No matter what I do I can't get over her

[Notsogood]

Well its been a year and a half now since the breakup. We were together for 5 and a half years and I have been NC from three months after the breakup but no matter what I do, I can't seem to get over her.

 

I haven't been attracted to anyone else in this period and I just really miss her. I'm probably still holding her high on a pedastal in my mind but I really can't help it. I thought I would be over this stage by now.

 

I have definitely been healing since the breakup but for the last 6 months, it feels like my healing has plateau'd. I've done so much in my life during the last year as well. I've lost 15 kilos and am in the best shape of my life. I left my job and went backpacking around Europe for 3 months and moved to London where I'm working now. I'm more social now and have met many new friends.

 

Yet I still can't get over her. My heart just aches for her and only her. I don't feel attracted to anyone else. I'm beginning to think that I am going to die alone now unless we get back together in the future, which I accept is less than 1% chance. I do have fun when I'm out with friends but when I get home, I just feel lonely again. Its like a huge void in my soul that I can't fill with anything.

 

I really don't know what to do. I know time heals all wounds but for the last 6 months I don't think I've healed anymore. I have been scarred and there is nothing more that can be healed.

 

Not sure what I'm hoping to get from this post but it does feel a bit better to be able to express these feeling, even to complete strangers on the net. Thanks for reading.

[Dmoney28]

hey whats up, i kinda understand how you feel right now. its been 2 years since my break up, and i still feel a void. I dont mean to sound cocky, but i worked out to the point where friends, family nd strangers commit on my body. I have met alot diffrent women, dated alot, an slept with some of them, this wasnt until a year or so ago. But even though i think im over it, there still is that nagging empty/lonly/hurt. It will ease over time, how long..who knows. you may never get over it completly, but it will get better. I cant keep a steady relationship now, because as soon as it gets close, i freak out. i think to my self "i honestly do not love this person like i did my ex". but its has to be a diffrent kind of love to replace the old one. not sure if this helps, but just hang in there. Its like you have this scar from a really bad car accident. The scar never goes away, but the pain will.

[Notsogood]

DMoney

 

thanks for sharing your experiences. You describe exactly what I'm going through.

 

I've also become a gym junkie, hitting the gym 3-4 times a week for the past year. It is one of the few things that I can do without thinking of her at all.

 

I also have trouble getting into a new relationship. Like you, I freak out as I'm always thinking that I don't love the girl as much as I love my ex and start pushing away.

 

I don't really feel pain anymore, in fact more like the opposite - I don't feel anything. Completely numb and empty.

[AbsoluteSucker]

I don't know about getting better, but part of the process is learning to live with it. The ex that brought me to this site actually helped me get over a previous bad break up. You can't plan on moving on and falling in love with someone. You have about as much control over that as you do getting over the ex, which is none, right?.

 

Really the only thing you can do is to focus on something non-girl related, such as job, gym, hobby, school, anything that gives you purpose and takes your mind off her for at least part of the day. I know, easier said then done, but you're only going to begin the process of feeling better by being active and taking control of the situation. I know you said you've been doing a lot, but I stay creative and keep thinking of new things. You can't control what she does or feels, but you can control on how you react to the f****** up situation.

Edited December 26, 2010 by AbsoluteSucker