HalfAlive22 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Some of you have read my story about my serial cheating husband, and how pathetic I've been. Well today I Broke! While sitting in my bed reading on the new nook I got for christmas..his phone starts flashing..he was downstairs playing video games with the kids...anyways it was a fb message from the girl who he says is just a friend..I asked him to stop talking to her...apparently he did not hear me. The message was a reply to one he sent (wich was deleted of course) it just said "sounds good" that could mean many things but the facr there were deleted messages and he was taliking to her in the firstplace is rediculous! I've had it, I'm Done! Not sure how to approach this yet..we r still in the holiday and I'm not ruining the kids christmas...never wanted christmas over so Bad! All I know is I'm taking my 5'8" 125 pound blonde hair blue eyed self out of this Marriage! Sorry for the Rant! And tx for the support.
Woman In Blue Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Good for you. I applaud your decision. Some women hang around for years and deal with infidelity after infidelity, and I always want to shake them and tell them ENOUGH ALREADY! You've finally reached your breaking point. You know darned well that when you contront your husband about this Facebook incident he'll just lie and minimize. He's so used to doing it that it's probably 2nd nature to him by now. So as long as you realize you'll get no honesty from him, you won't be disappointed when you don't get it. You're not sure how to approach it yet? I think first and foremost, you need to sit down and put a plan on paper. Don't just go off half-cocked without a plan because you're angry. No one is going to look out for Number #1 except YOU, so do your homework. I think your FIRST course of action is to get to a lawyer as soon as possible and find out exactly what you can expect and what your rights are. Are you entitled to child support? Alimony? What about custody issues? What about combined marital debt? Combined marital assets? Do your homework and find out legally what you're dealing with and what you're entitled to. Incorporate it into your plan. Make sure all your ducks are in a row before you tip your hat and tell him you're leaving - because things can go from pleasant to REAL UGLY in mere seconds. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I applaud you for finding your dignity and realizing you DON'T have to accept this anymore. Good luck to you.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Good for you. I applaud your decision. Some women hang around for years and deal with infidelity after infidelity, and I always want to shake them and tell them ENOUGH ALREADY! You've finally reached your breaking point. You know darned well that when you contront your husband about this Facebook incident he'll just lie and minimize. He's so used to doing it that it's probably 2nd nature to him by now. So as long as you realize you'll get no honesty from him, you won't be disappointed when you don't get it. You're not sure how to approach it yet? I think first and foremost, you need to sit down and put a plan on paper. Don't just go off half-cocked without a plan because you're angry. No one is going to look out for Number #1 except YOU, so do your homework. I think your FIRST course of action is to get to a lawyer as soon as possible and find out exactly what you can expect and what your rights are. Are you entitled to child support? Alimony? What about custody issues? What about combined marital debt? Combined marital assets? Do your homework and find out legally what you're dealing with and what you're entitled to. Incorporate it into your plan. Make sure all your ducks are in a row before you tip your hat and tell him you're leaving - because things can go from pleasant to REAL UGLY in mere seconds. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I applaud you for finding your dignity and realizing you DON'T have to accept this anymore. Good luck to you. Tx..I know its going to be hard I've been with him since the age of14,but I now realize I've been married to a stranger.and your right he will try to minimize it and say I'm the one who is crazy..I know better tx.
ComputerJock Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Now is not the time to confront him. First get your ducks in a row. Contact a lawyer without telling him. Find out what your rights are and what the laws of your state stay about adultry as a reason for divorce. Start collecting his and your financial data but don't let him know. Collect data confirming his cheating for use in court. Find a safe haven to move to such as an apartment or a friends house you and the kids can move to. You don't know how he is going to react when you knock his legs out from under him. He knows he is a cheater and he feels he can walk all over you, use that against him. Once the lawyer knows your financial data and you have a safe haven drop the divorce bomb shell and expect him to get to his knees and ask forgiveness. He will tell everyone that you are a bad mother and wife and maybe say you were the one cheat. This is war, take no prisioners, and protect yourself and your children.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 Tx for the response...I already have a place to go..my parents have an appartment over their garrage..they've been keeping it vacant for two years now..we don't have many financial issues..we rent our place we own our cars and we have no debt. I'm not sure if infidelity has any bearing on divorce in my state or how it would help me. I don't even know what id have for evidencd all I know is I'm out.
in pain Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 You are a strong woman!!! I wish I had your strength to do the same. Good Luck!!!
Spark1111 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Bank and credit card statements...cell phone records....start gathering or making copies of it now. Check computer history. Check temporary internet files....know any of the passwords? Gather as much evidence now as possible without him knowing. Why? Because unless you have hard proof, he will gas light you...tell you you are crazy....she is just a friend....make you doubt your own sanity... Try keyloggers, gps tracking systems for his car....voice activated recorders for under the front seat of his car.... Speak to an attorney. I applaud you.I wouldn't ruin Christmas for the kids either. Put a big smile on your face as you go about proving to yourself what you knowto be truein your gut anyway.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Posted December 26, 2010 You are a strong woman!!! I wish I had your strength to do the same. Good Luck!!! Tx for saying that, but I'm not strong at all.I've been fighting this battle with myself for two years now.what have I tought my daughters. How much respect di have from anyone who know..none. I have pitty that's all, I turned into this shell of a person..if anything I'm weak,I plan to change that.
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Do not say anything until you have everything in order. You can do this.
Jonah Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Or let me tell you about the 50 ways... You must let go and let... well - let your lawyer handle it all. In the mean time, take care of yourself. Do something healthy for yourself every day. Becoming a new being - the process itself can be painful. But embrace each moment and let it make you into a truly strong and radiant woman, ready for a noble soul mate to take you into eternity. Love Thyself. Yes do leave the idiot that is so dumb that he texts girls while he is married! Just his stupidity itself is a clue that there is no future there. Best wishes to you dear. -Jonah
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Do not say anything until you have everything in order. You can do this. I agree with Bent. Get strong, lean on those who you really trust, even seek some counselling if it'll help. In the meantime, keep the peace, don't let him in on what your plans are. You want to leave on YOUR terms and be strong enough to deal with the fallout and not let him manipulate you or guilt you into staying. keep posting too.
Carrot2000 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Sounds like it's time to start cleaning your parent's vacant apartment so you and your kids can start moving! Since you know you're done with the marriage, there probably isn't any reason to spend a lot of time collecting evidence of your husband's infidelity; if you're entitled to child or spousal support, you'll get it regardless. Good luck and congrats on getting the strength to reclaim your life!
love4me2c Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 No fault states only consider infidelity when asking for spousal support. You need to get a lawyer to put in a temporary custody order in for any children you have a separation agreement (if you need one) or divorce order. Get a lawyer to advise you on your particular situation but you can do this quickly. Best thing I ever did was to leave my cheating husband. I doubt you will ever regret your decision.
Distant78 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Glad you're getting rid of the loser. Good luck from here on out.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Posted December 27, 2010 !!Tx for all the advice,two of our kids are adults the other two are 14 and 10. I have no problem sharing custody and having time to myself..can't wait to see how that works with his band schedule!! Now if I could just stop feeling guilty..I know it sounds crazy but I do. Tx again
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