TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Oh please, enough with it. How in the hell can someone expect to find a great partner when they're having 2 other c0cks inside them? They can't have their cake and eat it. The whole point of FWB is that you can have sex with someone while you look for someone you're compatible with long-term. One doesn't preclude the other, unless you're immature. And it's laughable to suggest that she just come out and say she's sleeping with other people. You're all hiding something when you're dating; it's absurd to pretend otherwise. Do you tell your first date that you have racist parents? Have 20,000 dollars in credit card debt? Things that would otherwise be dealbreakers for long-term relationships? You're being narrow-minded hypocrites.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 The whole point of FWB is that you can have sex with someone while you look for someone you're compatible with long-term. One doesn't preclude the other, unless you're immature. I submit that if you're willingly entering casual sex relationships with multiple people, that you're not looking for or capable of a long-term relationship at that time.
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I submit that if you're willingly entering casual sex relationships with multiple people, that you're not looking for or capable of a long-term relationship at that time. I would go ahead and reject that statement, as I've done it. Was hooking up with an ex while looking for a long term relationship, found one, ended the FWB, dated the new girl for a year. I submit that you have a very pre-determined path in mind that a relationship has to go to be successful, and more often than not things don't truly follow your desired path.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I would go ahead and reject that statement, as I've done it. Was hooking up with an ex while looking for a long term relationship, found one, ended the FWB, dated the new girl for a year. Ummm, if you read carefully, your situation was not the same...we aren't talking about FWB...we are talking about casual sex with multiple partners...which does not appear to be the case with your FWB...
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I submit that you have a very pre-determined path in mind that a relationship has to go to be successful... That path does involve the guy I'm dating not sleeping with multiple other women while he's dating me. I don't think that's unreasonable to expect.
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Ummm, if you read carefully, your situation was not the same...we aren't talking about FWB...we are talking about casual sex with multiple partners...which does not appear to be the case with your FWB... Anned is sleeping with one person while dating. And whats the difference between 1 partner and 2 partners?
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 That path does involve the guy I'm dating not sleeping with multiple other women while he's dating me. I don't think that's unreasonable to expect. Sure, but just because you have that idea doesn't mean everyone else is. And a differing belief isn't an indicator of emotional instability or being unsuitable for long term dating or anything else.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Anned is sleeping with one person while dating. And whats the difference between 1 partner and 2 partners? She's looking for a second casual sex partner. Did you read the OP?
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Anned is sleeping with one person while dating. And whats the difference between 1 partner and 2 partners? There's absolutely no difference for the person who's sleeping with multiple partners, because they probably don't give a damn...it's just different fundamental values...for some folks, sex means something different than it does for others... The difference comes in the values of the partners...if the partner shares the same values, then everything is honky dorey...but if that partner does not share the same values, then you have an issue...
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 And a differing belief isn't an indicator of emotional instability or being unsuitable for long term dating or anything else. Keep in mind that the subject person's beliefs in his/her suitability for long term dating is completely irrelevant...it's the beliefs of the potential suitors that matter...i.e., if a guy OP is interested in feels that her views on casual sex make her unsuitable for long term dating, then that's all that matters...
Jannah Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 What about having oral sex with multiple people. Or, just kissing multiple people. None exclusive of the other. Where does one draw the line?
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 There's absolutely no difference for the person who's sleeping with multiple partners, because they probably don't give a damn...it's just different fundamental values...for some folks, sex means something different than it does for others... The difference comes in the values of the partners...if the partner shares the same values, then everything is honky dorey...but if that partner does not share the same values, then you have an issue... Right, exactly...which is why people heaping abuse on anned's values should stop, no? She doesn't share those values, so why are people telling her to go around telling her dates that she's having sex with someone else?
Distant78 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 The whole point of FWB is that you can have sex with someone while you look for someone you're compatible with long-term. One doesn't preclude the other, unless you're immature. And it's laughable to suggest that she just come out and say she's sleeping with other people. You're all hiding something when you're dating; it's absurd to pretend otherwise. Do you tell your first date that you have racist parents? Have 20,000 dollars in credit card debt? Things that would otherwise be dealbreakers for long-term relationships? You're being narrow-minded hypocrites. Where do you get your sources from? An FWB doesn't mean a substitute until one finds a great partner. It's just someone to bone. Of course we all hide things while dating. No one can knock that. But this isn't about first date nor are we talking about racist parents or financial debt. All humans are hypocrites. If you're going on multiple dates with the same person and feel it progressing, would you like it if you found out that person has other people she's screwing while drinking cokes and eating cheese sandwiches with you?
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 What about having oral sex with multiple people. Or, just kissing multiple people. None exclusive of the other. Where does one draw the line? I think I remember us trying to draw that line in a previous thread a while back... Sex...which includes the oral as well as the intercourse...
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Keep in mind that the subject person's beliefs in his/her suitability for long term dating is completely irrelevant...it's the beliefs of the potential suitors that matter...i.e., if a guy OP is interested in feels that her views on casual sex make her unsuitable for long term dating, then that's all that matters... As star pointed out, she's not looking for long term dating.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Right, exactly...which is why people heaping abuse on anned's values should stop, no? She doesn't share those values, so why are people telling her to go around telling her dates that she's having sex with someone else? So that she doesn't compromise the values of those potential partners who don't share her values.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 As star pointed out, she's not looking for long term dating. I know. I recognized that as well. I was speaking in general terms in response to what you wrote. I misused the "i.e." and should have used "e.g." My mistake.
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Where do you get your sources from? An FWB doesn't mean a substitute until one finds a great partner. It's just someone to bone. Of course we all hide things while dating. No one can knock that. But this isn't about first date nor are we talking about racist parents or financial debt. All humans are hypocrites. If you're going on multiple dates with the same person and feel it progressing, would you like it if you found out that person has other people she's screwing while drinking cokes and eating cheese sandwiches with you? Probably not, but all 3 (parents, debt, sex) are all dealbreakers and sex is probably the least of a dealbreaker. If you want everyone to reveal that theyre sleeping with others, then tell me upfront that you're fiscally irresponsible as well so I can kick you to the curb. And what do you mean this isn't about first dates? Isn't the whole argument here that anned should reveal her FWB situation up front?
Distant78 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Right, exactly...which is why people heaping abuse on anned's values should stop, no? She doesn't share those values, so why are people telling her to go around telling her dates that she's having sex with someone else? Well, she started this thread for input and it's exactly what she's getting. Just because you agree with her doesn't mean our opinions don't count.
Jannah Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I think I remember us trying to draw that line in a previous thread a while back... Sex...which includes the oral as well as the intercourse... Correct! But, I thought it might also be a suitable point of discussion to integrate into this thread, so that perhaps it would implore a well rounded source of opinion.
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 So that she doesn't compromise the values of those potential partners who don't share her values. My point was that nobody reveals all (or any) of their negatives when initially dating. It's about first impressions. And it's absurd for anyone to say that she should reveal this up front when they won't reveal similar things about themselves that would screw up a potential relationship.
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Well, she started this thread for input and it's exactly what she's getting. Just because you agree with her doesn't mean our opinions don't count. Pretty sure she asked whether or not to text this guy, and people are telling her to not sleep with people. So your opinions, while valid, have nothing to do with giving input and everything to do with passing judgment.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 As star pointed out, she's not looking for long term dating. That's what she says. But she also says if she meets someone she wants a relationship with, she'll discontinue the FWBs. I don't think she can have it both ways under these circumstances. How would you feel if you were dating her with a LTR in mind and found out she'd been having sex with two dudes while she decided if she wanted to date you exclusively? As Hokie said, she'll only get what she offers - if she's honest. If she's offering up casual sex, that's what she'll get. If she's offering up casual sex, a LTR with someone other than her casual sex partners, assuming she's being honest about her casual sex partners, is highly unlikely.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Correct! But, I thought it might also be a suitable point of discussion to integrate into this thread, so that perhaps it would implore a well rounded source of opinion. I agree. And I had briefly asked earlier in this thread whether a person in OP's situation should mention the other sexual partners to a new partner (1) up front or (2) right before the line is about to be crossed or (3) after the line is crossed or (4) never...
Distant78 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Pretty sure she asked whether or not to text this guy, and people are telling her to not sleep with people. So your opinions, while valid, have nothing to do with giving input and everything to do with passing judgment. Which proves my point exactly in my last reply to you. I was responding to her thread and you feel my opinion doesn't count, because you have a different opinion on what she should do, and I don't like your input either. Opinion means passing judgment so in that sense, we can go in circles about this.
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