that girl Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 With all due respect, its easy for you to call these reasons stupid because you don't know how us males feel. There's something that's unattractive about a girl who's been "overly promiscuous" (which is open to interpretation, I know) in the past. Is it reasonable? This isn't just a guy thing, so don't make it about being a guy. And as Zen girl pointed out, it sure as hell isn't biological. What would you personally think of a girl your age who stopped dating a guy because she felt he was too promiscuous? That might give you some insight into your situation- there is a big difference between "I don't feel we have the same view of intimacy which I think might lead to problems down the road" and "A man should have more sexual partners because he's the man! Rwar!"
oldguy Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You’re correct; she hasn’t done anything wrong. This is not about right or wrong, it’s about feelings, in particular; your feelings and insecurities. I’m not clear but I got the impression she has always had a bf or has never really been without a partner. She also tolerated mistreatment from a former bf. Numbers themselves don’t mean a whole lot but if she is having trouble being an independent woman who needs someone in her life I might be concerned about her self esteem and insecurities also. I’m just guessing because you’re your both still in college that neither of you are even 25 yet and her being in five serious relationships? Are you one of the five or six “serious” relationships? RJ almost always comes down to insecurities. That is what you need to focus on; what are your insecurities? I am not doubting that you are “a nice guy” but your statements hold more than a couple inconsistencies with a higher than average moral conscious here. It seems there is something going on a little deeper than that with you and I think that is where you need to be looking. If she has issues, and from the little you’ve said about her I suspect she might, I think I would be cautious about them also. But you need to deal with your own issues and if she feels the need she needs to resolve any issues she may have, if she does.
dont-be-naive Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 You’re correct; she hasn’t done anything wrong. she's a cheater
Negative Nancy Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 But despite me knowing that logically she has done nothing wrong, I am still extremely jealous. I feel like that the bond between me and her is so special to me, and it can't nearly be as special for her, as she's shared that bond with 14 other guys. That's how some of us girls feel about guys' porn use. 99 % of the time we get told on here: "don't be so insecure, get over it." Maybe guys should eat up their own words in cases like these.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Oh wow. NoLongerSad, was spot on. You know this girl so well, that you know you can't trust her, and you'd be stupid if you did. I don't know if she'll cheat on you, but I can guarantee there will be a 16th notch on her belt.
mr.dream merchant Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Oh wow. NoLongerSad, was spot on. You know this girl so well, that you know you can't trust her, and you'd be stupid if you did. I don't know if she'll cheat on you, but I can guarantee there will be a 16th notch on her belt. Let's hope the OP uses a rubber. Think I caught the clap just reading about his girl lol...so gross.
runner Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 She says things with me are different from anybody shes ever been with. She says that she's never experienced sex that's so passionate and meaningful. I believe her. ... I feel like that the bond between me and her is so special to me, and it can't nearly be as special for her, as she's shared that bond with 14 other guys. you have a choice here: you can either believe what she has actually told you, not to mention the great sex you are actually haveing with her; or you can indulge your paranoid thoughts. i can sympathise where you're coming from with the latter, though. sounds like you really like her and don't want to lose her- fair enough. but go ahead and let your paranoia take hold of you, then sure enough, you will lose her.
welikeincrowds Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Whenever I feel this feeling, I remind myself that it was only due to those series of events that we were brought together. Any changes and we could have never met, or met and not gotten into a relationship. In that sense I can be grateful for a person's past, even if it challenges me. A sexual past is not necessarily a red flag in itself. It's good to be observant, but it's bad to beg for trouble and it's demoralizing to be a skeptic.
january2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Whenever I feel this feeling, I remind myself that it was only due to those series of events that we were brought together. Any changes and we could have never met, or met and not gotten into a relationship. In that sense I can be grateful for a person's past, even if it challenges me. A sexual past is not necessarily a red flag in itself. It's good to be observant, but it's bad to beg for trouble and it's demoralizing to be a skeptic. Excellent points.
Recommended Posts