bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I have been with my bf for about 9 months now and he was my first true love and I was his. Only yesterday on christmas day he chose to have sex with another girl. this has ruined my life. he said this was because i didnt want to have sex with him and he had no other choice than to do it. i cant believe what he is saying. he says he loves me and im his true love but he had to do it. i dont understand. i have never been unfaithful in a relationship. What hurts the most is that he knew this would end our relationship and that he is proud of what he did and that he is not guilty. Thinking about it actually sickens me. He actaully planned to have sex with her, that is heart breaking. At least he didnt lie to me about it but i am devastated. I feel so low, he doesnt even try to get me back, he doesnt even have guilt even though he knows its wrong... I dont know what to do with myself, I keep texting him my feelings coz im still so shocked and mad about everything that has happened. He still cares for me and loves me but I dont know how to get over it, I know we should break up.. but this relationship was an intense love and its over so fast! help me please
soleharmony1123 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I am sorry for the heartbreak you're experiencing over your bf's sh***y betrayal. I know there's nothing I can say to alleviate the pain. The only thing i can think of at the moment is please know that love don't act like that! Your boyfriend cheated because he wanted to. What about the impact it would have on you? You said he had planned this - so he deliberately set out to hurt you. That is not love. That's manipulation. Seems like he thought he'd back you into a corner - that maybe now you'll "get it together" and give him what he wants. Dump Him! Don't call him, don't text him. Give him ...well, I don't think I can say that here...
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Thanks for ur reply, this is all so raw and painful atm. i keep thinking about the amazing times we had. I dont understand how anyone would chose to have sex with someone completely random who he doesnt love. All he says is that one day i will understand.... all i understand is that its just plain wrong! maybe i asked for this.. but i just dont understand why he didnt break up beforehand and then have sex. he has put me through so much pain.. but i love him so much thanks for ur help
Hhhh Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Thanks for ur reply, this is all so raw and painful atm. i keep thinking about the amazing times we had. I dont understand how anyone would chose to have sex with someone completely random who he doesnt love. All he says is that one day i will understand.... all i understand is that its just plain wrong! maybe i asked for this.. but i just dont understand why he didnt break up beforehand and then have sex. he has put me through so much pain.. but i love him so much thanks for ur help sorry for your pain, but honestly your boyfriend sounds like a ****ing moron. "One day you will understand" why he cheated on you, seriously? you need to dump his ass and move on this relationship will only go downhill from here and i'm sure you deserve more than what he has given you. If you choose to dump him we are all here to support you this forum is 24 hours and remember you cant text or call if you do this it will only prolong you pain
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 yeh i have chosen to dump him, but my head is still swirling with everything. I dont know how i can ever trust a man again.. he has broken me. he says he is excited that he can now f*** other women now, all this disgusts and sickens me and i cant get these thoughts out of my head.. how do i move on?
spiderowl Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I'm sorry to hear your story and can understand how shocked you feel. It will take some time to adjust to the fact that he's not the man you thought he was. You will adjust though and regain your strength and confidence. This kind of thing happens a lot, though I know it's no comfort at the moment. Am I right in thinking that you and he had not had sex at all? If so, then it sounds like he wasn't prepared to wait until you were ready or until marriage. I can understand a young man being tempted if he desired you and you were keeping him at bay, but he must have understood the foundation of your relationship from the start. If you wanted to wait, then he should have understood your reasons and, if he agreed to this, been prepared to wait. If he found himself unable to wait as long as you needed, then he should at least have told you up front that he couldn't continue as your boyfriend and that his drive for sex was such that he was likely to find someone else. Whatever the situation, your boyfriend could have had the decency to free you to find someone who would be faithful before deciding to cheat on you. It's best you found out now that he wasn't a person with integrity than after marrying him.
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 we did have sex once, we both lost our virginities to each other, but i soon realised that i wasnt mature enough to have a sexual relationship and thats basically what started this problem. sometimes i feel that it was my fault because i teased him with sex before and now i denied him it, but i knew i really wasnt ready. he promised me he would try to wait for me and this promise lasted a week. he jusitifes what he did by saying he waited for so long, but i feel that if he truly loved me he would wait for me forever... maybe im too demanding thinking this.. maybe i did cause this.. im so confused right now...
SDA Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 You shouldn't ever think that this could be your fault. My ex rarely wanted to have sex, it always had to be in a perfect moment for her. That never made me fall out of love with her or go and have sex with another person. He chose to do it obviously because he wasn't in love with you and what he is saying about caring is his guilt. He say's he's happy he can have sex with other girls but I bet he feels like a real ass. Don't think it's your fault. You seem like a person who believes strongly in love and being together. Don't turn this on yourself.
spiderowl Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Only you can decide when you feel mature enough to have a sexual relationship. If you feel you are not, then your boyfriend should respect that and care about you. If he doesn't feel he can cope with that, he should have told you up front. He may have felt you were withdrawing something you were willing to give before. It is possible that this hurt and confused him. He has reacted by acting out and breaking the rules. I presume you are both young and inexperienced and so are coping as you go along. You decided you went too far too soon. He felt he was getting somewhere and got knocked back and rejected. He may have felt hurt and probably felt sexually frustrated. I suppose in his situation, I might have felt very uncertain, not knowing if you were ever going to want sex again. Maybe he even felt he'd failed to make you happy. It's a difficult situation really. Having said all the above, I think you need to respect your feelings first and foremost. If you don't want sex with your boyfriend or feel it's too much responsibility, then explain your feelings to him. Maybe if he understands what's bothering you, it will make it easier for him to wait. On the other hand, he may have decided at his age that lots of sex with a variety of women is a better goal for him at the moment than platonic fidelity with his girlfriend. It wouldn't be unusual at his age and he may only understand the value of waiting when he's older. At the moment, he's hurt you by his behaviour and broken your trust. If he's not repentant, maybe you are better off without him. He's obviously not able to understand your feelings and restrain himself. These may be traits that would continue into the future and would you want to spend your future with someone who was basically insensitive and likely to be unfaithful?
Eddie Edirol Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 we did have sex once, we both lost our virginities to each other, but i soon realised that i wasnt mature enough to have a sexual relationship and thats basically what started this problem. sometimes i feel that it was my fault because i teased him with sex before and now i denied him it, but i knew i really wasnt ready. he promised me he would try to wait for me and this promise lasted a week. he jusitifes what he did by saying he waited for so long, but i feel that if he truly loved me he would wait for me forever... maybe im too demanding thinking this.. maybe i did cause this.. im so confused right now... Id like to know what is it about the sex that made you so uncomfortable that you stopped completely?
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 thanks for the replies, it really helps as no one knows the extent of the situation. they are very wise replies. i hope i have the strength to make it through, i dont wanna end up having bad feelings towards him but atm he is still texting really insensitive messages.... he is still certain that he is has a very big heart and that he loves me.. i dont understand how he can say or believe that.. maybe one day he will wake up to what he has done to me i really didnt want this relationship to end up this way..
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 i chose to not have sex because i think i was uncomfortable with it.. i am still young and still have a lot of growing to do and i couldnt deal with the emotional side of sex.. i dont think guys understand how sex is a lot more emotional for girls.. i guess i was dumb to have sex with him but its a mistake ive had to live with.. dont get me wrong it wasnt him, its me who isnt ready im still in school also so i didnt want the added stress of possibly getting pregnant etc...
AbsoluteSucker Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Listen to every else, this is not your fault. This is your ex focusing on his life and his needs and your feelings were collateral damage. It hurts like h*ll and its not going to make sense, but stop texting him and start NC immediately. If possible try and distract yourself with family and friends and leave the cell phone at home. He's now doing his thing, trying to prove something to himself or his friends about hooking up with girls. If you want to make this hard for him, pretend like you don't care, its the best revenge. Just do it, don't even acknowledge him; tell him you don't care about what he does, whether you do or not. I don't know your situation or whatever, but don't try to hook up with anyone else to get him back, just don't talk to him and pretend like you don't care. This will drive him crazy and he'll probably try to talk to you about things. What he did was low and unnecessary. Sometimes when someone screws you over you want to prove to yourself that they made a mistake and take them back, don't do it. When he comes crawling back, don't take him back, cuz he'll do the same thing to you again, trust me.
Am4Real Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Sounds to me from your words you baited him with sex; he wanted you for sex; you gave him sex; you decided you didn't want to give him sex anymore; he moved on as his desire is sex. What is so hard to understand about this? Yes, it's painful but unfortunately this is the outcome of sexual bait. Again, those are you implications from the threads in this post.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 i chose to not have sex because i think i was uncomfortable with it.. i am still young and still have a lot of growing to do and i couldnt deal with the emotional side of sex.. i dont think guys understand how sex is a lot more emotional for girls.. i guess i was dumb to have sex with him but its a mistake ive had to live with.. dont get me wrong it wasnt him, its me who isnt ready im still in school also so i didnt want the added stress of possibly getting pregnant etc... Alot of guys your age dont care how sex is more emotional for girls. Most guys who had sex already didnt have to train their girlfriends on how to be comfortable with sex. So if you cant handle getting dropped for denying guys sex, then you will have to leave guys alone until youre truly ready to be in a sexual relationship from the beginning.
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 our relationship was never to be a sexual one, we both wanted to wait till later, unfortunately hes completely changed as a person...
Eddie Edirol Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 our relationship was never to be a sexual one, we both wanted to wait till later, unfortunately hes completely changed as a person... Yeah hes a boy. You teased him and that changed him. That was your fault. All of the boys will be horny, so you will have to jump on the bandwagon at some point in time. In the meantime, dont tease anyone else.
Citizen Erased Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Stop speaking to him, he's an arse and he's saying things to mess with you so you'll think it's your fault. It's not, he could have broken up with you before he did this. I'm sorry you are in pain. Don't let what one jerk did ruin other guys for you. Most guys aren't like this.
Citizen Erased Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Yeah hes a boy. You teased him and that changed him. That was your fault. All of the boys will be horny, so you will have to jump on the bandwagon at some point in time. In the meantime, dont tease anyone else. She was in her right to decide she wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. Just as he was to end a relationship when he wanted sex. Which he didn't, he took the stupid road of sleeping with someone else instead of having the balls to break up with her first. Guess he figured his actions would do that for him.
Author bellexxx Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 yeh i agree that i will need to be ready at some stage.. but it still doesnt justify cheating.... i dont see it as my fault..
Leandro Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I have been with my bf for about 9 months now and he was my first true love and I was his. Only yesterday on christmas day he chose to have sex with another girl. this has ruined my life. he said this was because i didnt want to have sex with him and he had no other choice than to do it. i cant believe what he is saying. he says he loves me and im his true love but he had to do it. i dont understand. i have never been unfaithful in a relationship. What hurts the most is that he knew this would end our relationship and that he is proud of what he did and that he is not guilty. Thinking about it actually sickens me. He actaully planned to have sex with her, that is heart breaking. At least he didnt lie to me about it but i am devastated. I feel so low, he doesnt even try to get me back, he doesnt even have guilt even though he knows its wrong... I dont know what to do with myself, I keep texting him my feelings coz im still so shocked and mad about everything that has happened. He still cares for me and loves me but I dont know how to get over it, I know we should break up.. but this relationship was an intense love and its over so fast! help me please I'm so sorry . He didn't have to do it! He didn't love you if he went off and did that. Wow, this just pisses me off. Just want to beat someone up. Stop contacting him now!! I'm very sorry that that *** did that to you. Such a selfish and immature child he is. You deserve way better!! Always remember that!
Leandro Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Yeah hes a boy. You teased him and that changed him. That was your fault. All of the boys will be horny, so you will have to jump on the bandwagon at some point in time. In the meantime, dont tease anyone else. Really?? My ex teased me a lot. I didn't get sex from the teasing, but that doesn't give me the right to go off and plan out a night that i will cheat on her. He's not excused from it. It's not her fault at all!!
Author bellexxx Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 well i have started NC after he texted me "goodnight and sweet dreams" he kept talking to me as if he was getting so much enjoyment out of it.... i just dont understand why he would want to put me through so much pain...
Eddie Edirol Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 (edited) yeh i agree that i will need to be ready at some stage.. but it still doesnt justify cheating.... i dont see it as my fault.. In his mind, he cheated just to show you that he can hurt you for teasing him. Thats his justification. It worked and you showed him that it worked, and youre writing here about it, so he won. he gets to be happy that he told his friends "I showed her for teasing me like that!" Its immature, but it worked. He doesnt know how long it will take you to be comfortable with him. For all he knows, you werent attracted to him anymore or he did something wrong and you wouldnt tell him. At your age, the boys cant handle getting teased like that, so it is your fault. Not saying you were wrong in being uncomfortable, but the cause for this problem was from your action, you have to take responsibility. So if you dont want to keep getting hurt, you need to stay away from the boys entirely until youre sure that the guy can either go without sex, or will be patient with you. Edited December 28, 2010 by Eddie Edirol
Leandro Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 At your age, the boys cant handle getting teased like that, so it is your fault. Not saying you were wrong in being uncomfortable, but the cause for this problem was from your action, you have to take responsibility. So if you dont want to keep getting hurt, you need to stay away from the boys entirely until youre sure that the guy can either go without sex, or will be patient with you. That's not true at all. I'm 20 and my sex drive was crazy whenever my ex teased me, but I didn't go out and cheat on her. Yea, she should avoid guys who only care about themselves, but that doesn't mean it's all her fault.
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