Jannah Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 It's how I feel. I don't know any unpaid woman who enjoys having casual sex with multiple people, and wouldn't mind if their partners were having sex with multiple people as well. It just makes me go . I am fully aware of this. However, if someone is thinking multiple sex partners (who themselves would have multiple sex partners) is A-okay because it's protected, they're fooling themselves. Polygamists don't seem to mind it. Different strokes, for different folks.
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Polygamists don't seem to mind it. Different strokes, for different folks. They're not having casual sex with multiple people, who are in turn also having sex with multiple people. They're married to them.
Jannah Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 They're not having casual sex with multiple people, who are in turn also having sex with multiple people. They're married to them. They are having "legalized" sex with multiple partners, within their "circle". It's still casual sex with multiple people, it's just under the guise of "marriage".
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 They are having "legalized" sex with multiple partners, within their "circle". It's still casual sex with multiple people, it's just under the guise of "marriage". The women are not having multiple sex with multiple people. The men are having sex multiple women within a discreet, finite group - their wives. I also don't actually think it's legal to be married to multiple people, regardless of what's going on in the bedroom, but I could be wrong... maybe it's legal in some states?
Jannah Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 The women are not having multiple sex with multiple people. The men are having sex multiple women within a discreet, finite group - their wives. I also don't actually think it's legal to be married to multiple people, regardless of what's going on in the bedroom, but I could be wrong... maybe it's legal in some states? Well technically, they are, if you really think about it. I think Polygamy is illegal in all 50 states, Utah once practiced it heavily. I know I personally oppose the Polygamy lifestyle, and realize I side bared the conversation, it's just interesting to see different perspectives. I think if someone is engaging in sex with multiple partners simultaneously, that is their personal preference, but at the very least they should be upfront about it.
Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Well technically, they are, if you really think about it. Very true! The exponential thing...!! Still, I don't know any polygamists, so I still don't know anyone not paid who'd enjoy this arrangement. And if polygamists are the exception, they're really just proof of the general rule, ya know? But I agree, different strokes for different folks. But that doesn't change my personal take on it.
Jannah Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Very true! The exponential thing...!! Still, I don't know any polygamists, so I still don't know anyone not paid who'd enjoy this arrangement. And if polygamists are the exception, they're really just proof of the general rule, ya know? But I agree, different strokes for different folks. But that doesn't change my personal take on it. Ah, but they are paid, through their church... If it were to become legalized, guess who else would be paying for it. Oh, I agree. The whole rotational thing, well the same can be said, with those who multi-date. There may be no sex involve, but, emotions certainly can be.
Author anned80 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) Jesus, this is out of control. First of all, I don't currently have multiple sex partners. In fact, I have been not married for seven months and have only had two sex partners (one of whom is my current FWB, the other I don't even really count because it was about 30 seconds). It was an idea I was throwing out - since this is, you know, a forum about sex and relationships. I don't know how old you guys are but I'm in my late 20s. I don't think it's unusual for people to have a casual sex partner. Yes, I am still dating. If I was to go out on a date with someone and thought they had potential then I would stop seeing my casual sex partner but I'm not going to do that on first dates. As it is, I'm only seeing my casual sex partner about every other week. A first date is seeing if someone has potential and trying to get to know them. I mean, how is this any different from dating a few people at a time, and then one night you sleep with one of them? I mean, most people don't just go out on one date a week and then wait to see what will happen - most people are seeing several people at a time until a relationship is established. I have made it clear when I go out with people that I'm trying to figure out what I want and I'm not currently looking for a serious relationship. I'm upfront about who I am. Men can decide or not decide if they still want to take me out - 95% of the time they still want to go out on a date. Do you think the men I'm going out with aren't potentially hooking up occassionally with someone? If you're not in a relationship then it's pretty fair game in my opinion. Oh, and not that anyone even cares at this point but I ended up texting FWB - he can't meet tonight but we're meeting later this week and will be playing out one of my fantasy. For all the people who are against this - this was actually one of my primary reasons for having a FWB - there are no emotions involved so you can just lay it all out on the table and try things that you may not want to try with a partner. It's been a lot of fun to be with someone who is comfortable and wants to explore. Edited December 26, 2010 by anned80
mr.dream merchant Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Do you tell these men that you're seeing/involved with other men?
Author anned80 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 What I have been saying is that I'm casually dating right now. I don't think there is any need to tell someone on a first date that I have a **** buddy. I think that casual dating should say it all - if there was some sort of potential then I would bring that up or if there was potential that thigns could be intimate with the other person I would stop contact with FWB or let the man know. I feel like if you are honest then there is nothing wrong with it. I think it is wrong when you act like you want a relationship and don't - I have not been doing that. Like I said, it could be my age but the men I have seen don't really have a problem with it. I'm assuming they are dating around too.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I don't think there's anything wrong with having a casual sex partner as long as the both of you practice safe sex. However, to take on more than one partner is a sexual risk. I'm currently in a sexual relationship with a girl and her boyfriend. But all three of us are aware of who we sleep with. OP, I think what you really need to be aware of is that if you plan to have more than one FWB, you really need to be aware of how many other people they're sleeping with, and how much probable the risks are.
Jannah Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 What I have been saying is that I'm casually dating right now. I don't think there is any need to tell someone on a first date that I have a **** buddy. I think that casual dating should say it all - if there was some sort of potential then I would bring that up or if there was potential that thigns could be intimate with the other person I would stop contact with FWB or let the man know. I feel like if you are honest then there is nothing wrong with it. I think it is wrong when you act like you want a relationship and don't - I have not been doing that. Like I said, it could be my age but the men I have seen don't really have a problem with it. I'm assuming they are dating around too. You're fine OP, no worries. No, you don't need to disclose that type of information on a first date, but at some point, if things become physical then you should 100% disclose it.
mr.dream merchant Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 What I have been saying is that I'm casually dating right now. I don't think there is any need to tell someone on a first date that I have a **** buddy. I think that casual dating should say it all - if there was some sort of potential then I would bring that up or if there was potential that thigns could be intimate with the other person I would stop contact with FWB or let the man know. I feel like if you are honest then there is nothing wrong with it. I think it is wrong when you act like you want a relationship and don't - I have not been doing that. Like I said, it could be my age but the men I have seen don't really have a problem with it. I'm assuming they are dating around too. That sounds more or less like an excuse rather than a valid reason for you not to tell this man that you are casually dating. You are physically involved with another man. This guy that you are casually dating probably wouldn't continue dating you upon finding out that information, and you know it. Which is why you're choosing to opt out of telling him that you are seeing other men, so it will not affect the securing of your options. To be honest, it really isn't fair to this man that you are casually dating. To assume he's seeing other women, is only comfort food for your opting out of disclosing anything about the man who's sticking his organ inside of you to the man whom you may or may not pursue a romantic relationship with. Basically, I believe it is the right thing to do to let him know that you are seeing other men. Doesn't have to mean revealing that you are getting smashed by some other guy while he's out wining and dining you...but he at least deserves to know you are, in fact, playing the field. He could just as easily assume that you are NOT seeing other men (which isn't the case) as you have assumed that he IS seeing other women (which may not be the case). I always tell girls that I casually date, that for health reasons only, I need to know if you're involved with other men. Usually they can respect that, and either lie, or be honest. Yeah it's casual dating, but as we all know, everyone has their own sets of standards and boundaries...so it's best to clear up things before any possible misunderstandings occur.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I don't see a problem with what you are doing. I wouldn't date you, but that's a personal preference. I really do hope that these men understand what you are doing. Casual dating can mean different things to different people.
Distant78 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 That sounds more or less like an excuse rather than a valid reason for you not to tell this man that you are casually dating. You are physically involved with another man. This guy that you are casually dating probably wouldn't continue dating you upon finding out that information, and you know it. Which is why you're choosing to opt out of telling him that you are seeing other men, so it will not affect the securing of your options. To be honest, it really isn't fair to this man that you are casually dating. To assume he's seeing other women, is only comfort food for your opting out of disclosing anything about the man who's sticking his organ inside of you to the man whom you may or may not pursue a romantic relationship with. Basically, I believe it is the right thing to do to let him know that you are seeing other men. Doesn't have to mean revealing that you are getting smashed by some other guy while he's out wining and dining you...but he at least deserves to know you are, in fact, playing the field. He could just as easily assume that you are NOT seeing other men (which isn't the case) as you have assumed that he IS seeing other women (which may not be the case). I always tell girls that I casually date, that for health reasons only, I need to know if you're involved with other men. Usually they can respect that, and either lie, or be honest. Yeah it's casual dating, but as we all know, everyone has their own sets of standards and boundaries...so it's best to clear up things before any possible misunderstandings occur. Damn right. I don't know how the hell is a woman supposed to know whether the guy they're currently dating has potential, when they have another c0ck inside them.
LondonS Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Okay I read about 2 pages of this thread... I just want to share something... I personally do think that relationship minded men or even the men who get involved in FWB arrangments would actually avoid a woman for anything meaningful or long term, who is or has been involved in FWB arrangments. I am just old fashioned, I do think women should have more dignity about labelling sex as "needs being met". To me, sex is expression of deep love and not a need but thats just me... carry on ladies...
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 That sounds more or less like an excuse rather than a valid reason for you not to tell this man that you are casually dating. You are physically involved with another man. This guy that you are casually dating probably wouldn't continue dating you upon finding out that information, and you know it. Which is why you're choosing to opt out of telling him that you are seeing other men, so it will not affect the securing of your options. To be honest, it really isn't fair to this man that you are casually dating. To assume he's seeing other women, is only comfort food for your opting out of disclosing anything about the man who's sticking his organ inside of you to the man whom you may or may not pursue a romantic relationship with. Basically, I believe it is the right thing to do to let him know that you are seeing other men. Doesn't have to mean revealing that you are getting smashed by some other guy while he's out wining and dining you...but he at least deserves to know you are, in fact, playing the field. He could just as easily assume that you are NOT seeing other men (which isn't the case) as you have assumed that he IS seeing other women (which may not be the case). I always tell girls that I casually date, that for health reasons only, I need to know if you're involved with other men. Usually they can respect that, and either lie, or be honest. Yeah it's casual dating, but as we all know, everyone has their own sets of standards and boundaries...so it's best to clear up things before any possible misunderstandings occur. Damn right. I don't know how the hell is a woman supposed to know whether the guy they're currently dating has potential, when they have another c0ck inside them. I agree, really. And I wouldn't want to date a man who'd be okay with me f*cking other dudes while dating him, either. I suspect Anne actually feels the same, hence why she isn't honest with them about it.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Like I said, it could be my age but the men I have seen don't really have a problem with it. I'm assuming they are dating around too. You're 30. I'm 32. We're likely dating men around the same age. None of the men I have encountered would be okay with me sexing multiple men while dating them. And you don't know if your guys have a problem with it or not, because you're not telling them. Telling them you're seeing other people too doesn't tell them you're having sex with them.
musemaj11 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) I disagree on multiple FWBs purely from health point of view. Its just dangerous. Either you tell the guy you want more, or find someone who is willing to do it once a week. Anyway, Anne is enjoying her freedom. Personally Im not into FWB and I dont want to date a woman who is involved in FWB. But them Im pretty sure that chances are, Anne is not really interested in finding someone for serious relationship in the first place. I just hope though that when she went on dates, she paid her own share. Edited December 27, 2010 by musemaj11
TaurusTerp Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 GTFO Do you reveal all your potential dealbreakers early on? Of course not. Dating involves a whole lot of bull**** and half lies. You're not "owed" ****. Dont pretend like you haven't concealed things or straight up lied to women before. Anned, go ahead and text and stop debating or listening to the self-righteous crowd. If he's not cool with more than once every 3 weeks, then find a new FWB. That sounds more or less like an excuse rather than a valid reason for you not to tell this man that you are casually dating. You are physically involved with another man. This guy that you are casually dating probably wouldn't continue dating you upon finding out that information, and you know it. Which is why you're choosing to opt out of telling him that you are seeing other men, so it will not affect the securing of your options. To be honest, it really isn't fair to this man that you are casually dating. To assume he's seeing other women, is only comfort food for your opting out of disclosing anything about the man who's sticking his organ inside of you to the man whom you may or may not pursue a romantic relationship with. Basically, I believe it is the right thing to do to let him know that you are seeing other men. Doesn't have to mean revealing that you are getting smashed by some other guy while he's out wining and dining you...but he at least deserves to know you are, in fact, playing the field. He could just as easily assume that you are NOT seeing other men (which isn't the case) as you have assumed that he IS seeing other women (which may not be the case). I always tell girls that I casually date, that for health reasons only, I need to know if you're involved with other men. Usually they can respect that, and either lie, or be honest. Yeah it's casual dating, but as we all know, everyone has their own sets of standards and boundaries...so it's best to clear up things before any possible misunderstandings occur.
Distant78 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 GTFO Do you reveal all your potential dealbreakers early on? Of course not. Dating involves a whole lot of bull**** and half lies. You're not "owed" ****. Dont pretend like you haven't concealed things or straight up lied to women before. Anned, go ahead and text and stop debating or listening to the self-righteous crowd. If he's not cool with more than once every 3 weeks, then find a new FWB. Oh please, enough with it. How in the hell can someone expect to find a great partner when they're having 2 other c0cks inside them? They can't have their cake and eat it.
johan Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I think a relationship, once it becomes sexual, should be exclusive. I don't consider it narrow minded or judgmental to expect that. If you are a woman and you could actually have multiple partners, I would question your judgment and probably your class. Thinking about it is one thing. Doing it is another. It's different for guys, I think, mostly because they are doing the penetrating. I wouldn't get involved with a woman who was having sex with another guy under any circumstances. Yep, a perpetually single woman in her 30's who hasn't yet managed to walk down the isle even once and struggles with even maintaining a LTR. Yes. Definitely a relationship expert. If 'relationship expert' is code for 'spinster,' of course. Not sure what you were trying to achieve with this. Personal attacks like this really make me doubt their source a lot more than I ever would their target.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Oh please, enough with it. How in the hell can someone expect to find a great partner when they're having 2 other c0cks inside them? They can't have their cake and eat it. Because those people aren't looking for a great partner. And if they are, then they can't blame anyone but themselves for not being able to find one. If a person is ok with the person he/she is dating having other sexual partners, then it's clear what they're looking for...as OP has said, she isn't looking for anything more than casual dating...so all the power to her... As I said before in another thread, a person is only going to get what they themselves offer.
Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Because those people aren't looking for a great partner. And if they are, then they can't blame anyone but themselves for not being able to find one. If a person is ok with the person he/she is dating having other sexual partners, then it's clear what they're looking for...as OP has said, she isn't looking for anything more than casual dating...so all the power to her... As I said before in another thread, a person is only going to get what they themselves offer. I think this is all fair and accurate. I still think she should disclose that she's actually having sex with other men; she shouldn't leave it at "I'm casually dating others." Many men won't translate that into having sex.
USMCHokie Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I still think she should disclose that she's actually having sex with other men; she shouldn't leave it at "I'm casually dating others." Many men won't translate that into having sex. I agree that "casually dating" doesn't translate universally into sex. But is this information appropriate to reserve until she has decided she wants sex with the subject guy, or something that should be disclosed up front...? For me personally, if a girl told me she was bangin' another dude(s), you'd see a me-shaped hole in the wall before she could even finish her sentence. So of course I'd appreciate her disclosing this up front so I wouldn't have to waste any more time with her. I'd honestly be pissed if she waited until sexing was about to happen...but to each their own.
Recommended Posts