Ladydreamer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I have been going with this man for 4 months. After a few dated and after "getting serious" we talked about us as being exclusive. I have been introduced and included with all his family and friends. Holidays etc. They have all told him I am the keeper. They all like me and I feel the same. Recently my friend who is on a dating site came across him on there. When I asked him he said he just didnt know how to take it off. I asked him several times to get off the site if he was seeing me, why would he even be there. He just came up with stupid excuses like his son was on there not him.Then we noticed he was coresponding to other women on a regular basis. So another friend of mine who he did not know and who is on that site, sparked up conversation. He could not wait to meet her. So we set him up. When confronted he admitted he was seeing others but not sleeping with them, so he does not consider that cheating. He says its simple female dating and companionship that's all. Isn't That CHEATING!
january2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I would consider that cheating, particularly because you've talked about exclusivity. What's also disconcerting is his trying to fob you off regarding his dating profile. This doesn't sound like a man who can be trusted. I'd consider this a dealbreaking situation.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You broke it off with him didnt you? You know this isnt going anywhere, he doesnt see you as a keeper dont you?
112233 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I would consider that cheating, particularly because you've talked about exclusivity. Sort of depends on how that talk went doesn't it?
daphne Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You mentioned you've talked about exclusivity. Did you both agree to it? If not, it's not cheating. But even then, after 4 months if he still wants to date around I personally wouldn't be excited about continuing to see him. Especially if intimacy is involved.
112233 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You mentioned you've talked about exclusivity. Did you both agree to it? If not, it's not cheating. Yeah, the OP is very vague about this one. I talked about buying a new car last week but in the end I decided not to. I can't really demand a car, nor can the dealer ask for money on that deal. Because she didn't say "we agreed to become exclusive" or some other definitive phrasing, she probably brought it up but it was probably never really resolved. Happy to be corrected of course if that's not the case.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 It doesn't matter if it is cheating. It is indisputably "deceit", and that alone is reason to walk away from him permanently. (had there been no discussion of any simultaneous dating by either party, then it would be OK barring the "exclusivity" declaration)
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 He is a player; wants his cake and eat it too. Within four months he has lied to you more than once and betrayed the relationship more than once. There are some big red flags waving at you. Don't lower yourself to play some "pick me, pick me!" game with him. If he would lie to you and date other women where he knows you could find out... he will certainly do it in ways you will not find out. Best of luck....
Author Ladydreamer Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 Thank you for your responses it helps. In response to some I must establish we did make it clear and promised months ago (as soon as it became intimate) that we were going to be exclusive. He said he felt I was "a keeper" and the best thing that happened to him in a long time. He said to me and to my friend just yesterday- "If you had told me you were going to leave me if I did not get off the dating site, then I would have gotten off right away" I explained that why would I need to threaten you, why would I need to tell you to get off if you are with me just to keep you. That makes no sense. If a person is intimate and seeing someone exclusively, than it should be monogamous and exclusive.
Author Ladydreamer Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 people are not things and you can not compare to a car or any"thing" else
KraftDinner Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 people are not things and you can not compare to a car or any"thing" else You REALLY missed the point that the PP was making when using the car in an example.
carhill Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 'By remaining on the dating site and corresponding with other women after we agreed to be exclusive and to continuously share physical and emotional intimacy, you have violated our relationship and that is unacceptable to me. Goodbye.' Then, he can process his 'misunderstandings' in solitude. "If you had told me you were going to leave me if I did not get off the dating site, then I would have gotten off right away" Instead of an apology, this 'explanation' speaks volumes regarding his perspective. It's really great information
carhill Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 'By remaining on the dating site and corresponding with other women after we agreed to be exclusive and to continuously share physical and emotional intimacy, you have violated our relationship and that is unacceptable to me. Goodbye.' Then, he can process his 'misunderstandings' in solitude. "If you had told me you were going to leave me if I did not get off the dating site, then I would have gotten off right away" Instead of an apology, this 'explanation' speaks volumes regarding his perspective. It's really great information
Woman In Blue Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 He said to me and to my friend just yesterday- "If you had told me you were going to leave me if I did not get off the dating site, then I would have gotten off right away." LOL. And the lies and justifications just KEEP on coming, don't they? First, it was because "he didn't know how to cancel his account." THEN, it was because "his son was using his account" (oh for Christ sakes - what young man is so desperate that he needs to use his FATHER'S dating account to meet women? Please.) It's very clear he's one of those jerk-offs with the "Bigger, Better Deal" syndrome. He can't be happy with what he's GOT, he's always on the hunt for that bigger, better deal that is SURELY just right around the corner. Being the lying sneak that he is, I'm sure that "bigger, better deal" isn't going to see HIM as anything more than the douchbag HE is. As others have asked and you still haven't answered - you HAVE dumped his worthless, lying a*ss...right?
Lovegood Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 Cut your losses. 4 Months is nothing in the scheme of things, and he blew it. Big time.
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