I'm jealous of her past.

[oasis1988]

Hi. I signed up here because I read other threads dealing with the issue. I wanted to get some insight on my personal story.

 

I'm in college. I graduate in May. My partner is a year younger than me. Throughout all of college I've been friends with a girl, lets call her Mary. We were friends for about 2 years and over time became very close with one another... and now we are in a serious relationship, and have been for three months. I really love this girl. Before we dated we were extremely close. We always had each others back. We trusted each other completely with everything. I told her my life, she told me hers... including anything bad and that she was ashamed of. So going into this relationship, we already knew everything about each other.

 

Mary is the third girl I've ever had sex with. She's had sex with 5x as many guys (15).

 

I've always been told that I'm "too nice of a guy." I've always had somewhat of high standards, in terms of who I wanted to date. Mary is my first serious girlfriend since high school (who I didn't have sex with). I've always found it hard to relate to most females. I'd try to talk to girls. But the majority honestly were dumb as rocks and I found it difficult to talk to them. And if there was a girl I was interested in, they were taken. Like Mary.... when I started to really like Mary, she was taken.

 

Junior year there was one girl who I really liked but she had a boyfriend. We became really close friends. She actually liked me back, and we even hooked up a few times, despite her relationship. She told me she had never met a guy like me before, and that it was different to talk to a guy that was actually deep and interesting and etc. At this point I was a virgin. There was a few times where she tried to **** me. I did not have sex with her because I would be too guilty, and I didn't want to lose my virginity to a girl in a relationship... But at the same time, it was so awesome to finally be receiving attention from a girl who I was so intrigued in that I continued to fool around with her from time to time.

 

At the end of that year, I lost my virginity in a one night stand with a less than attractive girl who was coming onto me extremely strongly. I just wanted to lose it, so I did it. After this, there were a few other girls who I had fooled around with, but none that I had sex with. Its hard for a nice guy like me to get laid.

 

The second time I had sex was this past summer with a girl who really liked me. I thought she just wanted sex. I mean, that's all I wanted. We ****ed a few times, and when it became clear she was more into me than I was to her, I ended it.

 

Now, Mary is an attractive girl who always received a lot of attention from guys. When we became close friends and I started having feelings from her, she was in a serious relationship. However, durng this relationship, she met another a guy, who I was actually really good friends with, and lost interest with the old one. She cheated on her current bf, and then started "seeing" this other guy. She told me about this, as we were really good friends. She was ashamed of herself, and knew she had went about the situation the wrong way. I don't hold this against her.

 

Her and my buddy were on and off for a while before they started dating. He couldn't trust her bc of the circumstances that the relationship began. During one point, when they were "off", she came home with me and slept in my bed one night. We were both pretty drunk..... we fooled around. We tried having sex but I couldn't keep my dick hard. She admitted to me that she had really liked me and always desired a guy like me. I told her that I had liked her a lot too. But I did not want to get involved as I thought it would create way too complicated of a situation.

 

Soon after, she got back with my friend, and this past January they officially dated. Over the year, he started getting addicted to drugs and treating her worse and worse and worse until in August, she broke with him. During him getting addicted to drugs, and him treating her like garbage, my friendship with him started to dissolve.

 

Now, the were on and off a few times, and maybe she would have gotten back with him if this didn't happen.... but shortly after the breakup, one night she came home with me after a night out with friends, and we banged. Now, this had not been like any sex I had ever had before. It was passionate and emotional and... we were in love. We both knew it, and started to date shortly after. We have an amazing relationship. We're still completely open with each other, and we still tell each other everything.

 

But I am SO jealous of her past. When we were just friends I didn't care.... but now that we're dating, it eats away at me! She had been in 5 serious relationships before me, and was involved in 10 or so casual sexual relationships with other dudes she was friends with.

 

Logically I know its not wrong for a women to have casual sex. She's a horny bastard like myself. She's very attractive and had a lot of opportunities to have sex with dudes she thought were attractive. If I had the same opportunities to bang girls who I thought were attractive, I probably would have too.

 

But I'm JEALOUS AS ****. It's unreasonable. It's just that, she is only my third. Before her I can count the individual times Ive had sex on my fingers. But shes had lots of sex, and was pretty much always involved with a guy. She'd be in a relationship, break up, and quickly get involved with some other guy, be it serious or not.

 

She says things with me are different from anybody shes ever been with. She says that she's never experienced sex that's so passionate and meaningful. I believe her.

 

But despite me knowing that logically she has done nothing wrong, I am still extremely jealous. I feel like that the bond between me and her is so special to me, and it can't nearly be as special for her, as she's shared that bond with 14 other guys. Sometimes when we are ****ing, I can't help but to think of her with other guys. Her ex bf particularly. He treated her like SUCH garbage yet she stayed with him and gave him so much affection. She would always tell me how in love with him she was, and etc.

 

This is torturing me, and I just wish somebody would give me the words to make me get over it.

 

That's it, in a nutshell. Thank you for reading.

[welikeincrowds]

She says that she's never experienced sex that's so passionate and meaningful. I believe her.

 

she's shared that bond with 14 other guys

OK, either you believe her or you don't.

 

Sometimes when we are ****ing, I can't help but to think of her with other guys. Her ex bf particularly.

Man, I'm sorry.

 

Look, feelings are irrational, by definition. Right?

 

Including her love for him?

 

Including your love for her?

 

Certainly including your insecurity. Work these thoughts past the point that you're at now. Why would this:

 

He treated her like SUCH garbage yet she stayed with him and gave him so much affection.

...cause the reaction it is causing in you?

 

Jealousy is a derivative of fear. Fear of loss.

 

See where I'm going with this? I'm guessing that you're concerned that you can't keep her. You don't understand what motivated her to others, and thus you cannot know what motivates her to you. So you can't trust that she'll stay, or that you can say or do the right things keep her. And you've seen her be flighty and irrational, so you are also anxious that she will be flighty and irrational with you -- but you hear the word "different" over and over, and so you have a hope, that sure, everything will be different with you, right?

 

OK, well the thing is you will never understand what motivated her to others, or to you. Because again, feelings are irrational. At least, that's what we believe in the modern era. The Greeks saw it the other way around. Anyway, the other thing is that a relationship will only work if you trust her, right? So you have to work on that.

 

Bringing me back to the earlier point. Either you believe her or your don't.

 

Anyway, you say you guys are close, right? I think you should bring this up with her. Ask her about her past and tell her your concerns, once you get a clearer sense of what they are. I hope that doesn't scare her away, though. She doesn't seem too reliable from your account.

[welikeincrowds]

I feel like that the bond between me and her is so special to me, and it can't nearly be as special for her, as she's shared that bond with 14 other guys.

 

By the way, this is wrong.

 

I can just as easily say that you don't know what "special" is like she does, because where she has experienced more diversity of feeling, you might not be able to separate infatuation and sexual tension from true romance. Are you sure you're qualified to say that anything you have is "special"?

 

But I won't say that, because just like your quote, it's destructive and unhelpful in observing what is really there in front of you.

[MrNate]

I'll give you one of two really powerful phrases I uses when I find myself immediately experiencing a powerful emotion.

 

"In the end, what can you REALLY do about it?"

 

Just take some time, and use an objective mind when you ask yourself. I think this will help you understand why you are feeling that way, and what your options are as to helping overcome that problem.

 

Good luck.

[oasis1988]

I guess there is a fear of losing her. I suppose I have mixed emotions.

 

On one side, this girl has been one of my best friends. I know this relationship is different for her because, we were such close friends with each other for a while before dating. We shared everything with each other and trusted the other person 100 percent. The other relationships didn't work out because she was with the wrong guys. She was young and naive and made mistakes and has since grown and learned from her experiences.

 

But then on the other side, it's like, you wouldn't hire an employee who had poor references and couldn't keep a job. But are the two things comparable?

 

 

I can just as easily say that you don't know what "special" is like she does, because where she has experienced more diversity of feeling, you might not be able to separate infatuation and sexual tension from true romance. Are you sure you're qualified to say that anything you have is "special"?

I have thought of this. This is the first person who I've had a romantic relationship with. She's even though of that too and said "how do you know its so special? Maybe you just fell for me beacuse I'm the first girl that you've ever liked that you had sex for. Maybe you do need to go and experience other things before being sure. I don't want to get married to you someday and for you to be unhappy because you never really experienced other things"

 

But I think its real because me and her have had such a close tight bond for a long time before we became involved romantically.

 

A lot of mixed emotions. I don't want to try to "go experience other things", get disappointed, then be like "****, I gave up a girl who was really worth something to me for NOTHING."

 

In the end, when looking at it as objectively as I can, our relationship is a good one and I don't see why she would leave me. But it still bothers me that she's been with so many other people. Maybe I'm just jealous that she could easily have had sex with people she was attracted to, when it was difficult for me to get laid?

 

I'm pissed because as a male, I'm dominant and want to be the more experienced one?

 

 

 

**shrug**

Edited December 27, 2010 by oasis1988

[Eddie Edirol]

Dude, just so you know, since youre so insecure about her past....youre NOT dominant. She is the dominant one in this relationship because YOU need the relationship more than she does. You are more attached to her than she is to you. If you keep acting like a wuss like this, she will start looking for that next guy while youre buying her flowers. Chances are she ISNT seeing the relationship with you to be as special as you see it.

 

You better get on the same page she is. or go get a girl that is as inexperienced as you are. And yes, youre jealous because you cant get laid as fast as she can. She will tell you all sorts of things. I think shes playing you.

She says things with me are different from anybody shes ever been with. She says that she's never experienced sex that's so passionate and meaningful. I believe her.

I think shes said that to at least half of the guys she banged, sometimes women do that to feed the egos. And you need that because not only are you insecure, but youre "too nice of a guy" Thats why you have such a hard time getting laid. Women dont like guys that they can walk all over.

 

Women dont stay long with guys that need their insecurities fed. You better man up before she drops you, you'll be pissed when the next day shes with someone else-who treats her like crap.

[oasis1988]

yeah but i mean, she's one of my closest friends. I don't just become close friends with any girl because most are stupid bitches. She's actually a genuine person and I know we have a great relationship with one another. I can see that she values it. She was unhappy in the past, but now she actually is. I can see that her relationship is different with me.

 

But I guess your right. I need to stop being so insecure. I'm being a pussy.

 

Why do you think I'm more attached than she is? She's very attached.

 

Maybe I'm just naive, but I don't wanna play the game of "do i like her mroe than she likes me?" or etc. I feel like we're honestly really close friends and we both really wanna be with each other.

Edited December 27, 2010 by oasis1988

[Eddie Edirol]

yeah but i mean, she's one of my closest friends. I don't just become close friends with any girl because most are stupid bitches. She's actually a genuine person and I know we have a great relationship with one another. I can see that she values it. She was unhappy in the past, but now she actually is. I can see that her relationship is different with me.

 

But I guess your right. I need to stop being so insecure. I'm being a pussy.

 

Why do you think I'm more attached than she is? She's very attached.

 

Maybe I'm just naive, but I don't wanna play the game of "do i like her mroe than she likes me?" or etc. I feel like we're honestly really close friends and we both really wanna be with each other.

 

Why do I think youre more attached? because you are talking about this like you have been putting her up on a pedestal. And youre not looking objectively at your situation, youre head over heels and didnt even consider that she might be giving you lipservice.

 

Sorry to break this to you, but youre in the "game" of who likes who more whether you want to be or not. Once you put in more than she does, she will get turned off, and she might not tell you. Its a delicate balance.

[Jynxx]

I know exactly how you feel and went through the exact same thing with my first girlfriends, and still have it to some degree now. It has nothing to do with fear of losing her, eventhough that is also playing in your relationship.

 

It has to do with your partner enjoying life way more than you did, and you feel like you deserve more than what you got. Add to that the fact you see yourself as a good guy and see ass holes get what you desire all the time.

 

As a result your ego takes a hit, and as someone else described it, the balance of power in the relationship feels wrong because of this. You said so yourself:

I'm pissed because as a male, I'm dominant and want to be the more experienced one?

The only advice I can give you is to try to enjoy life, get good with girls, make up for lost time, gain experience and try to settle down only after you've had enough of all that. You'll probably meet a couple of high quality girls in the process, but in my experience a relationship starting with you feeling frustrated over lack of experiences will never last.

[oasis1988]

I know exactly how you feel and went through the exact same thing with my first girlfriends, and still have it to some degree now. It has nothing to do with fear of losing her, eventhough that is also playing in your relationship.

 

It has to do with your partner enjoying life way more than you did, and you feel like you deserve more than what you got. Add to that the fact you see yourself as a good guy and see ass holes get what you desire all the time.

 

As a result your ego takes a hit, and as someone else described it, the balance of power in the relationship feels wrong because of this. You said so yourself:

The only advice I can give you is to try to enjoy life, get good with girls, make up for lost time, gain experience and try to settle down only after you've had enough of all that. You'll probably meet a couple of high quality girls in the process, but in my experience a relationship starting with you feeling frustrated over lack of experiences will never last.

'

 

man, I think you hit it on the head, and you're probably absolutely right.

But, I really like this girl. I don't want to potentially give up the best thing for me, because of stupid ego issues. I also feel bad breaking her heart bc of my male ego.

[Distant78]

Dude, you're not a wuss or a punk. You just show your feelings more and that's okay. If you're feeling insecure about her number of guys she's slept with, then simply leave her. I know that exact feeling you feel. I personally couldn't be with a woman who had that many c0cks inside her either. And she messed around with your friend too? Dump the trash outside.

[zengirl]

'

 

man, I think you hit it on the head, and you're probably absolutely right.

But, I really like this girl. I don't want to potentially give up the best thing for me, because of stupid ego issues. I also feel bad breaking her heart bc of my male ego.

 

I just hope that if you do leave over these stupid reasons, she never, never, never takes you back when you inevitably realize that being single is pretty much the same again as you remember it.

 

Are you happier with Mary than when you were single? Does the relationship make you happy? Serving your ego -- whether it is male or female -- will generally not make you happy. Now, if the relationship (not your ego's interference) is not making you happy, that's a different story. But, wherever you go, with or without Mary, your stuff? It will follow you.

[oasis1988]

Dude, you're not a wuss or a punk. You just show your feelings more and that's okay. If you're feeling insecure about her number of guys she's slept with, then simply leave her. I know that exact feeling you feel. I personally couldn't be with a woman who had that many c0cks inside her either. And she messed around with your friend too? Dump the trash outside.

 

She's not trash though. She's my best friend. She has a lot of value as a human being. And if I were in her shoes, and could have easily had the opportunity to have had sex with as many people as I were attracted to, I probably would have went for it.

 

Logically I don't see what she did as necessarily wrong. But my feelings conflict with reason. I can't pin point why.

 

I just hope that if you do leave over these stupid reasons, she never, never, never takes you back when you inevitably realize that being single is pretty much the same again as you remember it.

 

Are you happier with Mary than when you were single? Does the relationship make you happy? Serving your ego -- whether it is male or female -- will generally not make you happy. Now, if the relationship (not your ego's interference) is not making you happy, that's a different story. But, wherever you go, with or without Mary, your stuff? It will follow you.

With all due respect, its easy for you to call these reasons stupid because you don't know how us males feel. There's something that's unattractive about a girl who's been "overly promiscuous" (which is open to interpretation, I know) in the past. Is it reasonable?

 

Maybe it's due to unfair attitudes toward genders concerning sex in our society, and my feelings are a product of that.

 

But then again, maybe those societal attitudes are warranted actually reflect the biological differences between men and women.... I've speculated that it stems from the fact that: if a women gets impregnated, she knows its hers. But a guy wants to know for SURE that its his genes getting passed, so therefore he's not attracted to promiscuity.

 

Either way, it's a common trend with males. And you can call it "stupid" all you want. But its still how I feel.

 

I read somewhere else on here, woman decides when she has sex. she also decides when a man has sex. She has the power. Can you judge her by how she uses this power?

 

Or is the biological aspect of it null and void because, if we were to hold true to biology, I would have found a mate when I hit puberty and have had many kids by this point in time!

Edited December 27, 2010 by oasis1988

[TaraMaiden]

This post makes a lot of sense. In fact, several good points made....

 

And the people who posted here, condemning her and who also posted in this thread might like to take note of how much more mature this young man sounds.

[zengirl]

With all due respect, its easy for you to call these reasons stupid because you don't know how us males feel. There's something that's unattractive about a girl who's been "overly promiscuous" (which is open to interpretation, I know) in the past. Is it reasonable?

 

Maybe it's due to unfair attitudes toward genders concerning sex in our society, and my feelings are a product of that.

 

But then again, maybe those societal attitudes are warranted actually reflect the biological differences between men and women.... I've speculated that it stems from the fact that: if a women gets impregnated, she knows its hers. But a guy wants to know for SURE that its his genes getting passed, so therefore he's not attracted to promiscuity.

 

Either way, it's a common trend with males. And you can call it "stupid" all you want. But its still how I feel.

 

I read somewhere else on here, woman decides when she has sex. she also decides when a man has sex. She has the power. Can you judge her by how she uses this power?

 

Or is the biological aspect of it null and void because, if we were to hold true to biology, I would have found a mate when I hit puberty and have had many kids by this point in time!

 

Sex isn't power. That is perhaps the problem. If you view sex as power, or date a woman who does, you're not going to have a happy, healthy relationship. I can guarantee that.

 

My point is that if you're letting purely egoistic concerns get in the way of your own happiness, you're being stupid. And yes, feelings can be stupid. I have stupid feelings, too sometimes, that want me to do unproductive things that will detract from my overall happiness----I take care to resolve my ****, so that I don't give into them, and thus, I stay happy.

 

If breaking up with Mary makes you happy, do it.

If holding onto these feelings makes you happy, keep them.

 

If you don't want to feel this way, work on figuring out how to deal with it and fix it. This is all internal. You are creating your own problems. Gender is not an excuse. Society is not an excuse. Your inexperience is not an excuse. You are the one keeping yourself from being happy.

 

As for the biology nonsense, humans have evolved so far beyond their biology, and also biological and chemical responses were never that simple. Actually, going back farther, to when we were nomadic, it was common practice for many men to have sex with a female, nothing thought about it, and for the tribe to take care of the young as one unit. To take a time in the past, where we had already slowed our biological evolution down to pretty much a crawl and begun evolving socially instead is so silly and a common fallacy.

 

There is also no chemical or biological response --- no series of chemicals --- that has ever been recorded as a natural "male reaction" to this issue. It is not a chemical issue. I love studying that stuff----the way brains work, the chemicals delivered. Promiscuity, known or unknown, doesn't deliver any "set" chemical data. This is all socialized nonsense.

[welikeincrowds]

Sex isn't power. That is perhaps the problem. If you view sex as power, or date a woman who does, you're not going to have a happy, healthy relationship. I can guarantee that.

 

My point is that if you're letting purely egoistic concerns get in the way of your own happiness, you're being stupid. And yes, feelings can be stupid. I have stupid feelings, too sometimes, that want me to do unproductive things that will detract from my overall happiness----I take care to resolve my ****, so that I don't give into them, and thus, I stay happy.

 

If breaking up with Mary makes you happy, do it.

If holding onto these feelings makes you happy, keep them.

 

If you don't want to feel this way, work on figuring out how to deal with it and fix it. This is all internal. You are creating your own problems. Gender is not an excuse. Society is not an excuse. Your inexperience is not an excuse. You are the one keeping yourself from being happy.

 

As for the biology nonsense, humans have evolved so far beyond their biology, and also biological and chemical responses were never that simple. Actually, going back farther, to when we were nomadic, it was common practice for many men to have sex with a female, nothing thought about it, and for the tribe to take care of the young as one unit. To take a time in the past, where we had already slowed our biological evolution down to pretty much a crawl and begun evolving socially instead is so silly and a common fallacy.

 

There is also no chemical or biological response --- no series of chemicals --- that has ever been recorded as a natural "male reaction" to this issue. It is not a chemical issue. I love studying that stuff----the way brains work, the chemicals delivered. Promiscuity, known or unknown, doesn't deliver any "set" chemical data. This is all socialized nonsense.

 

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter

[oasis1988]

Sex isn't power. That is perhaps the problem. If you view sex as power, or date a woman who does, you're not going to have a happy, healthy relationship. I can guarantee that.

 

My point is that if you're letting purely egoistic concerns get in the way of your own happiness, you're being stupid. And yes, feelings can be stupid. I have stupid feelings, too sometimes, that want me to do unproductive things that will detract from my overall happiness----I take care to resolve my ****, so that I don't give into them, and thus, I stay happy.

 

If breaking up with Mary makes you happy, do it.

If holding onto these feelings makes you happy, keep them.

 

If you don't want to feel this way, work on figuring out how to deal with it and fix it. This is all internal. You are creating your own problems. Gender is not an excuse. Society is not an excuse. Your inexperience is not an excuse. You are the one keeping yourself from being happy.

 

As for the biology nonsense, humans have evolved so far beyond their biology, and also biological and chemical responses were never that simple. Actually, going back farther, to when we were nomadic, it was common practice for many men to have sex with a female, nothing thought about it, and for the tribe to take care of the young as one unit. To take a time in the past, where we had already slowed our biological evolution down to pretty much a crawl and begun evolving socially instead is so silly and a common fallacy.

 

There is also no chemical or biological response --- no series of chemicals --- that has ever been recorded as a natural "male reaction" to this issue. It is not a chemical issue. I love studying that stuff----the way brains work, the chemicals delivered. Promiscuity, known or unknown, doesn't deliver any "set" chemical data. This is all socialized nonsense.

 

you're absolutely right, thank you. I shouldn't let some stupid "socialized nonsense" as you eloquently call it, get in the way of being together with the girl that I love. It would be a tremendous error.

Edited December 27, 2010 by oasis1988

[dont-be-naive]

When we became close friends and I started having feelings from her, she was in a serious relationship. However, durng this relationship, she met another a guy, who I was actually really good friends with, and lost interest with the old one. She cheated on her current bf, and then started "seeing" this other guy.

 

right there is when you should have started to lose interest in her.

 

 

I don't hold this against her.

 

big mistake

 

 

But I'm JEALOUS AS ****. It's unreasonable. It's just that, she is only my third. Before her I can count the individual times Ive had sex on my fingers. But shes had lots of sex, and was pretty much always involved with a guy. She'd be in a relationship, break up, and quickly get involved with some other guy, be it serious or not.

 

so far alot of this relationship seems to be about sex for you and I hate to say it, but it seems the little head is doing the thinking for the big head.

 

 

She says things with me are different from anybody shes ever been with. She says that she's never experienced sex that's so passionate and meaningful. I believe her.

 

well if you believe her then there should be no problem. so my guess is while you say you believe her, you really don't. And the part earlier about not holding her cheating on another guy against her, I don't believe you mean that either. Otherwise you wouldn't be jealous of her past. Her having sex with other guys shouldn't bother you, everyone has a past. but having cheating as part of her past, its odd that you claim this part doesn't bother you.

 

 

But despite me knowing that logically she has done nothing wrong, I am still extremely jealous.

 

her cheating on a bf wasn't wrong?

 

 

I feel like that the bond between me and her is so special to me, and it can't nearly be as special for her, as she's shared that bond with 14 other guys.

 

you might consider the possibility that all the lines she is feeding you, she fed to other guys as well.

 

 

This is torturing me, and I just wish somebody would give me the words to make me get over it.

 

well, I'm sorry, but I can't. as I said earlier, her cheating on a bf should have thrown up a red flag to you right away. but you fixated on how attractive she was and now how the sex is so great, you are looking at all the superficial aspects.

 

all I can say is, if you believe her and don't hold her cheating against her, you are going to HAVE to get over it. that or realize red flags should have been apparant to you all along.

[TaraMaiden]

Zengirl, that post should be framed......

[oasis1988]

right there is when you should have started to lose interest in her.

 

 

 

 

big mistake

 

 

 

 

so far alot of this relationship seems to be about sex for you and I hate to say it, but it seems the little head is doing the thinking for the big head.

 

 

 

 

well if you believe her then there should be no problem. so my guess is while you say you believe her, you really don't. And the part earlier about not holding her cheating on another guy against her, I don't believe you mean that either. Otherwise you wouldn't be jealous of her past. Her having sex with other guys shouldn't bother you, everyone has a past. but having cheating as part of her past, its odd that you claim this part doesn't bother you.

 

 

 

 

her cheating on a bf wasn't wrong?

 

 

 

 

you might consider the possibility that all the lines she is feeding you, she fed to other guys as well.

 

 

 

 

well, I'm sorry, but I can't. as I said earlier, her cheating on a bf should have thrown up a red flag to you right away. but you fixated on how attractive she was and now how the sex is so great, you are looking at all the superficial aspects.

 

all I can say is, if you believe her and don't hold her cheating against her, you are going to HAVE to get over it. that or realize red flags should have been apparant to you all along.

 

I don't think it's just about sex because we have been good friends with each other and have had a close relationship long before we ever had sex with each other. I believe the sex is so good because me and her have such a tight bond otherwise and are very open and comfortable with the other.

 

On the cheating thing, I do believe that people can grow and learn from their mistakes. I've certainly done stupid things before that I later regretted and don't want to be held against me for my entire life.

[mr.dream merchant]

OP - bad news man, bad news... :S But you care for this girl so the choice is yours, leave or stay.

[NoLongerSad]

Oasis; examine your true feelings about this girl.

 

I don't think you're jealous; I think you know you can't trust her, long term.

 

These are two very different things.

[oasis1988]

another big issue is, i really don't want to lose her as a friend... and im afraid if i broke up with her, i would.

 

The bond we share is really incredible. We really are so close and tight, and that gives me confidence in the relationship.

[Eddie Edirol]

another big issue is, i really don't want to lose her as a friend... and im afraid if i broke up with her, i would.

 

The bond we share is really incredible. We really are so close and tight, and that gives me confidence in the relationship.

 

When you decide to date her, you take the chance that the friendship is done if the relationship dissolves. If you dont want to risk the "friendship", then you better stop dating her now. Chances are she will break it off with you, and you are not going to want to hang out with her when youre hurt, cant date her, and cant watch her all over another guy.

[dont-be-naive]

On the cheating thing, I do believe that people can grow and learn from their mistakes. I've certainly done stupid things before that I later regretted and don't want to be held against me for my entire life.

 

well then you must not think she has "grown" and "learned", because there is something about her you just can't quite put your finger on that bugs the hell out of you.

 

Can cheaters change? sure, I suppose. But I think the chances of winning the lottery are better. Its possible, but the odds are against it.