WiselyNaive Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 (edited) Hey , first I'd like to say I come here from time to time when I'm feeling weak and want to post...never actually had to because I would just read a few threads and feel strong again so thank-you. I'm an 18 year old girl , single . . . been in one "serious" relationship that ended coming on a year now....it was only 7 months long and it was also long distance...most wouldn't call that serious...maybe not even my ex himself...but to me....it was. he was my first love...(Damn I Sound Pathetic) my simple question is , without telling my entire story . . . I am back home for the first time in months..ill only be here for about 5-6 weeks...last time i was here (summer) I tried to rekindle the flame with my ex (He asked & was willing , but i was the one pining)...it lasted a week before i called quits..i could just tell he didnt want it and i didnt want to force him. 2-3 weeks ago my ex made his friend try to convince me to be with him when i came home...and said little to me about it himself..jus a few hints...( I know my ex enough to know if he was serious he wouldn't give up quickly and would eventually tell me him self , so i didnt give an answer and waited) shortly after he had a new "gf"...he confuses the life out of me...we didnt really talk much but when in contact we would have very brief communication almost daily mostly initiated by him... wether a short fb chat...comment...or a bbm...(this stopped about a month now) right before I came home we had a tiny pointless quarrel that i started...i came home for my birthday couple days later....on my birthday he saw me for the first time since summer..didn't say a word and ever since then he acts as though he doesn't know me even tho we've been in the same room many times since i arrived...(about a week and a couple days since i came home) his birthday is 2 weeks b4 mine..i told him happy birthday..even brought him a gift..but i refuse to make a fool of myself...so i never gave it to him....i miss him...i love him..but i cant chase him....i never got over him , i do not know if i ever will...he appears as though he has gotten over me...but i have this gut feeling that he has to still think about me...it may just be wishful thinking though just want to know if you guys think he will say something to me before i leave...or why he may act the way he does...he is in no way obligated to speak to me but . . . I Keep having this urge to pull him aside when i see him (which is a lot, small town) but i refuse to initiate a conversation , he probably expects that . . . but i shouldn't even be thinking about someone who didn't say happy birthday , knowing That it would clearly hurt me. Should I Just Leave It Alone Although I Think About Him 10X More When I'm Home ? <----this has nothing to do with anything...i just like it Edited December 26, 2010 by WiselyNaive
Dorian85 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Hey , first I'd like to say I come here from time to time when I'm feeling weak and want to post...never actually had to because I would just read a few threads and feel strong again so thank-you. I'm an 18 year old girl , single . . . been in one "serious" relationship that ended coming on a year now....it was only 7 months long and it was also long distance...most wouldn't call that serious...maybe not even my ex himself...but to me....it was. he was my first love...(Damn I Sound Pathetic) my simple question is , without telling my entire story . . . I am back home for the first time in months..ill only be here for about 5-6 weeks...last time i was here (summer) I tried to rekindle the flame with my ex (He asked & was willing , but i was the one pining)...it lasted a week before i called quits..i could just tell he didnt want it and i didnt want to force him. 2-3 weeks ago my ex made his friend try to convince me to be with him when i came home...and said little to me about it himself..jus a few hints...( I know my ex enough to know if he was serious he wouldn't give up quickly and would eventually tell me him self , so i didnt give an answer and waited) shortly after he had a new "gf"...he confuses the life out of me...we didnt really talk much but when in contact we would have very brief communication almost daily mostly initiated by him... wether a short fb chat...comment...or a bbm...(this stopped about a month now) right before I came home we had a tiny pointless quarrel that i started...i came home for my birthday couple days later....on my birthday he saw me for the first time since summer..didn't say a word and ever since then he acts as though he doesn't know me even tho we've been in the same room many times since i arrived...(about a week and a couple days since i came home) his birthday is 2 weeks b4 mine..i told him happy birthday..even brought him a gift..but i refuse to make a fool of myself...so i never gave it to him....i miss him...i love him..but i cant chase him....i never got over him , i do not know if i ever will...he appears as though he has gotten over me...but i have this gut feeling that he has to still think about me...it may just be wishful thinking though just want to know if you guys think he will say something to me before i leave...or why he may act the way he does...he is in no way obligated to speak to me but . . . I Keep having this urge to pull him aside when i see him (which is a lot, small town) but i refuse to initiate a conversation , he probably expects that . . . but i shouldn't even be thinking about someone who didn't say happy birthday , knowing That it would clearly hurt me. Should I Just Leave It Alone Although I Think About Him 10X More When I'm Home ? <----this has nothing to do with anything...i just like it Hey there Sorry to hear about all this. Its a tough one to take, especially being so young. But with that being said. You are only 18. You have got time....BELIEVE ME. I know its been said 1,000,000 times...but you are too young to me thinking that you will never find love again. Chances are, you will. I know it may seem like it now considering all that has happened, but have faith that the both of you will move on in your lives. Life is full of experiences, and to live your life by always asking yourself "what if", can ruin any chance you may have of leading a very happy life....socially, mentally, etc... You say that you think of him 10X more when you are at home? Thats understandable. Familiar faces and places re-ignite good memories all the time...and make you miss that person in those memories. Thats why people always encourage others to get rid of ANYTHING that reminds them of their ex. But how does it work when your home reminds you of him? My advice is to do things that distracts your memories until you go back to school and are out of your hometown once again. Go out, listen to music, work out, read many books, post on the L.S forums...whatever you need to do to temporarily forget about that person. Its helps! ALOT! What i can tell you about your urge to take him aside and talk to him is: Dont. If you feel that he has moved on, then chances are he probably has...OR he is playing games with you and wont come right out and say what he really thinks. In either case, that just shows that he is conflicted about the situation. And if there is any doubt in his mind about what he should do..that spells trouble down the road. Hope that helps a bit?
Author WiselyNaive Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 Hey there Sorry to hear about all this. Its a tough one to take, especially being so young. But with that being said. You are only 18. You have got time....BELIEVE ME. I know its been said 1,000,000 times...but you are too young to me thinking that you will never find love again. Chances are, you will. I know it may seem like it now considering all that has happened, but have faith that the both of you will move on in your lives. Life is full of experiences, and to live your life by always asking yourself "what if", can ruin any chance you may have of leading a very happy life....socially, mentally, etc... You say that you think of him 10X more when you are at home? Thats understandable. Familiar faces and places re-ignite good memories all the time...and make you miss that person in those memories. Thats why people always encourage others to get rid of ANYTHING that reminds them of their ex. But how does it work when your home reminds you of him? My advice is to do things that distracts your memories until you go back to school and are out of your hometown once again. Go out, listen to music, work out, read many books, post on the L.S forums...whatever you need to do to temporarily forget about that person. Its helps! ALOT! What i can tell you about your urge to take him aside and talk to him is: Dont. If you feel that he has moved on, then chances are he probably has...OR he is playing games with you and wont come right out and say what he really thinks. In either case, that just shows that he is conflicted about the situation. And if there is any doubt in his mind about what he should do..that spells trouble down the road. Hope that helps a bit? Thanks a lot , this really helped a lot , i think i may come back and read this from time to time...and i'm at my weakest right now...the more i see him the worst it gets..probably may even see him tonight , so ill resist the urge to pull him aside , THANKS AGAIN.
b_rouse Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 (edited) The fact of the matter is this, if anybody wants to get back together, they will initiate it themselves. I did the same thing with my ex, he broke up with me, I was in shell-shock, it didn't feel as if we broke up until a little less than a week later when I called him, begging for him to come back. You have to understand, that if he wants to be back with you, he'll make it known. Right now, he's doing NC. Which is recommended for anyone going through a rough break-up. And he probably let his friend ask you because he didn't want to feel the rejection again, but if you're truely desperate to get back with the person, you're willing to face rejection again, because you aren't thinking straight, you're thinking with your emotion. I'd just leave him alone if I were you. He's trying to move on. That's what I did with my ex today. After I saw him a couple days ago, to give him back his hoodie, we talked for a little bit, it was just small talk. I didn't get to say what I truely wanted to say, so I sent him a text message and for the first time, I got no response. So I sent him this long facebook message basically saying all the things I wanted to talk with him about, just getting everything off my chest: apologizing for the way I treated him during some parts of the relationship, elaborating on some things that we text about. I'm not expecting a response back, but tomorrow will mark my official day 1 of my NC...and I plan to keep up with this one. And to be honest, I feel much better sending the letter, I got a lot of things off my chest that I have kept in for quite some time. Edited December 27, 2010 by b_rouse
Author WiselyNaive Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 ^^ i understand all of that n believe me i been there but im way past that stage my ex and i broke up about 9 months ago...it cant be NC...cause we are past that..n ive done all the things u mentioned above months ago . . . similar situation very different points... but thanks for the advice..i will jus ignore it
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