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Were you guys able to have stronger feelings for the next guy (or girl)?

b_rouse

By b_rouse
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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b_rouse Established Member

b_rouse

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Currently I'm going through feelings of, am I going to have the same feelings for another guy as I did with my ex? I'm young, and I know he won't be my last boyfriend, but he was my first serious boyfriend; the first guy I actually loved.

 

I'm just wondering, have any of you guys been able to move on, and have the same feelings, if not better feelings, with another guy?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
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I'm just wondering, have any of you guys been able to move on, and have the same feelings, if not better feelings, with another guy?

 

No, I haven't been able to reach the same level of feelings for another person as my ex...not to say it won't happen again...but it just hasn't...and it's been about a year and a half now...

BlackZeppelin Member

BlackZeppelin

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Definitely, and not only will you have just as strong feelings, the love may even be stronger and sweeter the second time around.

 

Check out the Frank Sintra Song: "The Second Time Around" for more comfort

Good luck :)

Fern Established Member

Fern

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Of course you will. Twice before I've thought I would DIE over relationships that didn't work out. It helps me to think back on those two guys now and know that with time, I'll feel that indifferent towards memories of my current Ex.

 

It's different this time because the relationship was so much longer and I really believed we'd be together forever and the way he treated me has messed with my self esteem a bit. With my current Ex my feelings grew over time. With previous exes it was more of an instant attraction. But the intensity of feeling is very similar. Maybe worse when it creeps up on you...

2010_Sorry Established Member

2010_Sorry

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Absolutely! You will have much stronger and better feelings for the right man.

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b_rouse Established Member

b_rouse

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I'm just bringing this up because I have a date in a couple days with a guy that I've been talking to for a couple weeks. The break up happened a little over 2 months ago (we were together for a year), and I while I don't want to get back together, there are moments where I miss him, and I miss what we had.

 

I'm just afraid I won't be able to open up to the next guy like I did with my ex.

 

I did learn a lot since the break up (I did the fun, dissecting every square inch of that full year), I know a lot of things that went wrong, and I know the things I did wrong in the relationship and while I have no way of proving to him that I have changed, I can prove it to myself and to the next guy that I have changed and I'm not the same girl my ex once knew.

nocoast New Member

nocoast

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This is a very normal feeling and once you met someone really worthwhile you will laugh that you even felt this way. Its a basic fear but it has no base in reality.

 

BUT, something I always end up doing when a new girl comes into my life is I compare them to my EX. Don't go down this rabbit hole. "My Ex was funnier/sweeter/better in bed/etc". Your new partner may lack in some areas compared to your Ex but hopefully will excel in different areas. It's all about finding that balance.

january2010 Established Member

january2010

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Yes, but I've experienced it going both ways - from stronger (brief, raging inferno) to weaker (longer, slow, steady glow) as well.

delajoonal Established Member

delajoonal

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Currently I'm going through feelings of, am I going to have the same feelings for another guy as I did with my ex? I'm young, and I know he won't be my last boyfriend, but he was my first serious boyfriend; the first guy I actually loved.

 

I'm just wondering, have any of you guys been able to move on, and have the same feelings, if not better feelings, with another guy?

 

 

oh yes, u will def have these feelings, and more...

 

my xh left me after a 15 yr marriage, thought i would die...

 

then a year after he left, i started dating a man i am now in love with...oh so much more than i was with my xh...

 

unfortunatley, as life goes, i have broke it off recently with this current bf...we have some 'issues'....but i still love him SO much.

 

so yes, to answer your ?....u will love again, more or less...but u will def love again..;)

Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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Many people fear they will never have genuine feelings for some one new after a break up.

 

As long as you don’t fall into the trap of over romanticizing past romances while forgetting why they didn’t work you should be fine.

 

Time will heal your wounds.

AbsoluteSucker Member

AbsoluteSucker

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You'll definitely have those types of feelings for someone else (it may be a while), but the experience will be different.Hopefully, you can avoid comparing your dates to your ex, and just appreciate them for who they are. Don't force feelings with someone, just to help yourself move on, but its great that you going out and trying to take your mind off the situation.

 

It's just going to take time, but by posting on here and staying active, it will start to feel better. It isn't necessarily about learning and being better for the next guy, it's about learning about yourself and being more knowledgeable about what works for you and what doesn't, whether you are with someone or not.

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

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avoid comparing your dates to your ex, and just appreciate them for who they are absolutely, because in your mind, you're trying to liken apples to apples, when it's really apples to mangoes ... it's not more, it's not less, it's just different, and you come to appreciate those differences.

 

was madly in love with a guy from college, to the point where I honestly believed he was The One. Met the man I eventually married not long after things didn't work out between me and The One, and even for several years after being married to hubby, my mind kept telling me that no one could ever top the guy from college. And then I came to a realization that that guy occupied a definite time and space in my life, but there was no way in hell he could ever live up to what I discovered in my relationship with my husband. I'm not "madly in love with" my husband, but it's something more solid and more real that I couldn't give up easily because it's so based in reality. Do I love him more than that other guy? There's no easy answer, because he's definitely the mango in my life: Exotic, tasty, fun and totally unexpected. And it doesn't get any better than that :love:

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