more than likely. oh believe me, i am no newbie, BUT THIS still applies to me.. i am having a heck of a time...argh! sorry u broke the 3.5 months... but all we can do is just keep trying...right? just starting over...so hard, but glad we have each other/LS to do this.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 I thought after awhile it would become a breeze. I'm also a bit stubborn accepting that even when he calls me and I answer the phone, that's contact and thus breaking NC. I have no trouble not initiating contact with my ex, but he's the problem. And he tries every lame trick in the book - just "recycles" them and uses 'em over and over. But him stooping to the level of lying and saying he missed me, wanted to hear my voice and wanted to bury the hatchet just so he could get me to answer the phone. I lost my sense of balance and started the "what if's" again. Wow, I'm blown!...what a serious "game" this all must be to him. I'm also glad we're all here to support each other. It gets hard at times. oh believe me, i am no newbie, BUT THIS still applies to me.. i am having a heck of a time...argh! sorry u broke the 3.5 months... but all we can do is just keep trying...right? just starting over...so hard, but glad we have each other/LS to do this.
delajoonal Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I thought after awhile it would become a breeze. I'm also a bit stubborn accepting that even when he calls me and I answer the phone, that's contact and thus breaking NC. I have no trouble not initiating contact with my ex, but he's the problem. And he tries every lame trick in the book - just "recycles" them and uses 'em over and over. But him stooping to the level of lying and saying he missed me, wanted to hear my voice and wanted to bury the hatchet just so he could get me to answer the phone. I lost my sense of balance and started the "what if's" again. Wow, I'm blown!...what a serious "game" this all must be to him. I'm also glad we're all here to support each other. It gets hard at times. hmm, sounds like my xbf...lol..seriously...i am doing what u do. i dont' answer his calls, or vmails, so then he emails...and i have tried, i gone 2 wks, and then 4 days NC...but i caved this xmas...plus i have this other issue...so he is perty concerned and well...anyway, i LOVE the attention, BUT i do not want him back the way IT was..u know. so his last email was yesterday, i broke,...not right away, but i did reply last night...he also left a vmail yesterday morning.. now today, NOTHING...so i am fidgeting, pacing, cleaning my house like crazy, listening to stupid "come back to me" music... all this, and i am the one that broke up with him...wth is wrong with me??? so believe me...we r 2 peas in a pod u and i..LOL thank God for LS, huh... i will keep checking back to see how u r doing, OK... don't worry about the breaking NC tho... u can start over...or not...everything will happen as it should.. Life...a fun wait and C game:eek:
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Thanks for your response, Dela. It was rather comforting, and it's always good to know there's someone else going through similar NC "challenges." Take care & keep in touch! P.S. Don't torture yourself listening to "come back to me" music; instead, put on some classical, jazz - something! -Sole hmm, sounds like my xbf...lol..seriously...i am doing what u do. i dont' answer his calls, or vmails, so then he emails...and i have tried, i gone 2 wks, and then 4 days NC...but i caved this xmas...plus i have this other issue...so he is perty concerned and well...anyway, i LOVE the attention, BUT i do not want him back the way IT was..u know. so his last email was yesterday, i broke,...not right away, but i did reply last night...he also left a vmail yesterday morning.. now today, NOTHING...so i am fidgeting, pacing, cleaning my house like crazy, listening to stupid "come back to me" music... all this, and i am the one that broke up with him...wth is wrong with me??? so believe me...we r 2 peas in a pod u and i..LOL thank God for LS, huh... i will keep checking back to see how u r doing, OK... don't worry about the breaking NC tho... u can start over...or not...everything will happen as it should.. Life...a fun wait and C game:eek:
Author soleharmony1123 Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 I would be interested in knowing the details of your break up. Did you or he do it? Can you put a link here to your story if you have it posted elsewhere. He broke up with me, unexpectedly, the last week of January 2010, and told me it wasn't the end of our relationship, but he needed time to think. In all the 20 + years I’ve known him we’ve never had a real argument. We’ve had disagreements, but not arguments. He said he wasn’t happy, that he didn't want us to be living apart. He wanted to find a place together. I didn't want to live together until after we got married. On January 29, 2010, he called to further explain what he was feeling. Only this time, he said he feels down because he (at that time) had not found a job and needed to get his affairs in order before he could focus on anything else. (So why did he want us to move in together so soon?) He said his feelings for me had not changed and that he still loves me. About 4 months ago, before I went back to NC, he still claimed he loves me. Our conversation seemed to indicate he was still “on the fence” about getting back together. He said I’m “too good for him” and he’s “not good enough for me.” Then the excuse was “we’re too close” “he feels like I’m his sister, then it was “the bond he has with me is like the one he has with his mother.” Yet he was still calling me in the mornings when he woke up and at night before he’d go to bed. I basically told him to leave me alone, he's dead to me and a few other things I regret saying. He said I was speaking way out of character so he'd give me some time to cool off, and he'd call me in a month. Exactly a month later, he called. When I went NC again, he’d begin leaving messages for me to call him because he wanted to talk to me as if it was a “right” of his. I’m certain he’s a GIGs “patient.” He’s been 10 months of mixed signals & conflicting/commitment phobic behaviors. Because of how he slowly detached himself, I believe he’d been seeing another woman at least since July/August – something he has carefully kept secret from me. But I remember a phone call from him one afternoon after he got off from work – he called me because he was leaving an apartment complex as there was a drug raid in progress. He called me because he thought it was funny as they were leaving. I was thinking “he called me to tell me this?” But as he went on talking, he said “glad I didn’t decide on that one – “we’re” out looking for an apartment.” I didn’t even pay any attention to the “we’re” until sometime after I got off the phone with him. I never asked him anything because I knew one of his family members would tell me what I needed to know without asking. As predicted, I found out he was living someone by August. I last saw him in July when he wanted me to meet him for lunch. That was the first awkward experience I’ve ever had with him. It was like I didn’t know him. He was very unemotional, detached, except when we were laughing and joking around. But, I caught him several times looking at me – the way he used to look at me - definitely not the way a man would look at his Mother or sister. When I got ready to leave, he asked for a kiss. I leaned forward for him to kiss me on the forehead or the cheek – my lips were not puckered the slightest bit, yet he kissed me on the lips. I’ll sum this up by saying the past 10 months have been loaded with phone calls & VMs from my Ex. When I go NC, he seems to panic and starts calling more frequently. It’s only been the past 3.5 months that he stopped calling every 2-3 days. He has condensed calling to once a week, usually on Wednesdays…occasionally on Friday or Saturday after I told him (back in August) I never wanted to see or hear from him again after he said he’d “been thinking about working things out, but…” But December 14th was a milestone date for him (had been for me, as well) so he started calling again every 2-3 days because he wanted me to acknowledge the date, which I did not do. He left “I miss you” messages, “I want to talk to you, I want to hear your voice.” “Can we please try and bury the hatchet?” I apologize that this is so lengthy.
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